Narcissistic Personality Disorder NPD

[CHICAGO27]

There are a ton of Borderline Personality Disorder BPD threads on SS. I was wondering if anyone has ever encountered or dated someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

I dated a girl with NPD, plus BPD leanings for a year. It was a living hell! Besides the BPD issues we have all grown to love, I also dealt with the unrealistic expectations and lack of empathy.

For those looking for a definition, please see below.

Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by dramatic, emotional behavior, which is in the same category as antisocial and borderline personality disorders.

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional
Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it's not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others.

When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don't receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may insist on having "the best" of everything — the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance.

But underneath all this behavior often lies a fragile self-esteem. You have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism. You may have a sense of secret shame and humiliation. And in order to make yourself feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and efforts to belittle the other person to make yourself appear better.

When to see a doctor

When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may not want to think that anything could be wrong — doing so wouldn't fit with your self-image of power and perfection. But by definition, a narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of your life, such as relationships, work, school or your financial affairs. You may be generally unhappy and confused by a mix of seemingly contradictory emotions. Others may not enjoy being around you, and you may find your relationships unfulfilling.

If you notice any of these problems in your life, consider reaching out to a trusted doctor or mental health provider. Getting the right treatment can help make your life more rewarding and enjoyable.

 

[adam225]

+1

I'm glad someone's bough NPD up. I think it's more common than most think - specially in girls.

edit : You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to CHICAGO27 again.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Starting to think I have NPD...

 

[The Duke]

The hottest girl(hb9 & former Hawaiian Tropic Model) I ever dated had several narcissistic traits. She came from a divorced family, didn't get along with her mom very well. Her mom was married 5 times and is now single and lonely and in her late 50's. Her mom was also very attractive in her day and still is for an older lady. Most likely she had NPD issues as well.

The girl on the surface was not the same as the girl underneath the facade. She would come across as confident and strong to someone that just met her. She would constantly be telling herself how great she was. She would even ask her own son to tell her how great she was. She would go around saying "Jenni Rocks!" She even used this for her name on fakebook.

She could never be alone, she required constant attention from her children or the man in her life. She never went with out a man either. She has already burned thru her 4th husband and isn't even 40 yet. She lied to me about how many times she had been married. Three of her marriages failed within the first year, only the one she had kids with lasted multiple years.

She had a very high opinion of her appearance. Her beauty was her source of self-esteem and she always looked good too. She definitely loved herself.....but only on the surface. She was very charming and could suck you in with what she told you.

We had a vacation planned one time. The night before we were to leave I stayed at her house. I could tell something was not right. She was very withdrawn and pretty much ignored me. That morning I ran to my house to pack for our trip and was going to come back to hers so we could leave together. On my way home I received several texts telling me she wanted to end our relationship and I wasn't the right guy for her. She left for the trip and I stayed home. 2 days later she is begging me to get on a plane and come see her. I debated and asked my mom for advice. (<-----never never never do this). My mom told me I should go so I did. After about 5hrs of being there and a round of sechs, this girl had fell into her old ways and got her ego/self esteem boost out of me. I served my purpose. I ended up cutting it short and going back home early.

This girl required huge amounts of game to keep her interest. It was always a constant push/pull environment. She thrived on the emotional high and thrill that a new relationship brings. She was almost addicted to it.

She definitely lacked empathy and always had high expectations.

For several years, this girl would always come back to me after a break up with some other guy. She was most likely seeking validation. I gave her a 2nd chance once but put the ball in her court. This did little for her self esteem when I didn't chase after her. She made a few other attempts to get back with me of the past couple years but never took the bait. I knew what it was about and it wasn't about me. These attempts were always a few weeks after her last break up.

This girl also played the religion card and would tell you how you weren't close enough to God for her. haha yeah right.

She would make you think she was almost a virgin, and put you down for having multiple relationships. Well the truth was she has fuhked tons of guys over her life. I supsect at least 50 partners since her 20's. She would have you believe it was just the ones she married.

All the beauty, self-praise, and guys in her life were there to make her feel better about herself. Deep down she hurts but would never let you know this. On the surface she comes across as one of those who has it all......looks, charm, great job, good personality. But at the core all of those things are missing. Its really pretty sad. She'll die miserable and lonely just like her mother will.

 

[CHICAGO27]

NPD can be extremely damaging.
In my case, I didn't recognize my ex was NPD until after the fact. She showed no empathy, very envious, wanted the best of everything (had to work out at the East Bank Club because of the status attached, friends all had to be of higher class), self loathing, pulled her hair out, eating disorder, had to work out everyday regardless of anything, never put my needs first, etc. She also showed BPD tendancies... Would disappear for weeks after a breakup and show up just to "check in". Never was emotionally available.

