My ex replied to my drunk texts from a week ago

[Copper24]

I texted her drunk at night a week ago. I asked her whats up and if she ever thinks about me. I apologized for texting her late and said I hope she is happy and that I won't text her again.

Now after a week she replied, apologized for not replying earlier, she's been going through tough times. She asked why I feel sorry for texting her and why I not want to reply again and said „It's fine if you don't answer. But if you change your mind, know that I don't have any negative feelings for you".

In the year since we broke up she reached out a few times but it was so empty and almost felt humiliating. She reached out again two months ago just to catch up after a year of no contact. I think that‘s why I had the feels to reach out to her last week.

I still cringe at the messages I sent. I regretted texting her so I just tried to act like nothing happened and moved on. I thought she wouldn't text me anymore but she did. I don’t even know if she genuinely wants to talk or just replied out of politeness. I don't want to get back together. I was just drunk and a little emotional and wanted to talk with her that night. What should I do?

 

[Dr.Suave]

I don't want to get back together. What should I do?

Forget about her. Focus on stuff that matters.

 

[soulforge]

I texted her drunk at night a week ago. I asked her whats up and if she ever thinks about me. I apologized for texting her late and said I hope she is happy and that I won't text her again.

Now after a week she replied, apologized for not replying earlier, she's been going through tough times. She asked why I feel sorry for texting her and why I not want to reply again and said „It's fine if you don't answer. But if you change your mind, know that I don't have any negative feelings for you".

In the year since we broke up she reached out a few times but it was so empty and almost felt humiliating. She reached out again two months ago just to catch up after a year of no contact. I think that‘s why I had the feels to reach out to her last week.

I still cringe at the messages I sent. I regretted texting her so I just tried to act like nothing happened and moved on. I thought she wouldn't text me anymore but she did. I don’t even know if she genuinely wants to talk or just replied out of politeness. I don't want to get back together. I was just drunk and a little emotional and wanted to talk with her that night. What should I do?

How long was your relationship with her?

My friend brutal reality for you. These chicks move onto the next man in a heartbeat. Once they move on, they literally give ZERO fvks about you.

When you reach out a year down the line, your literally a stranger to her. This explains why it took her a week to get back to you.

Don't contact her ever again. Your story with came to an end.

She's not your girl, it was just your turn.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Delete her number

 

[Macadellic]

What should you do OP?

Start with figuring out why you are drunk texting feeling emotional. There are multiple problems at work here within you.

And then pretending like it didn’t happen
lol the delusional cope (a bigger greater problem)

Seek professional help or at the very least get your hands on some self help books.

 

[soulforge]

What should you do OP?

Start with figuring out why you are drunk texting feeling emotional. There are multiple problems at work here within you.

And then pretending like it didn’t happen
lol the delusional cope (a bigger greater problem)

Seek professional help or at the very least get your hands on some self help books.

I don't think he needs professional help.. Jeez who didn't get drunk one time and get a little emotional.

That's the nature of alcohol. You will experience all emotions at an extreme level.

Happiness, Anger, Sadness, it's just the nature of the drug.

I don't think a drunken moment of weakness requires the op to spend the next two years in therapy!

 

[Serenity]

I apologized for texting her late and said I hope she is happy and that I won't text her again.

Don't ever apologize for that. The nature of texting is that it can be read and replied to later in case it's a bad time when it's received, no harm done.

Don't ever do the "hope you're happy, I won't talk to you again" thing, by text or otherwise. It only ever comes across one way and that's the way you're genuinely feeling, like a 3 year old pouting when they're not getting their way, very unattractive.

Now after a week she replied, apologized for not replying earlier, she's been going through tough times. She asked why I feel sorry for texting her and why I not want to reply again and said „It's fine if you don't answer. But if you change your mind, know that I don't have any negative feelings for you".

The way she responds confirms she perceived it just as I described, that you're obviously annoyed. Now you're stuck though, if you continue the interaction you'll either have to dodge the question, tell a lie or confess that you're a beta. Neither of which are good comebacks.

What should I do?

Nothing! Just move on, forget about her and stop replying. Literally nothing.

 

[GT40]

Total Beta weak ass move. She’s an Ex for reasons. Keep it that way.

