My views on sex vs. masturbation

[Latinoman]

This is how I see things on the issue of sex and masturbation.

Brief Background

I am providing all this background so you can reach your own conclusions.
I am currently in my upper 30s. I have been sexually active since I was a teenager. However, I didn’t start masturbating until I was almost 22 years old and the reason was because I was stuck in an aircraft carrier. I have been sexually active at least once a week for the last 18-20 years (with the possible exception of the times in which I was traveling to a remote area or my partner was menstruating). I currently have a girlfriend and was once married for a very long time. As a man in my upper 30s, I still manage to orgasm 5-7 times in a 24 hour range. Of course, because I typically ejaculate at least once a day (and I’m a very busy man), the most I typically engage in a day is 3-4 times, although I’m perfectly happy with once per day. I am able to go two consecutive rounds (with less than five minutes rest) if the mood allows for it.

In the last 3 or 4 years, I either have sex with my partner (or masturbate) every day. In other words, I have ejaculated at least once a day for the last 3 or 4 years. Therefore, masturbation and too much sex have had little negative effect on my ability to ejaculate. Now, I don’t know what effect would have had on me if I would have engaged in that lifestyle for the last 20 or so years (the everyday masturbation thing). Keep in mind; a woman’s vagina cannot compete with the grip of a hand when it comes to “tightness”. Consequently, there is always the potential that if a man is solely masturbating, he might desensitize himself from the vagina and even going “soft” due to the lack of tightness. This is, of course, a personal opinion.

Sex vs. Masturbation
Now, going back to how I see things on the issue of masturbation and sex. I think doing things in excess has it negatives. That goes with eating in excess or working out excessively, etc. But, I also believe that we should do what makes us happy. If you are happy eating a lot, then so be it. It is your life and it is your body. But always keeping in mind that there are consequences.

There are some duties a man’s man must fulfill. One of those duties is to provide and protect his woman.

Protect? That’s self explanatory, but it should also include making her feel safe.
Provide? There are a lot of definitions, but one that men tend to overlook is the satisfaction part. In other words, the “providing” of emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, and intellectual satisfaction to his woman.

Therefore, when I am sexually intimate with my partner, my goal is to sexually satisfy her. I personally don’t care about me, because what makes me happy in that particular moment is to satisfy her. That’s S.E.X. for me.

Now, if I solely want to satisfy myself, then I masturbate (I am not into prostitution so that’s out of the question for me, but it is also an alternative for other men). That’s M.A.S.T.U.R.B.A.T.I.O.N. for me.

That’s how I differentiate the roles between having sex and masturbating. One I do for her. The other I do for Me.

In Conclusion

I am not addictive to sex, but I feel something that resembles an addiction when it comes to satisfying a woman. In empowers ME. The only problem I have faced is that when I am certain the relationship must end: they do whatever possible not to end it!

 

[Latinoman]

Wow...I wish I could relate to the above quote. I'm almost 33, and began masturbating shortly after turning 13. I developed an addiction to it, which I still have. I didn't lose my virginity until I was a few weeks shy of turning 25, and I've had only one other sex partner since. With both females, I found myself so desensitized by masturbation that I never really enjoyed sex, and I could never reach orgasm with either one. I couldn't satisfy either one of them, either.

I haven't had sex in just over 3 years.

Thanks for sharing this. I have heard similar accounts by MANY people addicted to masturbation. Specially those that have done it for years. So, it is very important that experiences such as yours are shared in here.

My theory (just a theory) is that no vagina can compete with the tightness of a hand grip. So the man, as you describe, desensitize himself.

I believe the same is applicable to women that use dildos and are addicted to them. How can a man compete with that?

You didn't say how many times you engaged sexually with each partner. If you only had sex with them a handful of times, your experience is not different than those of many men. Keep in mind that even with a lot of experience, we are like explorers...trying to explore and know what triggers her orgasm and pleasure. Also communication is important. She can tell you what she likes best, etc.

I will tell you one thing...it can happen to the best of us.

Although, I consider myself a great lover, I have also had my mishaps (in fact EVERY man does – it is normal). I didn't perform greatly in a couple of occasions with two women during our first intimate encounter (both cases). Those cases are very hard, because it is your first sexual impression to that woman, unlike having a mishap with a woman that you have been intimate for several months is nothing to worry about, because they already know you can please them and it was an isolated case.

And do you know what? In both occasions I made myself feel relaxed. I didn’t put a face of worry. I didn’t apologize. I simply told both that I will get them in the rematch...and winked (both cases due to timing, the rematch took place another day).

What this do was show confidence. But more importantly, I made them keep the doors open and up their curious level.

