need a bit of input on my situation

[em1sir]

been seeing this new girl for about 2 weeks....as far as I know, we consider each other just friends, but we end up making out after every "coffee" date we have. (I got under her shirt and up her skirt a few times, but haven't gone all the way with her)

She seems really clingy at times (sometimes we'd meet up at midnight, and she'd never wanna go home until 7 in the morning) And then sometimes she just so aloof...so I can never tell if shes really into me or not. When we do get together, I usually make contact with her first. Lately she's be kinda "nervous" around me.

Can't quite figure her out...she tells me one night that she has "mixed feelings" for me (she elaborates by saying that one part of her is saying "go for the relationship", and another part of her is resisting, and she doesn't know why)

I really like this girl (thinking she is LTR material). But without seeming so AFC, what's the best course of action? Play this scenario out? Or next her?
Shes a real sweet girl, and hasn't had much experience with relationships (only one LTR ever in her life)

please, no flames fellas..just need some friendly advice

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

It sounds like she needs a little dose of...

...the Iron Fist in the Velvet Glove.

Obviously, you don't want to be a bast@rd, but if you let her keep going back and forth and she'll either leave or find another guy. Everything she's done so far has been non-commital. She obviously likes being with you and she digs it when you touch her, but for whatever reason (she's been hurt before, she still loves her ex, yadda yadda, does it really matter?) she's not taking that final leap into your arms.

If she can't bring herself to jump, don't be afraid to nudge her a little bit. Force her hand.

"Sandy, we've been hanging out together for a little while now, and I'm digging you. I'm just not digging this whole hot/cold thing you have going on. Sometimes you want to be together, sometimes you don't. Hey, it's your prerogative, I respect that.

Obviously, I have a thing for you. For my part though, I can't be hanging around playing "She loves me, she loves me not" waiting for you to get your head straight. Too much pride. Too much to do. If you aren't willing to admit you have feelings for me and act on them, then I can't waste any more time or emotion on it.

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to walk away and start to forget about you. I'm not going to hang with you. I'm not going to call you. You have my number. Give me a ring if, and only if you decide you want to make something of this thing we've got going on. Then maybe we can see where this thing goes."

Then just walk away and don't look back.

She'll either call you up or whatever baggage she's toting around would have been too much of a burden for a healthy relationship anyway.

Best of luck in life and love brother. Let us know how it goes.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[So pimp its scary]

Cyrano, that was a money answer... I can't top that anyway.

"She'll either call you up or whatever baggage she's toting around would be too much of a burden on your relationship anyway." - Words to live by.

It's like I said to myself about my gf (at the time) not liking my work situation (in a strip club), "Either she'll get over it or I'll get over her."

 

[em1sir]

cyrano, thank you so much....thats the what I needed to hear

I really appreciate the amount of time you put into that post...owe you one dude

I'll keep you guys posted once I've laid the law down with this paramour of mine

 

[em1sir]

well, i took your advice boys, and then she put me into the LJBF category..oh well...down the drain with that one
next!

honestly tho, it hurts a bit

 

[em1sir]

heres the convo in a nutshell

me: listen, I'll be the first to admit, that hey, i've got a thing
for you. But quite honestly, this whole on and off thing is a
bit weird at times. I sense that you're confused and you're
not sure where to go with this.

her: well you guessed right. I'm actually a bit uncomfortable
with it. I mean, i kinda feel for you, but its still a bit
awkward for me. Would it bother you if we just remained
friends for now? I mean, i don't mind hanging out with you
at night and chilling with you, but I don't know how to deal
with these emotions right now.

me: well, I've got a better idea. I'm going to walk away, and
start to forget about you, and this whole thing. I'm not
going to call you, and I'm not going to chill with you. Why?
Cause honestly, i don't have the time or emotions to waste
on this game. You know where to find me. If and when
you've figured this out, you call me.

her: ....okay

then i just walked to the car and drove away.

 

[em1sir]

bump..can someone translate the ******** for me?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by em1sir
bump..can someone translate the ******** for me?

Ok I don't know if anyone actually read his post, but he had only been seeing this girl for 2 WEEKS!!!!!! YOU SCARED HER OFF BRO!!!! She's obiviously playing games a bit just as you were so she can judge your interest level. You should have just kept your mouth shut and seen how things went. 2 weeks and your already whining and crying for a relationship, I surprised you didn't see her smoke as she ran away from you.

You said she acts clingy at times, seems like the only clingy one was you dood.


The ******** translated means this:

Your a idiot for pressuring me into a relationship, I did like you but after you started whining and crying like a little girl I lost all interest. We can still chill because I don't want to feel bad FOR MYSELF. So if you don't want to, I really don't care anyways.




PIMP

 

[OpenMind]

Pimp hit the nail on the head. Cyrano's advice was great had this guy been dating her for 8 weeks but c'mon.... 2 weeks???? What's the big rush? Besides it is a woman's job to ask for a relationship not a man's job. And I would assume she was the only woman you were dating because if you were dating multiple women like you should be you wouldn't have made such a big mistake as taking on the woman's job of asking for a relationship..... just my 2 cents.. Good luck!

 

[em1sir]

well, it looks like i fudged it, but hey, this is how i learn i guess

you guys are right..suppose i better get back out there and forget about this whole mess

you think there is a chance that she MIGHT call? curious to hear what else you guys have to say

 

[prettypoisonjr]

let this situation play out.

 

[JohnJones]

She might -- its all in her hands now. You pretty much told her now or never, so who knows where she'll come out.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by em1sir
well, it looks like i fudged it, but hey, this is how i learn i guess

you guys are right..suppose i better get back out there and forget about this whole mess

you think there is a chance that she MIGHT call? curious to hear what else you guys have to say

Fuvk no!!! She's a girl, she's got OPTIONS!! You eliminated yourself from the competition and now your trying to call "foul" and get back in???? Fuvk her, chalk it up to experience and go meet 10 more girls who look better than her.



PIMP

 

[xblitz44x]

It's ashame we didn't get here quicker, we have been able to salvage this before you went ahead and destroyed it. Two weeks, eight weeks it doesn't matter; you shouldn't be pressuring a girl to do *anything*. If she got with you because she was afraid that she was going to lose you, that is STILL not a good reason for her to get into the relationship with you. The ONLY reason I would want her to be in a relationship with me is if SHE truely wanted to and was ready to. Even if you could push her and pressure her, and she did it, how long do you expect that would last if it's built on urgency rather than her being ready.

She didn't get into the relationship on her own because she wasn't ready. That's it. Putting her in a place where it's "now or never", especially after this amount of time is terrible advice. How can you expect that she'd be any MORE ready after that?

The smart thing would have been to be patient. Figure out what is stopping her, what is getting in the way. You can't do this by asking her; but she'll tip you off by the things she say and does (if you pay attention and look beneath the surface). You could have let her iron out her own issues until she was ready, or you could have neutralized the threat (if at all possible) so that she would be able to let go and do what she *really* wants to do.

You did neither and were too concerned with your OWN agenda and timeline to ever stop and even think what was stopping her to begin with....let alone to just relax and enjoy the time you were having with her.