Move Out vs. Saying Home

[ShyRyder]

(long but but advice need badly plz)

So my older brother calls me the other day and after quickly dispensing with greetings he tells my about this new apartment he moved into.

My background
Right now I got no job and I live at home with moms. I was going to university for a little bit taking political sci. This was when my anxiety was high and interacting was real difficult. Harder still was trying to get a half decent part time job. I figured my lack of confidence and overall low self-esteem isn’t going to just disappeared when I get a degree. I was going to school to study my interest and not to get a job.

So my number one focus became becoming a man. If you can’t hold a conversation with a stranger then u have a problem. So I braked from school and when I wasn’t wallowing in self pity I followed my quest. I’ve been on this forum a long time and took its advice. Things such as weightlifting, doing approaches and martial arts have had a lot of positive results. But I haven’t been able to break the threshold and start dating and having an active social life. But I have seen major improvements since I started my little journey. One thing im a major believer of is following your passion in life. My passion is Capoeira, without writing a novel its music/martial arts/dance/language/. Most of my time is spent weightlifting/ volunteering/support group/ practing capoiera/music and learning the language. In the hopes of going to Brazil/ job in fitness(personal training)/ capoeira instructor one day hopefully. I’m going for the personal trainer certification but im pretty cynical about getting a high demand with no connections and not stellar confidence. In fact im really cynical about the whole working process and don’t wanna give up goals so I can work in some ****ty job. But I think I take the not working thing too far sometimes. Right now the only money im getting is on social assistance.

So my bro calls right tells me he just lost his job of thirteen years (another reason why im cynical) and he just moved into this new apartment. He got another job telemarketing but the rent would be to high without getting a roommate. So he offers my a room and I tell him I’ll think about it.

The rent: $900 a month 450 each
Social Assistance would probable give $750 or less
Bus pass: $100
Martial arts: $100
Bulking food:$60

Now the reason I’m considering this as sort of a jump start to my life. I was talking to this one guy awhile back who moved out when he was fourteen. And he was telling me that one way or another you find a way to make the money u need. And if **** hits the fan I can hit up my moms for cash or move back.

There is a lot of negatives though
-my brothers an ass only calls me only when he needs something. Before this call we hadn’t talked since the summer. We probable had 30 convos in the past two years. (we had it ruff growing up so theres a reason he’s a self centered ass)
- Ill be away from my gym
-I’ll have to struggle with getting enough money
-possible negative effect on goals and dreams
-no moms cooking
-a lot of boosing and drinking by my bro and company
-my be distracted by entertainment PS2


Pros
-Own Pad
-Leech off Bros social circle my bro is 28 by the way
-experience living on own
-hanging out on Friday nights
-living with a man
-learn the importance of making money
- challenge to my discipline
- adversity, aruguing with bro my make me stronger???
-learn some side hustles from bro
-overall change I don’t see anything coming up for me anytime soon.
-telling gyals I got my own place


Should this be completely out of the question without having a job. I ‘ve changed a lot so maybe things would be different looking for a high paying part time job( if that exists)

I feel like I should make something happen I don’t wanna wake up 30 years old and living with moms. I wanna know if the way im living is right I have this feeling I could win or end up poor and lonely. Sometime I wish I had mentor.

Thoughts

 

[Soprano]

dont do something because its the "real manly thing" to do... do it because ur comfortable with it. only u know what ur comfortable with.

if ur comfortable chillin at home suckin back that home cooked food then do ur thing

if ur comfortable moving out on ur own, do ur thing

either way u gotta be comfortable with it otherwise it will suck

 

[Vincent Freeman]