In case you are wondering what happened after that; well, I isolated what triggered the performance (took me few minutes to think about it) and once I identified that, I simply relaxed and avoided the triggering mechanism. I saw the first one 3 or 4 more times (our second encounter was so wild that the wooden bed broke!), before she moved away. The other one for several months.

My point is; do not feel pressure. Relax. If you miss the first time, then try a second time. What works for one woman might turn another woman off. Heck, in your case forget about pleasing her and go for the "money shot" first (change positions…go doggy style, etc., anything to bring that “money shot”.). Most women know that men tend to come fast during the first encounter. Once you KNOW that you can orgasm via vagina stimulation, then that will take care of one of your worries (your perceived inability to orgasm via vagina). After that, you can concentrate on pleasing her. You can tell her that you are simply in the exploratory stages...heck, go down on her if necessary.

Remember one thing…you can last a long time. That’s a problem many men have. The only problem you have is controlling your orgasm, maybe even going soft after long periods of times. Both appear to be the issues I’ve read about men that masturbate a lot. Work on that.

Everything in excess is NOT good. In fact, it has its price. Personally, I believe having sex with a woman is great, regardless if it is done everyday. The problem is when you deal with the grip of the hand. As I said, what vagina can compete with that?

 

[Vulpine]

My theory (just a theory) is that no vagina can compete with the tightness of a hand grip. So the man, as you describe, desensitize himself.

I believe the same is applicable to women that use dildos and are addicted to them. How can a man compete with that?

I wanted someone to touch on this because I've noticed this in several partners that I've been with. I'm no slouch in the sack, but these women were virtually non-orgasmic. It drove me bonkers because if it's only one thing that I'm good at, it's getting women off.

The more I thought about the instances, the more common factors were present. I had suspected that that either "didn't know how" to get off yet, or, had become desensitized. It turns out that both were true, since they were desensitized by vibrators and other artificial stimulation, they "didn't know how" to get off with a man. Here are some of the factors I found common in the hard-to-please women:

1. Horses

Women who grew up riding horses have had their sensitive crotch smashed against a hard saddle thousands or millions of times. It doesn't take a gynecologist to tell you that you are going to have some tissue damage and loss of sensation.... more accurately, a woman is going to "tune out" the input.

2. A collection of "toys"

Aside from hummingbird wings and insect wings, you will be hard pressed to find something occuring in nature that has the same RPM's as a vibrator, and the same duration. Even a hummingbird lands, the vibrator keeps going and going and going....

3. Denial

"I can get myself off fine. I don't know why guys can't." NEXT! The problem isn't guys, it's you. Will women hear that? No. NEXT.

I've read several books about extended orgasm. They promote kegel exercises for both man and women because of the control it develops. Breathing and relaxation are big factors in the extension of orgasms. Also, these books all have a common theme which is focus. Guys, when they don't want to nut, think about dogsh!t, baseball, changing the oil on their car. Women frequently think about "Do I smell funny down there?", "Does he think I'm a slut?", and "Can my roommate hear us?" during sex. All these distractions keep them from reaching orgasm too.

The key is focus. Women aren't used to focusing on the feeling and stimulation because the input from horseback riding and vibrators are so obnoxiously overpronounced.

So, for guys and the vice-grip, they have to also work on focus. Focus on the feeling and the motion. You "tune out" the input when you routinely use your fist. You need to "tune back in" when you're with women. When you get so far into it, it's like a trance. From focus along with the relaxation and breathing control, I've had many long orgasms (2-15 minutes) where I didn't necessarily ejaculate. I've actually hyperventillated once... (that was some crazy 45 minutes of head.)

Anyway, I don't mention these things to brag, I mention them because you can apply them to your situations. It's not necessarily the physical change in stimulation, but your mental detachment from the stimulation. It's like watching tv: When you change the channel, you're still watching the TV, right? The difference between watching TV and looking at the TV is that you are actually paying attention to the shows that are on. If you guys paid attention to the "show that was on", you'd have some good results.

 

[legolas]

Good stuff Vulpine! By the way, did you have to do Kegels to have that extended non-ejaculatory orgasm? I'm talking besides the breathing/relaxation stuff.

 

[Vulpine]

Now that I think of it, there is a technique that I have used that is indirectly related to kegels. Kegels in a man is contracting the muscle that cuts off urine flow. However, there is another muscle group that is also helpful to develop control of. If you can control the muscles that elavate your testicles, you relax that muscle to keep your testicles from coming up. Elevated testicles = Ejaculation
If you ever paid attention or noticed, your nuts bunch up closer to your body when you are about to come. If you can keep them relaxed and away from the body, you can still have the same climax but without all the mess. It's easier to do on your back, the gravity helps.

The opposite is also true: If you wanted to come quicker, you draw up the testicles closer to the body.

