Sneevox
Senior Don Juan
People are doing this "love" thing all wrong. They are expecting to magically experience some relationship that will complete them or make them feel happier than they are, and they want someone that they can constantly share that feeling of infatuation with. The state of infatuation is an emotional state that dictates, often, the actions that a person makes.
Two people feeling the same thing is quite the experience that is usually recognized as a good thing.
We can never be in a perpetual state in which the experience we have with someone is identical to another person's.
We are merely beings seeking what is idealized. A state that is not perpetual can not be something we feel for more than a few moments. We should cherish those moments, not seek to experience them in every waking state of being alive. It would become... boring. That is why love often fails.
That is the idealized state of "love" to society. To spend every waking moment with that person in the state of "love". What we don't realize is that it's not even love. Love is not one thing. It is two things.
These two things are desire and friendship. To have only one of these things means destruction... Desire alone leads to lust and sexual downfall, whilst friendship alone leads to one of the people being thrown aside....
Love is a sort of understanding on a level that is accompanied by feeling on a gratuitous level. I'll explain what I mean.
We compromise desire for friendship... and yet we still wonder why we do not feel properly. Desire has become a thing that is "bad" to people. To talk to someone for the first time and feel that mutual feeling of, "Wow" for one another. It's not bad. It's not infatuation. It's desire. Infatuation is becoming hung up on this feeling and not letting go of it...
Think about it this way: A relationship is "relation" and "ship" put together. You relate to one another on many levels, not just friendship or desire. "Relation" to that person is essential... but what is the point of relating to them only on the friendship level if you can meet a million other people that are of the same relations to you. You even meet guys. Does this mean that if you are a naturally straight male and you meet a guy that you relate to on a friendship level... you should try to date him?
No. It does not. Though it's not because of the fact that he's a guy and you're straight. It has more to do with the REASON you've tried to enter this relationship. To men, commonly, love has become a thing that spans off of friendship. This rarely works. Only in the incident that the girl initially felt something for you and you didn't happen to compromise it by acting like an idiot, and you build friendship out of luck and don't spill your guts to her in the first week.
So... what about desire? You desire a lot of people. You feel that feeling that you don't necessarily feel with anyone else for a few chicks. Do they feel it for you? I dunno. Find that out. Figure out how to keep the desire burning or how to read desire and know if what you feel is desire or sexual attraction. The point I'm making is that it doesn't really start with friendship.
You don't build friendship and then somehow ease into the state of desire with someone you have not desire before. Girls don't think like this, and guys shouldn't. I don't even know why we do. I certainly don't anymore. Friendship is something you can have with ANYBODY, so why make it more than that? IF you're looking for someone to hang out with and feel that desiring feeling with, you can call what you are looking for a "relationship". That's when you are able to both spend time with a person as a friend AND feel that desire.... but it doesn't start with friendship very often.
You can build friendship, but you can't really force feelings. Well, females can't, anyways. They know that it's not really right for them to force something that wasn't initially there. They know that it's dumb to do that. A waste of time. The spark would be hard to keep alive. How do they know? Females are MASTERS of intuition, and males are masters of logic. Females just know these things by nature while we have to examine them. Neither is better than the other, and it's essential to have both to be able to use.
The thing is, the male mind likes to pick thins apart on some ridiculous level. I mean, look at what I'm doing. I'm analyzing something women don't even have to think about to understand. That's nuts. The female mind and male mind are COMPLETELY different. There is so little similarity between them that it's even surprising we're both called the same species. So anyways, we like to sit and pick these thing apart, then apply logic, THEN base our emotions on what conclusion we've come to. Females trust their intuition and base their emotions on it (of course sometimes they're not actually listening to their intuition).
That's why it's essential to know how to do both.
Anyways, males often pick apart the fact that we are compatible with this specific person of their sexual interest and come to the conclusion that it'd be great to enter a relationship with them. Females feel that initial "spark", or the intuitive feeling that it'd work out well with this guy, and they then build friendship on that. Why don't most males do that? THey don't know how to trust their intuition and they're scared of what might happen if their intuition is wrong.
Well here's some news, man, nothing bad will happen. You're just not compatible with that person in your interests. You were emotionally compatible, but not compatible in the friendship area. Oh well! Move on and find a new girl. The point is, we shouldn't be trying to pour gas on unlit logs. Wasting your time on a girl that you want to be friends with first is never going to work out. There is a popular term for what girls do with people they realize they will not "click" with. it's called the "friendzone".
These girls intuitively recognize that you're not looking for that "click" and they just back off. That, or there's not physical attraction... but that can be easily fixed by getting a nice haircut, dressing better, standing up straighter, talking more slowly, and working out. Of course, you shouldn't dress well because you want to impress girls. You should do it because you like to feel your best, and always be improving.