Well, first and foremost I want you to know that anything in life is possible. However, we must have a desire in order to achieve. You must plant a seed in order to see growth, and same goes for every future plan. First of, what exactly is it you enjoy or find interesting? Now based on that, try to find a job that encompasses that same interest. Now, if it requires for you to go to college, then I would definetely suggest it. I don't care what anyone in this forum or even outside of this forum says, having a college degree will definetely help you land a job easier. Nonetheless, you should focus on yourself for the moment and nothing else. Living at home and looking for that job, makes more sense to me, than to move in with your bro with no job. There is nothing wrong with staying at home as long as you make something of yourself at the end. And keep one thing in mind, your life is different than others. Everyone goes through different paths, so just because your at home doesn't necessarily mean your living a wrong life. Like I said, as long as you make something of yourself in the end. So right now focus on something you want, and make that your goal. Luck to you! If you need anymore advice let me know. Also, if you have some time I suggest you read "The Alchemist" might help you find that understanding and motivation that your searching for. Good luck bud!

 

[ShyRyder]

Soprano

I don’t think my comfort level really applies. You’re always going to be more comfortable with where you are at right now. Im looking at moving as I would in facing a fear. After you face a fear and survive your confidence grows. Not that moving is the more manly thing to do but will I grow as a person taking on the challenge.

Vincent Freeman

Yah ive heard a couple people on this forum talk about school with the same view I have.(even though they still went) University is a business just like every thing else. I feel that there is more emphisis on information then knowledge that you can apply. I swear this first year intro to political science was completely fluff. Now this may just be because it’s a first year class but I don’t want to go another couple grand in debt to find out.
The being said there was this greek methology class that was very interesting and I like the campus environment. Good god I have never seen so many hot young gyals in one place. Exchanging 4 years + tuitions for a job I most likely wont like doesn’t make sense too me. I would like having a job/business in fitness but I have no interest in stuying anatomy. I like history and politics but I don’t wont to become a teacher or some desk jockey. I feel a lot of pressure that u gotta go to school. The dude who made ford didn’t go to school and I’m sure their countless others.

But for sure I think I need to start looking for a decent part time job even though it sooooo hard. I’m finding I don’t have enough money anymore to put toward my music, style and other things I want.

Yah i'll check out "the Alchemist" by Coelho, Paulo??
This online library is the best thing that happen to me and books.
thanks

 

[ShyRyder]

any other opinions

 

[Vincent Freeman]

Like I said before and I'll say again, an education is an important thing. Years ago people could get away with not having college degree and land job and make a decent living. Today all those big shots that you see all went to college, from donald trump to the owner of Walmart. So if you look at people today, you will notice most of them, if not all them, earned a degree. The only person I know that quit school and became successful was bill gates. But keep in mind, he was at harvard and he had just created microsoft when he quit. Thus, he was a genius and already knew his creation was going to revolutionize the world. Going and getting an education not only earns you respect and knowledge, but it's also a great place to meet people. Sometimes even future business partners. And if you don't have any money, that is no excuse. One of my bestfriends I met at Princeton was extremely poor, he didn't even own more than 3 outfits. He survived with financial aid (which is available to all students, especially if your in the low income bracket) and a second job. And today he is in law school and just landed himself a job paying him over 100 grand a year. And this is considering he has no experience. So again, look at a college degree as an investment. You'll be financial down in the beginning, but when you get out, it will pay off. So, study hard, get into a good university and do what it is you enjoy. Now if none of this moves you and you have no idea what it is you want to do, then my last suggestion is to sign up for the military. It'll give you time to think of something, make you some money (not much though), and most of all provide a service with this country. At the same time, it will help you gain confidence, responsibility, and discipline.

 

[ShyRyder]

bump

 

[Tomatoes]

Move out. But not with your brother if hes an ass....

I would live with my bro but then me and him get on like a house on fire.

It will help you socially and make you get a job (which also helps alot socially)

 

[Warlord]

If your current expenses are 50% or more than your income per month, you cannot afford to move out on your own or even a room mate. If you do, it'll be very difficult - constantly working, worrying about what to eat. You might even have to give up a lot of fun activities just so you can live 30 min away from your parents. How is that a deal?

Your expanding social circle or getting girls to come over means VERY LITTLE to your future. Who says you cannot date a girl while living at home still? You can, but it'll be a little less privacy, but that's alright. Home is really where the heart is.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

The #1 trait here is: WILL, DESIRE, DRIVE. The will to live, succeed, and make things happen.

