Need a man's opinion.

[SabylaBella]

I am not used to going slow, I'm used to guys pursuing me and me having to ask them to slow down.

Well I've met a guy I really, really like, I like him so much that I've admitted to myself that he could break my heart. I've even gone out with other guys, and I didn't have the same feeling about this guy, Mr. Slow. There is one other guy that I want to go out with, but what keeps happening is that I can't get Mr slow out of my mind and how we get along. I think I'm freaking out about him because of the risk to my heart.

Well I need some male advice. I assume that this guy likes me. He will completely dissapear and then get back to me, we'll go out and have a good time and kiss--and mostly it's been me that has initiated kissing. I sent him a vday card and he thanked me and said it was great...and today..to my surprise, he wished me Happy Valentine's Day.

It's weird...there's been a couple times when I think that he has totally lost interest and then he will get back to me. He told me that he was going to work the sound board at a show tonight. I love rock shows, and tried to invite myself...and he said that he didn't want to take me somewhere and have to ignore me, especially on vday, and wanted to actually celebrate vday with me at another time. I took this as it was just too fast to accompany him to something like that...if he's not seeing anyone else.

I don't want to scare him away. I want him to chase me a litte. Guys, what do you expect from a girl in this situation? I just want to see him a little more...he works 12+ hour days and says it has to do with work. Should I just have patience? Or is his interest level minimal? I've read you can never take it too slow...

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Well, if he works 12 hours a day I'm sure he is pretty busy. So, have patients with him. You could initiate here and there if you want then, pull back and let him do the initiating.

 

[Charm&Style]

You've been placed in his bullpen, just go along with it. Since i see similarities between this guy and myself as far as our game goes i advise you to become more of a challenge. Guys, just like women, dont want to pursue someone with no competition. If that is the case and you currently have no other guys wanting to ride you like a pony then step your game up. Needy girls, like needy guys are effing annoying (no matter how hot your face is or how big your a$$/boobs are).

Let it cool a bit, get yourself busy and see if he contacts you (by contact i mean asking you out). If he does and you two end up going out and your head over heels for him then bang him. If youve been out with him more than 3 times and all you two did was kiss it is going to become a standard bore for the dude and hell go after someone who will put out.

Life is amazing and you should take advantage of it. Dont occupy yourself with unnecessary headaches. Go out and live your life before you shrivel up.

 

[SabylaBella]

You've been placed in his bullpen, just go along with it. Since i see similarities between this guy and myself as far as our game goes i advise you to become more of a challenge. Guys, just like women, dont want to pursue someone with no competition. If that is the case and you currently have no other guys wanting to ride you like a pony then step your game up. Needy girls, like needy guys are effing annoying (no matter how hot your face is or how big your a$$/boobs are).

Let it cool a bit, get yourself busy and see if he contacts you (by contact i mean asking you out). If he does and you two end up going out and your head over heels for him then bang him. If youve been out with him more than 3 times and all you two did was kiss it is going to become a standard bore for the dude and hell go after someone who will put out.

Life is amazing and you should take advantage of it. Dont occupy yourself with unnecessary headaches. Go out and live your life before you shrivel up.

Thanks man, that was insightful...however he has told me this:

1) He "always" gets put in the friend zone.
2) "I'm a softy."

And....

He has "broken heart' in an asian language tattooed on his arm.

I just thought he was a shy type, which is also frickin' confusing.

 

[penkitten]

perhaps he has herpes and disappears when he gets a flare up

 

[horaholic]

Guys, just like women, dont want to pursue someone with no competition.

Dont listen to that!!!! We dont like competition. However, if we feel there is competition, we may step up more. Or we could walk away.

If, when he turned you down for wanting to hang at his show, and you said: "Oh, thats O.K. I have a friend that really wanted me to hang out with him tonight anyway. I'll see you in a couple days."

That would have gotten his attention! Of course, I HATE when chicks do this, and nowadays, I would bail out if any chick did that to me again though.

Honestly, I think this guy is just a super AFC, and doesnt have the balls to step up and rip your clothes off. Let this be a lesson to everyone here to MAN UP AND FVCK THAT CHICK ASAP. He probably thinks he's 'respecting' you by taking it slow.

 

[Charm&Style]

We dont like competition who says? How many hot girls out there exist that have no guys going after them? Girls who have no guys after them=

A.Fugly
B.Possibly psycho
C. Waste of time

Yes, if we are after a quick lay we'll go after anything but in pursuing a girl a guy steps his game up majorly when competition is involved (considering you have any game to begin with)

 

[thewarrior]

To the OP, what do you consider slow? Do you like guys to be all over you on the first date?

 

[thewarrior]

Honestly, I think this guy is just a super AFC, and doesnt have the balls to step up and rip your clothes off. Let this be a lesson to everyone here to MAN UP AND FVCK THAT CHICK ASAP. He probably thinks he's 'respecting' you by taking it slow.

