My full story - worth reading

[Trance]

Its a long story, but some of you will have stories like this and can take some lessons from this. Its quite long, but i think its worth reading.

Here is the full story. We met in college, i was in 2nd year and she was freshman. In the traditional college year start parties we started talking, my eyes stared at her the first time i saw her, and she liked me too i could tell.. I used to call her the freshman of my dreams.. She used to move away from all the freshman group and come next to me talking to me all along the path, neither of bothering what the rest of the other ppl were thinking.. One time we were going for a walk and she told me something about the guy she was dating.. My heart just stoped, i could not believe she could be that inocent not telling me, but soon after she said she was not dating anymore, only dated a guy 1 month but he was paranoinc. And after 1 month of these parties and me taking her home, or going for walks, we kissed and started dating.

Joana was very inocent that time, only had a few weeks relationships (her longer was 1 month), and she was even kinda embarassed of kissing me inside college. When we were alone she would be much more affective. After 2 months dating i told her i would like very much doing sex with her, she was virgin, and had not tought about doing it so soon.. But sometimes we were alone at her place or mine, and we were beginning to know eachother bodies. 1 piece each time, and after a few days of starting to get excited, we actually did it. She was so inocent she didnt even knew it would bleed the 1st time.

Our sex life was going really well, lots of times, always exciting and we were having fun.. But out of our sex life, sometimes she would be agressive to me, get upset for no special reason and start yelling and stuff..
I still didnt tell you guys one important part.. At that time i was still not ok from my previous relationship. I dated my ex 1 year, and started dating this Joana about 6 months after my ex broke up with me. My ex went back to a guy she had loved before, but never dated, and today she is still with him. And after 1 year of being with Joana, i still had strong feelings for my ex, and if she signed me, i would probably go back to her..

Its not that i didnt like Joana, but altough we had great moments like sometimes going somewhere and the sex, we would also have big discussions for no reason at all, just her character is so temper.. So sometimes when we were both at college, since nothing fun to do there i would rather be with my friends playing computer games.. And she got pissed off because of that.. I mean.. she wouldnt give me no room at all for me to be with my friends.. Everyday i had to go with her to the bar eat because she didnt like the regular food, so i could not go with both her and my friends, and every free time i had she wanted me to spend with her.. It was getting kinda obcessive, and since we had so much time together in a boring place like college, a lot of discussions ocured.
As usual, when you start dating someone, a lot of girls that didnt give a **** about you before now try to make a move. One italian girl was after me, and after i had a big discussion with Joana and she told me she would not come to see me when she had promissed, i just got mad and phoned my italian friend.. And she came right over to my place.. We had a 1 day adventure..

The next day i told Joana about it, and she came to talk to me to set it up.. I told her all the truth, and when i looked in her eyes i started crying, i didnt want to hurt her.. Altough hurt, she hold me and told me it was ok, and she loved me and wanted to continue to be girlfriend..
My italian friend, altought not knowing me very well (we met on the internet) wanted to be my girlfriend.. Dunno how she felt so involved with me, she said she was inlove with me. When i told her i would stay with my girlfriend she had a hard time.. but i never lied her it was only 1 day.. And at that time i had some doubts if i wouldnt be better with her, because she was an incredibly hot, beautifull and sweet girl.

Summer came, and Joana spent the whole summer away from me.. I was always trying to do something with her, going to the beach, going on camping, but she always had to wait to know her father plans, or bla bla, and eventually she only went on vacation for 1 week of the 1 month vacation, and we didnt do nothing.. Not even going to the beach, only 2 or 3 times we were together, making sex and going for a walk near the sea.. I really could not be happy with that..
Also, she started arguing with me for nothing.. like politics of football, she gave her opinion, and if i gave mine and disagreed, she would insult me, and i mean really insult me and hurt me..
One time we had a big arguing on the phone, and i said i wanted to break up.. She was very mad at the phone before, and got even madder after i said it, insulted me with things i will never forget. The next day, when she realized she was really mean to me and deserved that i didnt want her again, she asked me sorry, and said she wanted to be with me.. I told her i would give her other chance but needed some time for myself..
I could really use 2 weeks or so of being alone since i was kinda tired of the routine, but she insisted in calling everyday when i was not ready yet, not because of any other girl, i just needed that time.. And after a week or so we started again, i didnt feel 100% yet, but i gave the chance cause i cared about her.. This was 1 year after we started or so..

