My battle with a handsome millionaire over her (summarized)

[detroitnative]

So, i lurk. I also posted under various names over the years, but honestly - i leave and come back 4-5 months later and don't even remember the name i used lol. One of my pet peeves is long drawn out posts; i think it's better to post brief ones and then comment on commenter's or answer questions.

- so about 2 years ago - one of my friends says i need to get with her friend because she's so miserable and just broke up with her boyfriend. "im not interested in women on the rebound" i say, "but i'll do it for the fun of it."
- well, it was fun. i'll call the girl "Christine", and within a week Christine and me were hitting it off GREAT.
- sex followed. long nights over. staying up to 3am, drinking wine, laughing, all that stuff that makes you addicted to each other.
- then i find out her ex was a millionaire who also models for fun. (i make about 39k a year and am quite average looking)
- we have a 6 month "fling" in which we never officially become a couple.
- the millionaires grandfather dies and Christine was really close to him, so she goes to the funeral.
- apparently, she consoled mister millionaire at the funeral and that brought back lots of memories of how much she "loved" him.

- note: millionaire has all other traits of an AFC.

- Now things get interesting. She's bouncing back and fourth between us. I'm SURE she visited us both on the same day many times...
- MY HEART IS IN IT AT THIS POINT AND I KNOW THINGS ARE GOING TO GET REAL CRAZY!

- about a month later, "we're back together" she says, "we can't do this anymore"

- so why does she come over a week later to get sex? well, because he's a millionaire; not a sex god. i guess im not either, but i definitely go longer than the 1-2 minutes she talks about him going (she seems to get a kick out of making jokes all the time about his sexual performance, and apparently does it to him as well).

- this continues on. pretty much for a year and a half (until yesturday).

- for pretty much the whole time we were doing this, she was saying, "we can't keep doing this. we'll never be anything, YOU'RE NOT SUCCESSFUL ENOUGH AND I HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR THE INTEREST OF MY FUTURE KIDS. this has to stop." yet.... she never stopped.... she never could.... but... I got fed up with her saying this stuff to me. So yesturday, she says it to me - and in a fit of "i don't give a fvck" i end it with her.

- she was stunned. tells me I "misunderstood" all those times she was pretty much telling me i wasn't good enough to have her to myself. that she didn't mean it that way. so i said, "fine, the only way i'll continue this is if you leave him." .... .... ... silence....

- "well, i guess we'll never be together again then"


and i haven't heard from her since....


morale of this story: don't do some dumb sh!t like this! im a wreck right now. and i can't even delete the videos of us laughing from my phone!

 

[Dante420]

From the way you write this you'd think she was the millionaire.

Next her


You had a 6 month fling aka this should have been one of your mltr and if it wasn't and you devoted and invested all your time in her, then that's more of a reason to next her.

 

[Brighty]

She's a gold digger. She doesn't deserve to be in your mind. Forget her and move on, she's a slvt the way she went back and forth between you and her boyfriend. Besides, its got to give you some solace that you could be more of a man and confident than even the millionaire could, and that you apparently fvck like a champ. Set your sights on the future man.

Or, tell her boyfriend that she was making fun of his performance in bed and seeing you behind his back. Teach her a lesson for being sleazy like that.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

One of my pet peeves is long drawn out posts;

Longer posts often contain more information. I feel badly for you that you would never open yourself up to that possibility. One of my pet peeves is the attention deficient "tl;dr" crowd that complains about long posts but can't spell words like "yesterday" and "moral".

However, I didn't come into this thread just to troll you regarding the above. I have been in a similar situation where I was dating a girl whose ex-boyfriend is a minor celebrity (at least, he had way more $$ than me). Although it didn't last nearly as long, it ended similarly to what you're describing.

The problem lies with the girl, not you. I'm not going to judge anyone for making decisions about their future and relationships, but suffice to say that some women place a higher importance on fiscal status than others. For this girl, it seems to be a fairly significant priority.

All you can really do is acknowledge that you had a great time, and move on confident in the fact that you probably wouldn't have worked together over the long haul due to different core values regarding money/status.

 

[M.A.C.]

Don't just tell him to next her, you need to tell him what to do.


I want him to forget her but I want him to feel the satisfaction of her attempting to crawl back to him.

This woman is probably a trainwreck of some variant. There's underlying psychological reasons but that's a lesson for another time.

So here's what he needs to do step-by-step

Begin to project higher value in your next interaction with her. Go about this by reading up on some valuable information or beginning a work out regiment. This higher value shouldn't come off as arrogant or as a drastic change, that is NOT the intention. I hope you have some confidence.

