My Girlfriend was raped by her Ex...

[Squidward]

Hello DJs... I can't put into words how angry, shocked and disgusted I feel right now. A few days ago, I come to learn that my current girlfriend was raped by her Ex. This happened before we got together. I know it's in the past and it can not be changed, but my mind can only dwell... he practically got away with what he did, since my Girlfriend couldn't bring herself to anyone, and it's probably too late to take action now.

DJs, I'd like to ask you how you would react to this sort of situation. How would a 'Man' take to all this?

Thanks.

 

[gordiepoopy]

Yo, I feel you man. My last gf was raped by her brother. She DID have some issues...... related or not I don't know but I left her. imo. You should ask her how she feels about it. If it's an answer that's like... "well... it was a horrible experience but I got over it and you know what I'm gonna help people in my situation get over it too." as opposed to "ahhh... he raped me.. omg wtf... help me... I wanna commit suicide... ahhh" then you're good. Ultimately you gotta decide whether this girl has her head screwed on the right way or not, but if she's "crazy" don't hesitate to dump her for another. imo you should never have to endure anything that makes you even slightly unhappy/any other bad feeling/burden.

 

[Captain]

Yo, I feel you man. My last gf was raped by her brother. She DID have some issues...... related or not I don't know but I left her. imo. You should ask her how she feels about it. If it's an answer that's like... "well... it was a horrible experience but I got over it and you know what I'm gonna help people in my situation get over it too." as opposed to "ahhh... he raped me.. omg wtf... help me... I wanna commit suicide... ahhh" then you're good. Ultimately you gotta decide whether this girl has her head screwed on the right way or not, but if she's "crazy" don't hesitate to dump her for another. imo you should never have to endure anything that makes you even slightly unhappy/any other bad feeling/burden.

Exactly right.

 

[sodbuster]

Could just be the typical female BS. I had a girl tell me that, but I knew the whole story. When a girl wakes a guy up by rubbing his unit,I'm not sure how she can claim it.

 

[Aragon034]

make sure it's not a case of Almost Rape

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Almost_rape&redirect=no

If it is real... well... i agree with the above, might be better to just leave it alone.

 

[Ryoku]

A "man" would realize that she has more baggage than he really wants to deal with.

Be nice, tell her to go to therapy.

Don't be a chump and stay - girls with sexual issues are bad for you.

 

[Dante420]

A "man" would realize that she has more baggage than he really wants to deal with.

Be nice, tell her to go to therapy.

Don't be a chump and stay - girls with sexual issues are bad for you.

I wouldn't know but that sounds really accurate. That could be unhealthy for your mind dude.

 

[BlakeW5]

Well, in the conventional "macho" sense of it all a "man" would whip the guys ass. However, that same "man" would then get into all sorts of legal trouble and potentially ruin his future all for a girl he didn't know was the "one". How long have you been with this girl?

Honestly, Ryoku gave you the best advice in here. I'm not here to judge whether or not you girl is telling the truth.... I don't know her or the situation, so don't think I'm doing that. But this is something I've been through.

Here's a little background: I dated this chick for 5 months (we've been broken up for 2 now so this is fairly recent). I always got this weird feeling that she didn't trust me even though I did everything in my power to help her trust me. 3.5-4 months in the topic (trust) comes up in conversation. She tells me point blank she can't trust guys. Why? She got raped. Did I feel bad for her? Of course I did. However, it pissed me off to no end that she waited until I got real feelings for her before she told me. So I find out she can finally trust guys now..... after we broke up. It killed me because I put in all that hard work to show her not all guys are a$$holes only for some new guy to get the new-improved version of her. If it hadn't have been for her trust issues (the cause of MANY fights) this girl would have been close to perfect. Honestly, I'm glad she's better now, she's had a hard life and deserves better, but I'm mad as hell I had to be the transition guy. I never did one bad thing to the girl but I had to pay for what other guys before me did to her. If I had known all this going in, I may have just cut her loose and tried to help her outside of a relationship. I'm not saying I regret her, I'm just saying I invested a LOT and only got hurt in the end.

Straight-up this isn't something I like to talk about because the whole situation and how it played out really hurt me. Just be prepared. If you do decide to go for this girl it's gonna be one hell of a roller-coaster ride. So ask yourself "Am I really ready for this?" and then ask yourself if you really care enough about this girl to do through it all. Finally, if you do go through with it prepare for the possibility that you'll get hurt and come out the loser in this deal.