We kept breaking up like that, either me, either her for small arguments. Sex was always incredibly hot, that was the main reason she would get me to go back to her, because i really missed it with her..

After 2 years i told myself i would never want to be her boyfriend again, i was so tired of this relation.. But she wanted me, and i was giving her no hope.. After 2 weeks she started going out with a guy, but everyday or 2 she would phone me to talk to me, and saying she was getting somewhat involved and if i didnt want her anymore she would try with this new guy. They had kissed then.. I felt very jealous and i took her back.. (we are now 2 years after we started)

And i think after a few months we started again a change ocured. I ignored all the things she would to do me sometimes, and I started being the best of boyfriends (not that i was a bad one before!), really caring and loving, and she was loving it too, i would go anytime to see her, make her surprises, etc..
Sex was everytime better and better, specially when we could make it at night, we would do it 7 or 8 times a night...

June 2003 (2,5 years of being together), some changes ocured. She was never the kind of girl to use makeup and some kind of clothes and she started using them. I liked it then, she was looking more and more beautifull.. And she installed internet and messenger. I think that proved to be very bad for our relationship, since a lot of guys who never had the guts to talk to her personally now had an easy tool to harass her..

I went for a 1 week camping with friends and i invited her. She said she would got but never did. I got pissed off because after last summer not being any time with me, now not even now she would..

At weekends i would come home because during week i would stay in a house near her because of college, and weekends was the only time i came home. My friends saw her in a bar next to her house one weekend. All this time she never had told me she used to go out at night at weekends, and it proved that almost every friday she had been going out.. I got really pissed off on this.. I know because of something i will tell next that she never was with other guy in these weekends, but it was still something that pissed me off a lot, she had lied about not going out.. When i confronted her with this she said that yes sometimes she used to go out with her friends and hadn't told me..

Dunno if this was before or after me camping. We had agreed that we could do something like having an adventure with other person if we would tell the other that we were interested, not going to bed of course, just kissing and having fun. So one time she came on messenger and told me that in the bar she used to go one guy started talking to her, and suddenly grabed her and kissed her, and they were kissing for 15m before she went home.. I felt so bad.. She hadnt told me like we agreed that she wanted something like that and since things were not going well between us, she ignoring me a lot my afections and that stuff.. So i asked more about it, she said he kissed her and she corresponded.. When i said i was pissed of because she made that when things were not very ok between us, she said it was just a few kisses, and she went home right after without his phone or something, embarassed..

Sometimes we were at my place and her phone kept ringing, she said it was her father or bla bla and didnt never answered, and im not dumb, along with her becoming away from me all that ringing and messenger talking.. It was obvious someone was after her and she was hiding it.. But since we were together i tought it was just some harassment and we would prevail.

 

[Trance]

And so, around September 2003 she said she wanted no more.. That she was tired of the routine.. I agreed too, thinking it would be a few more weeks apart that would actually be benefical like before. September end i was really missing her, and i told her.. She still didnt want it, but after a few times being together for a cofee or so we huged and kissed, and it felt good again..
We were suposed to be boyfriends and she told me that in this month we were apart, she had been going out with a guy, that he was caring to her and even invited her to go to his placa when he was alone, and that she of course refused.. I got jealous but i loved her, and i understand during that time we didnt date so she did what she wanted with her freedom.
A week after or so, she tells me we are not exactly boyfriends, but more "coloured friends" - that means dating and having sex, but not actually boyfriends.. I was also somewhat tired of the relation and sex was definetly the best part so i agreed.

