I've been debating on asking/posting, but I figure why not. Don't have much to lose.
Can you all help me on what to do here? I will say at the end what I will probably do. But, figured I'd ask folks here.
Few months ago, I met a girl from my church (she is rather conservative and religious, also somewhat sheltered). Got to know her pretty well. Ended up having an interest in her, asked her out, took her out to dinner. Dinner went well, both had a good time. Asked her if she'd be up for doing something next week about a day or two later, she said that'd be fun. Asked her again with solid plans, she declined, saying she would be more comfortable if we got to know each other in a group and stayed friends. I was like "OK." Probably not a smooth move. She then invites me to her family's house for Thanksgiving (apparently, she typically invites friends over for holidays). I went away a month later, and didn't really keep in contact much with her. Came back three months after that, and she invites myself (and another friend) over for Easter dinner. I went because it beat eating at home.
Spent the next month hanging out with her, getting to know her better. She invites me out to a few events, we're hitting it off pretty nicely. Get invited over to a dinner with her family. Eventually, at these events, her and I start talking one-on-one more often when we're in a group at stuff. I also see her weekly at a certain meeting, and we'll end up making eye contact and smiling at each other.
Eventually, I hear a friend has an interest in her, and that she won't make moves towards men. So, I nut up and ask her out again. She said she'd be happy to go out. So, I take her out to a restaurant and minigolf (turns out, she loves the style of food at the restaurant) and we spend about 2 hours talking at dinner. Things go really well. She comments we should get a certain regional store's ice cream the next time, and after I drop her off, she says we should do this again sometime. I get a text from her, 40 minutes later, saying she's getting into bed now.
After that, I text Sunday saying I had a great time. I see her again at our weekly meeting, and she seems coy and flirty. I ask her out via phone that evening, and she says she doesn't feel she can go on another date with me because of her familial past (apparently, I guess all the men in her life walked out, her father, her uncle, and her grandfather - I don't know, I never found it my place to ask her about her living situation), but that she wants to remain friends. She also seemed to have gotten a little emotional/choked up as she was saying she couldn't continue going on dates with me. I ask her to clarify, she says she has some trust issues with men, among other things. (As an aside, I've found out that most people in our group of friends don't really know her "history" with men in her family, and such).
So, we go about two weeks mostly without talking. I invited her out with some mutual friends, she declined (already had plans). I see her at another event, she's pretty friendly, not terribly flirty, but not standoff-ish, she hints towards maybe going on a walk again, I offer to wrangle up a group, and she says she is pretty tired, so maybe later (I'm an idiot, I know). I ask if I'll see her at an event that Sunday, she says, yep. I ended up sleeping in and missing the event, and after she texts and asks me what happened to me. Two days after that, she messages me out of the blue and asks if I have any plans for the upcoming weekend and that I'm invited to go with her and her family on a day trip to a place an hour away (they go there regularly, I haven't been), and jokingly says, as long as I don't sleep in and miss it.
I'm like "OK, sounds fun" and we chat for a bit before I have to leave. Then, later that night, she messages, saying the plans got cancelled, she's sorry, and should have confirmed them at home before inviting me. I tell her it's no big deal.
Then, I organize a group to go to an ethnic festival that Saturday night, and then go for a walk on a bridge nearby in a park. She's like, that sounds great. So, her and 2 other people go. At this, I'm feeling pretty pumped and 'in-state,' I'm also leading most of the interactions in our small group and being a good leader. Throughout the night, her and I keep getting into more and more conversation (kinda separating out again), and I'm giving her some crap/teasing her, and she ends up punching and pushing me playfully throughout the night. She also says she'll use me as a shield/protection from the homeless dude sleeping on the bench and cowers behind me. Me, being a dumbarse, didn't really reciprocate back the (what I now see as) kino on her part. She drops me off at the car, I text her saying I'm driving home and thanks for dropping me off, she replies and references two of the names I had called her (crazy driver and awful person - in context, they were funny and not mean).
Then the following day, I see her at a party, girl ignores me for most of the party. We get into a very short conversation. When she leaves, she says goodbye to the people around me, but not me (kinda insulting, considering she said bye to someone literally sitting next to me). After that, I saw her this past week at our usual event, she was again friendly, not too distant. She made a dessert which was pretty tasty, and I asked what type it was. She had me play a guessing game (which I had to give up, because I'm not good at flavors), and let the topic drop. Anyways, I texted her today saying what I thought the flavor was, and she seems to have ignored it. Which to me shows something of a low interest.
So, that's the entire story. The lame and loser side of me thinks she's sending mixed signals, is afraid/scared of trusting men, and has some emotional hangups about dating. I think that when she doesn't overthink and freak out, her and I get along VERY well together, and that we click really well. But, then there's what she's said (be friends), the whole ignoring business, etc.
I'm assuming here that I should just next her and forget about her. We're pretty active in the same church group, so I'll see her weekly, which sucks, but it seems like I'll just have to start snipping her out of my involvement there.
Obligatory AFC question: Is there much hope for anything here? (She's pretty cool in multiple different aspects/areas, and we do get on pretty well).
Thanks for reading!