Anyways, they will recognize that you're not actively pursuing desire. This pursuit should not be a thing of logic, either. Trust your intuition. Trust what tells you, "Hey, this chick is gonna be fun.", then see if she's compatible on a friendship level. It's not a 5 year long process that involves understanding each other on deeper levels and then finally kissing and realizing she's "The one". THere is no "one". If you end up screwing up with someone or you're not compatible enough, you move on and use it as a learning experience. The breakup hurts, yeah, but you have to learn from it and move on. THe only direction to ever, EVER go is forward. If you're not moving forward, you're not moving at all and are stagnating, doing nothing with life. You can't go back and fix things, so just take what you can from what happened and learn. Learn all you can.
So.. to avoid the friendzone, work on your overall confidence and pursue not friendship, but an initial "click". It won't be an emotion, but a sort of subconscious, "I know this is gonna be fun" feeling, like I said before.
One thing you should really keep in mind is patience. You may not find that person you are incredibly compatible with immediately, so improve everything about you while you wait for it to happen. Don't center your life around these things. You don't sit in a room with your guys friends and bask in the happiness that you feel because you're friends with them, do you? No. You experience things with them. You go and do fun stuff. Be daring about life. Have fun while you can, because when you're old and aging like fruit, your body decaying and no longer supporting your needs for fun, you'll regret not having fun and doing risky things.
Imagine that... you sit in your retirement home as you zone out and stare at the yellow afternoon sunlight glaring onto the freshly mowed lawn of the institution, the buzzing of the fluorescent lights in your ears, and you remember all of the days you spent worrying about love, about trying to find the perfect girl. You remember all of the chances and time you had to get strong and go do fun and adventurous things, like climbing a huge mountain during the summer or going sky-diving or sea-diving, and you think, "Why was I wasting so much time trying to be 'normal' when I could have been fun? No wonder I never found the perfect girl... No wonder I feel so empty. I never lived."
A tear comes to your eye and your attendant comes in to check up on you.
"How are you doing today, sir? Your eyes look a little red."
You remember, in regret, everything you never did, and reply, "It's just my allergies again, doll. Can you help me into my bed? I want to get some rest before my grandchildren come to visit me."
So... grimness or adventurous? Isn't the choice so obvious?
It's hard to come by someone that satiates your personal needs for a friendship AND sexual desire. Simply put, that desire has to be something that is felt and not built upon. It CAN be, yes, but that is very rare. It is much wiser to pursue friendship with someone that you initially click with. It almost always works out if you're patient and wait for that person that you click with, AND are able to be great friends with! Yeah! Friendship is great! So is emotional desire! Combine the two and you get the ultimate essence of what everybody strives to feel at some point:
Love.
While you're waiting for that, enjoy life!
Two people feeling the same thing is quite the experience that is usually recognized as a good thing.
We can never be in a perpetual state in which the experience we have with someone is identical to another person's.
We are merely beings seeking what is idealized. A state that is not perpetual can not be something we feel for more than a few moments. We should cherish those moments, not seek to experience them in every waking state of being alive. It would become... boring. That is why love often fails.
That is the idealized state of "love" to society. To spend every waking moment with that person in the state of "love". What we don't realize is that it's not even love. Love is not one thing. It is two things.
These two things are desire and friendship. To have only one of these things means destruction... Desire alone leads to lust and sexual downfall, whilst friendship alone leads to one of the people being thrown aside....
Love is a sort of understanding on a level that is accompanied by feeling on a gratuitous level. I'll explain what I mean.
We compromise desire for friendship... and yet we still wonder why we do not feel properly. Desire has become a thing that is "bad" to people. To talk to someone for the first time and feel that mutual feeling of, "Wow" for one another. It's not bad. It's not infatuation. It's desire. Infatuation is becoming hung up on this feeling and not letting go of it...
Think about it this way: A relationship is "relation" and "ship" put together. You relate to one another on many levels, not just friendship or desire. "Relation" to that person is essential... but what is the point of relating to them only on the friendship level if you can meet a million other people that are of the same relations to you. You even meet guys. Does this mean that if you are a naturally straight male and you meet a guy that you relate to on a friendship level... you should try to date him?
No. It does not. Though it's not because of the fact that he's a guy and you're straight. It has more to do with the REASON you've tried to enter this relationship. To men, commonly, love has become a thing that spans off of friendship. This rarely works. Only in the incident that the girl initially felt something for you and you didn't happen to compromise it by acting like an idiot, and you build friendship out of luck and don't spill your guts to her in the first week.
So... what about desire? You desire a lot of people. You feel that feeling that you don't necessarily feel with anyone else for a few chicks. Do they feel it for you? I dunno. Find that out. Figure out how to keep the desire burning or how to read desire and know if what you feel is desire or sexual attraction. The point I'm making is that it doesn't really start with friendship.
