Need a guy's opinion

[leighaxox]

Hi guys, I'm new here and hoping to get some advice please (and thanks!)

Please be nice

Okay, so I met this guy on a dating website in October. Before meeting, we'd been talking online daily, for like a month straight. Not just "hi how are you" conversations, but big long messages - he seemed like such a great guy.

-for the record, in case it matters, I'm 27, he's 33-

So anyway, we met up and got along great. We continued to see one another from October through December. At first we'd see one another 2-3 times a week. We live an hour apart, and he works a lot, so eventually we were only seeing each other once every 2 weeks. I broke it off with him, explaining that I didn't think it was worth it, when we see one another so infrequently. (note at that point we hadn't slept together, it was strictly dating)

Anyway, maybe 6 weeks ago, he finds me on the same dating website and we start talking again. We agreed to get together again and see where things went. I mentioned to him I didn't want things to go back to the way they were - seeing one another so infrequently again, and he agreed.

So we've been getting together 1-2 times per week, going on dates, dinner whatever. I actually really like him! We've discussed planning a trip to Cuba together, and going camping with a group of my friends this summer.

On Saturday, we went out and had some drinks, and wound up at my house, where we ended up sleeping with one another. Before anything happened, I told him it was really important to me that he's not involved with other girls while dating me - and he assured me that no, he isn't. I reiterated it to make sure, and he promised me that he's not involved w/ any other girls.

Okay, so here come my issues...

He's still on the dating website, listed as "single." He logged on last night, so I'm wondering - should I be asking him about it? We didn't have a talk agreeing that we were in a relationship, but I understood there was a level of exclusivity. A girlfriend was browsing plenty of fish, and noticed him on there as well - he states that he's looking for a relationship on his profile...

His birthday is this weekend. I mentioned Friday to him that I'd like to take him out, and he told me he wouldn't be able to see me this weekend at all - as his family's leaving town, and he needs to help them prepare, and also he's leaving town Monday on business for a few days. I'm sure he'll be going out with friends Saturday - is it wrong to be disappointed he didn't invite me? I invited him camping and several other things with my friends.

Like I mentioned, he's going out of town on business - and is telling me he can't see me again until the weekend of July 2,3 - as he'll be busy. Though we live an hour apart, we both work in the same city, so there's no reason why we couldn't grab a bite to eat after work, or go for a walk or something. He just reiterates that he wants to wait until the weekend. If it matters, this was all discussed before we had sex - so it's not like everything changed after the fact.

He continues to text me every day - he always initiates the conversation and says sweet things.

I'm completely confused and looking for some input. Not sure if I should confront him on this or not. Perhaps I'm looking to move faster than he is? I'm not sure. Maybe I'm overthinking this whole thing..? Hoping I can get advice from some guys...

Thanks a bunch!! :flowers:

 

[Jaylan]

two possibilities.

1. It seems like he was just telling you bunk to get lucky and he doesnt know how to cover his tracks online. And If you guys work in the same city, he could see you if he really wanted to. People go out of their way to be around folks they really fancy.

Id casually mention something along the lines of saying that "I sometimes browse the forums on POF or OKC for fun and then end up browsing profiles for a chuckle sometimes since people are so zanny on these sites...I kinda only keep my profile up now so I can post" Just a way to gauge a response.

I wouldnt take the confronting route personally. But considering he told you he said he wasnt seeing other girls and you asked him twice, maybe you should be direct. Theres no reason to lie to bed someone. I am straight up with women about how I feel.

2. In this scenario maybe he just likes to browse around for fun. No harm no foul. I mean some people until they are in an actual relationship thats agreed upon keep their profiles up in case something happens with who they are seeing. Kus sometimes things dont work out. And I def think this scenario makes more sense, because even with frequency or distance issues, if a girl rejects me, its hard for me to let her back in as a relationship option too easily.


All in all maybe you guys should just have a frank talk. And also, hun, just like the dudes preach here, dont put all your eggs in one basket unless/until you are sure you and your love interest are on the same exact page. Go out, have fun, and if you find out you guys dont have any exclusivity, go meet other guys until you and him flesh things out

 

[PDubb75]

Well, you may not like my opinion, but I'll give it anyway.

