My life is turning into a social experiment

[STR8UP]

It's like I have little desire to even "connect" with most women lately, I just want to do or say something I normally wouldn't, and watch their reaction.

Maybe it's not healthy. Maybe it's a step in ladder to becoming the man I want to be. Maybe I'm too busy for the social life I would like so I'm making a hobby out of the fact that I would have a hard time being in a TRUE relationship.

Not sure what it's all about, but I have found myself making even BETTER decisions when dealing with women, so I guess it can't be that bad......

 

[lookyoung]

I think your going crazy.:crazy: This is not normal.

 

[STR8UP]

I think your going crazy.:crazy: This is not normal.

Could be....

Maybe one day I will be able to get my sh!t together so I can go back to dealing with people on a normal level

 

[Metro3pilot]

Maybe you're just tired of all the Bullshyt and don't care anymore ! ! !


:rockon:

 

[aliasguy]

Dude, are you ok??????

 

[Mr.Positive]

It's like I have little desire to even "connect" with most women lately, I just want to do or say something I normally wouldn't, and watch their reaction.

Str8up, what's up? This is a strange thing to post, so there's got to be more to this..sounds like you enjoy the teasing/flirting with women, but don't feel like you have time for them?

Fwiw, there's nothing wrong with stepping back and taking a break from women to focus on other things.

 

[Phyzzle]

I often like str8up posts, because they talk about success without being a bunch of useless bragging. On the other hand . . . you kind of kill the fun. You keep telling us you aren't interested in any of the women you talk about. So where's the suspense?

Anyways, welcome to Tyler Durden's world.

http://www.bristollair.com/methods/authors/tyler-durden.html

Though I think his finest work is in this article.

I wish I had your attitude 10 years ago. But aren't we getting a bit old for this? Are you ever planning to have kids?

 

[RedPill]

It's not experimenting, it's working smarter

One of the challenges of relationships, especially if you're perpetually busy engaging in the world you're creating for yourself, is finding women who are a fit to be a busy and successful man's woman. She has to understand that she'll never be the focus of your life, that you're never going to identify with her scarcity mindset and "settle down". Compounding the challenge of finding suitable women for the role is that it never quite makes sense to allocate huge blocks of your time to focus on seeking out women.

Rather, it's more sensible to to develop a process for qualifying women with greater efficiency, and that's what all this experimentation is about. It's market research. It's figuring out how different segments of your market - in this case suitable females - react to different messages. It's working smarter.

At the same time that you're striving for greater efficiency, if she's got a thriving career or social life of her own to keep her busy, it's hard to imagine that she's going to be accepting of your limited availability and attention. I suppose this just goes to reinforce Plate Theory, in that having enough plates spinning, and continually upgrading the rotation will eventually procure candidates who possess the capacity for a longer-term relationship. While women who are beautiful and articulate are hard to find in the same package, I think the real challenge is identifying such a woman who recognizes your inherent value and takes it upon herself to be your loyal supporter and an advocate of your causes.

 

[STR8UP]

Am I tired of it all? Kind of, but that's not really it.

Do I enjoy flirting but don't have time to follow through? Well, that might be a little closer. It's just that no matter how low maintenance a woman is, it's never a walk in the park.

On one hand I miss the intimacy of a relationship. But I don't seek that because it really doesn't fit my life right now. I don't shut out the possibility, but I don't pursue it either.

On the other hand I wouldn't mind a fukk buddy situation. the only problem with that is that it would be lacking in the intimacy department which would really benefit me more right now.

Sex is sex. Back in the day I used to be like most guys and measure my self worth as a man by how much sex I was getting. Today it's nothing more than a pastime that is enjoyable as long as the benefits outweigh the cost (having to deal with everything to get it).

It's like I have the "I don't give a fukk" attitude, so I just decided to use that to see what happens when I do this or that in certain situations.

I don't want to seem like this is a diabolical scheme or anything, it's not really that extreme. But I have noticed a marked change.

The thing that brought me to realize what was going on was the craigslist ad that I just did. It's as if although I AM using it as a resource to meet women with the potential for dating them, at the same time it's like the experimentation factor is more important than the actual outcome.

Its not just that though.....I hang with my AW friend once a week or so and although we are (for all intents and purposes) platonic friends, she IS a female so I have started to treat her differently. She even commented on it.

And her friend, the lebanese chick. I pretty much wrote her off but on a whim I invited her to a party the other day, and I kind of actually ended up talking her out of coming! Now I have gotten back this desire to keep the ball rolling, but I honestly don't care one way or the other what happens and it's almost like an amusement to me to try to lead it and see what happens.

 

[mrRuckus]

It's like I have little desire to even "connect" with most women lately, I just want to do or say something I normally wouldn't, and watch their reaction.

So you've dehumanized them? They're just robots that you provide with inputs and you want them to spit back the outputs?

I think this is where genocide and racism comes from.. you just start seeing everyone as machines and they're all the same so what's the big deal about turning them off?

 

[aliasguy]

Str8up------

You wrote:

"On the other hand I wouldn't mind a fukk buddy situation. the only problem with that is that it would be lacking in the intimacy department which would really benefit me more right now."


Exactly what do you mean by "intimacy"? Some of the nicest intimate moments I've ever had were with women I was NOT in a committed relationship with.

Are you talking about sexual, emotional, intellectual intimacy, or what?

With a ONS, you can open your heart and spill your guts after you f*ck if you want, and get tenderness and "support" and not worry about being the solid, tough guy --- BECAUSE you and she know it's a one-time deal. There's no future "relationship" to "mess up."

I'm guessing you aren't talking about physical intimacy here, right? So I'll move on....