I hate to believe chicks want to have sex so quick. That's probably why I stay single so long because chicks that want to get ****ed on the second date (or even the first) is a turn off.

I will admit a guy is pretty shy or just not that into you if he doesn't initiate a kiss on the second date, or attempt any kind of touch.

 

[SabylaBella]

Thanks guys. I ended up having to work tonight anyway. From all of this I have concluded that I have a shy guy on my hands who wants to take it slow. If he wasn't into me I would have stopped hearing from him at this point, I'm sure, and there would not have been a vday wish from him.

So now I'd love some advice about shy guys...if you're a shy guy, what do you like the girl to do? I've wanted to cuddle with him and grab his hand but didn't want to come off as too eager. The last kiss we shared was pretty hot and when I closed the door (happened as I was leaving) he had a huge grin on his face.

 

[SabylaBella]

To the OP, what do you consider slow? Do you like guys to be all over you on the first date?

No I don't like guys to be all over me on the first date. But after a few dates I'd like to hold hands and make out a little bit. I think slow is hanging out once a week with some contact in between dates.

 

[SabylaBella]

Dont listen to that!!!! We dont like competition. However, if we feel there is competition, we may step up more. Or we could walk away.

If, when he turned you down for wanting to hang at his show, and you said: "Oh, thats O.K. I have a friend that really wanted me to hang out with him tonight anyway. I'll see you in a couple days."

That would have gotten his attention! Of course, I HATE when chicks do this, and nowadays, I would bail out if any chick did that to me again though.

Honestly, I think this guy is just a super AFC, and doesnt have the balls to step up and rip your clothes off. Let this be a lesson to everyone here to MAN UP AND FVCK THAT CHICK ASAP. He probably thinks he's 'respecting' you by taking it slow.

What does AFC mean? (sorry I'm don't know all the internet acronyms). And what is the thing that you hate when chicks do? I was a little confused on that.

 

[sodbuster]

Every man is a little different,so no one here really knows what is going on in his head. He isn't chasing you as hard as you'd like? so, how hard did you make him work for it? Did you no show for dates? Other bad behavior?

I've had women give me their phone #,sex me up, and then decide to play hard to get[WTF?]. They expected me to chase them and beg. I just went on with my life and they decided to call in a month or so. I know what I want and am honest about it. If you want to date me,date me then act like it.My belief is if you arent smart enough to realize what I am,you aren't smart enough to be the stepmom to my boys. If you've pulled any games, he may be going to put you in the corner for awhile[just like I did].Believe it or not, there are some men who won't kiss your azz to get to your "kitty"

If that isn't an issue,he may be that busy. He may be dating someone else,etc. Possible, but I'd look more at your behavior.

 

[horaholic]

What does AFC mean? (sorry I'm don't know all the internet acronyms). And what is the thing that you hate when chicks do? I was a little confused on that.

AFC means Average Frustrated Chump. Guys that are bad with women. In your case, (and this is just a guess from the info you provided) he seems like hes being a pvssy, and not 'taking' you, like you know you want, but wont admit.

That thing I hate when women do, is sublty making threats to be with another guy as a form of manipulation. It does work, however, but with a REAL DJ, will not put up with it. I dont understand how you dont understand what I mean.

If, when he turned you down for wanting to hang at his show, and you said: "Oh, thats O.K. I have a 'friend' that really wanted me to hang out with him tonight anyway. I'll see you in a couple days."

That is a common female form of manipulation. If you said that to this guy, he will either dump you on the spot (which i doubt, cuz he seems AFC), freak out and invite you to his show (most likely, cuz this is what an AFC would do), Or, if he is a true dj, he would call your bluff, and go find another woman for the evening.

 

[MayorOfTheParty]

A little preface... Whenever I exchange info with a girl, I never call or text her first, she always contacts me first if it's by phone.

Anyways...

I work at least four days a week, I'm writing a book and working on my website (socialcirclepickup.com), I train Jiu Jitsu, and a pile of other tasks on top of that. (Just to give you an idea of how busy I am)

Because I have very little free time (unless I find a sexual encounter right on the spot) my contact with women playing phone tag (text tag?) pretty much always puts me in this situation like you've described.

Sure, many girls have gotten discouraged and given up trying to get together with me, but if they are persistent then yes I'll probably get together with them when I have free time.

Check this out...

I was at work and had left my laptop on at home with Facebook Chat open. When I get home, I see that this girl had tried contacting me on chat and when I didn't reply she started freaking out and saying that I was a **** for ignoring her and so on... but I wasn't even there!

The moral is if you're patient and you have your own life and you're not totally obsessed with the guy then it'll happen if it's meant to happen. It works both ways

I'd say your best bet is live your life and if you're doing something cool (playing lawn darts, knitting baskets, whatever...) send him an invite and give him some room to reciprocate. If you manage to get him out and he doesn't want to take it further, then maybe he's just not the right guy for you.

