Need help understading this paradox....

[Genos]

Lately, I've been a bit disillusioned...

When you show too much interest/affection/caring towards women, they move further away from you. When you are aloof, calm, and indifferent, they often have a tendency to become more attached and try to 'win' you back.

That dynamic I can wrap my head around, it kind of makes sense to me. But what I'm having trouble understanding is the fact that as men, we must approach and demonstrate interest first. On the initial meeting of a woman, when we approach, we show our own interest. Doesn't this push them away?

How do you make a woman interested in you, if you must first show that you care and are interested in her? Wouldn't this make her feel as though she 'has' you and needn't put in any effort in the conversation or interaction.

What prompted this question is that I'm having difficulty progressing with girls I've just met. I want to get closer to them, I show some interest, but they don't show any back (or at least, I'm not seeing any signs of such). And I feel that if I back off, I'll lose the interaction with these women completely.

Need some guidance guys...

 

[Meisterman]

Just be friendly and cordial. You don't have to start hitting on her from day 1. Just try to get her number and make sure she gets yours then wait for her to hit you up or text her first and escalate from there.

Also, I don't think it's showing some interest that turns girls away. It's being overly needy and attention seeking, acting like the girl is the center of your life and everything else revolves around her. When in reality it should be the opposite, she should just be a small part to an already great life and you aren't any less without her. Kind of like a vitamin supplement to a diet. It's just a small addition, but not a replacement for something like food.

 

[jurry]

Hard to know the specifics of your situation since you havent given any details.

Its an interesting point though. I dont think she "has" you at all, you have the power to approach her or not, you are in the dominant position. And just because you are approaching her doesnt mean you are giving her anything (unless youre being totally beta about it). You are just saying you are interested to get to know her, it isnt some huge commitment on your end. You havent decided on her yet, or at least you shouldnt have.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

It's the same as fishing. If you try to reel in a fish too quickly, the line may snap, so you reel it in a bit, then hold it, and then reel it in some more. With smaller fish, you can reel in the line right away without playing cat-and-mouse with it; but who would be proud of catching a small fish?

 

[Comatozed]

In her mind when you initiate she should be thinking you act this way to any remotely attractive girl, which you should be, and if you are it makes what you are doing 'no big deal'.

 

[VladPatton]

You definitely have to show an initial interest. You show it, she shows, it, you get her number, and she gives you hers. First step accomplished. After that you try for the date. Don't get caught up in rules. If her interest drops abruptly to the point of zero care, you're done. If it drops off a bit, you back off a bit. It really is simple, you just push and pull accordingly.

All in all, when both parties are interested, shıt gets done, and there is an automatic series of natural events that happen. Only when there is an abrupt imbalance of interest do things start to go south. You then pull the plug.

But yeah, definitely show that interest, don't be afraid to let her know you want that sweet ass.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Lately, I've been a bit disillusioned...

How do you make a woman interested in you, if you must first show that you care and are interested in her?

Need some guidance guys...

you don't have to show that your interested in her infact your not interested in her full stop

you don't convince her that your interested in her , you convince her that she is interested in you

thats your paradox

you can only learn how to break it by becomming experienced with women and learning how they're minds work

keep working

 

[skinnyguy]

If you're ugly, you have to approach her no other way.

If you're hot you don't have to really show any interest at first.