Need advice. Unhappy marriage, in love with an older woman.

friedsnake

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First of all, I want to say that I am in a loveless and unhappy marriage.

My wife and I went to an office to sign papers. The person in charge was a beautiful woman who is 6 years older than me. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her all the time we were there (we stayed almost an hour). She noticed me staring at her when she came back from getting something. She looked at me for a few seconds, smiled and looked away. This happened every time she needed to step away from her desk.

While we were signing we maintain lots of eye contact. She kept making funny and cute faces while explaining things to us. I thought she was really cute. I think she was flattered of the attention I was giving her.

When we said good-bye, she walked us to the door and looked at my wife to say bye to her. Then she turned to me when my wife wasn't looking and gave me the most sexy, loving look I have ever seen. I can't quite describe it. It was as if she was flattered, or she liked me, or wanted me to contact her later.

Later that day, I couldn't get my mind off of her. I felt a knot in my chest. Later that day I shoot her an email about how it was nice meeting her but she didn't reply. I was bummed.

A week passed and I still couldn't get this woman off my mind. I had feelings for her since the first day I met her. I asked her if she can do work for me on future projects and if we can go out for lunch or coffee sometime to get to know each other better. I complimented her on her skills, which I really believed to be outstanding. I also said that I will ask her to do work for me even if she later works for another company. She seemed to be touched by my emails.

She said she could go to lunch next week. However, something always came up. Finally, we went to lunch right next to her office, a month after that first meeting. We spent 90 minutes in lunch talking mostly about personal things rather than work. She asked me if I had kids and I said no. I asked her if she was married and she said she's never married and doesn't have any kids. We talked about fitness and religion. She said she was old, and I said "you are not!" She made me look at her tummy area while saying that if she didn't exercise she would be very fat. She said it was very nice talking to me, but that I was a little quiet.

Originally we were going to go to a downtown restaurant but because she was busy, we settled on going nearby only. So, during lunch, she said she wanted to go to the downtown restaurant next time. She mentioned twice and one more time in an email later. I was pleasantly surprised she still wanted to go to downtown. I thought the meeting in the nearby restaurant was the only place we were going to go.

After lunch, I shoot her an email saying I had a wonderful time with her and I gave her some links to fitness info and I asked her about an spirituality class. She replied saying she had a wonderful time too and that she would get back to me on the class info.

A week passed with no reply. At this point I am completely in love with this woman and I couldn't keep my feelings inside any longer. I wrote her an email about how I felt.

A week passed and I decided to call at her office. She answered me coldly "yes? how can I help you?". I asked if we can be friends. She said "no, I want to keep it professional. And you are married." (She has a high position in the company). I said "I told you in the email that my marriage is complicated, loveless and unhappy." She said she didn't want to make it more complicated. She said she was surprised by my email where I said I liked her (I think this is a lie). She also said that she was going to invite my wife and I to downtown (also a lie). I told her: "I guess we are not going to downtown anymore huh?" She said "no." I said, "ok, it's good we cleared things out." I asked if she will still do work for me. She answered "of course". We said good-bye. She wished me merry xmas and so did I.

Two days later I create an online dating account, and while browsing it, I find her! I sent her a message and she deleted it without reading it.

Please give me your thoughts and advice. As I am writing this, I make my thoughts clearer. I really believe we have chemistry and that she likes me too, but she believes in doing the right thing at the expense of our own happiness. She is an spiritual person and we are of asian descent.

I've known her for a little more than two months and I have seen her twice.

I ask for help because I am very in love with this woman, and I don't know what to do.

Thank you.
 

Desdinova

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First of all, you have one-itis. Second, if you get caught screwing around on your wife, you will likely get taken to the cleaners by her.

For the dating savvy, I usually provide a link to The Cheat Manual. However, in your case I will not because you obviously don't know what you're doing when it comes to women and your own personal investments.

You need to decide if you're going to put in the effort to fix your marriage, or leave your wife. The woman you're "in love" with is out of the question. She is obviously not interested in you, and you should cease pursuing her. I'm not saying that because you're married, I'm saying it because she is genuinely repulsed by you.

She has your wife's contact information. If she gets annoyed by your relentless pursuing, what's to stop her from calling your wife and telling her about your actions? NOTHING.

If you seriously want to end your marriage, you need to talk to a lawyer first, and then sit down with your wife and make a separation agreement.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Fried Snake,
Oh Dear,A lovely little story...Something similar happened a hundred years ago to me and a beautiful German Librarian...I Still dream of her....It is infatuation...I am at a loss to rationalise this,some experience in a previous life? A movie that registered strongly in your sub conscious?...I don't Know but maybe there are aged Savants here who may also understand?
 
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RangerMIke

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Dude... don't fall in love with a woman unless she is gone over you. I'm not saying you should stay in a marriage that is not meeting your needs, but you really should not be pursuing other women until you are disengaged from your marriage. Not for moral reasons, but because you will be making you pending split MUCH more difficult.