Sometimes I wonder how on earth did I let myself be hooked into this.

 

[Yewki]

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

Except for the ones I've bolded, all those symptoms are fairly common in... everyone.

 

[GotED?]

I believe NPD is more prevalent and diagnosed in MEN.

It is the equivalent of BPD in Women since BPD is a minority of diagnosis for men.

Basically if you are an Alpha Male that Humps & Dumps, intentionally lying to multiple women at the same time spinning them, you probably MUST be getting close to a full-blown NPD.

Exodus

 

[Johnny Alias]

NPD is more common in men, but the concept of narcissism or excessive self-love is present in all Cluster B disorders be it BPD, HPD, NPD... It has to be. For those that went through an effed up childhood we needed some sense of identity and self-adulation serves as a shield. I'm talking about those that were ignored, screamed at, physically or sexually abused.

I'm a Narcissist. My Dad is one and an abusive alcoholic. I'm working on these tendencies with a therapist. A BPD who comes into your life (my ex, who I think was sexually abused) showers praise on you like no other during the Idealization phase. It was like crack for me as it is for many of men who have experienced this. We simply didn't get the love we needed when we were kids... and this hot bombshell comes along and praises us like we're gods.

And you're hooked... but once the Devaluation phase begins she starts tearing you apart. I'm not sure if NPDs devalue like a BPD or just abandon/cheat on you... but the experience is much the same especially if you're a Narcissist. Your self-esteem is crushed and you're left fiending for more praise and love...

I'm basically in rehab... easier for me because mine is old and getting wrinkly... I feel bad for the guys whose chicks are still young and ran them over like an italian sports car with seemingly no reprecussions. All the partying and bad karma DOES come back to haunt them (just look at the crows feet and flabby ass on mine), but it's still HARD to shake.

I wouldn't get too hung up on dxing them as NPD vs HPD vs BPD. All Cluster B's. All train wrecks. All they care about is themselves and their amusement in the moment. They don't love you. They don't care about you. They only care about what you can give them. THAT'S IT.

If you have narcissistic tendencies take a HARD look at yourself. You are setting yourself up to attract VERY toxic women that can take you down no matter how well prepared you think you are. Don't fall for excessive flattery and tell your **** and balls to shut up if you suspect the person you are with is even close to a Cluster. Be confident in who you are. TRULY CONFIDENT.

This means being able to walk away when you get the slightest smell of psychological dysfunction... NO MATTER HOW HOT SHE IS.

Just remember the looks don't last forever... really... especially for the alcoholic junkies... This is HALF the reason we put up with their abuse, cruelty, and lack of empathy. WHO CARES? There's another one around the corner. Hit it and quit it. Also learn to be alone. Better to be happy with your own company than be a needy punching bag.

 

[narcissist]

I've been clinically diagnosed with npd

 

[Johnny Alias]

I've been clinically diagnosed with npd

That's okay. Many of us on here could be. Thing is if you realize it you need to get treatment.... and if you do have the ability to admit you have flaws, aren't perfect, and need to change then you are MUCH less disordered than you think...

The problem many Cluster B's have is that they can't admit ANY fault. To be imperfect is death to them. Therefore they never get treatment, or if they do it is at the insistence of a partner they're trying to appease for a little while.

You can't grow as a person if you're perfect... and I know I can do better...

 

[SlappaDaBayyys]

Does my ex sound like she has NPD to you guys? I could use some opinions.

I should have known she was an attention wh**re from the start because of the hundreds of pictures of herself on Facebook. Like you guys she hooked me in by being ridiculously complimentary all the time, saying how perfect I was etc. Basically constantly re-affirming her feelings for me on a daily basis.

She wanted to move REALLY fast with the relationship, and even asked me to meet her parents after we were only together three months.

She never took responsibility for her past break ups and was always blaming the guy. For example: She "had" to break up with a guy because he wouldn't bring her to a bar at the weekend to help her make new friends (because she has hardly any female friends).

Whenever we'd be hanging out with my friends she's always try to dominate the conversation and be the centre of attention.

Criminal behaviour: She stole things for fun sometimes, despite the fact that she has money.

Anyway, she dropped me just as quickly as she "fell in love" with me and she's now dating a new guy since 2 weeks after the breakup.

Sound like she could be a narcissist?

