Need a 25+yo Forum

[Genghis Juan]

Enjoy this site alot. I also think we need a DJ Forum for DJ's of 25yo or older so we can work out the very different games and landscapes we can deal with at this age. I am NOT saying the older DJ's should be segregated from the younger ones. But I think a forum for exchanging tips and issues for the post-college dating jungle would be helpful.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Just start a thread, there's enough of us old farts lurking around willing to share some knowledge.

 

[sol2k]

Here, here !
I up for that. Not that the tips and stories around here aren't interesting, they just make me wish I had found this site 10 yrs ago. Now that I am almost going on 30, and living in Singapore (a little asian HB heaven), I find that I can't learn much for my own DJ adventures. But I can still learn something...

The thing is I think girls over 25 can be very different that what they were when going 18/20. They either have other concerns (marriage,babies,career) or they have been thru the motions and want to have fun (read fun & games eeeecchhhh). That means we have to beat them in those 2 main areas. Of course this is a generalization, but would like to hear other 25+ opinions.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Yeah, I'm 26 and I've noticed the avg 25+ girl requires a lot more work to win over. They're usually carrying baggage and cynical, or looking for security and committment. What's worse, they've grown out of their sexy girlie bodies into their womanly child bearing ones, and most of them aren't as attractive.

When I'm financially secure I'll start dating these girls, until then I'll stick with the 18-21 range who are more into having sex/fun without the pressure of wanting to start a family, and don't mind having fun on a budget.

As for the 25+ forum, I think it's long overdue. The topic has been brought up before with a lot of guys supporting it, but nothing's been done about it.

 

[sol2k]

Hmmm... Looks like this is getting some good feedback then !

Moderators, I hope you are checking this out. I would like to suggest that at least a poll be made as to SoSuave should have a 25+ yrs old forum topic.

Thanks for looking into it, and to all you 25+ DJs out there, make yourselves be heard or live in AFCness forever...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

So what do you guys believe that would be different in a 25+ forum? What special skills do you feel is needed to attract these women?

Personally, I don't think you guys have a good understanding about pursuing women. This isn't a slam, but in the few posts in this thread, I have read several mistakes that you guys have made that shouldn't be done with ANY women.

Consider working on how you qualify women. Why put forth an effort with women who are cynical or have not unpacked their baggage from previous relationships?

As for finances, more is usually better. However, it was said that one would wait until he has more finances. Why would you want to be with women that are primarily attracted to your money?

As for the age thing, I have been using the ideas from this site successfully and I'm closer to 40 than I am to 30. These are the same skills that I successfully use when clubbing with 20-somethings and older.

Like I said earlier, just post a question and I'm sure that someone can answer it or at least point you in the direction of a thread that has been already created about the topic.

 

[guard]

agree ..same here

 

[sol2k]

OK Francisco, your point is well taken and it's sort of in line with what I said in my first post.

True enough, there seems to be no need to have a forum topic specific to discuss 25+ yr old women's woes, challenges and victories, but I just though it would be nice to have a place where olders guys' concerns and issues would be easily consolidated and read.

However, I really can't argue with your post.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback and I look forward to exchanging ideas with you and the rest of the crowd !

cheers
sol2k

 

[Survivor]

The distinction that needs to be made is between attracting a female and developing a favorable relationship with one.

When it comes to attraction and seduction, Francisco is right. A woman is a woman is a woman. A 48 year old woman is as much attracted to a masculine, dominant male as her 18 year old daughter is attracted to same type of male.

However, when it comes to relationships there can be a big difference between an 18 year old girl and a woman who is 20 years her senior. There are issues and life choices that older women face that younger women simply don't face yet (motherhood, career, divorce,etc). So if you're an older guy who wants date a woman in your age bracket, it behooves you to be knowledgeable and sensitive to those things.

The question is, how many of you believe that discussing the unique types of relationships that older men face require its own forum?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I've found that most women of any (legal dating) age look for three things in a relationship (whether they realize it or not).

1. Respect
2. Affection
3. Romance

As long as those three bases are covered, it's hard to loose a girl/woman (unless she is a game player).

