Most common complain in LTR

[jhonny9546]

Hi there!

Many of my friends in LTR's.
There are some of 8+ years, while others still going for over 10y.
Then, others, ranging from 3 to 4y.

Do you know the most common complaint I've heard from all of these LTRs? It's the same issue for everyone, and it usually is like this: (the words spoken by their girlfriends.)
These words often include "He is not the man of my life," "He's not behaving well," and "The last time we argued, my world fell apart." The complaint typically ends with the girlfriend crying or having a shock and behaving depressed for two or three days like they are on the verge of breaking up. Then, she usually returns to her normal state.

This situation occurs frequently, happening about two times a month, or it can be quite rare, happening only two times a year.
The frequency depends on the specific LTR. It could also happen 10 times a month.

What are the factors that trigger this situation? Is it very common? Is it a good sign or a bad one?
and most importantly: How are they keeping their LTR going with all those complains?

 

[BaronOfHair]

How are they keeping their LTR going with all those complains?

Same way The Drug War persists, even though the folks waging it have sensed for decades that something is exceptionally rotten in DC ... Investigating our heretofore uninterrogated thoughts and beliefs + Modifying our behavior can be bring about discomfort, ergo relatively few people do so

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

What are the factors that trigger this situation?

Dissatisfaction. Whether it's a temporary dissatisfaction in an otherwise satisfied woman or a permanent dissatisfaction will determine how to handle her 'congruency test'.

Is it very common? Is it a good sign or a bad one?

Extremely common and it's a sign. Whether it's a good or bad sign depends on the context, but mostly congruency testing is done to see if their man is what he claims to be.

Most importantly: How are they keeping their LTR going with all those complains?

Women want to feel secure in your masculinity, but in order to be certain, they will look for the dents in your armour and test any possible cracks to see if you're still up to the task they feel you should fulfil in her life. If you are who you say you are, you will have no trouble 'keeping frame' and be naturally confident and masculine, so she will test you less and less. If the testing comes back (or increases in frequency), she's signalling that she needs confirmation that you're still in control and able to lead her safely.

 

[jhonny9546]

Dissatisfaction. Whether it's a temporary dissatisfaction in an otherwise satisfied woman or a permanent dissatisfaction will determine how to handle her 'congruency test'.


Extremely common and it's a sign. Whether it's a good or bad sign depends on the context, but mostly congruency testing is done to see if their man is what he claims to be.


Women want to feel secure in your masculinity, but in order to be certain, they will look for the dents in your armour and test any possible cracks to see if you're still up to the task they feel you should fulfil in her life. If you are who you say you are, you will have no trouble 'keeping frame' and be naturally confident and masculine, so she will test you less and less. If the testing comes back (or increases in frequency), she's signalling that she needs confirmation that you're still in control and able to lead her safely.

It's all about testing, but the men need to stay stable.
But how do you know that a women is still having a good mental health?
I mean, you know that **** tests can vary from simple things, like searching validation, to splitting the house or taking a "pause".
I wonder how could they go over all this trouble, and make kids after each relapse.
Do they use the act of making kids like a "medicine" for the LTR and to "hide" past problems, and then come back to those problems after a while?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I mean, you know that **** tests can vary from simple things, like searching validation, to splitting the house or taking a "pause".

When they start to talk about separation you're too late. Oppositional Personality Disorder needs to be nipped in the bud.

 

[jhonny9546]

When they start to talk about separation you're too late. Oppositional Personality Disorder needs to be nipped in the bud.

Yes!!!
Now, Imagine you're in a 9-year LTR with your GF. One day, she asks for a pause, citing that you need to acknowledge the things that are not immediately apparent due to the comfort of living together.
She also mentions that you're not the man of her life, sometimes.
But, After some time, you work through your issues, make peace and have a second child together..


From my POV, this relationship is not healthy because your gf, despite being a great mother and making great sex, is mentally unstable. (You also know that she has betrayed you in the past)

What do you think about this situation?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

What do you think about this situation?

I wouldn't get into that situation.