My girlfriend is showing signs of declining interest

[Philly_boy]

Hi SoSuave,

We've been together for about 7 months now. I've always kept my frame, never succumbed to her and all that. However, two weeks ago. She complained that I don't put as much interest into the relationship as her which was actually true anyway but I didn't really care. She would always texted me good morning and night texts. Always asked to come over. Always wanted to cook and clean for me. Always going out of her way to do or buy things for me. She would text random pictures of herself obviously to get my attention and even nudes when I asked for them. Her IL was high.

I also showed interest but I made sure to follow the 60-40 rule or whatever it's called. Basically, I always reciprocated with about half the IL she showed. For example, if she cooked, I would fvck her silly. Anyway, she said she would start to show just as much interest as I do because she feels like she's putting more into the relationship than me. I told her to do as she wants.

Obviously, it's led to nothing but rubbish. She's now showing half interest and I'm literally showing no interest at all which has led to us only seeing ONCE these past two weeks. She was all over me and even got moody when I didn't want her to stay over. That was last Friday.

Since then I haven't heard a peep from her again. I do not want to chase her because everything I've read here says not to chase when she's withdrawing.

This whole thing makes me feel like cr@p and makes me hate relationships. If I wasn't in a relationship, I could easily pick up my phone and hookup with someone else.

I can't do that now because I'll just feel worse for cheating. Any advice on what to do? She's a nice girl but I don't like her behaving like this.

 

[marmel75]

Hi SoSuave,

We've been together for about 7 months now. I've always kept my frame, never succumbed to her and all that. However, two weeks ago. She complained that I don't put as much interest into the relationship as her which was actually true anyway but I didn't really care. She would always texted me good morning and night texts. Always asked to come over. Always wanted to cook and clean for me. Always going out of her way to do or buy things for me. She would text random pictures of herself obviously to get my attention and even nudes when I asked for them. Her IL was high.

I also showed interest but I made sure to follow the 60-40 rule or whatever it's called. Basically, I always reciprocated with about half the IL she showed. For example, if she cooked, I would fvck her silly. Anyway, she said she would start to show just as much interest as I do because she feels like she's putting more into the relationship than me. I told her to do as she wants.

Obviously, it's led to nothing but rubbish. She's now showing half interest and I'm literally showing no interest at all which has led to us only seeing ONCE these past two weeks. She was all over me and even got moody when I didn't want her to stay over. That was last Friday.

Since then I haven't heard a peep from her again. I do not want to chase her because everything I've read here says not to chase when she's withdrawing.

This whole thing makes me feel like cr@p and makes me hate relationships. If I wasn't in a relationship, I could easily pick up my phone and hookup with someone else.

I can't do that now because I'll just feel worse for cheating. Any advice on what to do? She's a nice girl but I don't like her behaving like this.

Maybe you should stop acting like a douchebag and more like a boyfriend...

This is the problem that occurs when this stuff is analyzed and taken to the extreme...at some point you are going to just have to give a little if you want it to work long term.

Maybe the situation is salvageable maybe its not, but it sounds like you are running to look at your "Book of DJ Rules" everytime something happens

Just my 2 cents

 

[Cloudtopsun2100]

you are acting like a fag man, just be a boyfriend to her, b1tches always act weird, dont just act weird too like a woman, stick to acting like a cool responsible guy and just dump that creeper if she keeps acting like that

 

[movistar]

This just happened to me almost verbatim, I showed more interest but to not avail. Show very little if any now, might be over. Game other chicks and don't feel bad about it.
I think you have to just dig in and go no contact like you have something better going on. I think once they see you are invested when they pull back its an uphill battle.

 

[hudpes]

I guess this is what you get following rules of unknown origin. The 60/40 or whatever is called, is not 60/40 at all, all it means is you shouldn't feed her more than she can swallow and let her be hungry once in a while. Don't run faster than she can catch up. It doesn't mean you should show half the interest she's showing and generally not care. What happened to you makes perfect sense. She gave it all and got a "meh" in return. Got fed up, who wouldn't.

 

[In2theGame]

"My girlfriend is showing signs of declining interest"

Think of it as you in a jet fighter plane, Its going down.... are you going to stay in while it crashes and bursts into flames or are you going to parachute out before that happens. Time to eject.

 

[marmel75]

I guess this is what you get following rules of unknown origin. The 60/40 or whatever is called, is not 60/40 at all, all it means is you shouldn't feed her more than she can swallow and let her be hungry once in a while. Don't run faster than she can catch up. It doesn't mean you should show half the interest she's showing and generally not care. What happened to you makes perfect sense. She gave it all and got a "meh" in return. Got fed up, who wouldn't.