We kept toghether till 20 december, we went to lisbon, me her and 2 friends, i was going to play in an important tournment and she was going shoping with her cousins from there. We were suposed to come back at night but my friend had a headache and could not drive. I offered to pay all the hotel expenses, the tournment would only be over like at 3 or 4 am anyway and she knew it before, but she refused to stay and went home by train.. I could not believe, she had passed the chance to be a night with me (we were missing a night long time ago since we only had made it in afternoons).
All that trip she never even gave me a kiss, and many times before in december i would go make her a surprise and she would not even kiss me.. I felt so bad.. Even in front of my friends, all during these 3 years sometimes she wouldnt treat me as a boyfriend, and that made me felt really bad.. But i didnt care that much cause she was all afective when we were alone.

And the next day she told me on messeger she was pissed off on me not coming back with her by train, when i offered all the expenses and i could not control my friend driving.. I think that was just an excuse cause she was far away from me that last month, and when i asked her if she liked me she said yes and hugged me, but it was not the same thing.. Even at my place, she would avoid going to bed with me, making all possible to see a movie instead.. I only remember i was in bed with her at least 2 times because of some picture i have from her in late november / early december..

I wanted badly us to be boyfriends again, and i tryed to convince her, but she used the lisbon excuse saying i didnt come with her and that that made her decide..
New year i went to a party in my friend's place, and so did she went (she's in the same friend's group now too).

After new year, i had this idea.. I created an undercover messenger acount and added her, saying i was a secret admirer. She talked to me like she never talked before, wanting to know who i was, and im a good talker, i acted perfectly, saying i saw her in college bla bla and that i desired her a lot.. I started getting the informations i wanted. All the experiences she had corresponded to what she had told me before, so she did not lie. But i got to knew something..

I was asking and asking, and i asked if she ever had a 1 night stand and she said no. But when we talked about dates and that, she said when that 1 month guy invited her to her place she went, and had sex with him in november.. Oh boy, how it hurt.. But still i kept asking more and she said that they only made it for 5 minutes, and when he came back from bathroom was already dressed, and they didnt made it again. Why she had left her ex boyfriend (me)? Because of the 1 month guy, who was being very caring with her and she was liking, and also she was saturated of me, she didnt had any atraction by me, 0 she said.. Altought it had been bad sex, the only thing that excited her was being with another person.. I asked if she was missing having sex with any of them, and she said that wouldnt happen cause i would be giving them hope and she didnt want them after her.

And i started saying i wanted to be with her, wanted sex with her with that fake messenger, and telling lots of horny stuff like i used to usually in bed or phone messages. She said that no one ever made her so horny, and specially someone she didnt even know, and she was very curious.. I sad such incredible fantasies she said she was now willing to go to bed with me, she just wanted to know me before (have a cofee or something). I asked what could possibly happen for her not to want, she said just if i would be her ex or the 1 month guy. Latter on and only latter she came suspicious that i could be one of the two and more suspicious of being me because of the horny way of talking.. I insisted on several ocasions for her to strip for web cam, but she never did it, i wanted to see if she used to do it to some msn guy but at least she doesnt do that.

And a few days ago she found out that it was me talking to her by something in my profile. And i said how could she had had sex with that guy when we were together, she told me that it was not in november, but in december after she came from lisbon and we broke up, that she said november to piss me off cause she said she knew it was i all along (lie, she only realized after she had told me all i wanted to know) because of the things i had said to her too she tought i had slept with the italian and wanted to piss me off..
I dont know what the truth is.. she went to bed with this guy in november when we were together (she didnt remember dates very acuratly but the pictures of her in my place made me remember we were going to bed in november end/december start) or if she only did it after we completly broke up..

She doesnt know how good the sex was we had because i was her first and she only had the "5 minutes with this guy".
Also, in the start of our relation when i was alone i had pretty much normal sexual fantasies, with lots of ppl. From some point of our relation, because we made such exciting things, when i fantasise its always with her, fantasise about the things we done or a bit more that i would like to do in a next time..

One of the last times we talked i told her i really love her, that now i am a lot diferent and that if we have another chance all be diferent (i really changed a lot since new year, i started going out like 3 times a week, and other stuff). She told me that this guy she dated 1 month is the same guy she was 1 month with before we started.. She said she didnt leave me because of him, that it was only my own fault, small things i made when we were together like wanting to know what she was doing all the time and the routine.. Of course i wanted to know.. I kept hearing the phone all the time Also, i asked if she wanted to be girlfriend of this guy, and she says he has some things she doesnt like and she's not thinking of dating him nor anyone.