Intellectual stimulation or whatever we may call it.------> That you can get from colleagues, friends (male OR female) and even family.


Clue me in on what kind of intimacy you want/need. And why do you feel it is so very different from what you can get from a f*ck buddy or two, combined with what you get from your REAL friends?

 

[KarmaSutra]

Brother STR8UP,

All life is a learning experience. Everything we think, we see, we act upon, is based on what we've previously learned and, in some cases, unlearned. What you're having is a mild existential moment. A moment of reflection. At our age this is perfectly normal and expected. Nothing to fret over. Don't think you're doing anything wrong or abnormal this is all part of our maturity process.

Fvck, question everything.

 

[STR8UP]

So you've dehumanized them? They're just robots that you provide with inputs and you want them to spit back the outputs?

I don't see them as machines. Exactly the opposite. I see them as fascinating creatures that follow a meandering (emotional) path dictated by nature that is often difficult to follow.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

It's like I have little desire to even "connect" with most women lately, I just want to do or say something I normally wouldn't, and watch their reaction.

Maybe it's not healthy. Maybe it's a step in ladder to becoming the man I want to be. Maybe I'm too busy for the social life I would like so I'm making a hobby out of the fact that I would have a hard time being in a TRUE relationship.

Not sure what it's all about, but I have found myself making even BETTER decisions when dealing with women, so I guess it can't be that bad......

It's like that episode of Seinfeld where George does the opposite of what he would normally do in every day situations. I think some things worked out well for him, I may give it a try.

"Hi my name is George, I'm unemployed and I live with my parents"...

 

[STR8UP]

Clue me in on what kind of intimacy you want/need. And why do you feel it is so very different from what you can get from a f*ck buddy or two, combined with what you get from your REAL friends?

I'm talking about the feeling you get when you are around someone who takes you away from the rest of the world. And I'm not talking about "love". I don't believe in all that.

I can't see having anything but physical intimacy with a ONS. And if you share any other form of intimacy with a fukk buddy, you're basically entering boyfriend/relationship territory. And having that is never free. It comes with a price. You don't share a moment then stand still. you either move forward toward a relationship or you let it go. There is no such thing as maintaining a minimal level of intimacy.

 

[aliasguy]

So, man, you WANT a "girlfriend," a close, intimate, monogamous relationship?

A woman you can be close to physically and emotionally? A woman you can TRUST, and LOVE, and DEPEND UPON?

Like THAT?


(NO judgment, here, just ASKING.)

 

[STR8UP]

Brother STR8UP,

All life is a learning experience. Everything we think, we see, we act upon, is based on what we've previously learned and, in some cases, unlearned. What you're having is a mild existential moment. A moment of reflection. At our age this is perfectly normal and expected. Nothing to fret over. Don't think you're doing anything wrong or abnormal this is all part of our maturity process.

I dunno, i think it goes deeper than that.

I don't really see it as such a bad thing when I think about it because it's almost like I am dealing with women on a new level. Like the way I SHOULD be dealing with them.

I've always been the guy that cared. I cared about people's feelings. I cared about what other people thought of me.

This has faded over the years, but never gone away. Lately I feel like it's taken a vacation. Maybe it will come back. I don't know.

On one hand desire can kill your chances with women, but on the other hand if you have no desire, how can it be enjoyable? I don't want to be without desire, but that's kind of where I am right now. Actually I suppose I still have desire because if I didn't why would I even be interested in any outcome?

Fukk, I hope this is all tied to the bullsh!t I'm going through outside of my personal life cause I don't want to be the guy going through the midlife crisis, lol.

 

[STR8UP]

It's like that episode of Seinfeld where George does the opposite of what he would normally do in every day situations. I think some things worked out well for him, I may give it a try.

"Hi my name is George, I'm unemployed and I live with my parents"...

There is something to be said about that.

I once heard "if you are losing money on the stock market, start doing the opposite of what you want to do".

 

[STR8UP]

So, man, you WANT a "girlfriend," a close, intimate, monogamous relationship?

A woman you can be close to physically and emotionally? A woman you can TRUST, and LOVE, and DEPEND UPON?

Like THAT?


(NO judgment, here, just ASKING.)

I want the good without the bad.

If i were to get into a committed relationship right now I would have to hear "Why don't you spend any time with me?' "You're always working".

And that's the last thing i wanna hear because if I had a choice I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in.

Ideally I would find a woman who is content to have a committed relationship with a man she sees once or twice a week. Does that woman exist? I haven't met her.

 

[aliasguy]

ST8UP-----


I understand, but you have to agree that what you want ISN'T out in the female population of the real world. Sometimes, we just have to accept reality.

You probably can get some chick, or a series of chicks, to buy into what you want for a while. And you might be able to pull this off for YEARS. But you will know inside that you are "gaming" the system. And, ultimately, the chick will bail. You know this.

Why not just accept that you don't want to give these women everything that they WANT, and accept that, in turn, you aren't gonna get EVERYTHING that YOU want, either. And just take what they CAN offer, and give them what YOU can offer, and accept that this is about as good as it is gonna GET.

You have your business, you have your network of friends, and I guess you have some family you can count on. Let that be ENOUGH.


Why do you need some "special" INTIMACY with one particular woman? Just accept what each can offer you, and don't expect more from them.


I guess I don't really understand what else you really WANT. What is it?


If a woman says, "I don't care if you work all the time, I'll still be here for you," well, YOU WILL BE UNHAPPY if you buy into it and go along, because, as you know, women aren't like that. She'd be LYING.

Str8up, you know WAY too much to wallow in this sh*t. Cut it out.