Need advice

[Negative]

Hello everyone first off i wanna say that this is my first time posting here and i was told about this site just a few days ago by a member of a different forum when he read about my recent breakup. Ok so here it goes i was engaged to a woman we were together for 16 months and then she leaves me for another man. Before she left she was always real shady and not knowing about this site or what to do bein my first long term relationship i made some fatal mistakes. Now first i wanna ask about somethings she cheated on me which rule one is to leave her *** but like an idiot i stayed i actually cared for her and didn't wanna see her hurt which in the mean time i broke my hand a few times and now have a scar lol ya i know what a ***** but my own fault at the same time then there would be days where she would be to sick or to tired to hang out but then a friend would call and magicly she would spring to life. i shouldve walked away then i know then there would b times where she would go hang out with another guy and try to lie about it but im not stupid i found out about it. and 3 days before she left me she was ignoring me not taking calls etc so i was gonna leave her anyway then 2 days after it was over she texts me tellin me how she made a mistake and she loves me and wants me back how the other guy is bad in bed lol etc i never even thought of taking her back but i said i would talk to her later which i shouldve ignored her anyway so she again blows me off for 2 days and when i get ahold of her shes with the guy she told me she wanted nothin to do with and that she doesnt want me back like she said that she wants him. I said you're just ******* my head now so ya i have no contact with her and never will again anyway that was more of a vent than the actually question but now did i do something wrong or was she just a cold hearted ***** in the first place one i had no reason to be with.

Ok now onto more important matters im still upset over the whole thing more ****ed off than anything but ya i hate this i feel like i wasted 16 months of my life and hate that i have to start over, now ive read some posts and articles and its all about to not be to nice or be to affectionate but will that always ruin the relationship i mean i am just a nice guy by nature if i love someone and they are hurt or upset i wanna be there for them will that kill the relationship? Also i wanna be married i wanna have a loving wife that actually loves me unlike ***** number 1 do i always have to be distant or cold can i be affectionate you know kissing cuddling or anything like that without her always bein the one asking for it. I mean if i can find a woman who loves kissing just as much as me then great i found the one i want but what are the odds of that?

Also if im to nice and as u say reward bad behavior is that always a deal breaker i dont wanna just get up and walk out if she refuses to do something i want i'd feel bad but is that honestly the only way to make it work or are their exceptions to that rule. Now im going out on a limb here and asking for your guys advice and hope u dont bash me or make fun of me so please try not to. I'm not a bad looking guy in the sense that i have a decent face on the slim side but have good muscle tone but my teeth arent exactly great and i see on alot of ur guides that a smile is a big thing does this totally kill my chances or will i be able to find the woman i want. Any advice is much appreciated and i look forward to all u have to say on my venting and my questions thx again hope to hear back from you guys

 

[Negative]

Sry for the Double post

 

[Igetit!]

Hello everyone first off i wanna say that this is my first time posting here and i was told about this site just a few days ago by a member of a different forum when he read about my recent breakup. Ok so here it goes i was engaged to a woman we were together for 16 months and then she leaves me for another man.

Ok...please try to answer these questions ACCURATELY:When she left you,what (if any) reason did she give? More than likely whatever she said was bull,but sometime the truth can be found by examining a lie.

Before she left she was always real shady and not knowing about this site or what to do bein my first long term relationship i made some fatal mistakes. Now first i wanna ask about somethings she cheated on me which rule one is to leave her *** but like an idiot i stayed i actually cared for her and didn't wanna see her hurt

Hmm. So she cheated on you,but you stayed because you didn't want to see her hurt.

Boy,you weren't kidding when you said you're a "nice guy" at heart.

then there would be days where she would be to sick or to tired to hang out but then a friend would call and magicly she would spring to life. i shouldve walked away then i know then there would b times where she would go hang out with another guy and try to lie about it but im not stupid i found out about it. and 3 days before she left me she was ignoring me not taking calls etc.

Let me get the rundown on this girl:She cheated on you,played sick when you wanted to spend time with her,but as soon as a friend called,she hopped up and when to meet them,went out trying to see some other guy...and lied to you on top of ALL THAT.

Well....I can certainly see why you wanted to marry her.

so i was gonna leave her anyway then 2 days after it was over she texts me tellin me how she made a mistake and she loves me and wants me back how the other guy is bad in bed lol etc i never even thought of taking her back but i said i would talk to her later which i shouldve ignored her anyway so she again blows me off for 2 days and when i get ahold of her shes with the guy she told me she wanted nothin to do with and that she doesnt want me back like she said that she wants him.

She probably had a fight or arguement with the other guy and in order not to be alone,she came back to you,her ole' trusty spare tire. She knew you'd take her back.


If after all the other nonsense she put you through and you continued to put up with,you can't blame her for thinking this way.

that was more of a vent than the actually question but now did i do something wrong or was she just a cold hearted ***** in the first place one i had no reason to be with.

Both. You did some things wrong,and she's cold-hearted.



My guess is the things you did wrong caused her to develop a hard heart towards you.



This behavior of hers you described IS COMMON. It's not unique to you.



This is how women are towards AFCness. The fact that you were willing to put up with this foolishness from her made her lose respect for you.


No respect equals no attraction.




That's why she started avoiding you and not wanting to be around you.
She wasn't attracted to you anymore.