I never really give it specific credit for longer orgasms because I just lump that specific thing in with "relaxation". Guys, and women, tense up when having an orgasm. Some guys actually tell women to hold their breath - that's not good! If you override the urge to tense up and maintain a good deep breathing pattern, it draws everything out longer and you reach a higher peak. During the hyperventillation, I was actually very relaxed and had a good breathing pattern - but my arms buckled up and my hands got all retarded! It was kinda scary, but, I wasn't going to have her stop... I wanted to see where it would go and what would happen. I gotta tell you, it felt like my head exploded, my spine burst into flames, and my face blew off... I think that THAT is what chicks get to feel when they have an orgasm.

The books I've read actually promoted masturbation as a way of determining self-awareness and control. Just like we are here to better ourselves, masturbation is best as a tool to better yourself and learn muscle control. Sure, it's fun recreation/release, but if you actually get something out of it besides a nasty kleenex, all the better.

 

[Egoist]

if you masturbate (almost) evey day, you are addicted.

You need to learn to control and channel your energy. Right now you are being very wasteful. There is nothing wrong with sex or masturbation, but there is something wrong if you basically have to masturbate daily, especially several times. You need to know how to control your energy and use it for other things, seriously. I've been where you have, and I didn't like myself then. I have a very high sex drive in general, and I had no problems with having regular sex with my g/f and mast. all the time as well, several times a day, whatever.

But it seriously drains you, affects you, etc. Worst of all, it reduces real sex to "how tight her vagina feels" Think about it. Sex is the most wonderful thing in the world, and we treat it like a mechanical activity, a release thing. That creates huge voids in our relationships. Sex should never be about tightness or just the ability to orgasm. Its much more than that.

I really recommend David Deida's "Way of the Superior Man" and the "Enlightened Sex Manual", although the manual is not super good, but it gets some important points accross.

Vulpine: yeah, i think you know what I am talking about. By the way, masturbation is great when you don't finish it, that actually gets the hormones high and you get more stamina that way. Plus what you said about tuning in and breathing - YES, totally. Forget about the mechanics, forget about the techniques, let go of all the bull**** and feel through your woman, enjoy her, fvck her, love her, and everything will be fine.

 

[Latinoman]

if you masturbate (almost) evey day, you are addicted.

You need to learn to control and channel your energy. Right now you are being very wasteful. There is nothing wrong with sex or masturbation, but there is something wrong if you basically have to masturbate daily, especially several times. You need to know how to control your energy and use it for other things, seriously. I've been where you have, and I didn't like myself then. I have a very high sex drive in general, and I had no problems with having regular sex with my g/f and mast. all the time as well, several times a day, whatever.


.

You misread my post. I said that I "ejaculate" almost every day. Meaning that I get laid practically every day and the ONLY time I don't engage in sex is when she is menstruating (which is the time I focus on myself).

I don't need to masturbate every day. I only masturbate when I feel like simply satisfying MYSELF (without worrying about satisfying her).

Huge difference.

And I have been having sex (with a woman) for years! At least once a week for the last 18-20 years. You do the math.

If a person masturbates almost everyday...YES, he is addicted. I agree with you there.

 

[KarmaSutra]

This is an interesting thread which I believe can help some of the brothers here appreciate and accept thier sexuality and the role us men play with our own gratification but ,more importantly (IMO), our partners.

I used to have an addiction to beating my hot, spicy boner and thus treated my body like it was Adventure Island. What I learned once I really started to comprehend modern esotericism ( Thelemic Magick, Regardie Quabalistic doctrine, etc . . .) was that the seminal fluid we produce is electrically (magickally) charged and as such serves an extremely important function for our physical, spiritual and mental growth and proclivity. It's not something I take lightly anymore and treat it accordingly.

What I've been practicing for the past 4 years is what Crowley and new Tantrists call the Pranayama discipline of yoga. This involves solo masturbation only up to the point of ejaculation then ceasing immediately. Do this repeatedly before lovemaking and watch the fvck out.

Good stuff fellas.

 

[Latinoman]

I have some more points I would like to add next week (I will be gone for the next 3 days) on the issue that Vulpine touched.

KarmaSutra: That's exactly the reason I created this thread to serve as a gate of communication between us men in this issue.

 

[Vulpine]

So when whacking it, do it to a point where you are about to pop. Then, clench the PC muscle (here's where the Kegel's come in handy) and cut it off until you settle down a bit. Then, start again. This time the peak will be higher. But, don't release, cut if off, settle down, then start again. Again, the next peak will be even higher. But don't let go of your precious stuff, save that fun for your partner's back (and wall, and her hair, and her friend's hair). Your stamina will increase as will your load volume. Not only that, but you will recover quicker and be ready for round two, three, etc.