Hope that helps!

 

[SabylaBella]

AFC means Average Frustrated Chump. Guys that are bad with women. In your case, (and this is just a guess from the info you provided) he seems like hes being a pvssy, and not 'taking' you, like you know you want, but wont admit.

That thing I hate when women do, is sublty making threats to be with another guy as a form of manipulation. It does work, however, but with a REAL DJ, will not put up with it. I dont understand how you dont understand what I mean.



That is a common female form of manipulation. If you said that to this guy, he will either dump you on the spot (which i doubt, cuz he seems AFC), freak out and invite you to his show (most likely, cuz this is what an AFC would do), Or, if he is a true dj, he would call your bluff, and go find another woman for the evening.

I see. No I do not do that. I think that kind of stuff is rude!

 

[bornyesterday]

I see. No I do not do that. I think that kind of stuff is rude!

Excellent: a woman with morals:rockon:

To understand whats going on here I think you need to disclose some more information. Be more specific. I cant make out if this guy is a player or an afc, the picture is that vague.
You're not even sure if he's shy. Isnt that something which you can smell all over? How old are you, how often have you seen eachother, what do you do to get his interest etc

If he's indeed shy:
You usually need to thicken your indications of interest. Put on your puppy eyes, be physically very close to him (you can feel eachothers heat), initiate a date (dont flake!) those kind of things. The problems with shy guys is that they show conflicting signs. Interested - not interested. This is actually a good technique to use (also used by players), but a shy guy is ironically not conscious he's doing it and he's not doing it properly.
The conflict you see in him possibly stems in his insecurity about your interest in him.

 

[horaholic]

We dont like competition who says? How many hot girls out there exist that have no guys going after them? Girls who have no guys after them=

A.Fugly
B.Possibly psycho
C. Waste of time

Yes, if we are after a quick lay we'll go after anything but in pursuing a girl a guy steps his game up majorly when competition is involved (considering you have any game to begin with)

You have a really backwards way of thinking, dude. We like hot chicks. Hot chicks have other options, which means competition for us. We dont like hot chicks BECAUSE of the competition, like you claim; we like hot chicks DESPITE of the competition. If you're into hot chicks because of the competition, and not just because they're hot, there is something wrong with you. Dont confuse this statement with not being afraid of competition; cuz thats a different story.

If you ENJOY having competition for girls, you have some internal issues. These are not BAD issues, cuz it makes life easier for YOU, but you are an exception and not the majority rule. Men dont like to play that game.

 

[SabylaBella]

Excellent: a woman with morals:rockon:

To understand whats going on here I think you need to disclose some more information. Be more specific. I cant make out if this guy is a player or an afc, the picture is that vague.
You're not even sure if he's shy. Isnt that something which you can smell all over? How old are you, how often have you seen eachother, what do you do to get his interest etc

If he's indeed shy:
You usually need to thicken your indications of interest. Put on your puppy eyes, be physically very close to him (you can feel eachothers heat), initiate a date (dont flake!) those kind of things. The problems with shy guys is that they show conflicting signs. Interested - not interested. This is actually a good technique to use (also used by players), but a shy guy is ironically not conscious he's doing it and he's not doing it properly.
The conflict you see in him possibly stems in his insecurity about your interest in him.

Thanks. I didn't want to write a novel, but here is the specs: We've gone out a grand total of 5 times now. During these first couple of dates he got glose to me like you said, we ended up kissing on the first date, and cuddling on the second on the couch--all this initiated by me. The third date I hugged him to greet him (and he had this stony look on his face) and made him dinner, then he went out and there was no physical contact. We were playing pool too and I took advantage of all the bending over it requires for that game. I asked him "what was going on between us and if I was the one who needed to make a move" and he said that I would know when he was into it and wanted to take it slow. So I backed off. The 4th time I saw him was at his bday party and nothing happened because I didn't want to take up all his attention and didn't initate anything. When I left he gave me a kiss on the cheek, and I pulled back a little surprised and he gave me puppy dog eyes. (Did that mean I was supposed to kiss him)?

Well the 5th date consisted of a movie, and he didn't get close to me like the last time we saw a movie together. We ended up on his couch again and he was sitting way the h*** far away from me.

I left and as we walked out he grabbed me and hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I got shy and nervous and walked off. Well at the door as we said goodbye I go "Wait!" As he shut it and then he stuck his face into mine and we pecked...then I said "screw it" to myself and grabbed him and gave him a really passionate kiss that lasted a while. I swear I caught a big grin on his face as he shut the door when I left.

Now if I know that iniating everything won't scare him away I will. But should I do this gently--like a victorian novel? Or should I just get ballsy and grab his hand and hug him/steal a kiss or two? He can be sloww to react to me. I don't get it, and I end up getting frustrated with my useless attempts at more affection and give up!

Thanks for reading all of this.

 

[epicwinner]

just rape him