You can doing anything so long as you're willing to accept the good with the bad. In my personal opinion, I wouldn't do it. I would do what I want to do.

But in the grand scheme of things, you have to way it as if you get CLOSER to what you want or FURTHER?

Right now, you can only make a decision based on the information you have; there's no right or wrong. And the best way to make this a negative experience is to go into it with hesitation and negativity somewhere in the back of your mind. That's sabotage right there.

When I finished college, I stayed at home a few more years (about 2 more) because of my own 'personal' beliefs. I didn't want to live with anybody. I didn't want to expend the cash flow at such an age just to fawk around. I'd finished college and wasn't totally satiated on living at home yet. GRANTED, privacy was an issue, but I became very ingenious and also found kinky girls with which I could work things out. Such as in my car, at her house, at hotels, in my house while fam was gone and while people were asleep. So you learn alot, too, about working WITHING the situation you're given.

"Wherever you are is perfect for what you are and what you need to learn at that moment."

Rather than stressing that live wasn't good as I'd dreamed, I went with learning from present situations about what needed to be corrected TO BE fixed. For instance, I had lax hours, so I'd wake at 8 and work from 9-7, or wake early and get out earlier. I learned to accomplish that so I could work out earlier, and have a life after work. I became more productive at work, and would skip lunch or eat while working.

I don't call '28' a man to live with, especially if he has negatives that you've mentioned and some more immature habits that might detract from what you want.

If you want to do it, do it, and live with and make the best of what it is. If you don't, don't. But go with full committment. I know you posted a full list of the pro's and con's, but I can only point out what works for me and some criticism and advice I have.

Your EVOLUTION as a person isn't confined to your timespan as a HUMAN BEING. Meaning, just because you're 21 or 25, there's no SET in STONE timetable. There's only you and what's best for you. I have friends who just, BAM, married right after college, thinking that's what they should do, and already have problems. Yeah, things are more good than bad, but what's the rush in your 20's to lock down now?

I believe in the "energy of putting it out and getting it back." Sometime ago, I'd been talking about 'moving out'. I talked at length with my friend, K, about it and various options. I never committed to one, as I was going to go with my 'feelings' on what would work.

Suffice it to say, last October I flew the coup, solo, and moved into a fantastic place, way below market rent, literally 30 seconds from my office. It's been great. Now I stash cash until my next move, when it happens. But had I agonized over it, I wouldn't have made what I have of it. And it wouldn't have occurred.

This is a very PERSONAL decision; everything is, because it deals with you, what you can handle, what you can make of situations. I personally see more NEGATIVES than POSITIVES, and you might be overinflating the POSITIVES to compensate for the NEGATIVES.

Pros
-Own Pad
-Leech off Bros social circle my bro is 28 by the way
-experience living on own
-hanging out on Friday nights
-living with a man
-learn the importance of making money
- challenge to my discipline
- adversity, aruguing with bro my make me stronger???
-learn some side hustles from bro
-overall change I don’t see anything coming up for me anytime soon.
-telling gyals I got my own place


*Own Pad isn't as big a deal when it becomes a liability rather than an asset in someway.
*Having your OWN social circle is better, because you learn to develop personal relationships with people you share common interests.
*The experience of living on your own is about self-sufficiency and survival, it's a break that should be PERMANENT, not TEMPORARY, that way you learn how to live and care for yourself.
*Hanging on Friday nights...you can do that everywhere; though you can be a host now.
*I'd leave living with a man to the women. You don't learn to be a man with a boy, you learn to go through the trials and tribulations of life on your own and become a forged man.
*You can learn the importance of SAVING and INVESTING money and use the free cash flow to invest, for education, debt reduction, etc.
*Discipline begins NOW, in everything you do, not just in where you live. Each is a stepping stone.
*Arguing with anybody doesn't help, and when you inserted this, I don't consider it a positive point, but a negative one. As your bro, he's likely to have LESS regard for you, your time, or your stuff. If he's apt to party, because you're fam, he'll be prone to inviting people over w/out asking, perhaps sifting through your stuff, or mooching. Each fam is diff. and I don't know your bro, so the door swings both ways. He could be totally giving and helpful, or a complete antagonist and make your exp. a hell.
*Why not learn some side LEGAL hustles? Like poker, investing, or side businesses?
*Changes occurs both proactively and reactively. You go for it, and opportunities are presented to you based on who you are.
*Don't do it for women. They're emotions lend themselves to caring for whatever whenever they feel it. Not to mention they'll love it or hate it, then try to decorate it and offer suggestions. Learn to be creative with what you do with women and where you go.