PS - Man this turned out a lot longer than I expected. Sorry about that.
Can you all help me on what to do here? I will say at the end what I will probably do. But, figured I'd ask folks here.
Few months ago, I met a girl from my church (she is rather conservative and religious, also somewhat sheltered). Got to know her pretty well. Ended up having an interest in her, asked her out, took her out to dinner. Dinner went well, both had a good time. Asked her if she'd be up for doing something next week about a day or two later, she said that'd be fun. Asked her again with solid plans, she declined, saying she would be more comfortable if we got to know each other in a group and stayed friends. I was like "OK." Probably not a smooth move. She then invites me to her family's house for Thanksgiving (apparently, she typically invites friends over for holidays). I went away a month later, and didn't really keep in contact much with her. Came back three months after that, and she invites myself (and another friend) over for Easter dinner. I went because it beat eating at home.
Spent the next month hanging out with her, getting to know her better. She invites me out to a few events, we're hitting it off pretty nicely. Get invited over to a dinner with her family. Eventually, at these events, her and I start talking one-on-one more often when we're in a group at stuff. I also see her weekly at a certain meeting, and we'll end up making eye contact and smiling at each other.
Eventually, I hear a friend has an interest in her, and that she won't make moves towards men. So, I nut up and ask her out again. She said she'd be happy to go out. So, I take her out to a restaurant and minigolf (turns out, she loves the style of food at the restaurant) and we spend about 2 hours talking at dinner. Things go really well. She comments we should get a certain regional store's ice cream the next time, and after I drop her off, she says we should do this again sometime. I get a text from her, 40 minutes later, saying she's getting into bed now.
After that, I text Sunday saying I had a great time. I see her again at our weekly meeting, and she seems coy and flirty. I ask her out via phone that evening, and she says she doesn't feel she can go on another date with me because of her familial past (apparently, I guess all the men in her life walked out, her father, her uncle, and her grandfather - I don't know, I never found it my place to ask her about her living situation), but that she wants to remain friends. She also seemed to have gotten a little emotional/choked up as she was saying she couldn't continue going on dates with me. I ask her to clarify, she says she has some trust issues with men, among other things. (As an aside, I've found out that most people in our group of friends don't really know her "history" with men in her family, and such).
So, we go about two weeks mostly without talking. I invited her out with some mutual friends, she declined (already had plans). I see her at another event, she's pretty friendly, not terribly flirty, but not standoff-ish, she hints towards maybe going on a walk again, I offer to wrangle up a group, and she says she is pretty tired, so maybe later (I'm an idiot, I know). I ask if I'll see her at an event that Sunday, she says, yep. I ended up sleeping in and missing the event, and after she texts and asks me what happened to me. Two days after that, she messages me out of the blue and asks if I have any plans for the upcoming weekend and that I'm invited to go with her and her family on a day trip to a place an hour away (they go there regularly, I haven't been), and jokingly says, as long as I don't sleep in and miss it.
I'm like "OK, sounds fun" and we chat for a bit before I have to leave. Then, later that night, she messages, saying the plans got cancelled, she's sorry, and should have confirmed them at home before inviting me. I tell her it's no big deal. Then, I organize a group to go to an ethnic festival that Saturday night, and then go for a walk on a bridge nearby in a park. She's like, that sounds great. So, her and 2 other people go. At this, I'm feeling pretty pumped and 'in-state,' I'm also leading most of the interactions in our small group and being a good leader. Throughout the night, her and I keep getting into more and more conversation (kinda separating out again), and I'm giving her some crap/teasing her, and she ends up punching and pushing me playfully throughout the night. She also says she'll use me as a shield/protection from the homeless dude sleeping on the bench and cowers behind me. Me, being a dumbarse, didn't really reciprocate back the (what I now see as) kino on her part. She drops me off at the car, I text her saying I'm driving home and thanks for dropping me off, she replies and references two of the names I had called her (crazy driver and awful person - in context, they were funny and not mean).
Then the following day, I see her at a party, girl ignores me for most of the party. We get into a very short conversation. When she leaves, she says goodbye to the people around me, but not me (kinda insulting, considering she said bye to someone literally sitting next to me). After that, I saw her this past week at our usual event, she was again friendly, not too distant. She made a dessert which was pretty tasty, and I asked what type it was. She had me play a guessing game (which I had to give up, because I'm not good at flavors), and let the topic drop. Anyways, I texted her today saying what I thought the flavor was, and she seems to have ignored it. Which to me shows something of a low interest.
So, that's the entire story. The lame and loser side of me thinks she's sending mixed signals, is afraid/scared of trusting men, and has some emotional hangups about dating. I think that when she doesn't overthink and freak out, her and I get along VERY well together, and that we click really well. But, then there's what she's said (be friends), the whole ignoring business, etc.
I'm assuming here that I should just next her and forget about her. We're pretty active in the same church group, so I'll see her weekly, which sucks, but it seems like I'll just have to start snipping her out of my involvement there.
Obligatory AFC question: Is there much hope for anything here? (She's pretty cool in multiple different aspects/areas, and we do get on pretty well).
Thanks for reading!
PS - Man this turned out a lot longer than I expected. Sorry about that.
