My first relationship (w/ 29 yr old), need advice

[CoolRunning]

I'm in what you could call my first relationship. I am 27, she is 29. On the 2nd date (where we made out) I told her I wasn't interested in anything serious or committed, but I liked spending time with her. She's not a talkative type and she's like "yeah".

Fast forward 2 months. I have been seeing her once a week and we have been ****ing like horny rabbits. Usually she'll come over Saturday afternoon and we'll do it twice, or she'll come over Saturday evening and stay the night and we'll go at it a bunch.

During the week we don't really talk, usually only to set up the next meeting. She usually initiates this by texting me or calling me.

We have not discussed "us" or our relationship at all. Nor have we talked about love or romance or anything. Just talked like friends and had a bunch of sex. When we're together, we go out to eat, hang around at my place, or see a movie...then have sex.

Where I see this going is I will continue to enjoy seeing her for another few months until I can "trade up" for someone more fun and interesting and hotter. This girl is sweet, but not fun or interesting. She has a decent body, but is not cute or hot. Sorry to use the crude terminology but it's true, I am using her for sex (but trust me she is DEFINITELY getting her fair share out of it - for someone who has only had sex on like 8 occassions in his life, I seem to be remarkably good at turning her into a sexual animal).

1) From my description, does it sound like I have been congruent with the fact that I am only interested in a short term relationship, and that in her heart she must know this? I care about this girl and don't want to lead her on.

2) Does it sound as if her beliefs about the relationship are reciprocal?

3) What is a good way to end this, when the time comes? I'm thinking of decreasing our meet-ups to once every 2 weeks (I'll just plan other stuff to do) and eventually LJBF her.

When you are replying, PLEASE remember that I have literally never been in a relationship with a girl before...so stuff that is simple, I may not understand.

Thank you

 

[Vulpine]

Sounds to me like you have yourself a quality FB relationship. And, given that she's 29, it seems quite likely that you are her FB as well.

See, women get ultra-horny around 28-35. My experience has shown me that women will tollerate a lot or lower their expectations just to keep a steady lay (or plural) around. Meanwhile, trust that she is searching for her "soul mate" when she's not fuqing you.

1, 2) Good job not bringing up the relationship as something to discuss: continue to enjoy the ride without making a big fuss. You guys both know what's up, so there is no need to screw with it. Let sleeping dogs lie... if it isn't broke, don't fix it... blah blah blah If she isn't pushing to be exclusive and not bringing up boyfriend/girlfriend discussions, you are FB's and she knows it. For all you know, she might have a "nice guy emotional tampon boyfriend" hiding out somewhere. Who cares? You're getting a piece, she's getting a piece - everyone wins. Don't over-analyze!

3) Don't "break it off". Once a FB, always a FB. I've just had a FB track me down after a 10 year "break in service". With FB's, you don't LBJF them formally - unless you are getting married, and even then, you don't have to formally sever ties - you're FB's! Instead, you "wean them". One week, when she calls to hook-up, you are busy. Ok, there you go, now it's two weeks between meetings. Then, something comes up and it has to be three weeks between meetings. This goes on as necessary. If you do it this way, the plate basically spins almost to a stop and still doesn't drop. Then, should you want some action later for some reason... give her a call and see what she's up to. To brush the dust off, you'll have to go on a date before the sexin', but it's easy to get the plate up to a full speed spin again if you wanted to.

 

[Bad_Lil'Pixie]

I'm in what you could call my first relationship. I am 27, she is 29. On the 2nd date (where we made out) I told her I wasn't interested in anything serious or committed, but I liked spending time with her. She's not a talkative type and she's like "yeah".

Fast forward 2 months. I have been seeing her once a week and we have been ****ing like horny rabbits. Usually she'll come over Saturday afternoon and we'll do it twice, or she'll come over Saturday evening and stay the night and we'll go at it a bunch.

During the week we don't really talk, usually only to set up the next meeting. She usually initiates this by texting me or calling me.

We have not discussed "us" or our relationship at all. Nor have we talked about love or romance or anything. Just talked like friends and had a bunch of sex. When we're together, we go out to eat, hang around at my place, or see a movie...then have sex.

