My view on rejection (a must read)

[Avatar]

This is my philosophy. Learn it. Love it. Practice it.

"If you are not getting rejected every single day of your life, you are not getting as much as you could out of life."

You see I'm an entrepreneur. I own some businesses and am very successful at what I do (at 22 years of age). I didn't start earning money until I started getting rejected! Sales are involved. Deals need negotiating. Large corporate loans are sometimes needed. If I never got rejected it means I am not making enough money!

Lately I'm realizing how the same thing relates to women. Sure anybody can get any single 6/10. There you won't be rejected.
How about those 7s? sure easy. 8s? well now a rejection comes every now and again. And you should damn well expect lots of rejections from 9s and 10s.

What are you going to when you get rejected, run up to bed and cry yourself to sleep? nooooo! rejection is a part of life and is good! We reject and we get rejected in every aspect of our life every single day. It is a way of negotiating what we want!

The nice part about the dating game is it only takes one YES.

So remember this..if you feel your not getting rejected enough or if you simple don't want to be rejected, it means your not on your way to getting the girl of your dreams!

"Rejection is one of the keys to success in life."

Follow that and you will be successful at everything you do.

 

[AverageFC]

I've been through many rejections, and I'm not numb to it. I say it's impossible. Every rejection still hurts. A rejection is saying "No, I don't want to get to know you better as a person. Stay out of my life". How is that not offensive?

 

[WhitePimp]

I think it's more like if you are getting rejected, then you're getting off your ass and actually doing something instead of wondering about what could happen. Yeah it hurts, but nothing worthwhile is usually painless.

Getting rejected has seriously made me learn about all my faults and start working on them. Each rejection is a chance to work on fixing a bad part of my personality. I welcome rejection as much as success nowadays

 

[naes]

good stuff

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Originally posted by AverageFC
I've been through many rejections, and I'm not numb to it. I say it's impossible. Every rejection still hurts. A rejection is saying "No, I don't want to get to know you better as a person. Stay out of my life". How is that not offensive?

Bro..you're taking it wayyyyYYYYYYyyy too personally.

A woman may reject your offer for whatever reason, many of which may have nothing to do with what you can offer her.

She may have a bad hair day, dog just died, got fired, has a boyfriend, and a hundred million other things that have nothing to do with you personally.

Suck it up.

I agree that we should all accept rejection and move on...BUT...

NEVER GET USED TO REJECTION.

Rejection is a double edged sword. If you live in rejection and wallow in it, then its doing nothing for you. But if you get rejected, and that rejection pushes you to try different approaches, hit the gym more, careless about her and have a REAL attitude that ITS HER LOSS...then my friend, don't even use the word rejection.

Its HER missed opportunity.

 

[SageOFAllenAge]

I just got out of an 8 month relationship. & Ive decided to keep away from relationships for a while, as they make me feel shackled.

& ive been hitting on any 6+'s in my social network, hitting on girls is something Ive never done before my ex girl.

I agree with whats being said here ... It doesnt matter how the girl reacts when you hit on them what matters is that you know, instead of wondering about what could have been ..

One other thing ive been learning is that most HBs already have boyfriends (in my country?) whats your take on this guys?

 

[de silva]

Damn, yes that's true. Simple, but true. I'm just not getting rejected enough.

Shyt man, I thought I'd already learnt the importance of rejection in sales jobs I've had. That's exactly the way my manager described it to me -- more rejections=more sales (in a round about way). How the hell did I miss translating that to the PU game!

 

[AverageFC]

its her missed oppurtunity

Thats good. I'm going to start ingraining that into my brain.

 

[earthshyne]

This is wrong on SO many levels...

... that I'm finding it hard to know where to start.

Originally posted by Avatar "If you are not getting rejected every single day of your life, you are not getting as much as you could out of life.

This follows the same idiotic logic of what's commonly referred to as the "numbers game". In short, if you make x number of sales contacts, a certain percentage of them will buy your product/service. If you make x + n sales contacts, your sales will increase.

