Need help on a very complicated scenario

[I give Up]

Long story, but any help will be greatly appreciated.

Okay, here goes. Im 18, just graduated from high school, will be attending college in 5 weeks, and I have never ever had a girlfriend before or even tried to have one before because I've always been waiting for ms. perfect.

I attend a summer camp 3 weeks ago, and I just happen to meet the girl of my dreams. I know what your thinking, shes probably not, but after talking with her for as little as 4 days at camp, I knew she was my soul mate. Plus- she was attending the same university as me and earning the exact same major. Eveything between us was perfect. Same opinions on life, same feelings in politics, religion....etc.

Perfect match, absolutely. I was crazy about her really quick, and she was giving me the same signals. By day 2 we were playing footsies under the table. By day 3 I had my arm around her shoulder everywhere we went. By day 4 I was giving her very sensual back massages. It all reached a climax where we were alone in a room watching a movie with everyone else asleep, and we were snuggling on the couch. The whole week, she was always by my side. Every outside observer that I spoke with all agreed: I was in love with her, and she felt exactly the same way.

Things fell apart the last night of camp a little, but they didn't phase me. We all snuck out to play truth or dare. I got nailed with the question "have you been attracted to anyone at camp this week" and like a retard I answered honestly. My roomate then told me in private that if I don't make a move and ask her out by 5a.m. then he would ask her out. I didn't want this new friend of mine turned back-stabbing weasel to win her over, so I had to ask her out too. I didn't want to though, because I thought I would be going to fast.

So I tell her that Im interested in her, and I ask her if shes interested in me, and she replies "I don't know"

I was till pissed at my roomate though, so I pined for revenge for putting me in that horrible situation. So I asked her if she wanted to play a prank on him. She said yes, so I told her to walk out to him and ask "if you liked me, why didn't you just ask me out?"

My roomate was pissed, and we fell apart as friends.

Camp ended the next day, and I thought that even though she was unsure of me, It would still be the start of a gradual but wonderful relationship.

Or so I thought.

The second I get home, I recieve an email from this wonderful girl. In this email she says that she was never interested in me, she thinks of me as a wonderful person and I remind her of her brother. She apologizes for everything and says she really wants to be my friend. Put simply, she explains the fact that I'm wonderful, but Im not her type.

I IM her to figure out what the hell's going on. (after all, you can't cuddle with someone on a couch sensually if you don't like them can you?) Turns out, the last few days of camp she lost attraction for me and suddenly had the hots for my camp roomate. He has the hots for her, and now they are going out.

My roomate is practically the same as me. We have the same hobbies/ interests/ etc. So why's he different to me. I think the answer lies in the fact that I was always very nice and respectful to her, why he started acting like a complete ******* at the end of the week. (I'm thinking she left me, the nice guy, and went to him because he was a dangerous bad boy)

He also sabotauged everything between me and her. I didn't realize it then, but ever piece of advice he gave me, and everything he did to me was an effort to get me out of the way. Later, online, before I told him to burn in hell, he told me that he was in love with her since first sight, and that I could stop being his friend for following his feelings.

I agreed to be her friend (hoping that I could TA the LJBF) but she started ignoring me online, so I told her that I was really upset and offended by her not being honest and open with me about her feelings. So I told her I never want to see her again.

So now Im in the worst scenario. The girl I absolutely love, and the girl I think would be an excellent match, is now not even talking to me. My friends that have spoken to her (spies, yes) have informed me that she is waiting for me to make an advance toward her of friendship, but I see the need to play "hard-to-get" im a bad-boy and I have plenty of better things to do then hang around a girl like you.

So, do I apologize her once school starts? Or do I avoid her for a year to give her the message that she's in the wrong.

I want one last try with her, because I really do think she's the "one". So how to I reverse this situation. Do I play bad-boy and prove my independance by not talking to her for a really long time? Or do I agree to be her best friend and be the most caring individual for her that is always there? Its my understanding that girls tend to save the nice guys for later, but it's the relationships with the nice guys that last forever.

Im a nice guy at heart, and I have trouble with the concept of changing into a jerk.

And finally, whats with her behavior right now. She didn't seem to show any attraction for my roomate at camp! Did I go too fast for her? Is she using him as a safe date to get time away from me? Is he a rebound date that will not last long? (please note, he will be attending the university, but hes a senior in high school now so I have a year) She does admit that my mood swings at camp (I have bouts of depression occasionally) really through her for a loop and she didn't know what to think.

again, sorry if this is long, but its a very long story and complicated issue, and I felt that you guys couldn't give me the best answer unless I gave all the details.