I've read about the guy who wrote "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". He was actually a monk at one point and gave it up. After he got out, since he hadn't shot any loads in a super long time, he rapped at length about the body recycling the fluids. He went on to say he couldn't keep the ladies off of him due to 1. "Energy" and 2. the amount testosterone he had built up was phenominal, thus, his pheremones were crazy high.

I read an article about a study of 100 swedish men who had bad teeth. All 100 men were infertile. In the study, they fixed these men's teeth and, within a month, 95% of these men were fertile again.

I mention those two things now because we as guys don't really give it much thought. There are actually living things in our load. Don't you think it takes a little "magic" to create those little buggers? Women's eggs aren't living, and they just don't have the same mojo us guys have. The point is, don't waste your sauce. It's linked to more things than you know.

 

[Vulpine]

Very insightful, Stormbringer. Never mind "hairy palms", your post is a much better scare.

 

[Latinoman]

Very insightful, Stormbringer. Never mind "hairy palms", your post is a much better scare.

I agree.

 

[Egoist]

but seriously, its true..

don't be a slave to busting a nut, take control of it.

I am not even going to go into how porn and masturbation affects your sex drive, sexual performance and sexual expectations as a male.

Take control.

 

[Latinoman]

but seriously, its true..

don't be a slave to busting a nut, take control of it.

I am not even going to go into how porn and masturbation affects your sex drive, sexual performance and sexual expectations as a male.

Take control.

Pornography is something that I personally avoid like a plague.

Reading one of the experiences in this thread and how it has affected this man's life...it is truly something for people to read and be aware of. Kind of scary too!

 

[Egoist]

Now THAT is a challenge. How do you manage that?? I mean, even guys who aren't chronic over-masturbators still dig porn. I wouldn't mind being able to do without it, myself.

seriously, its all about understanding your energy balance and how porn and masturbation affects your sex life, your overall drive, etc, etc, etc...

I have crazy sex drive overall, and now looking back I realize that I could have put it to much better use that I did. Even when i have a superhot LTR g/f P&M both got into way.

Seriously, if you wanna get hot hot women, if you want to be a sexgod, if you want to be successful - it really does help to take control of that stuff.

Its nothing crazy like the guys in the 180 day thread are doing, extremes suck and do not work, but just take control of it and your life will change.


Once you understand that it really does matter and work, you will have very little trouble with controlling it.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Sex is ALWAYS preferable to masturbation. :nervous:

That is all citizen.

 

[legolas]

Now THAT is a challenge. How do you manage that?? I mean, even guys who aren't chronic over-masturbators still dig porn. I wouldn't mind being able to do without it, myself.

It's not that hard once you put your mind to it. In fact the many times I find myself doing it is when I'm bored and have nothing to do. i would say this is true about 95% of the time. The other 5% is upon waking up and emptying my bladder.

I think the problem with me is that I'm at home and there's nothing exciting going on and I have a low threshold to boredom, so my subconsciuos goes "Hey let's masturbate" and thus begins my consumption of porn

I have to say that when you're busy with activities you never even think about porn, well maybe once in a while, but imagine always having something to do which does not involve aimless browsing, like mowing the lawn, working out, playing sports or just going for a walk in the city. We breathe so much conditioned air inside office buildings that some fresh air does us good every once in a while.

 

[girlsarecrazy]

How do you all think this affects the next generation? Teenagers of the world today are masturbating daily starting really early especially with all the sex on TV and media. I'm 18 now and have started masturbation a very long time ago. I've gone through a good 5+ years of masturbating daily.

Being 18 now and I started having sex and a quickie means nothing to me. It will take me a good 25-40 minutes to finally finish. A lot of the times I don't even finish because it's been already 30 minutes, i'm exhausted, or my girl has become bored, heh. I've only been with this one girl and haven't had a lot of sex yet. But i'm starting to realize that i need to change my habits. Just last week I've just recently started to stop masturbation and just focus on sex with my girl. Well she's on her period right now so i haven't seen the difference yet but hopefully this will make a significant change in my performance.

I've also had the though of the condom being the barrier of my sensitivity. I haven't had sex without one yet. I dunno. This is all new to me and I just started making changes within the past month.

 

[manbearpig]

^I'm 18 too, and have masturbated frequently(almost everyday) for about the last 5 years. I haven't had sex, but I still usually finish within 10 minutes or so when I masturbate.

So I guess I'm not that de-sensitized from it.

 

[Vulpine]

I feel so much more complete as a person now that I know how long it takes a couple of 18 year olds to finish when they wax the dolphin. Now I am truly free.

You tards are missing the whole point. But go ahead, beat the bishop every day, heck go all out and twist the rope twice a day - the more the merrier.