What you are feeling for this other woman is a fuction of your dissatifaction in your marriage. The other women intuitively knows this and is not willing to be your re-bound. Now here is the scarry part, your wife knows intuitively what is happening as well. Your best bet is to just be honest with her and start the process of your split. you are lucky... no kids. Trust me, this is not going to be as hard for you as you might think as long as you keep your man-hood in your pants until you are safely split.

Once you are out and about dating... you won't be giving this other woman any thoughts what so ever. Why? because you will be coming for a solid masculine frame, will be working on yourself and you will be able to do MUCH better than her... the other women knows this as well... that is why she is putting some distance between you and her.
 

Albatross953

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If you're not a troll, go to marriagebuilders.
 

sodbuster

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She LIKED the flirting as a boost to her ego. BUT, she now has NO interest in a relationship with you.... you've been sitting up and begging like a little puppy for attention. SHE wants a wolf, and she thought you were one....before the begging started
 

friedsnake

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Desdinova said:
First of all, you have one-itis. Second, if you get caught screwing around on your wife, you will likely get taken to the cleaners by her.

For the dating savvy, I usually provide a link to The Cheat Manual. However, in your case I will not because you obviously don't know what you're doing when it comes to women and your own personal investments.

You need to decide if you're going to put in the effort to fix your marriage, or leave your wife. The woman you're "in love" with is out of the question. She is obviously not interested in you, and you should cease pursuing her. I'm not saying that because you're married, I'm saying it because she is genuinely repulsed by you.

She has your wife's contact information. If she gets annoyed by your relentless pursuing, what's to stop her from calling your wife and telling her about your actions? NOTHING.

If you seriously want to end your marriage, you need to talk to a lawyer first, and then sit down with your wife and make a separation agreement.
I date many beautiful woman but my instinct says she is right for me, even if on the surface she acts cold. I already am planning on divorcing. It doesn't matter if she finds out. In fact, I will not date that woman while I am married. I just wanted her to know how I felt about her.
If she was repulsed by me, she wouldn't have looked at me like that or suggested a second lunch THREE times. She wouldn't genuinely said it was very nice talking to me. I don't relentlessly pursue her. I only called her once.
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

Desdinova

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I date many beautiful woman but my instinct says she is right for me
Out of the thousands of women spread throughout the Earth, your instinct has picked this particular woman as the right one for you. What the fvck was your instinct doing when it picked your wife? Also, what about the woman's instinct which has identified you as "married and creepy"?

I just wanted her to know how I felt about her.
Telling a woman how you feel about her is the final nail in the coffin. Women don't like men who barf their emotions into their ear.

If she was repulsed by me, she wouldn't have looked at me like that or suggested a second lunch THREE times. She wouldn't genuinely said it was very nice talking to me.
If you had ANY kind of knowledge from dating experience, you would know that a woman's interest is fickle, especially in the beginning. They respond to their emotions and how they fluctuate. If she was genuinely interested, she wouldn't have given you the "I want to keep it professional" line, nor would she have deleted the message from you on the online dating site.

Since you seem to feel so in touch with your instincts, allow me to inform you about the people who post at SoSuave...

This place is full of men who have dated and fvcked more women than YOU have in your lifetime. They know what women react to, and the specific behaviours that women do and don't respond to. The newer members here are generally those who aspire to date and fvck more women.

If you needed to get surgery done, I'll bet you'd tell your doctor "my instincts tell me I could perform this operation on myself".

If the experience and knowledge of those here means absolutely nothing to you, then go chase the woman you're instinctively in love with. Buy her flowers and a cute stuffed animal. Deliver it personally to her office. Look her in the eyes and tell her you're hopelessly in love with her. I'm sure she'll fall right into your lap :rolleyes:
 

Colossus

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Don't be a scumbag who cheats on his wife. Man up and deal with your marriage, one way or another. Second, you do not date beautiful women. No one who sends an email confessing his "love" to a woman he just met gets what he wants with women unless it's by accident.

You really think the grass is greener with some never-married middle aged woman that gobbled up your puppy dog stares in front of your wife?? Maybe your marriage does suck but fvcking do something about it instead of trying to jump into some fantasy panties you dont have the skills for anyway. Take a week off from this situation and come back to read your post so you can see how pathetic it sounds.

Don't take this personally man. You just can't bring that kind of horsesh!t around here without being called out.
 

LiveYourDream

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Colossus said:
Don't be a scumbag who cheats on his wife. Man up and deal with your marriage, one way or another. Second, you do not date beautiful women. No one who sends an email confessing his "love" to a woman he just met gets what he wants with women unless it's by accident.

You really think the grass is greener with some never-married middle aged woman that gobbled up your puppy dog stares in front of your wife?? Maybe your marriage does suck but fvcking do something about it instead of trying to jump into some fantasy panties you dont have the skills for anyway. Take a week off from this situation and come back to read your post so you can see how pathetic it sounds.

Don't take this personally man. You just can't bring that kind of horsesh!t around here without being called out.
Nailed it! Spot On!
+Repped
 
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