Well summed up...this falls under the category of "a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing", especially when used in the wrong manner

 

[Atom Smasher]

The principles on this site are usually stated strongly and formulaically in the interest of efficiency, but they are only training wheels and rough guidelines that need to be adapted to your personality. Going by the book won't work for every man in every situation with every girl. Some guys get away with more rigid application than others, but all men need to calibrate according to circumstance.

I believe you over-did the application of the principles, and you vexed her into withdrawing. The only thing you can do now is to either wait till she reconnects and then lighten up or else approach her as if nothing ever happened, invite her to some activity and calibrate yourself a little better during that meetup.

If she withdraws any further you need to eject, like In2 says. Never allow yourself to be dumped... the warning signs are always there. Only you know whether there's a chance at salvaging the relationship or not.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

What Atom Smasher said.

In addition: the problem is, most people don't know how to transition from using game that gets a girl to using game that KEEPS a girl. There are a lot of things taught on this site that are great for pick-up game and for using in the first 3 months to get her interested enough to be the girlfriend, i.e. being aloof, not calling her all the time or telling her your feelings, only seeing her once a week, etc. And, doing these things will, in fact, help you to get her to become the girlfriend.

However, the extremes of these things can't be done at the same level once she becomes the girlfriend, or else she'll start to FEEL like you don't like her as much even if you do. For example: when you first start dating her, it's recommended to wait a few days between dates before you contact her, and it's a GREAT way to have her thinking about you, wondering what your interest level is in her, etc. However, doing this once she becomes the girlfriend can feel disrespectful to her - like, you spent 3 months to convince her to be the GF, and now you can't even pick up the phone on a regular basis to call her? And you're thinking, "well, I spent the first 3 months not calling her up every day, why would she be bothered by it now?" And it's because you're now in a RELATIONSHIP with this girl, not the dating phase, which means you can do things like increase your phone calls.

Now, this isn't to say you completely go off the rails and change. For example: I'm not a guy that's ever been a fan of making phone calls, let alone texting ('cause, y'know... texting KILLS relationships), and when I first date a girl she only hears from me when I'm calling to set up a date. However, once I'm in a relationship I make an attempt to call at least once a day - the girl will still end up calling me more, but in terms of me initiating a call, it's at least one a day. Why? Because it makes her feel like I care by reaching out to her, which makes her feel loved; at the same time, though, I'm not calling so much that I end up turning her off or feeling like I'm forced to make a bunch of calls when I'm not really a phone person. And, to be honest, it's something I had to learn the hard way after being in relationships where I was still doing the phone thing with girls I was in relationships with in the same way I was when we started dating.

So, you need to figure out what behaviors got you your girlfriend, and really sit down and analyze if any of those behaviors may now seem out-of-date or at a level that's too extreme now that you've been with her for a while. Hope this helps!

 

[Trump]

I also showed interest but I made sure to follow the 60-40 rule or whatever it's called. Basically, I always reciprocated with about half the IL she showed. For example, if she cooked, I would fvck her silly. Anyway, she said she would start to show just as much interest as I do because she feels like she's putting more into the relationship than me. I told her to do as she wants.

Since then I haven't heard a peep from her again. I do not want to chase her because everything I've read here says not to chase when she's withdrawing.

This whole thing makes me feel like cr@p and makes me hate relationships. If I wasn't in a relationship, I could easily pick up my phone and hookup with someone else.

Bro, this site isn't about 60/40 or 70/30 rule. It's about you doing what you want in order to be best man you can be, and having her come along for the ride. Once you start to use gimmicks and only show half hearted attempts to contact her, when you may want to f her brains out, you've lost the game.

A lot of guys on here put way too much focus on relationships. If they were on a professional sports team, in a band, running for senator, they wouldn't care half as much because their minds would be so pre-occupied. :flowers:

 

[Fireballs]

You need to learn what to take from sites like this and how it pertains to your life and circumstances, and also what to ignore and leave here.

If you go around following every single thing you read on sites like this, you will turn into a complete @sshole. And no, not the type of @sshole that makes her gina tingle, that's a different kind. There is alot of information out there that I disagree with and if I tried to implement it into my game, my relationships would fail miserably.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

OP,

It may well be lost as you have to alter your strategy once you are exclusive or in a relationship. It may be salvageable, but you may have to disappear and start over again.

Going out attracting women as a single man is very different to being committed to one woman. When single one must be more Alpha, less beta. In a relationship, one must be more beta than Alpha.