Next and soon:

End all contact with her. Don't say anything, just end it. Act as if you met a few more girls and things aren't so boring, be a bit more busy the next few weeks. Better yet, why don't you actually go out and approach 3 new girls. Think about what went down and imagine how it could of went had you varied your approach, don't dwell on it you didn't make no mistakes, all future success comes from the experience you gain on every approach.

Now eventually this girl is going to make her first attempt to gain contact with you since you ended contact. ***Don't answer***

At this point she may be arrogant enough to still think she has you wrapped around her finger, she may wait to see if and how you will return the call - Here's the key. You don't!

She'll eventually make her second attempt to contact you - don't give in yet.

Wait until the 3rd time, this is when you will answer the call and invite her into your life for a BRIEF CONVERSATION. Cordial and friendly treat her like any friend your CATCHING UP WITH. After you have done that tell her it was nice catching up with her and then end the conversation. Do not say "I'll get back to" just "Nice catching with you".

Then your done. Her mind is racing, she's second thinking all of her recent decisions in regards to you and she's going to attempt to make contact with you again. Don't let her back in, use this EXPERIENCE as motivation to better yourself.

 

[romangod]

Did you really think that 39k/year had a chance against a millionaire? Then you're naive and have to go back to the drawing board.

Being the sex partner of a millionaire's wife has a lot of advantages if you were smart enough to play it without turning to "moosh". Too bad.


Cheers!

 

[slaog]

Ask yourself this. Are you looking for a quality woman or a low quality woman like Christine?


You've just dodged a bullet. She is a user and golddigger and will be trouble in the future. She also has been putting you down all this time by constantly reminding you that you're not as good as the millionaire guy. Well for somebody who values money ove everything else thats true but people with a healthy mindset will have different opinions.


You also must ask yourself how you got yourself into this situation in the first place. Being somebodys second choice is not something a man with high value would tolerate especially from a low quality woman like Christine. Alot of guys on this site would put themselves into that position for sex but you're really lowering yourself when you do it.

 

[Danton1975]

Did you really think that 39k/year had a chance against a millionaire? Then you're naive and have to go back to the drawing board.

Sorry but you are being naive. The money doesn't mean a whole lot, it's whoever gives her that emotional high she is after.

Now, a note to the original poster...This will be a a great thing for you in the long run. You had to compete with another guy for a rather long time, are now a wreck, have lost a woman, and become less trustful. Excellent. You will put some steel around your heart and have shed some illusions. I predict for you a long chain of future affairs with many beautiful women

 

[808]

You did the right thing to end it. She has 'golddigger' written all over her. NOT a quality woman.

Let her drain that AFC 'millionaire' and make his life hell...and any other men she sleeps with to get her sexual fix.

PS: delete that video.

 

[Warrior74]

The fact that she belittles both of you to your faces (his premature ejaculation and your lack of money) is telling. She was happy as a clam, she had the provider and the bad boy. She felt she was the queen and you both were her servants. One for money, one for sex. I've known friends in that situation, and I've been in it. They really do not care about you, they care about being in that triangle and getting the attention they desperately crave. I bet shes a very good looking woman with "issues" eh?

 

[bukowski_merit]

Wow wow wow.... About 3 months ago - i lost my #1 to a man who's not quite a millionaire, but is 24 and making six digits a year already. I... work for the post office...

Almost the same story, except since i was endorsing MLTRs at the time of us meeting - i never held her back from being with whoever else she wanted to be with (him included). And he became aware of me during one of their infamous "breaks" when she told him.

Same story - she pretty much was telling me stuff like "if only you were successful. if only you had more drive in your life to be something" etc. And the same situation with the sex. She couldn't get enough of me, and found him boring.

It's the lover vs. provider dynamics in the clearest example for anyone to see. Women marry the providers, and fvck the lovers brains out (especially if they treat her like she desires to be in bed).

The difference - i never kicked her to the curb, she moved in with the guy and got a new job (we worked in the same area) and that was pretty much it.

I bet inside you feel like you still want to "win" this girl don't you? Imagine that! A $39k/yr average looking guy taking the girl of a millionaire "model"! Well... it's best you not think that way.

Even with 2 girl left in my MLTR box - i still felt empty without her. And perhaps that's why i decided to give up the MLTR thing and am not focusing on getting out of this post office job and being something more. But this is not my thread - i will not steal it with my ramblings.

