DJDamage said:
I came to realization that majority of people whom you meet are pretenders. It seems that most people are always trying to put a front of how much successful they are and how good they are and yet deep down they are very hallow and insecure indvidual's.
Just recently a guy I haven't seen for ages whom I looked up to when I was younger because he was a hockey player, seems confident and was succseful in business and women. I have come to know that this guy was a raging alcholic who recently beat his wife and lost his job because of his drinking. He has done so for years but no one knew about it. I also found out that a very respectable University professor I once admired, was cheating on his wife with female students and as a result those students pass his classes or recieve a resume recommandations from him.
Next time you meet someone who seems to have it all together and may even brag about it, realise that he may not be so hot sh1t themsleves. During my AFC's years I always thought that something was wrong with me while everyone else were so successful and now I realise even back then I was more normal and level headed then the vast majority of them.
this reminds me of the book
how to win friend and influence people.
There is a whole chapter on the feeling of importance.
We all do its, human nature some to a bigger or lesser degree.
If you want a very good insight into it, read the book, it will blow your mind, you cant help to look at people a little different.
Everyone is out well most are out to impress to feel important it is essentially a core make up of being human, its rooted at the core of all out advances, its like you wanting to do well at a job, girl, university, test e.t.c or become something, so others can say 'isn't he doing well'.
when you actually really think about it you wonder why we do it, you read the book and become almost desensitised by it, you start to see where people are coming from in there interactions, it has a dampening effect on you.
no longer are you thinking, he is fake or whys he trying to impress me since you can see in most conversations the same thing.
I saw two old people chatting the other day on the bus and i just observed how this ideal is in place even in people that have lived and supposed to be wiser.
well one old lady was talking about her docters appointments and she was so hell bent on trying to put her story across, her mate on the other hand was hell bent on telling the women about her holiday, niether actually listening both just telling each other about them selves, you see people are very much 'i', one part they want to tell you about them, there experiances and want you to acknowledge it subcounciously, whislt the other is doing the exact same thing.
when you read these types of book, you can actually learn to listen, instead of deriving that feeling from your interactions, since when you reflect you realize for a large % of people its not really about 'you' its about 'them', this is just the way it is and this is not a bad thing, when you understand you see this is essential for progress and that feeling of importance is one of the many factors why we even get out of bed on a morning.
imagine being on an island by your self, would you build an hut for you just to live in or would that hut be different if there was some other on that island.
would you build it to set an example or would you build it out of a need for shelter? well if you actually think about it, if your intune with how people work eventually if there are others on that island you will want to contribute something, now one could put this at the feeling of importance, to be recognized for and achievment in some way.
this can be applied to almost anything, even me posting in this thread is deep down rooted and others wanting to read it and state yeh i got something from that, otherwise whats the points in advice at all.
even charity, one can think did he offer it to make himself feel good or did he do it out of unselfish acts and keep it to himself? even when you do it for yourself, did you do it for a reason?
think about it the next time you offer a begger a dime, why did you offer him that cash? did it make you feel good or did it make you think you did they right thing and derive a feeling from it.
people can expand on this and take it to extreams but we are all as guilty of this as each other, to be out of this loop would make you the second coming of christ, unselfish acts not made to derive pleasure or a certain aspect, but even then christ had a message so even there was that his actions made for a purpose and not selfish acts at all? i dont believe in the bible but i think you know where i am going with this.
is there such thing as a self less act?!
one does wonder.
anyway some take it to different levels, but at the end of the day if there bragging about there life to you, your feeling of importance is simply the fact they are trying to impress you!
life is all about 'you' its just the way it is.
so what people put screens up but when you inderstand where it comes from, its no longer a big thing.
anyway why should people who are false have any impact on you?
especcially when they are trying so hard to impress and get that feeling of importance out of it.
yeh look at me, look what i did, everyone did you see that, i offered that begger a dime, aint i good
or, hey i did a good thing back there, i feel good about that, or that advice i offered that person, hey they really obsorbed it and it helped them, hey thats cool.
every thing can be attributed to that feeling.
problem is when you read stuff like this it can make you arrogant as you may get bored at people trying to impress you and you find, or i do sometimes, thinking, please stfu! sometimes people are so concerned and focused on the 'me' factor one can switch of to it especcially when you see what they are trying to do subconciously.
we are social animals if we like it or not another aspect where it comes in also.
anyway i am confusing even myself now so i'll leave it there maybe some others can expand on it lol
