Mixed signals -- how to break through?

[Ubermensch]

There's this one gal I keep running into who has been confusing as hell, but there's a definite vibe, so I can't ignore her. I decided to post this to see if any of you can help me sort things out.

First off, there's no "one-itis" happening here. I've been working other gals all along, and have several current prospects.

Anyhoo, this gal is *always* with a friend of hers. It's at the point where I'm starting to bust their chops about it a bit (which the one gal eats up). They were almost always at a club night I'd been regularly attending, I've been seeing them at *a lot* of shows I go to as well. I'd been chatting with another friend of theirs, and the gal told me she cuts hair, and since then I've been having her cut my hair. Her inseparable friend works there, too, of course. Anyway, every time she cuts my her, I'm totally ****y & funny, and she's really gotten into it, and has been showing signs of attraction. It sort of came out of nowhere. I hadn't thought of her as a prospect until I started picking up those signals.

Eventually I got her number, but when I called her she didn't answer, and had no voice mail. I seem to recall calling her a couple or three times, but it just kept ringing each time I called. So I gave her some sh1t about it the next time I talked with her. She actually looked disappointed at that point, so maybe she really *was* away from her phone when I called her, or was on another call and didn't pick up. Or perhaps she's a "rules girl" gameplayer who expects men to pursue the hell out of her.

She seems to ask me out in a roundabout way (she just told me of an upcoming show she's going to -- which she obviously would not do unless she wanted my company), but doesn't always respond positively when *I* make a move. Last time she was cutting my hair she said she got a bruise on her foot from the kick drum pedal while learning to play the drums, and took her sandal off to show me (she has cute feet and knows it). So many mixed signals. I rarely compliment her, and tease her quite a bit. She asks me a lot of questions, but I often steer the conversation to her, and she sometimes clams up. She told me something to the effect of her never being sure if I'm joking or serious.

I don't hang around her for very long, and don't make a beeline to her every time I see her. Usually I work the crowd, and be the consummate extrovert, making the rounds with everybody and anybody. Often when I chat with her the conversation dies out, unless I'm "on" and can carry a funny banter, which she's always into when I can manage it. But I'm often small-talk challenged, and it's just recently occurred to me that she may be, too, even to a worse extent. She's much more of a listenener than a talker in conversations with other people. I'd out-and-out ignore her, but I'm picking up *too* much of a vibe, and she was looked jealous as all hell when she saw me at a show with another gal.

Her friend seems a bit pissy to me as of late, though I'm friendly to her (the friend).

All in all. it's a weird situation, but I'm kinda enjoying it. I am concentrating on others, so there's no cause for alarm. For now I'm following David d'Angelo's suggestion of "2 steps forward, 1 step back" to amplify attraction. Getting progressively more flirty and sexual, then pulling back for a bit. Perhaps nothing will come of this, but I can also see the possibility of a break through of the kind where a kiss leads to a whole weekend of intense, passionate lovemaking.

 

[Ubermensch]

looks like no one has any better ideas ...

 

[JJMcLure]

It's been said here before - there are no mixed signals, only reality and what the guy wants it to be.

Confusion is a red flag. A red flag is a sign something is not right.

You are analysing the sh1t out of this thing. She showed you her foot? So fvckin' what. I can guarantee you you are thinking about this girl way too much, just by the detail you posted.

Hairdressers are flirty chicks. They are like waitresses in that they need tips and need customers to keep coming back, their livelihood depends on it.

If you got her number and couldn't set up a date, what else do you think you need to do to get a one? Say the right thing, do the right thing? Prove you are worthy in some way? Climb Everest perhaps?

but doesn't always respond positively when *I* make a move.

I often steer the conversation to her, and she sometimes clams up

Often when I chat with her the conversation dies out, unless I'm "on" and can carry a funny banter

All NEGATIVE things.

If a girl is into you, she will find a way to put herself in a position for you to ask her out. She will make it easier for you NOT harder. (Forget c0ckteases, rules girls, manipulators - I'm talking real girls).

There's plenty of chicks out there who will require less effort, spend your time on them instead.

 

[Ubermensch]

Good points

If a girl is into you, she will find a way to put herself in a position for you to ask her out. She will make it easier for you NOT harder. (Forget c0ckteases, rules girls, manipulators - I'm talking real girls).

Thanks for the input, JJ.

It would be cool to be able to read my own posts and give myself as good advice as others, but somehow it doesn't work that way. Closeness to the situation clouds one's vision. That's what these boards are for.

Actually, my current line of thinking is if a gal doesn't give me her number *very enthusiastically*, I'll just say "just forget it, I don't need to talk anybody into exchanging info, I won't call you anyway," and leave it at that. Ditto if I ask for a number and get a work number or email address, *unless* it's a gal who lives with her parents and doesn't have a cell phone.

Another good indicator of interest is whether or not a gal you know comes up and says "hi" to you. If not, then she's not likely to be worth your while.

Funny thing, "rules girls" and others who want to make men jump through hoops are sabotaging *their own* cause, because they expect men to act in ways that kill a woman's attraction for a man.