And it was YOUR FAULT.



You should have stood up like a man and TOLD HER to either get her act together,or to get lost,and if she had continued to act a fool,you should have kicked her to the curb.




In fact,if you had had this type of attitude from the beginning,she probably wouldn't have even brought up this behavior with you in the first place.





Does this girl have a job? If so,you think she acts like an idiot with her employer? Of course not. You know why? Because they won't put up with it.




They'll just fire her and get someone else. She knows that. That's why she keeps herself in line.




If she were to get stopped by the police,you think she's act a fool with them?

I doubt it. You know why? Because they'll either ticket her or just take her to jail. she knows that,so she conducts herself properly.





With both an employer and the police,there's a consequence for foolish/negative behavior.





There was none with you. Since she could do whatever and you'd still be there,she lost respect towards you. So in a sense,your "wimpiness",your failure to show respect for YOURSELF caused her to lose attraction for you,and thus,go "cold hearted".

i mean i am just a nice guy by nature if i love someone and they are hurt or upset i wanna be there for them will that kill the relationship?

No. "Being there" for someone won't kill a relationship.
Being a emotional tampon WILL. You can't just sit there and let a girl go on and on about her troubles and problems to you.


It'll kill the sexual attraction from her side. All the negative feelings and emotions she has while discussing her problems with you will get linked to YOU.

Also if im to nice and as u say reward bad behavior is that always a deal breaker i dont wanna just get up and walk out if she refuses to do something.

It really depends on what it is. The problem is if she does little things and you let them slide,then she'll "up the anty".



If she did something small and you let it go,then she'll try something bigger,then BIGGER.


You can't just jump on her about every little thing,but one technique I've heard of is the "3 for 1" rule.



Let her slide on 3 small,minor acts that you don't like,then on the fourth one...








BLOW UP ON HER!!!







This'll so shock her,so take her by surprise because you let the other three little things go without incident,but one this one little thing,YOU WENT OFF.




As crazy as that sound,it'll make you unpredictable,and thus attractive to her.


Anyway,yeah dude,you made some mistakes.

Just learn from them so you won't have to go through this again.

 

[SandHawk]

First off OP: Learn to use punctuation, because your wall of text is horrible to read through. It made my eyes bleed.

Secondly: Yea, life's a *****, and then you die. Recognizing that you failed at this bull**** is the first step in life. Next up is improving yourself by experimenting with changing your social behavior. Read the DJ bible, read the Book of Pook and live them by heart!

Concerning your (ex-)girlfriend: Just get rid of her and BURN YOUR BRIDGES. And by burning bridges I mean that you need to make sure you cannot go back to her, no matter what. Psychological research has showed that people are more capable of dealing with a loss(such as a break up) when they burned all bridges and cannot go back.

As for seeing this as wasting 16 months of your life: don't. See it as a valuable lesson in life. You've loved a girl, she loved you, it was fun while it lasted. You can get some good life lessons from this relation, so don't see it as a waste.

And for now: Read the bible, and practice it! It helps dealing with the loss and will get you poon.

 

[Giles]

You don't have to show all your teeth in a smile, the smile portrays confidence, and confidence is key. I don't think you're wanting to learn how to pickup women though. You're wanting to learn how to keep one which really goes against the short term exchange that I prefer. Although I have a pretty good idea on how to keep one if I decided to grace one with my presence and give her half of my stuff. It's simple, be a man. Don't put up with the shadiness and often waiting until the fourth mistake to blow up can be too late. You don't have to be cold hearted you can be affectionate, but she has to want it and you have to make her want it. If she ignores you for a few days don't say anything of it until the next time you see her. Act like it didn't phase you then let her know who the boss is. If she doesn't like it she's not a keeper anyways.

 

[Joe Stud]

on a sidenote: Seems like you are satisfied with your looks, build, etc. all except your smile. If you consult a few dentists, you may find one who will give you nicely shaped, white porcelin veneers on your UPPER 4 front teeth. Cost might be about $1,800. put it on your credit card or get a payment plan. then learn to smile showing those upper teeth only. I know 2 guys that did it, and it looks nice. It also was a better investment than counseling, and they got the same confidence boost.

 

[Warrior74]

Time to learn how to be a man son. Read the DJ Bible.

Also change your screen name. Your screen name should reflect the person you are becoming, not the person you were.

 

[Negative]

Wow thx for all who posted you guys really have your **** together.As for the first question on the reason she left she said it felt like it was going no where that she still wanted to be with me but didn't know what else to say.I told her that she ****ed up that i would never be around for her anymore and to think of me when that guy doesn't work out.

As for everything else yes I need to MAN up lol this i know and believe it or not im already getting the mentality that ok she left me now im gonna find someone 10x better than she ever was someone that is worth my time. I mean that's what it's all about right, and getting treated how you deserve.

I did learn from this relationship i learned that if I sit there and take all this bull**** and they can just walk out on me like that then it wasn't worth it. So next time round ill make sure she is worthy and make sure she understands that i love her but i won't put up with **** anymore.

I do have a couple general questions i will read the bible and am in the process of reading the articles on here. Now if your girl is sick or upset and call u to come over do you? Will that make them see they have can control or will they see it for what it is that your comin over because you want to. Thx again guys you've helped alot.And yes i was stupid im just glad I didn't get married lol