 

[KontrollerX]

Its not your problem for her to be dumping on you.

If she was raped she needs to go to the authorities and prevent this from happening to another girl.

Those are the only people who can bring this guy to justice.

You have to watch out that she's not just bullsh!tting you so you go and beat up or kill her ex who may not of raped her at all.

If she wants justice and this really happened to her again its an issue that is out of your hands and not for you to feel bad or guilty or angry over, its an issue that needs to be presented to a judge and a jury but before even that a professional rape counselor or some form of mental health professional should be seen by her.

You are not a professional in this field nor are you a police authority so if you want to help encourage her to go see one or all of those people that can help her.

Also you need to know if this is too much drama for you to deal with its perfectly acceptable and alright for you to dump her.

You have to be concerned about your mental health and well being first.

 

[Squidward]

Thnanks for all the advice everyone. She has her head screwed on fine and jsut wants to forget about it. We have a normal sex life and it has never ever been a problem.

BlakeW5 I feel for you man.

By the way, it's been 6 months I've been with this girl.

Well just have to see what happens.

Again, thanks everyone .

EDIT: KontrollerX, I'll always put my mental health and well being first, and it's something you forget to consider when you have strong feelings for your friends, etc.

 

[Aenigma]

One thing you need to keep in mind.

SHE MIGHT BE LYING

Now- I don't know this girl- but I do know that some girls are shameless manipulators and pathological liars. She may have just invented this as a means of trying to control you and deny you sex.

Be very suspicious if she refuses to go to the authorities.

 

[TheSplat]

I can't believe how much of a pvssy everybody is on here. Go wait until no ones around, and put a bat on that guys legs. Somebody raped your girlfriend? You have to handle that sh*t. Just don't get caught. Don't listen to these guys telling u to dump her because of emotional baggage, that's obviously not the case here. Just take care of her, and protect her...it's part of your job as boyfriend.

 

[The Logical Player]

I can't believe how much of a pvssy everybody is on here. Go wait until no ones around, and put a bat on that guys legs. Somebody raped your girlfriend? You have to handle that sh*t. Just don't get caught. Don't listen to these guys telling u to dump her because of emotional baggage, that's obviously not the case here. Just take care of her, and protect her...it's part of your job as boyfriend.

big giant whopping LOL

there is not JOB or OBLIGATION as a "boyfriend", the only job and obligation one has is to keep themselves happy, THATS IT

 

[KontrollerX]

I can't believe how much of a pvssy everybody is on here. Go wait until no ones around, and put a bat on that guys legs. Somebody raped your girlfriend? You have to handle that sh*t. Just don't get caught. Don't listen to these guys telling u to dump her because of emotional baggage, that's obviously not the case here. Just take care of her, and protect her...it's part of your job as boyfriend.

This is the kind of useful idiot all society's need.

Those that aspire to be DJ's do not be THIS guy.

Guys like this pay vaginamony, rotate your car tires, shine your shoes, raise another man's children, be cuckolds, pay large divorce settlements to ungreatful b!tches, die of stress related heart ailments and on and on all in a misplaced effort to do what society says is right.

Tell me John Rambo how are you going to feel once you are serving a 10 year prison sentence for busting some guy's kneecaps while your girl runs off with some other guy while you are rotting in the pen over your idiotic devotional act for her and ontop of that you find out the bullsh!t rape story wasn't even true?

How will you feel then?

Fvcking moron.

 

[Squidward]

I don't get how people can just take the easy route and abandon someone just because they are a burden. Seriously, if everyone had that mentality, there would be no Heros' such as Firemen and Doctors, and I don't think anybody would carry a large amount of emotional burden for the sake of a wage. Not everyone in this world is for themselfs, and I see too often this site how you have no one but yourself in this world... which I don't disagree with fully, but people really need to find true companions in this world.

Maybe I'm young and naive, maybe I'm wrong.

 

[Warrior74]

One thing you need to keep in mind.

SHE MIGHT BE LYING



Now- I don't know this girl- but I do know that some girls are shameless manipulators and pathological liars. She may have just invented this as a means of trying to control you and deny you sex.

Be very suspicious if she refuses to go to the authorities.

This.

some of you guys are really young and naive. My last girlfriend told me how she was raped by an ex cop boyfriend and gave me a ton of reasons why she refused to do go to the authorities. She refused to tell her two big huge brothers or her avid gun collector dad. But she told me after the third time we had sex. Now I could get mad about it, or I could just act sympathetic and wait and see how that plays out.