 

[drZaius09]

First of all, lose this attitude that she's the "one." She is NOT the "one." What the hell makes you think that with 3 billion women in the world your pre-destined soul-mate has fallen into your lap at the tender young age of 18? Sounds to me that you have very little experience with girls, and when this one started showing you the least bit of attention the throes of one-itis began fomenting in your bones. That's when you lost control and your friend (who at least has somewhat of a clue) took over. Not his fault, your fault.

Secondly, when girls these days go off to college, they are not looking for a soul-mate. They are looking to have fun and f*ck as many guys as possible without regard to feelings or relationships. For you to be "dating" this girl when you start school is a recipe for an emotional catastrophe. Someone wrote a nice piece in another thread about the "girls gone wild" phase of college, forgive me for not being able to credit the poster, but if someone can recall that thread you should read it carefully. Consider yourself lucky.

I can guarantee if you keep up this attitude you will go to school and quite easily find another girl who, in your confused state of mind, will take this other girl's place as the new "one." And so the circle of your life continues, complete with heartbreak and humiliation. Within the next five weeks you need to destroy this pattern of desperation. College should be a time for you to learn and develop as a human being, not to search for meaningful and fulfilling romantic connections.

 

[Quick]

I attend a summer camp 3 weeks ago, and I just happen to meet the girl of my dreams. I know what your thinking, shes probably not, but after talking with her for as little as 4 days at camp, I knew she was my soul mate. Plus- she was attending the same university as me and earning the exact same major. Eveything between us was perfect. Same opinions on life, same feelings in politics, religion....etc.

You're delusional, and while you live under this delusion, you'll continue to lose girls you like to people who operate in the real world. Love isn't something that happens in a week. That's called infatuation. It has no meaning. Catering to a girl will actually make her like you less, and the "jerk" will always be more attractive.

There are too many things wrong with your thinking and actions for me to address them all. As far as what you should do, you should forget about her and not contact her. She's already gone, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on with your life.

The first thing you should do is read the DJ Bible to understand what's wrong with your mentality and why she lost interest in you.

 

[LouieVaton Don]

Okay, Okay

Originally posted by I give Up
Long story, but any help will be greatly appreciated.

**Trust me you need all the help you can get buddy, you came to the right place. Lucky you.****

Okay, here goes. Im 18, just graduated from high school, will be attending college in 5 weeks, and I have never ever had a girlfriend before or even tried to have one before because I've always been waiting for ms. perfect.

**Ms. Perfect? No such thing, however there is someone for everybody and the odds of you just lucking up and finding that girl are slim. Plus if you did your too inexperienced to keep her around.**

I attend a summer camp 3 weeks ago, and I just happen to meet the girl of my dreams. I know what your thinking, shes probably not, but after talking with her for as little as 4 days at camp, I knew she was my soul mate. Plus- she was attending the same university as me and earning the exact same major. Eveything between us was perfect. Same opinions on life, same feelings in politics, religion....etc.

**This biatch wasn't a dream more like a wake-up call, your soulmate? C'mon man, you've been highly brainwashed by the media and society. You mustve watched to many of those teen movies where the guys get away with a number of AFC things and still gets the gir in the end. Wake up we are living in reality.
Everything between you guys wasnt perfect, why would she want a guy that is exactly like her, especially with the same FEELINGS. Ugh makes me sick too.**

Perfect match, absolutely. I was crazy about her really quick, and she was giving me the same signals. By day 2 we were playing footsies under the table. By day 3 I had my arm around her shoulder everywhere we went. By day 4 I was giving her very sensual back massages. It all reached a climax where we were alone in a room watching a movie with everyone else asleep, and we were snuggling on the couch. The whole week, she was always by my side. Every outside observer that I spoke with all agreed: I was in love with her, and she felt exactly the same way.

**Day 3 - The Beginning Of The End. You got the relationship physical and did'nt follow through, had you remained aloof you might've saved face and when you were alone she most likely wouldve made the first move or gave you some clear buying signals. You know where you went wrong, the climax you speak of shouldve been the chick climaxing between your sheets, what the hell are you doing snuggling. Dont get me started on the love thing either.**

Things fell apart the last night of camp a little, but they didn't phase me. We all snuck out to play truth or dare. I got nailed with the question "have you been attracted to anyone at camp this week" and like a retard I answered honestly. My roomate then told me in private that if I don't make a move and ask her out by 5a.m. then he would ask her out. I didn't want this new friend of mine turned back-stabbing weasel to win her over, so I had to ask her out too. I didn't want to though, because I thought I would be going to fast.