Bachelor Game = Push-Push-Pull, Push-Push-Pull

Relationship Game = Push-Pull-Pull, Push-Pull-Pull

As you have found, being aloof and dominant works for a while in a relationship, but only for a while. Women are ultimately looking for commitment as well as attraction. The secret is maintaining the attraction and subtly building commitment in to the relationship as it blossoms.

 

[movistar]

I feel like I posted this same situation and was simply told to next her. I kept up the pick up game well into our relationship, and went no contact a few times only to see our relationship get worse. The last no contact was the final straw.
What does he do now that they are in the relationship and this situation occurs, doesn't seem like he can be beta now.. It seems like he has to move forward being aloof..

 

[nismo-4]

A lot of guys on here put way too much focus on relationships. If they were on a professional sports team, in a band, running for senator, they wouldn't care half as much because their minds would be so pre-occupied. :flowers:

Unfortunately, none of us are any of these things. If we were, the questions on this forum would be very different.

Op, tone down the alpha and be ready to eject. Relationship game is an whole 'nother field.

 

[SoSuave666]

The principles on this site are usually stated strongly and formulaically in the interest of efficiency, but they are only training wheels and rough guidelines that need to be adapted to your personality. Going by the book won't work for every man in every situation with every girl. Some guys get away with more rigid application than others, but all men need to calibrate according to circumstance.

I believe you over-did the application of the principles, and you vexed her into withdrawing. The only thing you can do now is to either wait till she reconnects and then lighten up or else approach her as if nothing ever happened, invite her to some activity and calibrate yourself a little better during that meetup.

If she withdraws any further you need to eject, like In2 says. Never allow yourself to be dumped... the warning signs are always there. Only you know whether there's a chance at salvaging the relationship or not.

Absolutely. It's a tough pill to swallow, but you need to learn to calibrate your alpha to the girl you are with. A lot of people come here, learn set in stone principles, and never bend.

What I would suggest is toning down your alpha and giving a bit more emotional substance...OVER TIME. Do NOT hit her with a ton of beta bricks all at once. Build some more rapport slowly. Women work on two levels: attraction and rapport. Simplified: alpha and beta. If you need to err, always do it on the side of alpha. If you feel as though the relationship cannot be salvaged, you MUST eject. I think the problem here with you is that your internal game is not congruent with your outward presence. Meaning, inside you want to be a little more beta but the lessons you've learned either from this site or past experience is leading you to remain stoic and 100% dominant alpha. No woman will stay in a relationship like that.

You CANNOT backslide though if she breaks up with you. Nothing will ruin your life more than being an alpha the whole relationship then after she breaks up with you becoming a whiny beta. She will see your true colors and be 100% confident in dumping you. If you do get dumped, you MUST accept it and remove yourself. In this way you will be congruent throughout the whole relationship. If you were to ever change and get back with the girl, she must believe you did it of your own volition, and not to simply appease her.

 

[Philly_boy]

Hi all,

I think I may have blown a false alarm. Regardless, I noticed some very interesting advice that seems in line with what I should start doing. Relationship game is entirely different from pickup game. 7 months is too long to still be using pickup mind tricks on her.

A few months ago, we made plans a long time ago to attend a fair that was showing this weekend. The old me would just do other things while she was the one to hit me up about it.

So yesterday, I hit her up with a casual text and made plans with her instead. She was very excited and even asked if she can stay over. The old me would have been like "you can stay over if you want". This time I told her "Sure" instead.

The old me would take between 12 hours and a day to reply back to her texts. Instead I kept it to a maximum of 30 minutes or an hour depending on how busy I was.

Her interest level is still there. I just need to show a little bit more interest in her and not be so rigid. She even made a remark the last time we saw each other. "7 months and you're acting like we don't even know each other. I don't understand you."

Thanks for the advice, guys.

 

[TheSlasher]

Start looking for options. She'll figure that out one way or another and she'll act better again. This withdrawing is merely a big sh!t test and by acting more like a loving guy will make you fail the test. Dread and competition anxiety will do better than succumbing to that tantrum. In other words, keep gripping tight to your ground by looking for options.

 

[marmel75]

Start looking for options. She'll figure that out one way or another and she'll act better again. This withdrawing is merely a big sh!t test and by acting more like a loving guy will make you fail the test. Dread and competition anxiety will do better than succumbing to that tantrum. In other words, keep gripping tight to your ground by looking for options.

Yeah, or maybe she actually really likes him but feels like the relationship is going nowhere and she dorsnt want to wait another year for him to treat her like his girlfriend?

 

[TheSlasher]

Yeah, maybe.

 

[smooth_as_silk]

There's too much predictability in your (somewhat) douchebag game... you putting on an act is transparent.
You need more variation: push/pull, hot/cold...