 

[ImprovingJuan]

im sure i have npd all those symptoms relate to me. maybe my depression is caused by that. thanks for posting, very informative and interesting

 

[Bible_Belt]

I can't be NPD; I think far too highly of myself

My dad's dad is NPD. He was an Army colonel, so he always had the people around him sucking up to him. He left his wife and two small kids with nothing, because he said he deserved better. My dad said his dad would see him in public as a teenager and pretend to not know him. I've only met the guy a few times. On my 18th birthday, he looked up my gpa in the college computer system because he was a professor there and had access. I got a birthday card that said 'congrats on your gpa.' There was no money in the card, but there was a 6x8 glossy photograph of him.

My dad still talks to him, and puts up with constantly being told what a disappointment he is. The old man can't understand why I don't take the bar exam so that I can be his free lawyer, even though I think that picture of himself is the only thing he's ever given me. "I deserve the best" is the NPD mantra. He drives a Mercedes, and shoots clay pigeons with a $1200 Benelli shotgun. Of course he deserves a free pet lawyer, too, nothing but the best for him!

He's had a live-in girlfriend for the past 30 years, but refuses to marry her, because she has a son who is gay, and 'that g0ddamn fagg0t isn't getting my money after I die.' My dad says he only talks to him for my sake; the man has money and no heirs, so it will probably go to my dad when he dies, and he's in his 80s now. He says whatever he gets from his dad, he would give to me. That's the only way I would take it, if the old man were dead. He's going to die wondering why his grandson never wanted to talk to him; it just doesn't make sense given how awesome he is.

 

[dasein]

I think people confuse NPD with just being a d-ck. It's not just self-centeredness, big ego, or thinking one is right all the time, those are just garden variety jerks. As someone else said, BPD, NPD and HPD tend to come together in a cluster. The academic distinction of them is very thin on substance, thick on overlap. The actual truth of narcissism is -not- in line with that longish list of symptoms someone posted earlier IMO (I'm not a shrink of course). It is truly an overused term, especially by women against men (to be fair, like BPD is used by men against women). Despite overuse and misuse of the term, NPD is on the rise though in my own anecdotal experience.

One common misconception is that NPD tends to occur in highly intelligent, well-educated, ambitious, driven, accomplished people who believe they or their thought process is "better than." Not true IME, narcissists tend to be left side of intelligence bell curve, uneducated, unaccomplished, lazy, unsuccessful. Little if any sports or competitive activities that involve disciplined effort over time. Lots of them end up in low/mid level government work (or if they are silver spoons in higher govt work) IME which is why it's often such a pain dealing with bureaucrats and functionaries LOL. It also explains the more doctrinaire extremes of left wing resentment politics.

"Special snowflake shouldn't have to work to succeed or become famous, he just simply -is- perfect already, and everyone should realize that and render unto him! even if it involves taking from others."

Harry Potter, Twilight and "super powers" movies and shows are the ultimate narcissist fantasies, as is most Hwood and TV dreck. Note the near entire absence of themes in entertainment where people -work- over time to achieve a goal or better themselves. Even in Rocky type themes it's just a montage. Note the overwhelming NPD themes where people are "discovered" then become instantly famous, coincidence allows their preexisting perfection or talent to shine.All part of gynoculture, which is narcissistic at its essence. Yeah, I said it, narcissism isn't diagnosed in females as much because due to evolutionary biology, it is the NATURAL STATE of the reproductive capacity, thus the female, up until the big brain takes over if it ever does.

Baby pops out? Two narcissists emerge at that exact moment in time, one infant, shrieking, helpless and begging for attention and resources, and despite all that perceived in our culture as "perfect;" the other, a fully grown adult, and... shrieking, helpless and begging for attention and resources, and despite all that perceived in our culture as "perfect." Cynical? Hell yeah it's Sunday lol. Is it any wonder we are breeding more and more of them?

 

[SmooveMooves]

Except for the ones I've bolded, all those symptoms are fairly common in... everyone.

Yewki's right on the money.

These are simply traits that are present in...well, everyone at some time.

Some women may express different intensities of these traits, but this does not mean they are afflicted with this disorder.

It only becomes a disorder when these symptoms become severe and hinder social interactions .

Along with BPD "NPD is estimated to effect about 1% of the World's Population.

I'm not citing that because its as simple as Googling "NPD" and finding a credibe source.

You guys need to stop with the NPD/BPD nonsense. Because according to the double S, it would seem as if 60% percent of the population actually has these disorders.

Which frankly, I believe is disrespectful to people like Narcissist, who is actually
apart of the 1%, and has to deal with the disorder.

Which leaves me at a question for you Narcissist, if you dont mind, how does this disorder affect your game?

 

[Desdinova]

Thank you for posting this...

Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it's not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others.

