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Mistakes and misunderstandings

krd

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I haven' t posted here for a very long time, and I feel a little weird about doing it. But I had a discussion with my friend last night, and this topic seems worthy of a post, so I thought I'd go for it.

He met a girl who works in the cafeteria at his dorm, and she always goes out of her way to talk to him, even though she is on duty. He thinks she might really like him, but of course he's been a bit scared to go for it, because he's been burned by a few other girls in the not-so distant past.

He recently invited her to a concert that was taking place at the dorm. The concerts are weekly and are usually on Friday, but this one was switched to Saturday because of Halloween. He didn't know about this, and gave her the wrong day. Plus he got sick and couldn't make it himself.

When he saw her again, he told her what happened, and she said "Good thing I didn't go." (He suspects that maybe she did show up, and was upset when she found out nothing was going on). He invited her to an upcoming event, and she said "Is this going to be like the last time?" And when they finally set something up, she cancelled on him the day before. (Apparently it was because she had a ton of schoolwork. Valid excuse, but an excuse nonetheless.)

Now, I'm sure you guys can pick this apart and see the mistake he made, but that's not really what I am writing for. Basically he thinks he's blown it with this girl for good and is ready to throw in the towel. I think he might be giving up a little too early, and should at least continue to talk to her and see how she responds and if her demeanor around him has changed at all.

I'm aware that she probably isn't that interested, otherwise she wouldn't have cancelled, but what I don't know is if it is really because of the confusion (and it really is an honest mistake that anyone can make), or was she not interested from the beginning? Can one honest mistake really screw up a guy's chances for good? Beause if that's so, then we are all doomed, because no one can be perfect.

It's a tough situtation to decipher, because having not been there, I can only give a third person account. So there may have been some details that I missed that might explain it better. Still, the story doesn't make things look too promising, especially for those guys who haven't gotten their game together yet (such as myself).
 

xblitz44x

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I think she's into him. But when he cancelled on her, she thought he was playing games. So when he asked her out again, she felt that she had to play games. Right now they are 'even'. I would have him talk to her and say "Listen, I know there was confusion the first time I asked you out, but I didn't do it on purpose. Lets call things even and start over...." And then he can ask her out again. How she responds to this will be the determining factor as to how she feels.
 

NewMan

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I agree with Xblitz...

He needs to talk to her - ask her out again. If she flakes - he should NEXT her.

they are 1 - 1 right now.
 

sql

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the possibility exists that shes lost an interest in him since he basically blew her off by not even cancelling the first date, in which case she's totally within her right to say no the next time, but instead she said yes and cancelled the day before. now, imho, i think your chums probably the one that needs to straighten things out and take the party to her home court, and be nice about it since i think his credibility hasn't been rerpaired since the first missed encounter.

also, it doesnt sound like she offered an counter-offer date in light of the second one, so i think the possibility exists that shes been done with your friend since the first date. a woman that's interested would open up a window of opportunity for your friend, and thats why i doubt shes taking your friend seriously.

i would recommend the next time he sees her to invite her over for wine, hot dogs and scrabble or something the next time shes gets off work - and not let time slip away or he'll be forever lost to missed connection limbo. if she says yes, then you know what to do, but if she hesitates, doesnt give EC, rejects or feeds you lip service, then move on.


2 cents
 

deeman

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Yes, I think your friend still has a chance, even though the girl is probably being highly cautious.

tell him to ask her out again and to be a sincere as possible as he asks her.
 

Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

krd

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Well, just an update on my friend. He says he talked to this girl again and they had what he described as kind of a weird conversation. Basically during their convo, she brings up that she thought he might have a crush on her, and she was afraid she might be leading him on. She says she tends to do this with guys and girls too, apparently....? She says, some have even gotten the impression that she may be a lesbian...lol. Although he says he's never really seen her doing this with anyone else. I must mention, my friend has had a broken leg for quite a while, and the way they met was that she would help him carry things and stuff. That may be the initial reason why he got so much attention from her.

There is a concert taking place at the dorm tomorrow, and had this conversation not have taken place, he may have invited her. But in this case, he told her he was already seeing someone else, and if she got the idea that he had a crush on her, she just need to come to the concert and find out. (I think it's worth mentioning that his definition of "crush" differs from mine. He says a crush is when you are completely nuts over a woman, and will do anything to go out with her. I always thought it meant you just found her attractive.) Also, he told her that she doesn't have to help him out anymore, although maybe he should just let her continue. Hey, why not, right?

The amazing thing is that he was telling the truth! He apparently met a girl over the past couple of days, and she will be going with him to the concert tomorrow. He says she's the one who asked him out. Plus, she invited him to visit her house this weekend! Strange thing is, he never really told me how he met this girl (I asked and he just avoided the question), but he's not the kind of guy who makes stuff up. He knows I will be going to the concert too, so I will get a chance to meet her.

Now as for the other girl, I guess I misunderstood my friend when I posted that he actually made plans with her and she cancelled on him. I brought it up to him and he said "Where did you ever get that idea?". I'm thinking that maybe he was only telling me what he feared would happen, as I believe something like that very likely happened to him before. He did tell her about the concert, though.

But in my opinion, he couldn't have handled the situation better. He really put that girl in her place, and he didn't even have to lie. Now normally, this guy has almost as much trouble with women as I do. So I guess my only question now is, why can't this stuff ever happen to me?
 
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