**"I didnt want to though, because I thought I would be going to fast." Buddy you were doing a buck 30 in the slow lane.***

So I tell her that Im interested in her, and I ask her if shes interested in me, and she replies "I don't know"

**Mistake number 12,423. Never ask a chick anything about where you stand**

I was till pissed at my roomate though, so I pined for revenge for putting me in that horrible situation. So I asked her if she wanted to play a prank on him. She said yes, so I told her to walk out to him and ask "if you liked me, why didn't you just ask me out?"

My roomate was pissed, and we fell apart as friends.

**He was never your friend**


Camp ended the next day, and I thought that even though she was unsure of me, It would still be the start of a gradual but wonderful relationship.

Or so I thought.

**so young and so inexperienced.**


The second I get home, I recieve an email from this wonderful girl. In this email she says that she was never interested in me, she thinks of me as a wonderful person and I remind her of her brother. She apologizes for everything and says she really wants to be my friend. Put simply, she explains the fact that I'm wonderful, but Im not her type.

**That was actually a classy move by her, I know alot of females who wouldnt give you an inkling of an explanation. Your not her type also means you like a man with no d1ck. You failed to arouse any sexual feelings within this chick. No matter what a females says sex is just as important to a women as it is to a man.**


I IM her to figure out what the hell's going on. (after all, you can't cuddle with someone on a couch sensually if you don't like them can you?) Turns out, the last few days of camp she lost attraction for me and suddenly had the hots for my camp roomate. He has the hots for her, and now they are going out.

**Go figure**

My roomate is practically the same as me. We have the same hobbies/ interests/ etc. So why's he different to me. I think the answer lies in the fact that I was always very nice and respectful to her, why he started acting like a complete ******* at the end of the week. (I'm thinking she left me, the nice guy, and went to him because he was a dangerous bad boy)

**You think? Go read the dJ bible please.**


He also sabotauged everything between me and her. I didn't realize it then, but ever piece of advice he gave me, and everything he did to me was an effort to get me out of the way. Later, online, before I told him to burn in hell, he told me that he was in love with her since first sight, and that I could stop being his friend for following his feelings.

**Probably the first thing you did right, screw him. Forget the broad**

I agreed to be her friend (hoping that I could TA the LJBF) but she started ignoring me online, so I told her that I was really upset and offended by her not being honest and open with me about her feelings. So I told her I never want to see her again.

**She was about as honest and open as a chick will get, and telling her that you didnt want to see her again (if you even meant it) was also a great move.**

So now Im in the worst scenario. The girl I absolutely love, and the girl I think would be an excellent match, is now not even talking to me. My friends that have spoken to her (spies, yes) have informed me that she is waiting for me to make an advance toward her of friendship, but I see the need to play "hard-to-get" im a bad-boy and I have plenty of better things to do then hang around a girl like you.

**Eject for the love of God eject!**

So, do I apologize her once school starts? Or do I avoid her for a year to give her the message that she's in the wrong.

**Apologize for what? Avoiding her forever sounds good, she screwed up her chance with you and you helped.**

I want one last try with her, because I really do think she's the "one". So how to I reverse this situation. Do I play bad-boy and prove my independance by not talking to her for a really long time? Or do I agree to be her best friend and be the most caring individual for her that is always there? Its my understanding that girls tend to save the nice guys for later, but it's the relationships with the nice guys that last forever.

Im a nice guy at heart, and I have trouble with the concept of changing into a jerk.


**You may have some issues preventing you from respecting yourself, do a search on sosuave on "Avoidant Personality Disorder", you may find some of the symptoms familiar.**


And finally, whats with her behavior right now. She didn't seem to show any attraction for my roomate at camp! Did I go too fast for her? Is she using him as a safe date to get time away from me? Is he a rebound date that will not last long? (please note, he will be attending the university, but hes a senior in high school now so I have a year) She does admit that my mood swings at camp (I have bouts of depression occasionally) really through her for a loop and she didn't know what to think.

**Yup, you got issues. I can totally relate to bouts of depression and pushing people away when they get too close, sounds like what happened.**

again, sorry if this is long, but its a very long story and complicated issue, and I felt that you guys couldn't give me the best answer unless I gave all the details.

 

[bob2007]

I'm also 18 and goin to university in a few weeks.

I must say a few of your comments seem a little childish.

You told that friend of yours that he'll burn in hell?
Also, it's not too cool to be telling that girl that you never want to see her again. Why so much hatred? You'll be seeing her around and it'd just make things weird since she'll be in the same classes.

Sometimes girls are hard to read. Don't be infatuated with her. She has the right to choose. Same with that friend of yours.

Lots more girls in Uni bro.

 

[suavedave]

Originally posted by I give Up
Long story, but any help will be greatly appreciated.

dude, just forget about her. look for lots of chicks and dont get caught up looking for love.