But it's so very, very wrong. Not just in sales, but in dealing with people. Peope are not numbers, they are beings with feelings. And, whether we like it or not, those feelings matter to them. So if you go to a party and there are 10 wimmen there, do you hit on all 10 of them in hopes to score with one? You can try, but you're more likely to be seen as another creep on the make, not giving a shyt about who he sleeps with, and you'll end up going home and having an intimate evening with the palm sisters.

It's not about the number of contacts you make, it's about the quality of those contacts. Personally, I'd trade a bucketful of low-quality contacts for a brief list of high-quality contacts anyday. Would not you? Is that not a better use of your time and energy, developing positive relationships with a small number of quality contacts, than shallow relationships with a sea of contacts?

So save yourself some heartbreak and rejection. Go after quality, not quantity. Not only will you likely have more success, you'll feel better about yourself for it too.

Just my $0.02.

 

[S0LID]

I seem to get the 9s and 10s but still get rejected by 6's.

 

[Avatar]

Re: This is wrong on SO many levels...

Originally posted by earthshyne
... that I'm finding it hard to know where to start.



This follows the same idiotic logic of what's commonly referred to as the "numbers game". In short, if you make x number of sales contacts, a certain percentage of them will buy your product/service. If you make x + n sales contacts, your sales will increase.

But it's so very, very wrong. Not just in sales, but in dealing with people. Peope are not numbers, they are beings with feelings. And, whether we like it or not, those feelings matter to them. So if you go to a party and there are 10 wimmen there, do you hit on all 10 of them in hopes to score with one? You can try, but you're more likely to be seen as another creep on the make, not giving a shyt about who he sleeps with, and you'll end up going home and having an intimate evening with the palm sisters.

It's not about the number of contacts you make, it's about the quality of those contacts. Personally, I'd trade a bucketful of low-quality contacts for a brief list of high-quality contacts anyday. Would not you? Is that not a better use of your time and energy, developing positive relationships with a small number of quality contacts, than shallow relationships with a sea of contacts?

So save yourself some heartbreak and rejection. Go after quality, not quantity. Not only will you likely have more success, you'll feel better about yourself for it too.

Just my $0.02.

Sales and women are a # game. You seem to disagree with the premise of go for quality not quantity. Where in my post did I say not to make approaches that of quality? Re-read it again.

The point of the post is to realize you will be rejected even with quality approaches. What you need to do is get rejected and live with it enough and you will score that girl of your dreams sooner or later.

Despite this posters argument, it is a numbers game. And there is no argument to that.

 

[alphawolfx]

you can only get rejected if you're trying to get something from HER

you're the MAN, you're interviewing HER to see if she's good enough to get good sex, better status (cuz you're a good man) from YOU.

YOU're the employer interviewing, NOT HER...

if the aplicant doesn't answwer the questions correctly, even if they looked promising, well, move on to the next candidate, who will probably be better qualified.

 

[earthshyne]

Re: Re: This is wrong on SO many levels...

Originally posted by Avatar
Sales and women are a # game.

Obviously you didn't read the post. Try again.

Originally posted by Avatar You seem to disagree with the premise of go for quality not quantity.

Incorrect. Read the post again.

Originally posted by Avatar Where in my post did I say not to make approaches that of quality?... Despite this posters argument, it is a numbers game. And there is no argument to that.

No one is so blind as the one who refuses to see.

 

[duke007]

I would have to agree with Avatar and say it's a numbers game. Of course that doesn't necessarily mean the woman you're due to approach next saw you getting rejected. Even so, a girl in this situation may even respect your confidence in the way you just brush off a rejection without sulking like other guys do.

Also I believe luck is involved in who you manage to approach. The same is true in my workplace. I call random phone numbers and ask people to participate in an 8-9 minute survey. Last Thursday I conducted 15 interviews in four hours, the very next day I only managed 7.

My approach was identical.

