My new girlfriend is making out with her female friend, and I am getting jealous.

[Zero_to_hero]

Hey!

Long story short, big thanks to Tinder, a was spinning couple of plates this past 30 days, and ended up with 2 really decent ones. Because I am looking for a girl to settle down with, I choose one of them, and after 1 month of knowing each other, tried to put the label on her, that "she is my girlfriend now". She is 20, I am 24. Previously, I always put on the frame, that we are now just hanging out, and I am trying to figure out, if this could lead anywhere.

On the next day after we had our romantic evening, when I proposed to take things seriously, she had to attend to her friend bday party. She offered me to come too, but I declined, because I was starting to feel that I have cached a major cold. On the night of friends bday I am lying in bed sick, I receive message in WhatsApp, that she is "so wasted" and "my girlfriends are trying to seduce me" and "please help me".

I am feeling sick, and not planning to go anywhere, so I reply "do what you got to do. Send me a video afterwards". (might be stupid of my part).

Next day I send her message "did your friends managed to seduce you?"

Her reply: "I don't know how to answer you.."

My heart sank, but I try to play it off like it was no big deal:" Sounds like you guys had a sexy evening. Was it a night of experimentation? Did you do something, like we did night before? "

Her:"No, no. Not like that. You said, I cannot make out with other guys, so I made out with my girl instead. "

To be honest, if she had said, she had slept with her girl friend, I would have ended things then and there. I did not think, this would be a big deal to me, but I start to feel like, it is. When I was younger, I thought, it is hot when girls make out. Now I am starting to think, It s cheating, no matter weather it is a guy or a girl.

Need a second opinion. Am I being a ***** and overthinking things? My fear is, we get together, but she would have sex with her friends time to time. Or even worse, go clubbing with them, and gets into threesome with someone or friends encourage her, to have sex with some guy in the club.

 

[backseatjuan]

Stop taking her bullsh1t so seriously.

 

[marmel75]

She kissed a girl and she liked it...
Taste of her cherry chapstick...
She kissed a girl just to try it...
Hope my boyfriend won't mind it...
It felt so wrong...it felt so right...
Doesn't mean she's in love tonight...

 

[Spaz]

It's a great opportunity.

Next time invite her friend over and have some wild threesome action.

Come'on man, you're only 24 and she's 20, enjoy the good life.

 

[Bullbearpig]

It's a great opportunity.

Next time invite her friend over and have some wild threesome action.

Come'on man, you're only 24 and she's 20, enjoy the good life.

Yes, i would look at this as a great opportunity.

 

[backseatjuan]

Fvcking great, all of you have bought into some innocent text message, which was a sh1t test in the first place. OP sh1t test her back with a threesome offer.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Cucked by your gf and another friend. 1st mistake is commitment lol monogamy is not real life.

 

[fanatic22]

First of all you're doing it all wrong. Spin plates for as long as possible and hold out until THEY try to put the label on you. 30 days is an extremely short vetting period and now you're paying for it with behavior you wouldn't have approved. Also, you acted like you were totally cool with it but then expected her to not mess around...wtf? Leave that subtle sh1t to women. You're a man. Set clear boundaries. Also, you're ONE DAY into this new relationship and you're feeling jealousy about your girl hooking up with another girl? Dude, come on. This is an amazing threesome opportunity that you're gonna blow by heavily catching feelz within weeks. I don't think you are ready for a relationship because this is going to devolve into some beta sh1t.

 

[Zero_to_hero]

Thank You guys for replies. Thing to note in mind, is that I am a romantic in heart aka a total b1tch. All I want 1 really loyal and attractive girl. The more time passes, the more cynical I get about this idea. Now looking back, I thing I have set this thing up with this girl all backwards. She caught me off guard and called me Today, before I got the chance to read all these messages and set my head straight. I did not made a big deal, out of the situation, but what I did was, when she told me in detail, what she did with this girl, I replied weirdly, and she said, ".. you sound sad".

I replied:" That is exactly how I feel." As soon as I said that, I realized, how b1tchy it sounds, and tried to save the situation by saying:"If you would have told me, that you had sex with her, I would have ended things here. I still don't like what you did."

Her reply:"I understand. I wont do it in the future."

1. Do not think you are going to prevent this young curious girl from doing anything. This girl is not the type that she is going to be so committed to forever honoring your wishes on this topic.

Well said. Your comment made me feel, how naive I am, as it should have.

First of all you're doing it all wrong. Spin plates for as long as possible and hold out until THEY try to put the label on you.

This. My problem is, that I do not like party girls too much, and I tend to lean more towards "wifey material" girls, and the place I live, it is very uncommon for guys to spin plates (Eastern European block). Some guys still does it successfully, but I do not know, how to present vocally say, that there are other girls interested in me, that I am seeing, without it sounding sleazy and negative.

Ok, so the damage is done. How do I move fro here?