Where I see this going is I will continue to enjoy seeing her for another few months until I can "trade up" for someone more fun and interesting and hotter. This girl is sweet, but not fun or interesting. She has a decent body, but is not cute or hot. Sorry to use the crude terminology but it's true, I am using her for sex (but trust me she is DEFINITELY getting her fair share out of it - for someone who has only had sex on like 8 occassions in his life, I seem to be remarkably good at turning her into a sexual animal).

1) From my description, does it sound like I have been congruent with the fact that I am only interested in a short term relationship, and that in her heart she must know this? I care about this girl and don't want to lead her on.

2) Does it sound as if her beliefs about the relationship are reciprocal?

3) What is a good way to end this, when the time comes? I'm thinking of decreasing our meet-ups to once every 2 weeks (I'll just plan other stuff to do) and eventually LJBF her.

When you are replying, PLEASE remember that I have literally never been in a relationship with a girl before...so stuff that is simple, I may not understand.

Thank you

My two cents:

1 & 2) Of course, not ever detail can be portrayed in a brief text but it doesn't sound like she is expecting more then you promised. You told her you were not into anything serious or committed and you enjoy spending time with her. She doesn't seem to be pushing for more, testing you, playing games, calling every night to check on you, riding by your home to see if you are home, you didn't even mention that she questions your activities when you are apart, etc... Seems like she is living up to what you told her you wanted and she isn't crossing your boundaries. So I give a thumbs up to both #1 and #2. I think you and her are on the same page.

3.) I really don't think this is a relationship, BTW. Having no goals to grow closer, no hopes of a future, no love between you and her, to me, makes her more of a f-buddy. I have to wonder if that is how she feels too.

I am a little weak on how to end it, hopefully another poster will help you here. I feel this way though, I wouldn't drag it out too far, if you don't find someone to "swap her out" with soon, I'd end it anyway. Just simply tell her you are wanting to make a change and see other women. I wouldn't attach the "we can still be friends" line, because I think that is all you two really are.

CR, never think that ANY relationship is better then NO relationship. You deserve more, or at least you deserve what you WANT and obviously this woman is not what you want. It isn't shallow for you to consider her a "test flight" in to the world of women, LOL.

Take care!

 

[Hitman10000]

It seems like the both of you are in a genuine F*ckbuddy relationship. Just sex and no real intimate quality conversation time. When it does end, both of you won't really have any real outpouring of emotions, you've said it best "sweet, but not interesting/funny - decent body but not cute/sexy." That's kinda how it was with one of my former ex girlfriends. Dead relationship, no intimacy, but we'd meet up/have sex and "go through motions of gf/bf" but we both were totally different, it was a FB relationship but the fact didn't become obvious till after 3-6 months later. When it ended, it was like I've always been single. Which I hope will be the same for you if you're concerned about how to leave a FB relationship. Since it does sound like your typically FB relationship with the social appearance of a gf/bf relationship, I recommend dumping her once you start becoming interested in another girl or if she starts acting 'weird."

I disagree with the notion that FB is always FB. FB more than half the time turns into a full blown romantic relationship from what I hear from others, usually it happens because both people discover that they have more in common and try to connect on a deeper level to make it work. But apparently in your case, it's not gonna happen. Usually the biggest indicators if you really want someone to be in a relationship with you is if you ask yourself this "Can you see the probablility of being married to this person?" If you say a definite NO, then it's FB. If you say "MAYBE" or "YES" and it's all good.

 

[donArjun]

haha, your first girl and you score with a FB thats a good one. Enjoy it bro...! This usually happens with good looking guys, are you good looking or you just a very good DJ?

 

[CoolRunning]

Haha, well, here's the thing. I am hearing you guys loud and clear that this is a FB relationship but I am having trouble believing it. Maybe that is because it just seems so bizarre that "me" (by which I mean the "me" of 6 months ago) would have a FB. But also, this girl is NOT attractive and she is really quiet, I think she may be low self esteem as well. I.e. not the kind of girl, I would expect, who can go out to a bar and pick up a guy easily. Her body is good, tight ass, good legs, C cups.

