More mixed signals from a girl

[Kman]

So I've been seeing a girl for about three months now. Everything was fine up until about a week and a half ago when she started to become distant. She would ask me how my day was going and I would see her two to three times a week prior. I was a basket case for the first week and a half of it. I did my best to give her space because I knew how busy she was at work and was staying late every day. I also didn't want to be needy or smother her and look weak.

We went out on Friday night and things were great. She said that she missed me, that she still wants to see me, that I am wonderful, and said that I am going to get to meet a friend of hers that is in town this week and her sister in a few weeks when she is in town. She apologized for being distant and that it was all on her and if I had done something she would have told me. She said that it was because of work, family stuff, and things going on with her roomies and she needed, or needs, time to deal with it all. Of course, we had both been drinking when this all came out. After the bar we held hands and walked to my car, drove to her house, we had sex, and I stayed the night.

I texted her Saturday night and got responses to two out of the three messages. I didn't send anything to her Sunday and didn't hear from her. The news is the same today. I want to give her space but I don't want to pull back too much given what she said on Friday. My heart says text her today and see if she wants to meet up after work with possibly the intention of elaborating on our conversation at the bar from the other night so I can see what the hell is going on. My gut, and what I've read here, tells me to wait until she contacts me about meeting up with her and her friend later in the week.


So, knowing that how much space should I give her when she is throwing out mixed signals like this?

 

[TheException]

She apologized for being distant and that it was all on her and if I had done something she would have told me. She said that it was because of work, family stuff, and things going on with her roomies and she needed, or needs, time to deal with it all.

Listen to her actions not her words...those are most likely excuses. Women go through things and sometimes they need space. Maybe she met a new guy, maybe you were to clingy and she felt it, etc. Her excuses for it, are irrelevant. Its the same protcol.....YOU GIVE HER THE SPACE.

I want to give her space but I don't want to pull back too much given what she said on Friday.

The paradox of action^

As men we always feel like we have to ACT to solve "problems". The irony comes in the fact that when we are in situations like this, when we do act....its actually HINDERS us. You need to do nothing here OP. Just calm down and relax. There isnt really a thing as "pull back too much". Most guys would lack the willpower to get anywhere near that.

My heart says text her today and see if she wants to meet up after work with possibly the intention of elaborating on our conversation at the bar from the other night so I can see what the hell is going on.

DONT YOU DARE BRING UP THAT CONVERSATION. Thats drama and should be left to the woman. If she wants to open up about stress and vent than you let her and just listen...but dont actively partake in it, or worse start it.

So, knowing that how much space should I give her when she is throwing out mixed signals like this?

The fact that you are stressing out is indicating to me that you are feeling insecure and needy about her. You need to take a real chill pill here. Your situation is not bad at all...its been 2 DAYS, not 2 weeks. You cant expect to be in constant contact with a female and talk every fvcking day. Hit her up mid week and ask what day she is free. Thats it. No chit chatting, no asking about her drama, no asking about her friends. Just ask when shes free, and make plans to hangout.

 

[Kman]

Well, a buddy of mine said I was being a ***** and snatched my phone while I was in the bathroom. He asked her how her day was and she said good and asked how mine was. I ended up replying, heard back from her once and sent another message about me going out of town. Nothing since but that's fine. I'm going to leave it at that and maybe contact her Friday about going out. She had said Friday was the day I get to meet her friend.

I am definitely feeling needy about this girl. No doubt about it.

As far as her actions go, at least while we were out, they point towards her still having a high level of interest. She kissed me as soon as she saw me, was telling a friend who was there how great dating me is, we made out a bunch at the second bar, and then of course I sealed the deal and then slept at her place after. I guess that she maybe thinks we are moving fast and wants space to not only deal with her issues but to make sure we don't get too serious too fast. The last guy that dated her really hurt her from what she's told me. But, as was said, the protocol is the same. I'll give her space and see way happens.

 

[Jair213]

You sound paranoid bro, relax and enjoy the ride. Seems like your the one who cares more. I could tell she has all the power, she's telling you all of this things and your like taking them for granted. Take a step back and ge t busy, hit the gym go out, etc.

You have the AFC state of mind. Knock out of it.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

Your emotions are being pulled around by all her emotional fluctuations and whims. Not good. You need to be the man with purpose, walking through life on a mission. If she's on board, cool, if not then you don't care. Do you have a mission? This is also the EXACT reason why you need to be spinning plates. If she doesn't want to hop aboard than someone else will. Stop giving her all this power.

 

[tdotseoul]

Call her out of the blue.. Just talk about few things and tell her how you missed her, etc.. and just hang up.

 

[Greasy Pig]

In my experience, a women who says she needs space to sort things out is definitely fvcking someone else.
I've had three women say that to me as an excuse for being distant and flakey, and each time they were fvcking another guy.
Beware.

 

[Kman]

Thanks for the tips fellas. I am too paranoid, needy, and invested in this. And yes, it is possible she is doing someone else. I'm going out of town and won't have cell service until Friday morning. I won't be able to act like the AFC I have been.

One last question though. Should I hit her up Friday about Friday night or just leave it be (I am guessing leave it be)? She had said something about going out/meeting her friend that night last time I saw her.

 

[PlayHer Man]

This is why you--> spin plates, spin plates, spin plates!! Goddammit....

The minute you care more about the relationship than the woman does.. is the minute you become an AFC beta fag.

The mistake you (and most men) make is letting the woman lead the relationship. Changing YOUR behavior to better work around her whimsical emotions as if she is royalty. F*cking pathetic.

You need to have more of a take it or leave it attitude with women --> This is who I am. This is what I want and expect from a woman. Either you accept it or you don't. Like it? Suck my d!ck again. Don't like it? F*ck off.

 

[VladPatton]

She's serving you up too much confusion and mixed feelings. She is starting to not be too into you anymore, therefore she is beginning to most likely abandon the relationship. I agree with Greasy Pig's comment as well.

Find a girl that is actually into you and won't confuse you. This girl's interest is fixated on the new and sparkly. She will most likely jump from guy to guy for years, so don't feel bad or beat yourself up for it. See past her looks and realize she's a screwed up human who knows not what she wants. I would delete her number and move on. You shouldn't have or waste time on such females. It is NOT worth it.

Good luck.

 

[Purefilth]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to PlayHer Man again.

...

 

[foreverAFC]

she probably met another guy, time to move on

 

[nismo-4]

Mixed signals means low interest. Your princess is in another castle. Spin more plates and go ghost on this girl right now. Women who are interested in you won't confuse you. Wake the hell up.

Case closed. Exit stage left, which is what she's already done.

 

[Kman]

So, a little update here.

I backed off, way off. I went out of town for a few days and didn't text her/call her at all. The day I got back she texted and said "hey handsome, how are you?". I gave it a few hours before I replied and ended up going over that night to meet her friend from out of town, have a few beers, and eat. Sealed the deal, slept over, etc. She said it had been too long since we had seen eachother/hooked up. I heard from her Sunday while she was out at brunch with the friend from out of town but I played it cool and didn't ask to see her that night.

Fast forward to this week. She flaked on me Monday but it didn't bother me. I went out with a different girl Tuesday and I am taking another one out this weekend. Original girl in question asked me to help her move a couch and she offered dinner and sex as a reward.

I am going to keep hanging back on her. She said she is busy the next two weekends but we shold go to the fair the next weekend she is free. I am still somewhat bothered but not nearly as much as I was when I originally posted. When I see her for couch action tonight I may see what she is up to next week. If she says she is busy I'm going to say "no problem" and not ask anymore.