I will wish you luck and regardless of what is said - i'd advise not to rush things. But stick by your guns. Because you left her - you have a lot more respect than if she had left you. So A+ on that.

 

[IamMe]

If i were in this same situation id tell her boyfriend about how she talks about his performance in bed, and that you slept with her while she was going out with him. Now if the rich guy wants to keep her, he can have fun with little ms. slvt over here, and if not then thats what she gets!@!@

 

[detroitnative]

I'm very please with all the responses! Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my little summary.

Now... I'll get to some items:


On me telling the BF that she makes fun of him in bed (2 people suggested)
As i stated - she apparently does this to his face. She told me he was asking why they don't have more sex and she straight up told him because it doesn't do much for her. She also apparently cracks jokes about his performance IN FRONT OF THEIR FRIENDS!


On improving myself to make her want me more
I already dress nice and workout 3-4 times a week. I also take dance classes (which i started to meet women and really enoyed it so have done it for a long time). The ONLY thing i think i could do is hit the lottery, or begin a very long quest to change careers into something higher paying.


On her being a golddigger and/or low quality
I'd be much more likely to agree with her being a gold digger. I don't believe she's low quality; just young and confused (22). And she was raised to want to value men who are successful and to look down on men who are unsuccessful. And at this point in my life - i am not very successful versus other guys a similar age (near 30's). I guess im making excuses for her - but after hearing how she was raised and meeting her family - i can see how she is the way she is through conditioning. And believe it or not - i think a lot of women who come from wealthy families are raised to want a man with success.


Specific Questions you guys asked:

romangod asked "Did you really think that 39k/year had a chance against a millionaire?"
When she first told me her ex was who he was - i was amazed. When she told her how she was raised - i was even more amazed. Amazed that i was sitting down with her and she was even willing to humor the idea of us dating. I guess my ego got really inflated by that. Here's a woman who had a BF with it all, and she was raised to want a BF with it all - and yet, she seemed willing to ignore my lack of $ and success. I never acted too amazed by the fact, to not give away any excitement over my ego exploding. But i did ask her plenty of times how she could go from that lifestyle to one much less than that. and she said something like, "i've been everywhere in the world. i've been to the best restaurants and not had to worry about anything that costs money. But... i've never been this happy. You've shown me that money does not buy happiness. You've shown me happiness on a level i never thought i'd experience in my lifetime." <<< - - - stuff like this is exactly how i became addicted to her i believe. She was giving away her soul to me, breaking down every emotion she felt towards me. And i was feeling like a KING! (minus the gold coins)


Warrior74 speculated that she's a very good looking woman with issues
Very good looking? Her face is "cute".... Her face is "cute... yes, just cute.... But her body is built like a porn star on porn star body steroids (and she's all natural). Jennifer Lopez booty, pamela anderson breasts, gorgeous legs, streaming blond hair.... and on top of all that - a "bubbly" open personality. So as you can guess - she gets all this attention and has the personality that draws men into her.




--------------

whoa... as im finishing up this post i get this message: "i'll see you in a few minutes"... from her...

wtf?

 

[tafakna]

"im not interested in women on the rebound" i say, "but i'll do it for the fun of it."

Those are some of the most dangerous words I've seen in a while... Been there, done that once... and it ended up being a lot more complicated than I'd signed up for...

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

It sounds like you played this pretty good, except for the part about her talking to you about money...but you had this girl chasing you.

Also, I would not have put the demand on her of "him or me"; I wouldn't have said anything at all.

Next, that's it, nothing more to talk about, move on, she gets bored with him and wants to fvck you again because you didn't act like an AFC at the end, you decide if you mess with married women or not...*whew*

 

[combustiont]

The fact that she belittles both of you to your faces (his premature ejaculation and your lack of money) is telling. She was happy as a clam, she had the provider and the bad boy. She felt she was the queen and you both were her servants. One for money, one for sex. I've known friends in that situation, and I've been in it. They really do not care about you, they care about being in that triangle and getting the attention they desperately crave. I bet shes a very good looking woman with "issues" eh?

This, a thousand times over. I did the same **** with some dumb ***** who STILL tries to get in contact with me now before she moves up north.

"We need to hang out a lot before I leave!"

Yeeahhh.....

 

[detroitnative]

Wow! I responded to this and it somehow didn't post.... it logged me out and didn't post it! anyone know how to stop this from happening?