My instinct is to do the following:

With this girl I do it like this. I will probably meet up with her on the weekend at my place. I will tell her, that I really disapprove what she did, and for that reason, she must prove herself, that she is worthy of being called my girlfriend, because she is not only person in my life, that would like to have that "status", so lets take one step back, and see what will happen (hope this will get her chasing a bit).

Then there is this other plate, that is really rigid but nice girl, who is interested in meeting up with me, so I will. I have sense, that she is not really sexually experienced, and things would move slower with her, but if I get the sex from previous one, it would not be that big of a deal. I could practice showing, that I am seeing other girls besides her.

Last but not least, turn some other girl into a plate to replace one of the 2 above, when the inevitable end of our relationship comes. Thanks for replays. I hope, someone cou

 

[marmel75]

Why are you not working on getting a three some? Its halfway home but you are acting all butthurt like a little boy instead of telling them they might need to find someone else too because both of them combined are still no match for you in the bedroom

 

[Chi Town]

Yes, you're being a *****, although you're feelings are valid and understandable.

Who cares if she makes out with another girl, girl on girl action is good, at least for most men. Try to set up a 3some.

Is it cheating? I mean it depends on who you ask. But let me explain to you exactly what you should be concerned about.

You're girlfriend is very young, and she's still in the party, get drunk phase. As you can see when she gets drunk she gets horny.

She said "you said I can't kiss other guys so I made out with my friend"

Well, what's going to happen the next time she gets drunk and horny and she doesn't have the opportunity to mess around with a friend and some hot guy starts flirting with her and you're not around? Not trying to scare you just something to think about it.

Don't stress yourself, take it as something hot and her experimenting. Just watch her behavior and pay attention to how she moves.

 

[ohrein]

This. My problem is, that I do not like party girls too much, and I tend to lean more towards "wifey material" girls, and the place I live, it is very uncommon for guys to spin plates (Eastern European block).

Your problem is your goal does not match your strategy. You are dating a twenty year old who likes to party because you "like her", but want a "wifey" girl. So you fvcked up. That's never going to happen with this girl. You need to be screening for non-slutty girls. There are some at your age but you'll have to look hard to find them. You want women who don't drink much and definitely don't get drunk. You want quiet shy girls, the ones who work at the library.

With this girl I do it like this. I will probably meet up with her on the weekend at my place. I will tell her, that I really disapprove what she did, and for that reason, she must prove herself, that she is worthy of being called my girlfriend, because she is not only person in my life, that would like to have that "status", so lets take one step back, and see what will happen (hope this will get her chasing a bit).

Your other problem is the way you're setting boundaries is controlling and will only breed resentment. You can guarantee as soon as this girl talks to her friends about you laying down the law, they're all going to be telling her how you're just jealous and controlling. At this point she'll start to question your "rules" and resent them. Boundaries are set before things happen. You don't want your girlfriend going out on dates with guy friends? Before you're exclusive you talk about expectations in relationships and you tell her "I want to date a girl who isn't entertaining other guys all the time, I find that disrespectful. It's fine if it's group activities and I'm invited, but I broke up with my ex because she was going out to dinner and movies with a guy." You're not telling a woman what to do, you're telling her what you expect. She is free to do what she pleases, and you are free to break up with her. She knew what you wanted and she disrespected that. If you start telling her what to do, it'll always create resentment.

If you don't like her behavior, you should find a woman who doesn't act like that, not try to change her. It's a poor strategy. She'll just hide it from you.

 

[AttackFormation]

Stop trying to have a "serious relationship" with 20 year old girls when they just want to have fun. I don't even get why guys try to do this. They'll start requesting you to be their provider once they get older if that's what you want, you have all the time in the world. Don't worry.

 

[redskinsfan92]

Spin plates. Do not consider her for ltr. Keep her as plate.

 

[Thatfeel21]

Stop trying to have a "serious relationship" with 20 year old girls when they just want to have fun. I don't even get why guys try to do this. They'll start requesting you to be their provider once they get older if that's what you want, you have all the time in the world. Don't worry.

This. Sadly, OP appears to be a bit too much invested to heed.

 

[chuck001]

Hey!

Long story short, big thanks to Tinder, a was spinning couple of plates this past 30 days, and ended up with 2 really decent ones. Because I am looking for a girl to settle down with, I choose one of them, and after 1 month of knowing each other, tried to put the label on her, that "she is my girlfriend now". She is 20, I am 24. Previously, I always put on the frame, that we are now just hanging out, and I am trying to figure out, if this could lead anywhere.

On the next day after we had our romantic evening, when I proposed to take things seriously, she had to attend to her friend bday party. She offered me to come too, but I declined, because I was starting to feel that I have cached a major cold. On the night of friends bday I am lying in bed sick, I receive message in WhatsApp, that she is "so wasted" and "my girlfriends are trying to seduce me" and "please help me".