 

[RazorRambo24]

The reason you feel like this and why you keep falling into the trap is because there's a part of you that's keeping some "hope" alive..

It's like you're hanging onto a string that you feel is connected to something, treating it like ar ope.. hoping she's holding it from the other side, when she really isn't.

She basically bread crumbed you a few times and made you think theres still hope. Now you're at the cusp of realizing that you've been draining yourself of energy and emotion still hanging onto threads of hope for someone who you seem to even know that there's nothing there with.

When you have to ask them things like if they ever think about you, etc.. its a good sign theres 0 feeling from there side. She's just replying to you to be nice anyways my guy.

 

[Gamisch]

As OP learns, it seems at first that such a text is completely harmless. But once send, it does become a thing, and hardly ever a positive thing.

OLD has a similar effect on you, whereas you intended to make a profile and just play the waiting game but rather sooner than later it starts to chip away from your self esteem/confidence.

The most confusing thing is ofcourse she's throwing some bread crumb left right. A hungry man will feast on such bread crumbs like it's his last meal on deathrow.

Its a lesson. Are you able to shoot your shot, without expectations? Only then you can do this. If you actually expect/ hope she'll respond in a positive way ( wants to hook up) its no different from sliding in a woman's DM. Might as well use that rnergy to get a new one...

 

[MixedMutt00]

I hate how many people here put being honest with your feelings and being beta on the same side of the coin.

Now, I believe there were way better ways of handling the situation, but how else would you get the answer without asking that question? Maybe the better thing to do would've been to, while sober, ask and word it properly, maybe in a non-needy type of way if your intentions were to get to know her again, but there's nothing wrong with being honest.

You're asking because you cared, nothing wrong with that. Obviously, she wasn't some random one night girl, and even then it's still alright to express yourself. But how you express that honesty, I do believe that's somewhat important (not saying you did a bad job).

No need to apologize, ever, unless the person expresses negativity towards your actions. In this case, she didn't feel like you didn't do anything wrong; if she did, then you can apologize. AND STILL, why would you apologize for expressing yourself?

But the bread-crumbing, yeah be careful with that one. Even though you're expressing yourself, who's to say she won't use that vulnerability to manipulate you. Only you can gauge that truly, since you know her the best. But just keep that in mind, maybe work on yourself and make some more female friends if you do decide to reach out again (could blow up, but at least you'll have your answer to move forward)

 

[soulforge]

Over the years I have come to learn, never ever respond to breadcrumbs.

Anything short of "I miss you, I want us to talk and sort things out" should be completely ignored.

 

[Copper24]

How long was your relationship with her?

My friend brutal reality for you. These chicks move onto the next man in a heartbeat. Once they move on, they literally give ZERO fvks about you.

When you reach out a year down the line, your literally a stranger to her. This explains why it took her a week to get back to you.

Don't contact her ever again. Your story with came to an end.

She's not your girl, it was just your turn.

Did you even read my post? She texted me 2 months ago after 1 year of no contact. And like I said, I don‘t want a relationship with her. Nothing bad happened between us so there‘s no reason for me to ignore her. When she texted me she said she wouldn’t want us to disappear out of our lives forever. Considering I‘m the goofball that texted her last week, why ignore? Me and her both moved on / dated other people so what‘s the big deal

 

[Copper24]

Total Beta weak ass move. She’s an Ex for reasons. Keep it that way.

Over the years I have come to learn, never ever respond to breadcrumbs.

Anything short of "I miss you, I want us to talk and sort things out" should be completely ignored.

She didn‘t say she misses me or wants me back. She‘s just checking in on how I‘m doing. Something you big alpha guys might not ever know to do amr

 

[Copper24]

Don't ever apologize for that. The nature of texting is that it can be read and replied to later in case it's a bad time when it's received, no harm done.

Don't ever do the "hope you're happy, I won't talk to you again" thing, by text or otherwise. It only ever comes across one way and that's the way you're genuinely feeling, like a 3 year old pouting when they're not getting their way, very unattractive.


The way she responds confirms she perceived it just as I described, that you're obviously annoyed. Now you're stuck though, if you continue the interaction you'll either have to dodge the question, tell a lie or confess that you're a beta. Neither of which are good comebacks.