Anyway, let me try again:

- Would i like to "win?" - you bet you i would. but, im not looking to win her at the cost of my sanity!
- Was she the only girl in my life? NO! I slept with 4 other women over the last 2 years, but she was the only one i spent what people might consider "quality time" with. You know - the GF/BF stuff.
- Is she low quality? I guess she is some since she's been sleeping with 2 men at once and puts us both down about certain things. But, she's very attractive, very intelligent, and comes from a very good and wealthy family (part of the reason she is the way she is).
- And yes, to the guy who said that he bets she's very good looking. YES YES YES! And you know what? good looking isn't that hard to find (facially). BUT she has an j'lo ass (and it's firm) and pamela anderson breast. And on top of that - a very bubbly (open) personality. Needless to say, she gets hit on constantly and is used to attracting men without effort (spoiled much?) Part of the reason she claims to have fallen so hard for me, is that i showed no effort in chasing her, and seemed more content to amuse myself.

---------------------------

Now the story continues (oh dear)

So, i get a text last night.

"I'm here"

"huh?" where i say

"at the front door"

... Ok, now had she messaged me before hand and told me she was coming - i'd have said "no, im out" or something, and left the house. But my front curtains were wide open and i was obviously watching tv and doing nothing. My option here is to say "no, go away" which would come off as pretty immature (i think). so i just get up and let her in.


- She wants to have a real talk with me about everything and explain herself.
- "ok, amuse me then" i say.

- On her constantly saying "we'll never be anything" - she says when she says this - it's to convince herself; and she says her biggest mistake with the whole thing was that she thinks outloud to me sometimes to see how i'll react; but doesn't always think about what she's saying. She says, she feels very guilty when her and her BF are having fun and then images of me pop into her head. She says she wakes up some mornings to use the bathroom and cry's because she can't believe she's turned into the type of woman that she has always hated. She says she understands where im coming from, it is a disrespectful, and she'll never say it again. She ended with "and we're a lot more than nothing. so, if we're already something - than i can't say we'll never be anything." and then gave a laugh. <- which sounded like something she had been thinking up all day.

- On the future with her boyfriend - she says even though they're together and under the same roof - she doesn't know what it's like to be with him since they got back together. She says she spends more quality time with me, because he's always working on investments/business deals or she's working/going to class late. She often "goes shopping" on weekends (aka: comes over my house). So, she said it is hard for her to figure out if she can really spend the rest of her life with him, since she spends so much of her time with me.

- my response - - - I pretty much didn't say a whole lot, called her on bullish a few times, smiled and was pretty unaffected by her words. i was really surprised with how calm i was once she started talking. she said something one time and in a very ****y voice i said, "nahhhh that's not an acceptable answer. try again." .... AND SHE GAVE A DIFFERENT ANSWER! =)

she couldn't stay long (she cut half of her class to come over and her class was ending) - which most likely kept her from coming on to me. but i could see that that's really what she wanted. even during the conversation - that was all i saw in her eyes.


nothing was really said about what happens from here. and we haven't talked today at all. maybe she's waiting for me to call/text her. but.... i always win that game when a woman plays it with me =)

am i convinced that she meant everything she said? no, i think she mostly told me what she figured i wanted to hear (that she doesn't know if she wants to be with him; and she DOES think there's a chance we could be together).

did she take a right step? well, the best step would be to leave him, so she's not cheating and im not helping her. but this is definitely better than what i thought was going to happen.

i figured she was coming over have that "closure" talk so many women want. to go out on good terms, so they don't feel so bad about the whole thing. i was being a real @ss to her at first for this reason. I was more like "come on, go ahead and get it over with" type of attitude, but then she started with the apologizing....

so... that's all for now.

 

[slaog]

You can only judge her on what she does. He doesn't like this millionaire guy in the least but she still has sex and wants to marry him for his money. She says she hates herself for doing it and feels guilty but thats no good to you. You want somebody who is faithful.


She might have ment what she said and its clear she likes you better then the millionaire guy but does she like you more then the money? Not by what she had done so far.


Don't invest too much emotionally in her and spin other plates.

 

[vitor]

wtf, she came over and said I think about you when I am with him, but I am not leaving him. She is damaged goods move on brother. What does she do for a living. The problem here is she is a drama queen, you and this millionaire make her feel like hott ****. Sleep with her one more time and then tell her if she ever calls you again you are going to tell him.. Find someone new. You want a woman who will help you row the boat in life, not sit there and tell you to paddle faster or she will find another boat to get on..

 

[romangod]

Sorry but you are being naive. The money doesn't mean a whole lot, it's whoever gives her that emotional high she is after.

Keep believing that if it makes you happy. :crackup:



Cheers!