I am feeling sick, and not planning to go anywhere, so I reply "do what you got to do. Send me a video afterwards". (might be stupid of my part).

Next day I send her message "did your friends managed to seduce you?"

Her reply: "I don't know how to answer you.."

My heart sank, but I try to play it off like it was no big deal:" Sounds like you guys had a sexy evening. Was it a night of experimentation? Did you do something, like we did night before? "

Her:"No, no. Not like that. You said, I cannot make out with other guys, so I made out with my girl instead. "

To be honest, if she had said, she had slept with her girl friend, I would have ended things then and there. I did not think, this would be a big deal to me, but I start to feel like, it is. When I was younger, I thought, it is hot when girls make out. Now I am starting to think, It s cheating, no matter weather it is a guy or a girl.

Need a second opinion. Am I being a ***** and overthinking things? My fear is, we get together, but she would have sex with her friends time to time. Or even worse, go clubbing with them, and gets into threesome with someone or friends encourage her, to have sex with some guy in the club.

Looking for a girl to settle down with on Tinder is not the best idea. Also women at that age just want to hookup, don't take them seriously. You can make this into a good opportunity for a threesome if you want. Never bring up the relationship, that's her job. When she gets jealous of you hooking up with other women, that's when she brings it up.

 

[devilkingx2]

If she's doing it without your explicit knowledge/permission/consent then it's still cheating even if it's a girl, or just a friend or just a kiss.

That said, she'll do as she pleases unless she cares more about you than her fun (not a gamble you wanna take if you're in this situation in the first place)

It's up to you to use context clues to determine if she's just not serious yet, using you as a place holder/cover story, just not a very monogamous or faithful person, or going through a phase.

Once you make that determination you'll know whether to cut ties, lay down the law, or stop treating the relationship as serious and just treat it as a casual gf you hang out with for some structure, do wild threesomes with once in a while, and have side girls whenever

 

[devilkingx2]

Hey!

Long story short, big thanks to Tinder, a was spinning couple of plates this past 30 days, and ended up with 2 really decent ones. Because I am looking for a girl to settle down with, I choose one of them, and after 1 month of knowing each other, tried to put the label on her, that "she is my girlfriend now". She is 20, I am 24. Previously, I always put on the frame, that we are now just hanging out, and I am trying to figure out, if this could lead anywhere.

On the next day after we had our romantic evening, when I proposed to take things seriously, she had to attend to her friend bday party. She offered me to come too, but I declined, because I was starting to feel that I have cached a major cold. On the night of friends bday I am lying in bed sick, I receive message in WhatsApp, that she is "so wasted" and "my girlfriends are trying to seduce me" and "please help me".

I am feeling sick, and not planning to go anywhere, so I reply "do what you got to do. Send me a video afterwards". (might be stupid of my part).

Next day I send her message "did your friends managed to seduce you?"

Her reply: "I don't know how to answer you.."

My heart sank, but I try to play it off like it was no big deal:" Sounds like you guys had a sexy evening. Was it a night of experimentation? Did you do something, like we did night before? "

Her:"No, no. Not like that. You said, I cannot make out with other guys, so I made out with my girl instead. "

To be honest, if she had said, she had slept with her girl friend, I would have ended things then and there. I did not think, this would be a big deal to me, but I start to feel like, it is. When I was younger, I thought, it is hot when girls make out. Now I am starting to think, It s cheating, no matter weather it is a guy or a girl.

Need a second opinion. Am I being a ***** and overthinking things? My fear is, we get together, but she would have sex with her friends time to time. Or even worse, go clubbing with them, and gets into threesome with someone or friends encourage her, to have sex with some guy in the club.

Your problem is that you're an old man. Stop being an old man you're 24 not 34.

She's only gonna have that threesome without you if it's more fun without you, old men aren't fun, 24 year olds are.

All that would change if you gave her **** is that she'd be boring with you and have her fun secretly behind your back, if anything you should be like "just some kissing? Well that's a pretty decent start but kinda tame, Call me back when y'all end up on pornhub, my favorite category is squirt btw"

Now, if she only wants to have her fun without you, doesn't care about letting you join or giving you a show or anything that benefits you in any way whilst expecting you to be a one woman guy waiting at home for her, that's a whole nother issue. Drop her like a rock and tell her you don't date lesbians.

 

[Ranger]

I seriously don’t see the problem. Jealous of a girl?
There was a missed opportunity here.

The best part was she followed your wishes and didn’t kiss another guy. Lol

 

[Glassguy]

Why are you not working on getting a three some? Its halfway home but you are acting all butthurt like a little boy instead of telling them they might need to find someone else too because both of them combined are still no match for you in the bedroom

Ah the world of betas. Huge missed opportunity on OP's end.

Her:"No, no. Not like that. You said, I cannot make out with other guys, so I made out with my girl instead. "

Me: Perfect. Send me a pic of her. If I am also interested, the two of you should come over for drinks.