 

[I give Up]

Aftermath

Well, I finally talked to her. I didn't want to, but I had heard from a friend that she was talking behind my back. She was making claims that I was the horniest guy on the planet and I was trying to play mind games with her by not talking to her. So I had to set things straight.

So I talked to her through IM, and finally managed to summon the cool long enough to not let my emotions get in the way. I took control of the situation and backed her into an argumentative corner. I had figured out that my roomate had been lying to her online about me, and I set all of those manipulations straight and redeemed her impressions of me.

So now she doesn't hate me anymore, and is my friend, but now I need to treat very carefully in college.

I don't want to be the bad boy, because that simply isn't my style. Ive always been the nice guy that treats women with perfect respect and is always of help. Im not looking for sex mind you, ever. Im the type of weird ass guy that just wants a girlfriend that likes to hang out and talk all day. Put simply, I'm into the long term type of relationship.

But don't call me queer

So, to achieve this, should I be Mr. respectable model-citizen nice-guy and wait for the girl to come along that has respect for men like me (maybe even her.....)? Or should I be a DJ and put on the facade of a rebel without a cause bad-boy?

hmmmmm

 

[I give Up]

oh

oh by the way, I never did tell my friend to go to hell. I was making a figurative statement......errr...whats the word im thinking

I actually told him that I've lost all respect for him and I don't want to be his friend anymore.

 

[echo1212]

Your not looking for sex--ever? I think you might need to reevaluate and consider the strong possibility that you might be gay. You just dont sound like a guy that wants a girl, more like a guy that wants companionship and "love" from another person. Some of the things you say just dont "make sense". I suggest you leave this girl alone and stop acting like a 13 year old. Move on and find your "inner feelings". They might include guys named wesley and kevin.

 

[drZaius09]

Re: Aftermath

Originally posted by I give Up
I don't want to be the bad boy, because that simply isn't my style. Ive always been the nice guy that treats women with perfect respect and is always of help. Im not looking for sex mind you, ever.

I'm more than certain that with this approach you will achieve your goal of never having sex, ever.

Soon you will learn that women don't want to be treated with respect. Come back here after four years of dealing with college wh0re culture and we'll see if your attitude hasn't changed. And we'll also see if you find that 'girlfriend' that just wants to "hang out and talk all day." I'm sure you'll find plenty of them as girls who'll be your friend... but much like Dave on Paradise Hotel, don't try touching their bare skin or you may make them feel uncomfortable. Christ, what a f*cking joke.

 

[gt95ab]

Just for my two cents....

echo1212, just because someone says that their not looking for sex, does not mean that they are gay. I'm sure your one of those people that say they are open minded, but you've definitely proven that isn't the case here. People can choose to live their lives however they want and have sex with whomever they want, so you shouldn't be making him feel like he is less than a "man" by calling him gay. Why don't you take your attitudes back to 50's.......... I'm tired of that crap!

As for I give up, take this as a learning experience and stop being a chump. This girl is not the "one", so forget about this one, go to university and have some fun, it should be the best days of your life, and don't waste it on one girl.

The ethical DJ - gt95ab

 

[echo1212]

Thankyou oh ethical one, once again your surefire wisdom and bonafide snipits of knowledge have both enlightened me and made me realize just exactly why guys like you are the perenial "nice" guys that girls love to talk about but never get with. Good luck with that. Discuss.

 

[Survivor]

YOU

NEED

A

PLAN.

Seriously. You need some "old school", DJ Bible tested rules for how to behave around women you are attracted to, at least until you are more in control of your thoughts.

Your next homework assigment is the read the DJ Bible. For every article you read, come up with a rule for yourself based upon the article you just read. Then apply it to your dealings with females.

From these rules, devise a plan as to how you are going to improve yourself such that what happened to you at summer camp never happens to you again with any other girl.

Take action, my friend. And read my signature from when I was a newb.

 

[I give Up]

Thank you guys!

Thanks guys. I really apreciate your advice. Thanks to gt95ab especially! Seriously, Im not gay!

Just consider me the intellectual type. I don't want to let my testosterone control my life because I have higher academic ambitions in mind. I feel that history will judge me better if I achieve something wonderful in my field, not if I just become another average guy with a wife and kids.

HEHE, Maybe Im destined to be a loner all my life. No bother though considering the fact that as soon as I get my degree I'll be spending my days at an observatory in the mountains

I must say that the DJ bible was quite good! I must complement the author. I put it aside temporarily because I felt that it was just another guide to getting laid. I must admit though that I found the very scholastic approach to human psychology and testosterone reactions quite appealing.

I tend to scientifically analyze everything in the world. Thanks DJ bible!