You don't build friendship and then somehow ease into the state of desire with someone you have not desire before. Girls don't think like this, and guys shouldn't. I don't even know why we do. I certainly don't anymore. Friendship is something you can have with ANYBODY, so why make it more than that? IF you're looking for someone to hang out with and feel that desiring feeling with, you can call what you are looking for a "relationship". That's when you are able to both spend time with a person as a friend AND feel that desire.... but it doesn't start with friendship very often.
You can build friendship, but you can't really force feelings. Well, females can't, anyways. They know that it's not really right for them to force something that wasn't initially there. They know that it's dumb to do that. A waste of time. The spark would be hard to keep alive. How do they know? Females are MASTERS of intuition, and males are masters of logic. Females just know these things by nature while we have to examine them. Neither is better than the other, and it's essential to have both to be able to use.
The thing is, the male mind likes to pick thins apart on some ridiculous level. I mean, look at what I'm doing. I'm analyzing something women don't even have to think about to understand. That's nuts. The female mind and male mind are COMPLETELY different. There is so little similarity between them that it's even surprising we're both called the same species. So anyways, we like to sit and pick these thing apart, then apply logic, THEN base our emotions on what conclusion we've come to. Females trust their intuition and base their emotions on it (of course sometimes they're not actually listening to their intuition).
That's why it's essential to know how to do both.
Anyways, males often pick apart the fact that we are compatible with this specific person of their sexual interest and come to the conclusion that it'd be great to enter a relationship with them. Females feel that initial "spark", or the intuitive feeling that it'd work out well with this guy, and they then build friendship on that. Why don't most males do that? THey don't know how to trust their intuition and they're scared of what might happen if their intuition is wrong.
Well here's some news, man, nothing bad will happen. You're just not compatible with that person in your interests. You were emotionally compatible, but not compatible in the friendship area. Oh well! Move on and find a new girl. The point is, we shouldn't be trying to pour gas on unlit logs. Wasting your time on a girl that you want to be friends with first is never going to work out. There is a popular term for what girls do with people they realize they will not "click" with. it's called the "friendzone".
These girls intuitively recognize that you're not looking for that "click" and they just back off. That, or there's not physical attraction... but that can be easily fixed by getting a nice haircut, dressing better, standing up straighter, talking more slowly, and working out. Of course, you shouldn't dress well because you want to impress girls. You should do it because you like to feel your best, and always be improving.
Anyways, they will recognize that you're not actively pursuing desire. This pursuit should not be a thing of logic, either. Trust your intuition. Trust what tells you, "Hey, this chick is gonna be fun.", then see if she's compatible on a friendship level. It's not a 5 year long process that involves understanding each other on deeper levels and then finally kissing and realizing she's "The one". THere is no "one". If you end up screwing up with someone or you're not compatible enough, you move on and use it as a learning experience. The breakup hurts, yeah, but you have to learn from it and move on. THe only direction to ever, EVER go is forward. If you're not moving forward, you're not moving at all and are stagnating, doing nothing with life. You can't go back and fix things, so just take what you can from what happened and learn. Learn all you can.
So.. to avoid the friendzone, work on your overall confidence and pursue not friendship, but an initial "click". It won't be an emotion, but a sort of subconscious, "I know this is gonna be fun" feeling, like I said before.
One thing you should really keep in mind is patience. You may not find that person you are incredibly compatible with immediately, so improve everything about you while you wait for it to happen. Don't center your life around these things. You don't sit in a room with your guys friends and bask in the happiness that you feel because you're friends with them, do you? No. You experience things with them. You go and do fun stuff. Be daring about life. Have fun while you can, because when you're old and aging like fruit, your body decaying and no longer supporting your needs for fun, you'll regret not having fun and doing risky things.
Imagine that... you sit in your retirement home as you zone out and stare at the yellow afternoon sunlight glaring onto the freshly mowed lawn of the institution, the buzzing of the fluorescent lights in your ears, and you remember all of the days you spent worrying about love, about trying to find the perfect girl. You remember all of the chances and time you had to get strong and go do fun and adventurous things, like climbing a huge mountain during the summer or going sky-diving or sea-diving, and you think, "Why was I wasting so much time trying to be 'normal' when I could have been fun? No wonder I never found the perfect girl... No wonder I feel so empty. I never lived."
A tear comes to your eye and your attendant comes in to check up on you.
"How are you doing today, sir? Your eyes look a little red."
You remember, in regret, everything you never did, and reply, "It's just my allergies again, doll. Can you help me into my bed? I want to get some rest before my grandchildren come to visit me."
So... grimness or adventurous? Isn't the choice so obvious?
It's hard to come by someone that satiates your personal needs for a friendship AND sexual desire. Simply put, that desire has to be something that is felt and not built upon. It CAN be, yes, but that is very rare. It is much wiser to pursue friendship with someone that you initially click with. It almost always works out if you're patient and wait for that person that you click with, AND are able to be great friends with! Yeah! Friendship is great! So is emotional desire! Combine the two and you get the ultimate essence of what everybody strives to feel at some point:
Love.
While you're waiting for that, enjoy life!