1 week ago i made a final try for us to be together again, and she told me that now she is dating him, and that she just wants to be friend to me. They have been together everyday and going out.

And now here i am, i miss her a lot. I wrote all this huge story so that u guys can learn something from it adapted to your experience, and possibly feedback some interesting coments about what was really in her or my mind and that kinda stuff.
I still talk to her on messenger, but she doesnt reply to me many times so the last days i stoped giving her any sign of life to keep my dignity.

I know that with time i will forget her and have a new girlfriend, but now i really miss her and would like to try again with her. Anyway now i go out 3 times a week and im meeting new girls and having fun with my friends. But i still love her and i still have some hope we can be together again, but im gona date girls right away, being safe both ways.

Some final remarks from my experience:

- After a lot of time together you cant compete with something new. A hug or kiss from someone diferent is a new feeling..
- Girls after breaking up tend to try something with the person they had liked just before starting with you, or if that person is not available, someone who has been harassing her for some time may get lucky. (this is not based on my experience, a lot of girls told me they did it)
- Even the girls who look more inocent and that you know best have their secrets.
- The first 2,5 years when i didnt care, like i had no problem if we would break up, she wanted me bad. When i started being nicer to her actually caring if she would be with me, she lost interest.

 

[stormwriter]

Yeah dude, welcome to the club. Damn, my brain hurt reading that.
God*amn dude, you asked for half of that trouble, by doing stuff like creating the fake messenger account.

WHENEVER YOU PRY INTO SOMEONES PERSONAL LIFE, ESPECIALLY A CHICK'S THAT YOU'RE INTERESTED IN, YOU ARE ALWAYS, AND I REPEAT, ALWAYS GOING TO FIND SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU MAD.

If you want to torture yourself like that, go ahead. Just learn from this, and NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER EVER get so god*amn wrapped up in a chick like that.
Did all of that feel good? Was it worth it? Sounds like she turned you inside out. Gutted you.

So, just stop thinking about it and dont ever do that again. When you get the first inkling that a chick has lost interest in you, MOVE ON, no matter how great you think she is, cause if you are seeing signs that she's lost interest - THEN SHE'S ALREADY OUT THE DOOR.

Ugh dude. When a chick breaks up with you, they hardly EVER want you back, unless they are mental or low self esteem. And if there's another dude in the picture (which there almost always is... cause chicks swing from one branch to another) then you WILL NOT have another chance with her.

Forget her. Wipe the slate clean. Don't do it again.

BE A MAN.

 

[Vigilante7]

WOW, long story, sorry it had to turn that way

Where do u stand now?? and has this board effected ur status with her vs other girls?

 

[DJnomore]

Man I am scared

That sounded too familiar to me...
lol

 

[Trance]

Where do i stand now? Humm well, with all that msn talk, i got her to be interested in that fake person made by me, that was just like i am! I was planing on maybe setup a date with her with the fake ID and maybe she would be in the mood because with the stuff i was telling her she was liking it a lot.. I told her, if i could make her interest by me not knowing it was me, why not trying to "know" me again? But she didnt listen..

The day she told me she's dating the other guy, we went for a walk. Sometimes we gave a little hug, sometimes me to her, sometimes her to me or she would tickle my belly or something. And then after a 2 hour walk she went to meet him to see a football game T_T

Well, the next day we talked and we setup going for a walk near the sea in 2 days. The next day i phone her just to talk and she says she phones me latter (she was with him). At night she tells me the guy saw my name in the phone when it ringed and wanted her to add him to our conversation so that we could talk. I said, sure, why not. He said that sometimes ppl try to have everything and end up with nothing. And then explained that he didnt knew if it was the case, but he maybe thinks that i want more than friends with her and that i can be boring her and eventually will lose all (he said he has experience in that kinda stuff). So i said he should worry more about his relation than with my ex relation with her. Anyway, the next day we didnt go out, no mood for her after this altough she said it was because she had to study for exams.

