My situation.

[leemcfc]

Hey, I'm nathan and I really need some advice.

Well here it is, I am 15, I would say fairly alright looking, I go to a mixed highchool. There is a big problem though, at my school and the social scene of my year, it is very much a group which you are either included or excluded from. I am sort of inbetween the included and excluded if you get me. I have little experience with women, infact I only just got my first kiss last weekend.
I have a few friends in the 'popular' crowd.'
However my problem is that I really want to break into the crowd, have a lot of friends, get with women, you know just what every teenager wants but no matter how hard I try, I just can not do it.

I'm sort of known as a 'shy,quiet' guy who although no one hates, it just seems as if I am invisible to a lot of people.
I have massive self confidence and shyness issues.
Everything I've seen on the internet and heard just says 'go out, do things, join a club, just have more confidence etc etc' but the fact is I just don't know how to have more confidence.
I can't just go up to women.
Also since I have always been known as a 'shy' kid, it seems impossible to become friendly with people who I have known for years but never really been friendly with.
Secodlndly, I have masssive problems just simply holding a conversation with an attractive women. I get nervous, I tense up.

I really want to break into the crowd, have more friends and overcome my shyness but I just can't seem to do it.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[pjtheman]

Hey, I'm nathan and I really need some advice.

Well here it is, I am 15, I would say fairly alright looking, I go to a mixed highchool. There is a big problem though, at my school and the social scene of my year, it is very much a group which you are either included or excluded from. I am sort of inbetween the included and excluded if you get me. I have little experience with women, infact I only just got my first kiss last weekend.
I have a few friends in the 'popular' crowd.'
However my problem is that I really want to break into the crowd, have a lot of friends, get with women, you know just what every teenager wants but no matter how hard I try, I just can not do it.

I'm sort of known as a 'shy,quiet' guy who although no one hates, it just seems as if I am invisible to a lot of people.
I have massive self confidence and shyness issues.
Everything I've seen on the internet and heard just says 'go out, do things, join a club, just have more confidence etc etc' but the fact is I just don't know how to have more confidence.
I can't just go up to women.
Also since I have always been known as a 'shy' kid, it seems impossible to become friendly with people who I have known for years but never really been friendly with.
Secodlndly, I have masssive problems just simply holding a conversation with an attractive women. I get nervous, I tense up.

I really want to break into the crowd, have more friends and overcome my shyness but I just can't seem to do it.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

All I heard was: I'm afraid to see what I can do with my life, I gonna sit at home and ask fro advice. You have a glimmering of validity though: you can't be good with the outside and the image you present to people unless you have the inner game down. FIRST STEP: join a club, as long as it doesn't take up all you time it can bring it up as a conversation bit and talk about it, espesialy with girls that go to the same club, from there just talk about any random ****. that's your first step, the others i'm gonna let you figure out on your own.

 

[leemcfc]

I go to a club and I talk to the girls there and its fine.
However I just feel so cut a drift from my school social scene and just don't know what to do.

 

[War Against Betaism]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=164927

Why do you tense up? Did you run out of things to say to the woman? If you get nervous around attractive women, well that just says one thing to me; you really don't have a lot of self confidence. In that link above I wrote an article for men who have trouble with the most important part of game...communication.

Did you think that game is all about unleashing your load of cool stories and funny jokes all at once like a gatling gun, and you'd be afraid you'd run out of interesting things to say? No! I'm not sure why men ignore the advice that women give us all the time...."He just doesn't listen!" Helloooooooo.

The most interesting people don't have the most interesting lives. They don't need stories, they have their ears. The number one key to attracting women, especially at the high school level, is listening. A girl would be FAR more attracted to a man that listens to her, than a guy who tells her bs stories of his times going clubbing with Lil' Wayne (it might work the first time, but she'll eventually find out you're BSing).

 

[leemcfc]

Cheers, I mainly just want to know how I can step out of my shell and rid my self of the 'shy guy' tag.

 

[chuk15]

Cheers, I mainly just want to know how I can step out of my shell and rid my self of the 'shy guy' tag.

What do people who don't have the "shy guy" tag do? Perhaps you could learn a thing or two.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Well here it is, I am 15, I would say fairly alright looking, I go to a mixed highchool. There is a big problem though, at my school and the social scene of my year, it is very much a group which you are either included or excluded from. I am sort of inbetween the included and excluded if you get me. I have little experience with women, infact I only just got my first kiss last weekend.
I have a few friends in the 'popular' crowd.'
However my problem is that I really want to break into the crowd, have a lot of friends, get with women, you know just what every teenager wants but no matter how hard I try, I just can not do it.

I'm sort of known as a 'shy,quiet' guy who although no one hates, it just seems as if I am invisible to a lot of people.
I have massive self confidence and shyness issues.
Everything I've seen on the internet and heard just says 'go out, do things, join a club, just have more confidence etc etc' but the fact is I just don't know how to have more confidence.
I can't just go up to women.
Also since I have always been known as a 'shy' kid, it seems impossible to become friendly with people who I have known for years but never really been friendly with.
Secodlndly, I have masssive problems just simply holding a conversation with an attractive women. I get nervous, I tense up.

I really want to break into the crowd, have more friends and overcome my shyness but I just can't seem to do it.