My initial thought is that he's still out there looking, and likely isn't wanting to move as quickly as you are. Obviously there is a lot I don't know about your relationship with each other, but simply from your post, I don't completely blame him.

My reason for saying that is due to the fact you broke up with him before. It sounds like you two invested a good deal of time together, and then you ended it. He's keeping options open in case it happens again. For all you know, he felt things were going great the first time, so he's staying inside a shell a bit more now. One of those "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" situations.

If you are looking for a serious relationship with him, I think it might be best for you to bring this up to him.

 

[oneboy21]

Again the whole she bang thing. you women don't change.
You are saying he is a nice guy, why don't you just be upfront with him

 

[vatoloco]

Okay, I'll bite. I'm gonna give you an honest, real analysis of your situation. Hope you can take it!

Okay, so I met this guy on a dating website in October. Before meeting, we'd been talking online daily, for like a month straight. Not just "hi how are you" conversations, but big long messages - he seemed like such a great guy.

Don't we all? But some just appear to be "great"...

-for the record, in case it matters, I'm 27, he's 33-

Okay, this is good. Hopefully we have two mature individuals who are done playing games and know what they want.

So anyway, we met up and got along great. We continued to see one another from October through December. At first we'd see one another 2-3 times a week.

Personally, I think it was too much, especially if you're not in an exclusive, long-term relationship (LTR). Ideally, he should have been seeing you once a week. Sounds to me like you were his only option at the time...

We live an hour apart, and he works a lot, so eventually we were only seeing each other once every 2 weeks.

My spider sense is now tingling. Lives an hour apart? Works a lot? Seeing each other sporadically now? Hmm, guy might be married. Just putting that out there.

I broke it off with him, explaining that I didn't think it was worth it, when we see one another so infrequently. (note at that point we hadn't slept together, it was strictly dating)

Okay, fair enough. Though it's suspicious to me that two people who are truly like and are attracted to each other don't have sex in three months of dating... What was his reaction to the breakup?

Anyway, maybe 6 weeks ago, he finds me on the same dating website and we start talking again. We agreed to get together again and see where things went. I mentioned to him I didn't want things to go back to the way they were - seeing one another so infrequently again, and he agreed.

Personally, I don't believe in "2nd chances" when it comes to relationships but, it's your call. Sounds to me like you both had little options so went back to a relatively "sure thing."

So we've been getting together 1-2 times per week, going on dates, dinner whatever. I actually really like him!

But you dropped him earlier, remember?

We've discussed planning a trip to Cuba together, and going camping with a group of my friends this summer.

Personally, sounds like a little too much too fast.

On Saturday, we went out and had some drinks, and wound up at my house, where we ended up sleeping with one another. Before anything happened, I told him it was really important to me that he's not involved with other girls while dating me - and he assured me that no, he isn't. I reiterated it to make sure, and he promised me that he's not involved w/ any other girls.

This could very well be the case. It could be not. He may be playing the field (not likely based on prior behavior) but it is possible. Like I mentioned earlier, it's possible that he's married too.

He's still on the dating website, listed as "single." He logged on last night, so I'm wondering - should I be asking him about it? We didn't have a talk agreeing that we were in a relationship, but I understood there was a level of exclusivity. A girlfriend was browsing plenty of fish, and noticed him on there as well - he states that he's looking for a relationship on his profile...

He may not be seeing other girls but, since you haven't requested exclusivity, he might still be open to seeing other girls. Never "assume" anything. If you want exclusivity, ask for it. You'll find out for sure then if he truly does want a relationship like he says in his profile.

His birthday is this weekend. I mentioned Friday to him that I'd like to take him out, and he told me he wouldn't be able to see me this weekend at all - as his family's leaving town, and he needs to help them prepare, and also he's leaving town Monday on business for a few days. I'm sure he'll be going out with friends Saturday - is it wrong to be disappointed he didn't invite me? I invited him camping and several other things with my friends.

This makes me even more suspicious. Ask him if he's married and watch for body language clues. He could, however, just be playing it safe and trying to slow things down...