Humm i think he's jealous at a destructive level, and with some time that can **** up his current situation with her. So what should i do concerning her? (about other girls im already searching of course)

 

[Vigilante7]

JESUS CHRIST !!!!

Your getting super-walked over, your being the intellectual ***** while the other guy is getting the action

You need to snap out of it, If i were you, dont EVER CALL EHR AGAIN!!! No matter how much it hurts, i bet shell call you back, cause its so routie for u to call, its gonna hurt cause she has been in ur life for so long, but you honestly are looking at this way too positive, another guy is fuking her while your being the b1tch, go get other girls, Portugal is beatiful country with hot girls....GO OUT AND GET SOME ! stop being a *****......it hurts like hell, but you need to move on, your eliminating all ur oppurtuinities

 

[wolfie]

Just by looking at the start and the finish I know this guy just needs another gf.

 

[CLOONEY]

Man what a story. I dont really like responding to these kind of threads anymore because most people WONT follow your advice anyways. They are in love and just arent strong enough to restrain themselves.

Trance, u gotta get out of your trance man. You are love struck with a girl who has lost total interest in you.

There was once a boy who used to get REAL angry, so his dad said to him, everytime you get angry put a nail into the door. So as time went by, the boy put a nail into the door everytime he used to get angry. After a while, the boy stopped getting so angry until he got to the point where he was putting no more nails in the door. So his dad told him to take all the nails out of the door now he had fixed his problem. So the boy took all the nails out of the door, but now the door was full of holes. So his dad says to him, it is great you have fixed your problem but look at all the damage you have caused.

This story remind me of your relationship, you now think things could work, because you realise what you were doing wrong and you can fix that. But your relationship has too much history too many past problems "holes in the door". Sometimes you just gotta move on, forget about this girl, and start fresh with someone else...............good luck mate.

 

[Trance]

I think i just feal jealous with the tought that she might be having sex with this guy, after all the **** we've done together. Of course that me having sex with other girls is np to me. Well, its a selfish tought, but i think that's it, jealous about that.

 

[Trance]

Can you guys tell me 1 thing.. Im never gona ring her neither call her at messenger, but should i block her at msn, or let she see me put some nicks like out for party or a pic of me with other girl, or other sugestion?

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Trance
Can you guys tell me 1 thing.. Im never gona ring her neither call her at messenger, but should i block her at msn, or let she see me put some nicks like out for party or a pic of me with other girl, or other sugestion?

Delete her from your MSN list. You dont want to make her Jealous, all this is just a sign your interest is still SKY HIGH. If you leave her on your list, one day she will talk to u and you wont be able to restrain from talking back and your interest will shoot back up. OR you will be missing her terribly one day so you will speak to her once more. You gotta get over this chick, its hard, but you have to push on like a warrior, you have to be strong and eventually the feelings will die down.

Good luck, although luck has nothing to do with it, it all depends on how strong you are as a person.

 

[Tango-Kid]

Nah.. that way you´d still have hopes about her wanting you back. I think the easiest and the best way is to forget her completely. Block her in the messanger and erase her data if it´s easier for you that way.

Think about it objectively. I know what I´m talking about.. I´ve been through that myself. Keep your diginity man - forget her and find new gf´s. There are so many girls in this world, and so little time.

Good luck! Remember, it´s a pity for a man to sell his balls to a woman.

 

[Nightspark]

Wow that's some story dude...

and a fello portuguese =) ... ola ola !

OK seriously sounds very familiar to my last relationship... just take away the sex part and change 2.5 years to 3days short of 6months and u sorta got what i had...

this jealousy u have is not good... get rid of it or else you'll be hooked on this girl for a very unhealty period of time and it could fvck up urr next relationship as well... trust me i still have some feelings for my ex but they are small feelings and it's nothing earth shattering like your experiance...

about the MSN Messenger thing... Don't bother trying to make her jealous or anything... waste of time... just ignore her... u could just delete her off your list and keep her unblocked or u can block her 100% and never speak to her... that's up to you...

bottom line... it's over... nao ha mais nada tu podes fazer para ela trocar a cebeca dela, tems mais sorte para ganhar o loto de ela esta interesada (intrested) em ti...

time to move on and let go of old feelings for her... it's for the best!

deixa ela amigo! Vai apanhar outra rapariga =)

 

[Trance]

It just so recent like 1 or 2 weeks, that's why im still kinda hocked up. But i know that i will soon regain full control of myself. Since new year i returned to my old life style of 3 years ago.

