need advice on dull conversations

[rocco]

seems like when i meet new people and approach women, the conversation always gets dull. And what i noticed the most is that, when the conversation gets dull, i end up asking them questions (opinion openers) in an attempt to get the conversation back on track but it often doesnt work.

need advice. thanks in advance.

 

[Docs]

You control the conversation. If you're killing one topic, start another. Really though, conversation is a two person act. You can't talk to a brick wall. Comment on how she looks, run a story past her, get her to dance, dare her to do something, tell each other something secret.....

And yes. So...what do you do. What do you do there. What does that mean. Why do you do that. Why does that happen. Who is that. What do they do.....that IS annoying.

 

[dtrg]

the way i see it there are two reasons people FAIL at conversing (notice: thers a difference between being average and being a great conversationist, but its hard to actualy fail at speaking to others):

1. they overthink it
or
2. they truly are socially incapable

the former is usualy the case. now i know its easy to say "dont overthink" but what exactly does that mean? well it means to actualy care about talking when you do it. sometimes when i talk to people im actually inside my head looking at stupid things like pupil dialation, signs of interest, her boobs; and all this is wrong. when i do this i end up not knowing what to say next because i wasnt actively listening. i was being selfish and being inside my own head paying attention to my own thoughts rather than caring what the other person had to say. the fact of the matter is you cant be inside your head thinking when youre involved in a conversation. you have to act instead of planning out your next steps. planning comes later when you take what you learned from the day and internalize it.

not sure if that is exactly your problem but i know that actually connecting to people rather than hearing them can be a tough thing. the key is to really listen and really care about what they have to say. the more you listen, the more youll pick up cues that can lead to new conversations. try reading the conversation section of the bible.

 

[Docs]

Damn! Those boobs steal my attention with everything too, even when making out. Just.....Rawwrr!

 

[rocco]

bump.

 

[DJDoomage]

I had same problem. The fix for me was discovering other levels to conversations. Such as body language and physical rapport. You can adopt same posture and breath and blink with her at the same time. Then bedroom eyes while you talk to her. And flirt. They respond differentely to people who does those things, its like night and day. It as if before it was they just trying to carry a conversation about different BS, and now that BS is not important, its whats going on between the lines counts.


There is a good article on www.sosuave.com, its how to be a great conversationalist. Life lines, I think what they called. Example, she tells you her name is French. There is a dozen other questions you can come up with about why her name is French. In short, when you talk to women, its all about them, not you. She talks, you listen and ask questions, she talks more, and you listen more, apply kino.

Someone give the guy a link to that article.

 

[WhitePimp]

One thing that worked for me was to really just stop censoring myself and go all out on people's asses with the sexual and joking nonsense. Yeah, I look like a jackass most of the time, but still, it's more fun than "so...where do you work?" and that kind of bullsh!t.

***I usually only use this type of conversing when I meet someone in a social setting such as bar, club, party, etc. It can get pretty creepy fast in a non-social setting.***

But just conversing this way initially has helped me in normal conversations mainly because, once you get some of that crazy random **** out of your system that you've been dying to say but have always censored, the fear of conversing with strangers lessens greatly. It's almost like once you've skydived, walking on your roof no longer seems nearly as scary as you thought(bad analogy but I dont give a hoot)

 

[dtrg]

One thing that worked for me was to really just stop censoring myself and go all out on people's asses with the sexual and joking nonsense. Yeah, I look like a jackass most of the time, but still, it's more fun than "so...where do you work?" and that kind of bullsh!t.

***I usually only use this type of conversing when I meet someone in a social setting such as bar, club, party, etc. It can get pretty creepy fast in a non-social setting.***

But just conversing this way initially has helped me in normal conversations mainly because, once you get some of that crazy random **** out of your system that you've been dying to say but have always censored, the fear of conversing with strangers lessens greatly. It's almost like once you've skydived, walking on your roof no longer seems nearly as scary as you thought(bad analogy but I dont give a hoot)

where is the line between funny and creepy when it comes to sexual joking? examples?

 

[L777]

One thing that worked for me was to really just stop censoring myself and go all out on people's asses with the sexual and joking nonsense. Yeah, I look like a jackass most of the time, but still, it's more fun than "so...where do you work?" and that kind of bullsh!t.

***I usually only use this type of conversing when I meet someone in a social setting such as bar, club, party, etc. It can get pretty creepy fast in a non-social setting.***

But just conversing this way initially has helped me in normal conversations mainly because, once you get some of that crazy random **** out of your system that you've been dying to say but have always censored, the fear of conversing with strangers lessens greatly. It's almost like once you've skydived, walking on your roof no longer seems nearly as scary as you thought(bad analogy but I dont give a hoot)

Yea I half agree with this guy. I don't make lude jokes as such, but I do ask things that could be inconsidered 'inappropriate' if the wrong person said it with the wrong tone at the wrong time. I often ask stuff like, "whats the kinkiest thing you'ver ever done then?" or, "what do you like your men to look like, from head to toe" <--thats quite good, cos the girls I've used it almost always describe me, as I only ask it when I think they're attracted.

Stuff like that. it doesn't have to be sexual or anything, just not boring. A lot of the approach journals have loads of approaches in and no closes because the guys jut talk about the weather, lectures, work etc BORING. Talk about things girls are actually interested in, and that you're interested in. Things like sex, art, music, TV, travelling etc are good.

Hypothetical questions are always a good way to get a boring convo flowing as well, like, "If you had X amount of money, whats the first thing you would do?...I'd do...(insert funny thing you'd do), or "If you could go anywhere where would you go?" Then, "Oh I've been there on holiday, (funny story about what happened, you can make it up) etc...

This is just basic fluff talk. Escelating is the next stage...but theres a million posts on that, I can give you my take on it if you want, but for now, I'm off to bed