Need advice guys...Might be in my first adult relationship.

[MichiganMan1111]

Quick background: I am 33. Like most men (I think) my relationship pattern has been to have sex with a new girlfriend somewhere between the 1st and 3rd dates. I even banged my ex on the first date and we were married for 4 years.

Well...

I have been seeing this girl for about 4 weeks. Probably about 12 dates. Even two road trips. She even took me to meet her family. However, we do nothing but make out, cuddle, and hold hands. She is VERY affectionate, even in public...but we don't go passed kissing and some occasional, over-the-clothes touching. I tried once to go a bit further, but she used body positioning to block me. She tells me she has never felt this way about anyone. I also know that she is not a virgin.

She is very educated and has an advanced degree. She is also younger than me (she is 26).

Normally, I would pull the strings on a girl like this...but you know what: I find that the waiting is actually making me want her more. I think this might be her plan. I did some reading online and it said that if a girl is taking it slow and there is little affection, then things are going nowhere. However, this girl calls, texts, and stops over all the time. Plus she always wants to cuddle, hold hands, and watch movies.

I feel like this could potentially be the most legitimate, normal relationship I have ever developed. Just don't want to get burned....

Any experiences or thoughts?

 

[john1234]

Quick background: I am 33. Like most men (I think) my relationship pattern has been to have sex with a new girlfriend somewhere between the 1st and 3rd dates. I even banged my ex on the first date and we were married for 4 years.

Well...

I have been seeing this girl for about 4 weeks. Probably about 12 dates. Even two road trips. She even took me to meet her family. However, we do nothing but make out, cuddle, and hold hands. She is VERY affectionate, even in public...but we don't go passed kissing and some occasional, over-the-clothes touching. I tried once to go a bit further, but she used body positioning to block me. She tells me she has never felt this way about anyone. I also know that she is not a virgin.

She is very educated and has an advanced degree. She is also younger than me (she is 26).

Normally, I would pull the strings on a girl like this...but you know what: I find that the waiting is actually making me want her more. I think this might be her plan. I did some reading online and it said that if a girl is taking it slow and there is little affection, then things are going nowhere. However, this girl calls, texts, and stops over all the time. Plus she always wants to cuddle, hold hands, and watch movies.

I feel like this could potentially be the most legitimate, normal relationship I have ever developed. Just don't want to get burned....

Any experiences or thoughts?

Four weeks is pushing it! without sex escalation, especially when you say you are together most of the time.

 

[Greasy Pig]

My tip is she's got a medical condition she's embarrassed about. Be prepared for some sort of bombshell.
I'd be sitting her down and asking for an explanation.

 

[GS750]

My tip is she's got a medical condition she's embarrassed about. Be prepared for some sort of bombshell.
I'd be sitting her down and asking for an explanation.

Do this. As soon as possible.

 

[apprenticedj]

She got dat HERP! Just kidding....well.....maybe not.

After 4 weeks I think it's past time to have that conversation with her. It's only fair, you're a man and you have needs. If she has some sort of disease or other medical issue you deserve to know especially if she's "never felt this way about anyone".

If it's a religion thing you need to know that too.

The truth will set you (and possibly her) free.

 

[disgustipated]

She's making the ***** the prize it sounds like.

I'd be super interested in how this unfolds. Had a situation or two like this in my past that I ejected on, but I always wondered had I stuck it out how the dynamics of the relationship would pan out. As in...is it a powerplay/frame grab, is she just a cold fish, does the freak flag come out when you finally get it, is she actually a quality girl? All that, I wanna know because then you have that experience to draw from if you encounter it again.

The few times I've encountered it where a girl kept putting it off and I stuck around for any amount of time...the girls turned out to very manipulative. Keep your eyes open m'man.

And please do report back. Good or bad.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Michigan,
If you are looking for a lifetime of reasonable Svex.this Girl aint the one....GP could be right about the STD issue,don't know...strongly suggest you ditch her!

 

[amoka]

A woman has sex with you within 4 days of encounter, she is a hoe. The same woman does not have sex with you within four weeks of encounter, she must have some embarrassing medical conditions. This forum has completely changed. My suggestion is to carefully evaluate all suggestions before implementing any. Is it possible that she does not want to escalate their current situations because she has "a medical condition she's embarrassed about"? Sure. Is it also possible that she likes the guy so much so that she's afraid to be labelled "a hoe" and/or "easy" and that if she were to escalate their situations rapidly with OP within a short window of their encounter he may leave her dry because of the aforementioned reasons? You bet.

OP, it is obvious you're doing things right and from your post, it appears her interest level is equally high. My suggestion to you is to minimize the amount of affection you reciprocate when she becomes affectionate. When she calls/texts saying she's stopping over, it is alright to tell her NO because you guy are not yet dating. My philosophy is that without sex, we are not dating. In fact, I have tested that in the field and has worked tremendously. I remember, way back in the days, when one particular woman refused to have sex with me unless we are boyfriend-and-girlfriend because she "does not have sex with guys she's is not dating". My exact response was "I do not date a woman I am not having sex with". Result was a great success. In fact, if I remember correctly, I documented the interaction here in one of my field reports way back in the day (you'll have to search for it or read through my approach journal if you're interested---see signature). You can use it but never before she says something of the sort but certainly keep it at the back of your head as you operate.

Good luck.

 

[Pair A Dice]

If she is making you wait this long AND you put up with it, that pvssy better be the greatest thing ever. Lord knows you don't want to get around there and see floppy beef curtains.

 

[Colossus]

Amoka had good advice.

I disagree with the standard operating procedure of "bang her as soon as possible" on this forum. There is definitely a limit as to how long you should wait, but sometimes you can bail prematurely.

Honestly Michigan Man, I'd play things out with her but keep your guard up. If she is not a virgin, chances are she either a) has an STD, b) got burned pretty bad by another guy, or c) has some religious/moral standards about sex. Which frankly isn't a bad thing; if that's the case at least you know she isn't a hoe.

One important point: YOU are the keeper of commitment, not her. She may be the keeper of sex, but do not commit to her unless she relinquishes her pvssy. This is how the game is played.

I'm also curious as to why you were married for 4 years but this is your first "adult" relationship...