These are a few notes I made for myself while reading "How to win friends and influence people". I feel it is a good summary, but if you haven't read it I would suggestion doing so as it is highly helpful in dealing with every human interaction.
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John Wanamaker: " I learned thirty years ago that it is foollish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that god has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence."
99 times out of 100, people don't criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong they may be.
Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
Animals rewarded for good behavior learn better than animals scolded for bad behavior.
Story about Lincoln, about to write a letter to a general of the Union army criticizing him for not attacking, but then placing himself in the general's shoes asking if he had been in the situation, would he do the same?
Always ask yourself: How would Lincoln handle this problem if he had it?
Confusious: "Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof when your own doorstep is unclean."
Benjamin Franklin: "I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know of everybody."
Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
All urges are gratifide, except the need to feel important.
Lincoln: "Everybody loves a compliment."
People sometimes become invalids in order to win sympathy and attention, and get a feeling of importance.
Most people will bawl out their subordinates if they don't like something, and say nothing if they do.
If we stop thinking about ourselves and begin to think about the other person's good points, we won't have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted before it is out of the mouth.
Next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared.
Emerson: Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." If that was true of Emerson, isn't it likely to be a thousand times more true of you and me?
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Why talk about what you want? Of course you are interested in what you want. No one else is. The rest of us are like you: we are interested in what we want.
If there is any secret to success, it lies in the ability to get that other person's point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own.
A dog makes his living by simply loving other people. They never have to read books on psychology.
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people that you can in two years by making people interested in you.
People are not interested in your or me. They are interested in themselves.
When overhearing a conversation, listen to how many time each person says "I".
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Actions speak louder than words, A smile says "I like you. You make me happy. I am happy to see you."
Dogs are a hit because they are so excited to see us, so we are excited to see them.
Lincoln: "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Carry your chin in and the crown on your head high.
"A man without a smiling face must not open a shop."
Smile.
A person's name is the most important sound they can hear.
People don't want to hear about your life. They only want an interested listener so they can expand their ego.
Exclusive attention to the person speaking to you is very important. Nothing is as flattering as that.
People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves.
People are most interested in themselves and their problems than they are in you and your problems. A person's toothache means more to that person than a famine that kills millions in China.
The road to a person's heart is by talking about what interest them most.
Make yourself agreeable.
Always make the other person feel important.
All people feel superior to you in some way. The road to their hearts is by recognizing their importance.
Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.
About arguments: Why prove to a man that he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you?
9 times out of 10, an agruement ends with each party more convinced than ever that he is right.
You can't win an arguement. If you lose, you lose. If you win, you lose.
Which would you rather have; a academic victory or a person's good will? You can rarely have both.
Budda: Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.
Build bridges, not higher barriers.
Socrates: the only thing I know is that I know nothing.
You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.
Martin Luther King Jr: "I judge people by their own principles, not my own."
Jefferson Davis asks Robert E. Lee, his opinion of one of Lee's enemires. Lee spoke highly of him. An officer says to Lee "General, this man which you speak highly of never stops criticizing you!" "Yes" says Lee "but the president asked my opinion of him, not his opinion of me."
If we are going to be criticized, isn't it far easier to beat them to it and do it ourselves? it is easier hearing it come out of your own mouth and alien lips.
Say about yourself that all the derogitory things the other person is thinking before they say it.The will most likely change to a forgining attitude.
Lincoln: A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gal"
Gentleness and friendliness are more powerful than fury and force.
The only reason you are not a rattlesnake is that your parents were not rattlesnakes.
You deserve little credit for who you are, and other people deserve little credit for what they are.
3 out of 4 people are hungery and thirsty for sympathy. Give it to them.
All people you meet have a high regard for themselves and consider themselves unselfish by their own estimation.
A person has to reasons for doing something: one that sounds good and the real one. Appeal to the nobler motive.
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John Wanamaker: " I learned thirty years ago that it is foollish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that god has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence."
99 times out of 100, people don't criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong they may be.
Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
Animals rewarded for good behavior learn better than animals scolded for bad behavior.
Story about Lincoln, about to write a letter to a general of the Union army criticizing him for not attacking, but then placing himself in the general's shoes asking if he had been in the situation, would he do the same?
Always ask yourself: How would Lincoln handle this problem if he had it?
Confusious: "Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof when your own doorstep is unclean."
Benjamin Franklin: "I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know of everybody."
Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
All urges are gratifide, except the need to feel important.
Lincoln: "Everybody loves a compliment."
People sometimes become invalids in order to win sympathy and attention, and get a feeling of importance.
Most people will bawl out their subordinates if they don't like something, and say nothing if they do.
If we stop thinking about ourselves and begin to think about the other person's good points, we won't have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted before it is out of the mouth.
Next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared.
Emerson: Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." If that was true of Emerson, isn't it likely to be a thousand times more true of you and me?
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Why talk about what you want? Of course you are interested in what you want. No one else is. The rest of us are like you: we are interested in what we want.
If there is any secret to success, it lies in the ability to get that other person's point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own.
A dog makes his living by simply loving other people. They never have to read books on psychology.
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people that you can in two years by making people interested in you.
People are not interested in your or me. They are interested in themselves.
When overhearing a conversation, listen to how many time each person says "I".
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Actions speak louder than words, A smile says "I like you. You make me happy. I am happy to see you."
Dogs are a hit because they are so excited to see us, so we are excited to see them.
Lincoln: "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Carry your chin in and the crown on your head high.
"A man without a smiling face must not open a shop."
Smile.
A person's name is the most important sound they can hear.
People don't want to hear about your life. They only want an interested listener so they can expand their ego.
Exclusive attention to the person speaking to you is very important. Nothing is as flattering as that.
People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves.
People are most interested in themselves and their problems than they are in you and your problems. A person's toothache means more to that person than a famine that kills millions in China.
The road to a person's heart is by talking about what interest them most.
Make yourself agreeable.
Always make the other person feel important.
All people feel superior to you in some way. The road to their hearts is by recognizing their importance.
Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.
About arguments: Why prove to a man that he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you?
9 times out of 10, an agruement ends with each party more convinced than ever that he is right.
You can't win an arguement. If you lose, you lose. If you win, you lose.
Which would you rather have; a academic victory or a person's good will? You can rarely have both.
Budda: Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.
Build bridges, not higher barriers.
Socrates: the only thing I know is that I know nothing.
You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.
Martin Luther King Jr: "I judge people by their own principles, not my own."
Jefferson Davis asks Robert E. Lee, his opinion of one of Lee's enemires. Lee spoke highly of him. An officer says to Lee "General, this man which you speak highly of never stops criticizing you!" "Yes" says Lee "but the president asked my opinion of him, not his opinion of me."
If we are going to be criticized, isn't it far easier to beat them to it and do it ourselves? it is easier hearing it come out of your own mouth and alien lips.
Say about yourself that all the derogitory things the other person is thinking before they say it.The will most likely change to a forgining attitude.
Lincoln: A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gal"
Gentleness and friendliness are more powerful than fury and force.
The only reason you are not a rattlesnake is that your parents were not rattlesnakes.
You deserve little credit for who you are, and other people deserve little credit for what they are.
3 out of 4 people are hungery and thirsty for sympathy. Give it to them.
All people you meet have a high regard for themselves and consider themselves unselfish by their own estimation.
A person has to reasons for doing something: one that sounds good and the real one. Appeal to the nobler motive.