I have two things to say about this:

1. Stop worrying about the "popular crowd". Once you graduate high school and move on with your life you realize that this environment that consumes you so much and takes up so much of your time was something that you only experienced for a small portion of your life. After you graduate highschool, chances are that many of the people you see on a daily basis right now you might not see for the rest of your life. So why put so much thought into what they think about you?

Also on this point is that the "popular crowd" is just a group of people that have their own lives and do their own thing. When you graduate high school and move on you will realize that these people were just like you, and that these social groups were not "better" or "worse" than one another but that they were just there. A king becomes a king not because of the crown he wears but because of the fact that he is viewed by everyone to be a king. You're putting these groups on a pedestal and letting it drive your thinking. Stop it.

2. You are identifying yourself as a shy person, and this shows me that you are not interested or not very willing to change. You are not inherently anything. Your personality is yours to create and mold to your liking. Stop identifying yourself as shy; this is a word people hide behind because it is less revealing than saying that you do not have confidence or have low self esteem. It is simply a word that people use to deceive themselves and hide from their own problems.

Cheers, I mainly just want to know how I can step out of my shell and rid my self of the 'shy guy' tag.

The only way to change your personality is to change your way of doing things and your way of thinking about them. This forum is a good tool for assisting in that process but if you don't actually follow through with it then you are wasting your time here.

First, stop calling yourself shy. This is just deceiving yourself.

Next, identify your problems and plan out a way to solve these problems. Are you afraid of initiating contact? Then make a plan to get over that fear: maybe set yourself a goal of chatting up 5 girls (or maybe even just 5 people in general) a week. Or if you wanted to be really ambitious and straightforward and get over your problem fast, start going up to girls you don't know and go for their number. Even if you crash and burn terribly you will be making a step in the right direction because it wasn't actually about getting the number but rather getting over your fear of doing it. In that case, you faced your fear and you beat it.

You have the power to change these issues, but it requires a lot of work and really stepping out of your comfort zone.

Finally, review your progress. What'd you do right? What'd you do wrong? Where can you improve in the future, and how? Give yourself a huge ****ing pat on the back for every step forward and don't beat yourself up for a single step backward. Take every experience as something you can learn from. The only thing you should beat yourself up for is if you don't take any steps at all; you can't succeed if you don't try, and if you don't try then you'll never be happy with yourself.

 

[leemcfc]

I have two things to say about this:

1. Stop worrying about the "popular crowd". Once you graduate high school and move on with your life you realize that this environment that consumes you so much and takes up so much of your time was something that you only experienced for a small portion of your life. After you graduate highschool, chances are that many of the people you see on a daily basis right now you might not see for the rest of your life. So why put so much thought into what they think about you?

Also on this point is that the "popular crowd" is just a group of people that have their own lives and do their own thing. When you graduate high school and move on you will realize that these people were just like you, and that these social groups were not "better" or "worse" than one another but that they were just there. A king becomes a king not because of the crown he wears but because of the fact that he is viewed by everyone to be a king. You're putting these groups on a pedestal and letting it drive your thinking. Stop it.

2. You are identifying yourself as a shy person, and this shows me that you are not interested or not very willing to change. You are not inherently anything. Your personality is yours to create and mold to your liking. Stop identifying yourself as shy; this is a word people hide behind because it is less revealing than saying that you do not have confidence or have low self esteem. It is simply a word that people use to deceive themselves and hide from their own problems.



The only way to change your personality is to change your way of doing things and your way of thinking about them. This forum is a good tool for assisting in that process but if you don't actually follow through with it then you are wasting your time here.

First, stop calling yourself shy. This is just deceiving yourself.

Next, identify your problems and plan out a way to solve these problems. Are you afraid of initiating contact? Then make a plan to get over that fear: maybe set yourself a goal of chatting up 5 girls (or maybe even just 5 people in general) a week. Or if you wanted to be really ambitious and straightforward and get over your problem fast, start going up to girls you don't know and go for their number. Even if you crash and burn terribly you will be making a step in the right direction because it wasn't actually about getting the number but rather getting over your fear of doing it. In that case, you faced your fear and you beat it.

You have the power to change these issues, but it requires a lot of work and really stepping out of your comfort zone.

Finally, review your progress. What'd you do right? What'd you do wrong? Where can you improve in the future, and how? Give yourself a huge ****ing pat on the back for every step forward and don't beat yourself up for a single step backward. Take every experience as something you can learn from. The only thing you should beat yourself up for is if you don't take any steps at all; you can't succeed if you don't try, and if you don't try then you'll never be happy with yourself.

Thanks for the help. I'll try and take it on board.
Have you got any advice on how to be more confident in the first place?

 

[Analyzeit]

Wanna good tip...

Make friends with the guys in the group, are you shy about saying something to dudes or just joking round with a bunch of dudes? Use the kinda friends you've already got in that group to your advantage... Your already half way there.

Once you've done that, the guys will kind of initiate you into the group and you will be introduced to a bunch of girls, who are young and immature and will now be more interested in you because your in the "cool group".

Sorry to say this but Fvck stepping out of your comfort zone you don't even have to, you don't have to randomly approach anyone.

Why make it hard on yourself.

good luck