3 years ago how was i? I was the guy who was diferent, the guy who would go to freshman introduction, picked the most gourgeous girl there and said to my friends: "that girl will be mine". Everyone there wanted her too, but i was the guy with the atitude, the guy who would just stay there looking her in the eyes all the time, and she couldnt even stand looking back at me, she latter confessed that my gaze with my blue eyes made her some strong impression..

She was the hardest girl to get, and i was the guy who said, that girl will be mine, the guy who in the year start parties when all the ppl went to the party went straight to her with all the ppl around, and kissed her in the cheek and looked her deep in the eyes saying: "you will be mine". And i got her after just a few weeks.

So now i think im returning fast to my old lifestyle, and it will feel great. My self confidence will soon boost up, and i really had a LOT before! I would still like to **** with her 1 last time, but i dont really need it. This site can teach many of the things i only learned from this 3 year experience, that has teached me a lot, and will be very important in the future. I feel much more mature now, and when i fully regain my self confidence, girls be ready ^^

Thx a lot for the feedback guys, keep it coming, i really apreciate it!!

 

[coldcoal]

Trance, what you should focus on is the fact that this has become an easy in/easy out relationship. So long as each of you chance the idea, there will be times when both of you will click, one of you will click and neither of you will click into re-testing the past.

Your racing mind and recall of situations is the struggle to understand this timing. You're really trying to find that moment you both mutually click, again, like it had happened before.

As time passes, the odds of that mutual click happening decreases, but it will never truly go away. 14 years pass; two LTRs and one engagement since, and I still occasionally think of a girl that I had gone through the same scenerio with many years before, even though the jarring feelings and effects are a distant and ancient history.

The reason is because this type of relationship, together or apart, as good as the chances may seem to get at times, will never become complete. Even time wont heal it completely, it just increses the curiousity. But it will never mature past this in/out stage because of things already done. Accept that. Be willing to accept that each time you get the chance to get together again, in the end you will only learn more of why it will never work.

It is not her you need to get over. It is the elusive possibilities between you two that you subconsciously entertain. Get over that, and the girl's actions, behavior, will become a logical problem you can handle.

 

[Trance]

You guys are so right, when a guy is blind we dont reason.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Trance - I read your extremely long post (and I thought I was bad!) and after reading for so long I was put in a 'trance' and into a state of delirium (now I know where you get your name from!).

I am too delirious right now so I can't adequately answer your post, sorry but it's your fault!

 

[the99ebookstore]

Man, I feel your pain! That happened to me before and it just hurt so damn much! It changed my life big time. The relationship had a bad after effect on me that even after 5 years have passed, I feel that I have this depression in me that I can't eliminate. My feelings for my ex had ofcourse gone away, and now I can't believe that I fell for her. But somehow, the bad effects stayed with me. I am now more cynical about relationships because I know that "love" hurts so I hold back my feelings and don't trust my partners the way I used to. Well, it's better to dump and hurt them than to be dumped and hurt. We are all humans, we are all cheaters and we are always insatiable.

Now, I met my childhood crush.. we are in a long distance relationship. But I'm not inlove with her as she is inlove with me.
I just want to have sex with her, that's what I say to myself everytime I enter a new relationship. After I find a new one to have sex with, I'll dump her.

So to all of you out there, its better to hurt than to be hurt! Never give in, never trust, and never fall in love!

Now, If anyone has a different take on this. Please feel free to give suggestion or tips on how to keep a loving relationship, just reply to this thread.

 

[Trance]

Now that's a good technique! I think im gona do something like that too Every day that passes, i miss her less, and my self confidence gets boosted. Today im going out with an incredible girl to a party, gona have much fun ^^