 

[Walldorf]

Let me bring another nuance into the discussion.

I am very much in favour for a 25+ Forum, but due to another reason. Sosuave has grown a lot over the years and the problem with growing is that the Discussion Forum feels less and less like a community, which is just natural since things become more anonymous.
Of course the main thing which is being discussed here is seduction and LTRs, but still as Pook would say "love" and "live" are not two but one...and live is definetely different after 25 or after one has begun to work on a full time basis.
So having a 25+ Forum could be a good thing because it would make it easier to get to know a few members better and thereby keeping the discussion more personal and less anonymous (probably less flaming too). Since one tends to socialise more to people of the same age this might help to get the discussion more focused. I do not know if 25 is necessarily the best criteria to seperate the forums, but working life (after university) could be an appropiate criteria. If I look at old discussions in the archive there is a certain qualtiy which is missing today, which inn my view partly is because things are getting too impersonal. Making the Discussion Forum smaller (by dividing them into 2) might help to get some quality back...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I can go along with the idea of semantics for having a separate forum although I don't think it will help much with the flaming. Also, usually the guys who want something more personal will usually email or PM someone for specific help.

But one thing that was said about women of different age ranges have different needs definitely hold water. However, should a guy be the one to provide those things beyond romance, affection and appreciation?

Marriage, career, divorce, children are things that all women think about but at varying degrees. What matters is YOUR views on those things no matter how old you are. Think about it, focusing on ideas that only focus on the needs of women of a particular age is a form of supplication. Where does your needs come in? It's hard to say what your needs are if you haven't decided what they are.

Going in uncertain about who you are and your associate needs tend to get guys into the mentality that they have to do something special to get particular women. However they don't realize that even if they do make a connection, it is one that was made on one sided needs and he will probably have problems in the long run if his needs aren't addressed.

In a nutshell, I treat all women the same no matter their age. I make them smile, laugh and feel good about themselves while they are around me. It works for 8 year old children, 18 year old young women, 20-somethings trying to find their own selves, 30-40 somethings that know what they want and even older women who are completely content.

You can not go wrong when you make a women feel good about herself and all she knows is that she feels especially good when she is around you.

Just something to consider.

 

[Survivor]

Francisco you make some excellent points.

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
I can go along with the idea of semantics for having a separate forum although I don't think it will help much with the flaming. Also, usually the guys who want something more personal will usually email or PM someone for specific help.

I fully understand that flaming is par for the course when dealing with open discussion forums. As with the other fourms, it will be my job to deal with that accordingly.

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
But one thing that was said about women of different age ranges have different needs definitely hold water. However, should a guy be the one to provide those things beyond romance, affection and appreciation?

No. But we should at least learn how to respect the different needs that women have at different phases of their lives. I think thats the kind of sensitivity women desire in a man.

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Marriage, career, divorce, children are things that all women think about but at varying degrees. What matters is YOUR views on those things no matter how old you are. Think about it, focusing on ideas that only focus on the needs of women of a particular age is a form of supplication. Where does your needs come in? It's hard to say what your needs are if you haven't decided what they are.

More often than not, marriage, career, divorce and children are issues that become more real to men AND women as they get older. The new forum shall focus on the unique needs of both men AND women as they mature. Thats not supplication. Its interdependence.

And if someone hasn't decided what they're needs are by a certain age, then in my opinion the "Mature Man" forum wasn't created for him.

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Going in uncertain about who you are and your associate needs tend to get guys into the mentality that they have to do something special to get particular women. However they don't realize that even if they do make a connection, it is one that was made on one sided needs and he will probably have problems in the long run if his needs aren't addressed.

What you just described is the kind of guy that the "Mature Man" forum is NOT designed for. The new forum is for guys who are experienced, sure of themselves, secure in their manhood, and have come to terms with their own strengths and weaknesses. Age 25 is just an arbitrary number. The forum won't discuss how to f-close the HB10 in English class. Instead it will discuss how to get along with women at work and how to deal with a single mom's kids.