And yes, I outrank her in the attractiveness department.

So I have this harboring doubt that maybe she wants me as her boyfriend, or thinks I am, but is just too shy or something to say anything.

She does have friends and goes out partying with them and stuff, and she's into various sports, so she does have a life and friends.

But I guess the actions speak louder than words. She came over on Saturday, but I haven't heard from her so far (it's Wed today).

 

[Vulpine]

So, you can appreciate that she "is happy with whatever she can get out of you"?

You told her "nothing serious" and are fuxing her... she's good with that.

My FB is the same way: not a looker, but is happy to fux and that's it. Of course she wants more, but is going to take whatever she can get out of me.

 

[wayword]

My FB is the same way: not a looker, but is happy to fux and that's it.

Just curious, has anyone here ever had a hot FB? Only way I can see that happening is maybe an ex, or an HB with some serioussss life problems that prevent her from dating freely. Cuz if she were hot, she'd probably expect more "return" for sexing and a guy would actually want a relationship with her.

Anyone?

 

[Vulpine]

Well, yes, I have actually.

If you can give them something that they can't get from other dudes - you have all the chips. If you bounce them off the walls and their donkey boyfriends can't, there you have it... the makings of an FB.

But you have a good point. Most often, the hotter HB's have way more value and wouldn't settle for just sex, that's true.

 

[Bad_Lil'Pixie]

CR, don't be responsible for her emotions or the unseen ones you are creating.

Be accountable for your own actions, you have done well so far. You have walked and talked your position in her life and it is her issue if she has hidden desires, not yours.

I agree with you, she is a single 29 yr old unattractive woman, I am sure she wants more.

Wait O_O!!! It is always the nice, quiet ones that flip the f out. Ohh, sleep with one eye open dear!!! *evil laugh*

 

[donArjun]

And yes, I outrank her in the attractiveness department.

).

dude I didn't ask you if you outrank her, I asked Are you good looking in General?


p.s.
your post seems like you feel guilty for using her for a FB.

 

[macknetikcharm]

Cool Running:

Stop talking about "where this is going", that's her job not yours.

 

[CoolRunning]

dude I didn't ask you if you outrank her, I asked Are you good looking in General?


p.s.
your post seems like you feel guilty for using her for a FB.

I don't know if I'm good looking. Honestly. I am just gaining the first iota of self confidence. I would say that I am very skinny, but have muscle definition (i.e. bulges, not just perfectly straight arms and legs). I would say that my face is funny looking from the side, but piercing and sexy from the front. I would say that my posture is a little bad from years of hunching. I think I am probably a 6/10.

Yes I do feel guiltly for using her. One of my goals is to leave women better than I found them. I don't want to hurt her.

 

[dietzcoi]

What???

You want to leave women better than you found them???

That is a job for Captain-Save-A-Ho!!!

Don't be this guy!! You are not responsible to fix or better women in any way.

You are on a dangerous road with this thinking. You should break up with this FB.. before she turns into a "project" for you and you get caught.

Better hope she does not turn up pregnant.. then you will be the next "dead man walking"

Dietzcoi

 

[macknetikcharm]

What???

You want to leave women better than you found them???

That is a job for Captain-Save-A-Ho!!!

Don't be this guy!! You are not responsible to fix or better women in any way.

You are on a dangerous road with this thinking. You should break up with this FB.. before she turns into a "project" for you and you get caught.

Better hope she does not turn up pregnant.. then you will be the next "dead man walking"

Dietzcoi

:crackup:

What a lashing

 

[CoolRunning]

Whatever. I am not in the PUA scene to hurt women. I care about this girl. I want to make her happy if it doesn't involve sacrifice on my part, but only acting in a certain and congruent way.

 

[disfunktional]

Whatever. I am not in the PUA scene to hurt women. I care about this girl. I want to make her happy if it doesn't involve sacrifice on my part, but only acting in a certain and congruent way.

You can't make her happy, you can contribute to it, but if that happiness isn't there in the first place i.e due to her own issues, nothing you can do will change that. Been there done that....