Like I mentioned, he's going out of town on business - and is telling me he can't see me again until the weekend of July 2,3 - as he'll be busy. Though we live an hour apart, we both work in the same city, so there's no reason why we couldn't grab a bite to eat after work, or so for a walk or something. He just reiterates that he wants to wait until the weekend. If it matters, this was all discussed before we had sex - so it's not like everything changed after the fact.

Red flags.

He continues to text me every day - he always initiates the conversation and says sweet things.

Here at SS we hold the "Actions speak louder than words" mantra when it comes to women and it should be the case also when it comes to men. What do his actions tell you? Why can't he see you?

What I'd do is ask him if he's married and watch his reaction? If you want exclusivity, ask for it.

Something doesn't feel quite right though...

 

[oneboy21]

Well said vatacolo
there you go miss

 

[leighaxox]

Hmm, thanks guys
I'd never really considered that maybe he's married. That could explain a lot.

I'll definitely mention everything to him, I just don't want to push him away, or have him feel like I'm pushing him into a relationship - I'd rather it happen naturally. But at the same time I'd like to discuss it all. I'm just not sure how to mention everything without scaring him away.

 

[Vice]

Post pics or no advice.

Boobies for extra points

Edit: Thought this was flyingsquadron.com. Post anyway

 

[women haze]

Hmm, thanks guys
I'd never really considered that maybe he's married. That could explain a lot.

I'll definitely mention everything to him, I just don't want to push him away, or have him feel like I'm pushing him into a relationship - I'd rather it happen naturally. But at the same time I'd like to discuss it all. I'm just not sure how to mention everything without scaring him away.

If you scare him away ...after all that you two have been through and being open and honest with him.

then you have your answer.

If he cares he ain't going nowhere

 

[leighaxox]

Post pics or no advice.

Boobies for extra points

You post pics! The last thing I want is for him to somehow find me on here, then my pic 100% confirms that it's me

 

[1 Bad Dude]

Him being 33 tells me he should have plenty of observations on how women react to guys they really like. So, after a couple of months of hanging out regularly and never getting sex you wonder why the frequency dips to only once every two weeks? In his mind, you're just not that into him. At least not Brad Pitt into him. He probably thinks the only reason you let him get his d!ck wet at all is because nothing better has come along for you.

My advice. Show him some lust. You know where he lives, call him up, tell him you're bored and wanna come hang out. When you get there fvck the sh!t out of him. Do this a few times and I bet that profile will come down. Good luck.

 

[leighaxox]

If you scare him away ...after all that you two have been through and being open and honest with him.

then you have your answer.

If he cares he ain't going nowhere

You're absolutely right. Thank you!

 

[leighaxox]

Him being 33 tells me he should have plenty of observations on how women react to guys they really like. So, after a couple of months of hanging out regularly and never getting sex you wonder why the frequency dips to only once every two weeks? In his mind, you're just not that into him. At least not Brad Pitt into him. He probably thinks the only reason you let him get his d!ck wet at all is because nothing better has come along for you.

My advice. Show him some lust. You know where he lives, call him up, tell him you're bored and wanna come hang out. When you get there fvck the sh!t out of him. Do this a few times and I bet that profile will come down. Good luck.

Hmm, I'd never thought of it this way. The only this is, I often tell him I'd like to get together after work, and he prefers to do things on the weekend. I told him I was disappointed that I had to wait 2 weeks to see him, and all he said was that he was sorry. He's always saying he's tired after work, just wants to relax. I don't wanna beg him to come out - that seems a little desperate.

Furthermore, I can't really show up at his house. He's about to buy a house and has decided to move in w/ his family for a bit to put some $$ away, so I've never actually been to his place. I live alone, so if anything happens, it's always at my place. With rush hour, it'd take forever to get here, hence why he prefers the weekends.

I don't know what to do :s

 

[leighaxox]

Him being 33 tells me he should have plenty of observations on how women react to guys they really like. So, after a couple of months of hanging out regularly and never getting sex you wonder why the frequency dips to only once every two weeks? In his mind, you're just not that into him. At least not Brad Pitt into him. He probably thinks the only reason you let him get his d!ck wet at all is because nothing better has come along for you.

My advice. Show him some lust. You know where he lives, call him up, tell him you're bored and wanna come hang out. When you get there fvck the sh!t out of him. Do this a few times and I bet that profile will come down. Good luck.