On that, I've made out and/or had sex in my car numerous times and always enjoyed that AS MUCH or more than being in my apartment. In a car, a girl is kinky. She has to go quick. She can't jump under the covers and hide. True, you can't alter the mood. But I consider the world my bed for sex, not just my apartment. I'd dated a 17/18 y.o girl, who lived with her mom still, who was always horny. We made a pit stop at my parent's place, banged on the couch, and went on our date. She was nervous about being caught, so I threw on some tear away ADIDAS pants, protection, and slip down just her jeans. It was quite fun.

HOW things are and the happiness you have is related to HOW you perceive it to be. We're not all dealt a full deck of cards stacked with ACES. But that makes us who we are. There's no IDEAL MAN, or PERFECT PLACE TO be. Where you are is perfect, and what you learn is perfect.

Having grown up in a somewhat big city relative to my area (my city is 100k, while the surrounding ones are 30k and rural), I grew up with less, worked younger, had less vacations, so I had to be MORE self sufficient, MORE creative with what i did, MORE resourceful with assets and money, MORE conscientious with who chilled with since we didn't cover up our happiness with booze. Having dated girls from "priviledged" places I can see the difference. People from such places EXPECT to do things as entertainment, which masks the connection you have with people. When you're not always drinking, or watching TV, or going out somewhere, you actually have to DO/CREATE something, you hang with GOOD friends, quality people, and you learn what's important.

That's why I love Maine. It's very simple. NO BS. People think hicks are dumb. They're not. All humans are dumb. Our animalistic pride in what we do and our intelligence is false. Sure, intellectually, we have more command of nature, but less with regard to people. Less consciousness. Less caring. Less interconnectivity. Less awareness. Less love. Society has materially improved, while the individual has declined and died.

Off tangent...

DO NOT base this situation on SOCIAL GAINS. They're flighty. They carry little to no weight. Friends who are friends NOW, may not be friends later. They might move, marry, or become d!cks. Thus is the circle of life. So it's solely on...

Do you want to live with your brother?
Do you want to pay the money to live with your brother and on your own?
Can you afford it, legitimately?

When I made the break it was because...

-I could still keep alive the goals/dreams I had.
-It fit my life at that point.
-I liked the place and was excited to begin it.

YOU have to make this choice so that YOU can experience the pleasure and satisfaction of saying yes or no. It can't come from me or Sosuave or anybody else. Because ultimately THIS is where you begin your new journey, accepting responsibility.



A-Unit

 

[diablo]

AE...

 

[ShyRyder]

Aight thanks guys

The more I thought about moving the less I thought it was a good idea. At first I felt like it was a kind of short cut or jump start to my life. Not That I feel I’m not on the right track its just that the kind of success that you see on TV is real slow and coming. Really if everything I’m my life was near perfect my bro would be the last person I’d move in with. Right now im going to focus on getting a job paying no less then 10hr for no more the 20hrs a week. I know I’m going to have to use all the skills I posses to pull that one off.

bless

 

[picard]

it is not the right time for you to move out yet. You can help your brother by giving him some money. You can ask him to find a different roommate. If you rush to move out now, it would be disasterous. You will be in worse trouble than your brother.

This new generation of young people have much more difficult time in finding jobs than their parents. I don't have to explain all the details which you are already aware of it. You have long way to establish yourself.