This is my ex-wife. I mistakenly believe she was a highly-confident over-achiever, and I was excited to see where our lives could go if we put our energy together. Unfortunately, her NPD was actually a drain on my finances, my achievements, and my emotions. I've never felt so drained by a woman in all my life.

If a woman claims she's accomplished a lot of things and is capable of achieving the greatest goals in life, RUN. Women are followers, not leaders. They generally don't achieve anything unless they're obsessed with gaining power.

 

[TheGambino]

I have some NPD traits too not sure if im 100% NPD, wouldn't bother too much to be honest, thats baaad right lol

 

[jurry]

It's not that complicated.

Narcissus stared at the reflection of himself in the river - MISTAKING the image (his self) to be his true nature - for so long that he died. This is the exact same message that has been put forth by Christianity, Buddhism, and most other religions for thousands of years.

We are NOT the image, we are not the self. Our mind continually develops and promotes this obsessive image of a self (possessions, accomplishments, identity) and determines that this is all that matters in the world. I am one, and they are all, it says. From a biological standpoint it seems to make some sense - this is ONE WAY that animals behave in order to survive. From a spiritual and scientific (check out quantum physics) perspective however, it is completely false and may well be the downfall of humanity- look at dasein's typical libertarian "I don't give a fvck about anyone besides myself" attitude that has utterly crippled and corrupted our economy over the last 30+ years, for example.

The battle all of us have before us, and must embrace as human beings, is precisely that - between the false sense self mind ego always trying to dominate and take over and the ever-present, loving, one reality of life (some may call it God). As I said before, this is not a new concept, check out the Bhagavad Gita or The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle for a more contemporary interpretation.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Good thread.

I had an ex who was pretty narcissistic, histrionic too.

Whenever my attention was slightly drawn away from her or she wasn't the absolute centre of everyone's attention was usually when the trouble started.

To demo a couple of examples of the behaviours:

-I go out for a couple of beers with an old colleague, I get no end of phone calls about where I am, when I'm back, how much I'm drinking resulting in a massive argument.

-The morning my mate's funeral who died prematurely at 25 of lymphoma, starts an argument about who knows what. I get back from the funeral an the mood hasn't changed, absolutely zero sympathy.

-My siblings' joint 21st and 18th birthday party, I get accused of looking at other women (by this point I had started looking elsewhere).

-My best mate's wedding, in which I am best man; ex comes with the bridal party and immediately starts moaning about being left behind and not being 'welcomed' properly in to the group, blah blah blah. Kicks off massively in the evening when I'm talking to other birds (old friends) in the bar at the hotel. Goes to bed, then comes storming back out in to the bar (in night clothes) and basically forces me to go to bed, in front of everyone.

Suffocatingly embarrassing.

And people wonder why some men are so embittered.

I don't blame the girl though; there was something seriously wrong with her mentally/emotionally.

My only advice for guys who are experiencing similar things is genuinely to get away as fast as possible. It's not likely to get much better, only worse. Staying with this woman too long nearly cost me my career and much more. I'm not saying these people don't deserve relationships, but they need to be with extremely, extremely passive partners.

 

[dasein]

look at dasein's typical libertarian "I don't give a fvck about anyone besides myself" attitude that has utterly crippled and corrupted our economy over the last 30+ years, for example.

It is simple. Normal people acknowledge that they are imperfect, expect to work hard over years via significant effort involving voluntary transactions in business, sex, family, friends, spirituality, to improve themselves in time, and expect to enjoy the fruits of those efforts. They don't expect to "get" merely because they are "special" or "smarter." They expect to work, grow, and then and ONLY then, prosper.

Narcissists, in their preexisting state of perfection, expect to do little or no work on themselves or elsewhere, but rather to sit back and get rewarded simply because, like Harry Potter, they were special snowflakes already. Mired in resentment of the normals described above, they desire some "power" like government to take from normal, hard-working folks and give to them.

Politically, they are the audience for "Koch Brother" bashing and "1% wealth disparity" propaganda among other leftist memes. Narcissists IME make up disproportionate %s of govt employees, academics and politicians. There are few real NPDs in the private sector IME, lots and lots of regular old jerks in the real economy admittedly, few narcissists though. No, the most fertile field for NPDs in the working world are the fields listed, where accomplishment is not generally numerically measured in money and NPDs can hold to their disorder without the cognitive dissonance resulting from competition that leads to facing one's imperfections and limitations.

Oh, and off-topic 1. Your statement about the effect of libertarian policies is erroneous, make a thread in the "anything else" area and I'll tell you exactly how, and 2. Eckhart Tolle is a charlatan, a perfect shill for our NPD/Oprah/gynoculture, one notch up from Wayne Dyer.

Cheers!