 

[Lifeforce]

Or you can hit on women who show you interest. You will not be rejected especially much and you will get motivation to improve if the women who show interest are ugly. It's pretty stupid to hit on women when you actually have no chance off getting them.

And for the record.. I agree fully with earthshyne.

 

[Bonhomme]

Why not quality AND quantity?

I just was about to post a different point of view, but lost my damn connection. OK, take 2… copied and pasted from the wordprocessor .

Just ponder the following: in their heyday did the Beatles need to have a lot of rejections to get through to women?

A man can approach a thousand women who are not attracted to him, and will still not get that one "yes."

But the Beatles would have never got to where they did without getting rejected by lots of record labels. So your point, Avatar, as I understand it, is that you gotta get out there, and while one can minimize the likelihood of a particularly unpleasant rejection via quality, at some point some rejection is inevitable if you're getting out there enough. So in a sense I feel strongly both ways.

My game involves presentation (being well put-together, having a good time, and carrying myself well), and exchange of signals that makes rejection much less an issue. Like earthshyne says, rejection is less bothersome a prospect when one has perceived a level of interest.

OK, I salvaged this post pretty well, after all . Time to sign off.

 

[earthshyne]

This is really interesting. Though there's plenty of crossover, the two approaches certainly have their backers.

I guess it's all about what works for you. For me personally, the scatter-gun approach simply is not effective. When I cast a wide net, I end up with too much stuff that I don't want or need.

Avatar is certainly right about one thing, though: Like Bonhomme said, you gotta get out there. Life rewards action. It's just that once you're out there, the approaches are as varied as the people.

So, while Avatar and I may agree to disagree on this particular point, the general theme of getting away from the TV and computer and video game and whatnot and actually getting your thumb out and hurling yourself into the game is key.

 

[StringShredder]

Originally posted by AverageFC
I've been through many rejections, and I'm not numb to it. I say it's impossible. Every rejection still hurts. A rejection is saying "No, I don't want to get to know you better as a person. Stay out of my life". How is that not offensive?

Sorry, no, a rejection does not say that. In fact, just because a woman whom you approach doesn't show interest, that is not really a rejection.

A rejection would be if you are told out flat: "Yes, I'm looking for someone, but you just don't measure up because you are ugly, etc."

A rejection would be when she already knows you better as a person, but doesn't want you as a lover. (You avoid that predicament by staying out of the friends zone, unless you really just want to be friends and stay that way for good).

There are many reasons why an approach of a completely new woman could fail. She could be married. She could have a boyfriend. She could be in a hurry to get errands done. She could be a lesbo. Etc. Even if she acts completely negatively, it doesn't really reflect on you!

It's not a rejection of you, it's a rejection of being approached by a guy at that time and place.

Like when Avatar doesn't make a sale, it's a rejection of the sale offer, not a rejection of him personally. When you realize that, then you see you've been overestimating the emotional risk in making the approach.

 

[Avatar]

Earthshyne I thought what you posted was fairly accurate however what I fully disagreed with was that you made a few assumptions from my original post (hence why I told you to re-read it. Not out of rudeness but seriousness because you were clearly missing meaning behind points.).

1) I never said to go for non-quality approaches. You quickly assumed I did.

2) I never told anyone to use a particular line such as hi my name's avatar, are you single? (aka - pug's line).

My post was to clearly outline this fact.. if you want to get the girl of your dreams you better be willing to get out there and TRY and expect FAILURE many times over. I still don't understand what can be argued with that statement.

I once read a post around here that it was believed that to find a girl that is perfect for you, you must apporach 100 women. 10 you will go on a date with. 3 will be in a relationship with. 1 will be 99.9% compatible with you and will marry.
I personally think that is a reasonably close statistic. You know what this means though if it is true? This dude that followed those #s will get shotdown 90% of the time!

Now how many people do you know outside SoSuave who have approached 100 good looking women in their lives? Not very many I bet. Notice how many divorces we have in today's society? Too many.

 

[earthshyne]

Let's just say we agree to disagree on this point and move on. What may work for you may not work for me, and vice versa.