She was a freak, bjs, toys, handcuffs, anal...down for any and everything. But anytime I would try to be agressive outside the bedroom she would throw that rape shyt up as a club to try to make me act the way she wanted. "Your acting just like that cop" was how she weilded that club. She would verbally insult me and say things to try and provoke me and make me mad. basically it was her excuse for acting like an out of control crazy bytch. She was a good person, but I couldn't put up with all of that...she was draining...she required too much attention and this was only in two months time. Imagine if I would have stayed with her for years and years! Hell no! She had to go.

So fall for that BS if you want to. I deserve a woman with less issues and baggage in my life. I have a daughter, two older parents and a business partner to deal with, I don't need a crazy woman on top of all of that just because she has good sex. Priorities boys.

 

[Igetit!]

This is the kind of useful idiot all society's need.

Those that aspire to be DJ's do not be THIS guy.

Guys like this pay vaginamony, rotate your car tires, shine your shoes, raise another man's children, be cuckolds, pay large divorce settlements to ungreatful b!tches, die of stress related heart ailments and on and on all in a misplaced effort to do what society says is right.

Tell me John Rambo how are you going to feel once you are serving a 10 year prison sentence for busting some guy's kneecaps while your girl runs off with some other guy while you are rotting in the pen over your idiotic devotional act for her and ontop of that you find out the bullsh!t rape story wasn't even true?

How will you feel then?

Fvcking moron.

Exactly what I was thinking Kontroller.
Seems to me that the guy who said to take a bat to this guy's kneecaps didn't even read the OP's original post. He said that the rape happened BEFORE he started dating her. Granted rape is a huge,huge wrong done to the girl,but what is the OP supposed to do? What,whenever he approaches a girl is he supposed to track down all the people who have ever wronged her and try to get revenge? Sorry,but you can't just go around attacking complete strangers because of something they did in the past everytime you meet a new girl.

 

[Squidward]

This.

some of you guys are really young and naive. My last girlfriend told me how she was raped by an ex cop boyfriend and gave me a ton of reasons why she refused to do go to the authorities. She refused to tell her two big huge brothers or her avid gun collector dad. But she told me after the third time we had sex. Now I could get mad about it, or I could just act sympathetic and wait and see how that plays out.

She was a freak, bjs, toys, handcuffs, anal...down for any and everything. But anytime I would try to be agressive outside the bedroom she would throw that rape shyt up as a club to try to make me act the way she wanted. "Your acting just like that cop" was how she weilded that club. She would verbally insult me and say things to try and provoke me and make me mad. basically it was her excuse for acting like an out of control crazy bytch. She was a good person, but I couldn't put up with all of that...she was draining...she required too much attention and this was only in two months time. Imagine if I would have stayed with her for years and years! Hell no! She had to go.

So fall for that BS if you want to. I deserve a woman with less issues and baggage in my life. I have a daughter, two older parents and a business partner to deal with, I don't need a crazy woman on top of all of that just because she has good sex. Priorities boys.

Well, what am I supposed to do, I'm totally lost guys...

 

[Squidward]

Exactly what I was thinking Kontroller.
Seems to me that the guy who said to take a bat to this guy's kneecaps didn't even read the OP's original post. He said that the rape happened BEFORE he started dating her. Granted rape is a huge,huge wrong done to the girl,but what is the OP supposed to do? What,whenever he approaches girl is he supposed to track down all the people who have ever wronged her and try to get revenge? Sorry,but you can't just go around attacking complete strangers because of something they did in the past everytime you meet a new girl.

Spot on man, even if what has been done... I can't control it. Sure, I feel like ****, but whats happened has happened.

 

[Aenigma]

Well, what am I supposed to do, I'm totally lost guys...

What you do is you tell her to go to the authorities. If she refuses then you tell her to never mention it again AND GET HER TO AGREE TO IT. If she refuses leave her.

If she tries to bring it up again to try to manipulate you with this angle- you ignore her and tell her that she agreed not to discuss it anymore- maintain this position at all times and do not budge.

Another way to approach it would be to take the dominant approach- if she refuses to go to the authorities- simply state "well then this issue is closed- we're not bringing it up ever again". If she brings it up- tell her that the issue is closed and that you're not discussing it. Leave her if she's a manipulative *****.