Also, we often meet up somewhere in between the 2 cities we live in, which is part of the reason we hadn't had sex until recently... We're not even close my place. I'm not totally familiar with the area, so he often suggests these places. I'd think we'd be planning dates closer to my place if he wanted to have sex... ya know?

 

[1 Bad Dude]

Rush hour? I didn't mean a during-the-day-quickie, I meant booty call sex, like at midnight, so he knows whats up. He can come to your place and then go to work from there. Unless vatoloco is right and he is married.

 

[Vice]

You post pics! The last thing I want is for him to somehow find me on here, then my pic 100% confirms that it's me

Just go into paint and draw a black box over your face, and email it to me. I'll only put it up on like ten or eleven other websites. Problem solved

On a serious note, what exactly do you want from this guy?

 

[Jaylan]

Hmm, I'd never thought of it this way. The only this is, I often tell him I'd like to get together after work, and he prefers to do things on the weekend. I told him I was disappointed that I had to wait 2 weeks to see him, and all he said was that he was sorry. He's always saying he's tired after work, just wants to relax. I don't wanna beg him to come out - that seems a little desperate.

Furthermore, I can't really show up at his house. He's about to buy a house and has decided to move in w/ his family for a bit to put some $$ away, so I've never actually been to his place. I live alone, so if anything happens, it's always at my place. With rush hour, it'd take forever to get here, hence why he prefers the weekends.

I don't know what to do :s

I didnt want to give the marraige angle any credence. BUT I dont hear of many dudes past 30 buying a house and moving back in with family. Generally you buy a house with a special someone, or on your own. And If a guy has his act together he has no need to live with family at 33. Your career should be establish by them and you should be financially secure. Now if he was my age (24) I could understand that.

Thats just me though.

Either way you guys should have a chit chat and dont go so much on what we are all telling you. Speak with him, try and have an open, frank, and honest discussion. And after that, Listen to your gut.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

You guys were hanging out frequently. He obviously wasn't getting what he wanted so he begins to withdrawal. What happens? You react. You break things off, then after awhile of no contact, not only do you initiate things again but you also give him sex. You want to spend more time with him but he comes up with excuses. He's telling you he's tired and wants to relax after work because he thinks you guys are just gonna be doing boring girly stuff. Like watching chick shows and going shopping. When, what he really wants is to be balls deep inside you. Not that he doesn't want to do those other things with you, it's just that, without sex, you have a friendship, not a relationship. Whatever you do, DON'T have a discussion with him. That will scare him away. Seriously, like I already said, where is your lust for him?

 

[thevilittletroll]

if i put myself into this situation, this is how i would see it. you are a chick that he met off the internet that lives an hour away. you talk and talk over email and phone for a couple of months, hanging out a couple times a week with no sex. now i'm no genius but i'm not gonna drive an hour to hang out with some chick thats not giving me any booty. so then you break it off with him, he finds it difficult to find chicks on the internet to hookup with so he contacts you back to give it another shot. you cave in and finally give him the booty. my guess is that the sex wasnt all that good, now he feels that its not worth the time or the distance just to get a peice of ass. i might not drive an hour to see you but if i were at all interested in continuing the realtionship, i'd at least let you come and see me. he still has his online profile up cause he's still looking, he might not actually be dating anyone else but he's def looking, for someone hotter, closer and much easier with less drama.

this is a classic problem that pisses me off about most women. get it out of your head that the sex is only about him. sex feels good for you women too. why do women feel the need that they have to hold out? all you did was frustrate this guy and tease his c.o.c.k, and he felt like you werent really into him. you ended it, he got over it and moved on, and now you want him back. you should have just given it to him earlier on and you wouldnt be having this problem. lastly you cant expect anyone, male or female, to be in a monogamous relationship with person they've only had sex with once. i'm sorry but thats just not fair to either one of you. it would make more sence if you were seeing each other every weekend and having lots of sex. but the fact is...your not. you should start out dating and having lots of sex with each other before even thinking about being exclusive. if you pressure him about it at all, he'll most likely leave you hanging. if it were me i would probably still keep you on a string for a possible booty call.