Nothing! Just move on, forget about her and stop replying. Literally nothing.

Thanks for your advice. Now I feel less like a goofball. I hope that never happens again but if it does I‘ll keep that in mind.

 

[Copper24]

I hate how many people here put being honest with your feelings and being beta on the same side of the coin.

Now, I believe there were way better ways of handling the situation, but how else would you get the answer without asking that question? Maybe the better thing to do would've been to, while sober, ask and word it properly, maybe in a non-needy type of way if your intentions were to get to know her again, but there's nothing wrong with being honest.

You're asking because you cared, nothing wrong with that. Obviously, she wasn't some random one night girl, and even then it's still alright to express yourself. But how you express that honesty, I do believe that's somewhat important (not saying you did a bad job).

No need to apologize, ever, unless the person expresses negativity towards your actions. In this case, she didn't feel like you didn't do anything wrong; if she did, then you can apologize. AND STILL, why would you apologize for expressing yourself?

But the bread-crumbing, yeah be careful with that one. Even though you're expressing yourself, who's to say she won't use that vulnerability to manipulate you. Only you can gauge that truly, since you know her the best. But just keep that in mind, maybe work on yourself and make some more female friends if you do decide to reach out again (could blow up, but at least you'll have your answer to move forward)

Thank you for your thoughtful response. You‘re right there is nothing wrong with expressing my feelings and it shouldn‘t make me feel small. After all there are no hard feelings on both sides, we even stayed friends after the break up (didn’t work out though for obvious reasons) but now so much time has passed and it wouldn‘t bother me catching up with her once in a while. Also I don‘t worry about breadcrumbs if after everything it’s revealed that she never wanted to be friends. I care about her as a person and if she doesn‘t genuinely wants to know how I am every now and then that‘s fine too. I will take some time to reflect and see what feels right for me. Take care!

 

[MixedMutt00]

Thank you for your thoughtful response. You‘re right there is nothing wrong with expressing my feelings and it shouldn‘t make me feel small. After all there are no hard feelings on both sides, we even stayed friends after the break up (didn’t work out though for obvious reasons) but now so much time has passed and it wouldn‘t bother me catching up with her once in a while. Also I don‘t worry about breadcrumbs if after everything it’s revealed that she never wanted to be friends. I care about her as a person and if she doesn‘t genuinely wants to know how I am every now and then that‘s fine too. I will take some time to reflect and see what feels right for me. Take care!

It's tough out there bro, don't get the "alpha guys" wrong. Ultimately, I agree with "discarding" her as well, but ignoring your feelings is detrimental and even worse than simping. Worst case scenario, bottling up your feelings TURNS you into a simp, versus just expressing yourself. What I think everyone wants to communicate is that it's definitely better to move on, even if you do care and are still friends. No point in moving backwards; we can always make new friends and have new people to check on.

I AM a hypocrite though, as I've done your situation and worse, *times a million times worse, AND sober lmaooo just like 2 weeks ago. People will tell me to drop her and move on, and their correct, just like I'm typing as well. But we started our friendship at 15; it's been 13 years now so it's not as EASY as just drop her. Or maybe it is hmm? I guess I'll let you know what happens in another 10 years lmao. Take care homie!

 

[Copper24]

It's tough out there bro, don't get the "alpha guys" wrong. Ultimately, I agree with "discarding" her as well, but ignoring your feelings is detrimental and even worse than simping. Worst case scenario, bottling up your feelings TURNS you into a simp, versus just expressing yourself. What I think everyone wants to communicate is that it's definitely better to move on, even if you do care and are still friends. No point in moving backwards; we can always make new friends and have new people to check on.

I AM a hypocrite though, as I've done your situation and worse, *times a million times worse, AND sober lmaooo just like 2 weeks ago. People will tell me to drop her and move on, and their correct, just like I'm typing as well. But we started our friendship at 15; it's been 13 years now so it's not as EASY as just drop her. Or maybe it is hmm? I guess I'll let you know what happens in another 10 years lmao. Take care homie!

It‘s good to know I‘m not the only one struggling with this haha. It’s understandable that ending a longterm friendship can be difficult. And you‘re right it‘s important to express your feelings but also be careful not to get hurt. Thanks for sharing your story with me and for your advice. Take care and have a great day!