I alluded to the story below in a reply to a previous thread but I'll write about it here. I'm a guy who has previously been very outcome dependent in every social interaction. Obviously this translates into severe social anxiety. Now that I'm aware of it I find myself taking a step back and just being a lot more relaxed for the most part.
Anyway I'm not looking for advice or anything, I just found the situation I found myself in funny.
---
I just got out of the gym so I was feeling that buzz you get after exercise. But I was also hungry. I went into Chipotle to grab a burrito before heading home.
The place was relatively quiet so I was served immediately by a pretty good looking black girl in her early 20s. Great body, great feminine energy. I'm guessing she was a college student working part time.
Now normally I would get uncomfortable in these situations as I'm an Australian living in Seattle. People sometimes don't pick up on what I'm saying - partly due to accent, partly because I don't use a loud enough voice sometimes.
My previous MO would be to kill the accent and try to enunciate my words as clearly as possible. That way whoever I'm talking to understands me and I don't have to repeat myself. I felt very dependent on every interaction going smoothly.
But that is BORING.
People aren't engaged by a robot who's talking clearly and trying to get things right the first time.
My current MO is to just talk normally. If the other person doesn't understand then I'll just repeat myself but with a playful tone. Laughing and smiling goes a long way in this situation.
So I ask for a burrito and she's like sure, what beans you want on it. I say "I'll get the beans closest to me". Thrilling stuff. But here's the thing - she didn't understand what the hell I said. She paused, we looked at each other while I was smiling. I let the tension build for one second longer than it needed to. Again I said "The beans closest to me, thanks. Those ones... Right there" while pointing.
She paused for another second. "Ohhh! You mean the beans closest to youuu!". We both laughed.
Tension diffused.
She asked what else I wanted and I said all the usual things. She kept her face down for the rest of the interaction. She didn't say anything else other than to the girl at the counter saying that it was a burrito.
Now what happened next was really funny. The girl at the counter was almost the exact opposite of the previous girl.
She was a white girl. Late 20s. Somewhat overweight. Stiff. Angry.
She says "is that all?" in a pissed off tone of voice.
I'm unfazed. "Yup. That's it."
"That'll be $10" and snatches my bank card out of my hand roughly.
I straighten my neck subconsciously but I have this ridiculous smile on my face.
"You want a receipt?" it seems that pissed off tone hasn't left.
"No that's okay", I get my card back and walk out of the store.
That ridiculous smile I had in the store stays with me all the way home.
---
There's so much I picked up on in this everyday interaction that I would have been oblivious to a few weeks ago.
Anyway I'm not looking for advice or anything, I just found the situation I found myself in funny.
---
I just got out of the gym so I was feeling that buzz you get after exercise. But I was also hungry. I went into Chipotle to grab a burrito before heading home.
The place was relatively quiet so I was served immediately by a pretty good looking black girl in her early 20s. Great body, great feminine energy. I'm guessing she was a college student working part time.
Now normally I would get uncomfortable in these situations as I'm an Australian living in Seattle. People sometimes don't pick up on what I'm saying - partly due to accent, partly because I don't use a loud enough voice sometimes.
My previous MO would be to kill the accent and try to enunciate my words as clearly as possible. That way whoever I'm talking to understands me and I don't have to repeat myself. I felt very dependent on every interaction going smoothly.
But that is BORING.
People aren't engaged by a robot who's talking clearly and trying to get things right the first time.
My current MO is to just talk normally. If the other person doesn't understand then I'll just repeat myself but with a playful tone. Laughing and smiling goes a long way in this situation.
So I ask for a burrito and she's like sure, what beans you want on it. I say "I'll get the beans closest to me". Thrilling stuff. But here's the thing - she didn't understand what the hell I said. She paused, we looked at each other while I was smiling. I let the tension build for one second longer than it needed to. Again I said "The beans closest to me, thanks. Those ones... Right there" while pointing.
She paused for another second. "Ohhh! You mean the beans closest to youuu!". We both laughed.
Tension diffused.
She asked what else I wanted and I said all the usual things. She kept her face down for the rest of the interaction. She didn't say anything else other than to the girl at the counter saying that it was a burrito.
Now what happened next was really funny. The girl at the counter was almost the exact opposite of the previous girl.
She was a white girl. Late 20s. Somewhat overweight. Stiff. Angry.
She says "is that all?" in a pissed off tone of voice.
I'm unfazed. "Yup. That's it."
"That'll be $10" and snatches my bank card out of my hand roughly.
I straighten my neck subconsciously but I have this ridiculous smile on my face.
"You want a receipt?" it seems that pissed off tone hasn't left.
"No that's okay", I get my card back and walk out of the store.
That ridiculous smile I had in the store stays with me all the way home.
---
There's so much I picked up on in this everyday interaction that I would have been oblivious to a few weeks ago.
- The value of exercise in social interaction
- Being okay with me being me - it's gonna cause some friction and tension, but other people enjoy the tension and subsequent release of tension
- Not caring about the result of an interaction and actually enjoying when it goes wrong
- Enjoying real feminine energy
- Providing masculine energy even though it might not be wanted
- Recognising and enjoying other people's attempts to reframe you (through shame I guess?)