Ok Don Juans,
My gf and I broke up over this topic. She lived with her mom (at 38) yes, that's right!! She constantly would have battles with her mom and wanted to move, so i suggested lets move in together (we had been bf/gf over 3 years). She said she didn't want it feel forced or that i was doing it to feel like i was "saving" her from her mom. By the way, she was unemployed at the time. I suggested that she just pay me what you paid her mom, I assumed it was like $400-$500(actually she gave her mom $700). I told her, i don't want that much, $400 or $500 is fine to help me with the bills and other expenses. My monthly expenses exceed $2,500/month (just for reference). She didn't like that idea one bit!! She didn't like the idea that i would dare ask her to pay rent! I didn't call it rent, to me, its contributing to our household, bills, household upgrades, etc. So that went nowhere, come to find out, she was insulted and hurt that i didn't trust her to contribute. How un-romantic it was of me to ask my gf for rent! I was turning us moving in together into a business transaction!
So before we could discuss this any further, she posted on Yelp, much like i am here, LOL, asking if i should charge her rent or not. Here is the post.
"My boyfriend of three years who makes over 100K per year,( his last bonus was 13K )and he owns his home, recently offered to let me move in. I am a recently unemployed sales rep, who on average when working makes high 40-mid 50K. My Boyfriend counter offers the move in with "you can pay the same that your paying now to your current roommate, I wouldn't ask you for anymore than that". I calmly said I would think it over, but feel just sick to my stomach. I feel any romance to the situation was out the window, we have spoke of children and getting married someday. Will he turn to me while I am in labor and say " Oh yeah, rents due!". I am not a girlfriend who just takes, for two whole years we went dutch and I still offer to pay and buy things with out being asked. Please also keep in mind I am recently unemployed, where is the helping hand here? OK YELPERS, LET ME HAVE IT...AM I WRONG TO FEEL THIS WAY?"
I would like to clarify that we DID NOT go dutch...she offers to pay on occasion and i appreciate that, but 90% of time, I PAY! Thats not going "dutch" as she puts it, but that ok with me, i don't expect her to pay half all the time! Also, she wants a helping hand...but,she neglects to mention the car that I helped her buy ($$$ for the downpayment) because she lost her job and her
company car not 2 month earlier. I think the term ungrateful fits really well here. She actually thinks i would charge her if she was pregnant!! Too much!!
We had a discussion after this and i told her another idea i had. I said how about you give me $400/month, of which, $100 will go to the bills (gas, electric) since you can count on those going up once she moves in, the rest we put in a joint savings account for the household. I told her, this is your equity in my house (since i wouldn't dare put her on my deed, i didn't tell her that, but you get the idea) i figured this would make her feel like she had a stake in our household. She respond with..."you don't trust me to contribute?" "You trust me to save my own money?" She totally missed the point. At this point, it was clear to me, she wanted to move in and she would contribute whatever she believed was fair. She pretty much ended the conversation there and said we would talk about it again after she got a job. Which she did about 3 weeks later.
Needless to say, the tension of this ruined our sex life and we ended our relationship last week after she told me she was going to go look at an apartment (that would probably cost her $900/month or more for a 1 bedroom)...she said i can't believe you'd just let me move away, where is this relationship going to go?? The light went on in my head at that moment, so we just ended it.
Maybe my approach to the situation wasn't exactly romantic, but my thought was that we should get the hard part of the conversation out of the way first. She said to me she wanted a fairy tale, prince charming to come and swoop her away. Am i wrong here? I feel like i did the right thing here guys, whats your take??
Big Nick
My gf and I broke up over this topic. She lived with her mom (at 38) yes, that's right!! She constantly would have battles with her mom and wanted to move, so i suggested lets move in together (we had been bf/gf over 3 years). She said she didn't want it feel forced or that i was doing it to feel like i was "saving" her from her mom. By the way, she was unemployed at the time. I suggested that she just pay me what you paid her mom, I assumed it was like $400-$500(actually she gave her mom $700). I told her, i don't want that much, $400 or $500 is fine to help me with the bills and other expenses. My monthly expenses exceed $2,500/month (just for reference). She didn't like that idea one bit!! She didn't like the idea that i would dare ask her to pay rent! I didn't call it rent, to me, its contributing to our household, bills, household upgrades, etc. So that went nowhere, come to find out, she was insulted and hurt that i didn't trust her to contribute. How un-romantic it was of me to ask my gf for rent! I was turning us moving in together into a business transaction!
So before we could discuss this any further, she posted on Yelp, much like i am here, LOL, asking if i should charge her rent or not. Here is the post.
"My boyfriend of three years who makes over 100K per year,( his last bonus was 13K )and he owns his home, recently offered to let me move in. I am a recently unemployed sales rep, who on average when working makes high 40-mid 50K. My Boyfriend counter offers the move in with "you can pay the same that your paying now to your current roommate, I wouldn't ask you for anymore than that". I calmly said I would think it over, but feel just sick to my stomach. I feel any romance to the situation was out the window, we have spoke of children and getting married someday. Will he turn to me while I am in labor and say " Oh yeah, rents due!". I am not a girlfriend who just takes, for two whole years we went dutch and I still offer to pay and buy things with out being asked. Please also keep in mind I am recently unemployed, where is the helping hand here? OK YELPERS, LET ME HAVE IT...AM I WRONG TO FEEL THIS WAY?"
I would like to clarify that we DID NOT go dutch...she offers to pay on occasion and i appreciate that, but 90% of time, I PAY! Thats not going "dutch" as she puts it, but that ok with me, i don't expect her to pay half all the time! Also, she wants a helping hand...but,she neglects to mention the car that I helped her buy ($$$ for the downpayment) because she lost her job and her
company car not 2 month earlier. I think the term ungrateful fits really well here. She actually thinks i would charge her if she was pregnant!! Too much!!
We had a discussion after this and i told her another idea i had. I said how about you give me $400/month, of which, $100 will go to the bills (gas, electric) since you can count on those going up once she moves in, the rest we put in a joint savings account for the household. I told her, this is your equity in my house (since i wouldn't dare put her on my deed, i didn't tell her that, but you get the idea) i figured this would make her feel like she had a stake in our household. She respond with..."you don't trust me to contribute?" "You trust me to save my own money?" She totally missed the point. At this point, it was clear to me, she wanted to move in and she would contribute whatever she believed was fair. She pretty much ended the conversation there and said we would talk about it again after she got a job. Which she did about 3 weeks later.
Needless to say, the tension of this ruined our sex life and we ended our relationship last week after she told me she was going to go look at an apartment (that would probably cost her $900/month or more for a 1 bedroom)...she said i can't believe you'd just let me move away, where is this relationship going to go?? The light went on in my head at that moment, so we just ended it.
Maybe my approach to the situation wasn't exactly romantic, but my thought was that we should get the hard part of the conversation out of the way first. She said to me she wanted a fairy tale, prince charming to come and swoop her away. Am i wrong here? I feel like i did the right thing here guys, whats your take??
Big Nick