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
In a nutshell, I treat all women the same no matter their age. I make them smile, laugh and feel good about themselves while they are around me. It works for 8 year old children, 18 year old young women, 20-somethings trying to find their own selves, 30-40 somethings that know what they want and even older women who are completely content.

You can not go wrong when you make a women feel good about herself and all she knows is that she feels especially good when she is around you.

Just something to consider.

That's true. But feelings can't pay the rent, feed a family or save a marriage.

What your'e talking about is cultivating attraction, which is important. But there are few places in this site where guys can learn how to cultivate love (for women and self). The "Mature Man" forum can at least make an attempt.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Survivor
Francisco you make some excellent points.



I fully understand that flaming is par for the course when dealing with open discussion forums. As with the other fourms, it will be my job to deal with that accordingly.



No. But we should at least learn how to respect the different needs that women have at different phases of their lives. I think thats the kind of sensitivity women desire in a man.



More often than not, marriage, career, divorce and children are issues that become more real to men AND women as they get older. The new forum shall focus on the unique needs of both men AND women as they mature. Thats not supplication. Its interdependence.

And if someone hasn't decided what they're needs are by a certain age, then in my opinion the "Mature Man" forum wasn't created for him.



What you just described is the kind of guy that the "Mature Man" forum is NOT designed for. The new forum is for guys who are experienced, sure of themselves, secure in their manhood, and have come to terms with their own strengths and weaknesses. Age 25 is just an arbitrary number. The forum won't discuss how to f-close the HB10 in English class. Instead it will discuss how to get along with women at work and how to deal with a single mom's kids.



That's true. But feelings can't pay the rent, feed a family or save a marriage.

What your'e talking about is cultivating attraction, which is important. But there are few places in this site where guys can learn how to cultivate love (for women and self). The "Mature Man" forum can at least make an attempt.

Very well explained. Why not post your reply to the new forum? It spells out with no uncertain terms who the forum is for and the type of information that should be posted.

 

[sol2k]

Thank you, Survivor.
Thank you for expressing so well what I had in mind when I was exchanging ideas with Francisco. Too bad I was really not capturing the full picture like you are in your post.

Cheers
Sol2k

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Dark Nimbus
Yeah, I'm 26 and I've noticed the avg 25+ girl requires a lot more work to win over. They're usually carrying baggage and cynical, or looking for security and committment. What's worse, they've grown out of their sexy girlie bodies into their womanly child bearing ones, and most of them aren't as attractive.

When I'm financially secure I'll start dating these girls, until then I'll stick with the 18-21 range who are more into having sex/fun without the pressure of wanting to start a family, and don't mind having fun on a budget.

As for the 25+ forum, I think it's long overdue. The topic has been brought up before with a lot of guys supporting it, but nothing's been done about it.

Heh...you think 25 is old? Shows how pathetic we are as a society.

The problem is that people are becoming sexually active faster, romantically active faster, and romantically jaded faster. Go on one of these Internet sites and do a search on women 18-25. Read the profiles. They are ALL jaded. They ALL want Mr Perfect to swoop down from the clouds and save them from the monotony of their lives.

By the way, do you really WANT a jaded woman like that? One who's been abused, neglected, mistreated, used for sex, then cast aside and has this miserable outlook on life? AND she expects YOU to SAVE her from it?

It's no wonder most marriages don't last these days. Because everyone's forgotten how to have FUN in their relationships.

Getting back on topic, though...DON'T harvest a crop of weeds because the wheat is thin. There ARE still women out there who are 25+ and are funny, energetic, and not totally jaded and looking for Prince Charming to make her a mother before her biological clock ticks out. It just means the playing field has narrowed and YOU have to filter out women to find the real prizes.

And I hope to be dating 21-25 year olds until I hit 30.

If you think the selection is TOO thin, take Wu777's advice and go to Russia. LOL Personally, though, I'd just treat 25+ women the same as you would women 24 and under. Chances are she's LOOKING for someone who can just be FUN to be around like in the days before she became jaded, that can make her feel young again. If not...you probably don't want to spend time with her anyway.