mid life crisis

[Red_Tiger]

Its not bothered before, but now I have turned 35 I am beginning
to have a semi-mid life crisis. Wondering about my mortality etc..

Seems time is flying by. Anyone had this experience. I have some
girl friends on an off, but nothing serious. I don't know whether its
family pressures, not that anyone has mentioned anything about me getting married, but somehow I am beginning to feel abnormal.

I have spent some time dieting and I look and feel quite good. Maybe if I had a serious girl friend I would think differently. Sorry for the ramblings, but when I look in the mirror I look about 28-30
and yet I will soon be 40.....

 

[Donald Kaufman]

I know what you mean ...

In your teens almost everyone you know is single, lots of people have lots of free time and you are doing what most of the people your age are doing.

In the early twenties some of the people start pairing off so they fall out of the picture and you bring new people in so it is still pretty easy to believe you are doing what most of the people your age are doing.

Late twenties just about everyone has dropped out for a couple years for an LTR here or there, more people with children, so even if you manage to find people to fill in the gaps you know it's becoming more unusual.

30s

The women you've known for a while talk about the biological clock or talk too fervrently about how they don't have a biological clock. Guys who are married or in a semi-suicidal depressed state because of divorces don't hang out much. You find yourself in oddly cobbled together groups of friends and watch the people around you chasing any vague LTR hope they can talk themselves into.

You are abnormal but not neccessarily in a bad way. Look at the people around you. On average the people who have been in relationships the longest or sacrificed more to try to be in them are not happy. Some people argue this is because the newness has worn off. There is definitely some truth to this. But it goes deeper then that.

By not chasing your early opportunities to the exclusion of all else you have developed your identity, apart from one specific person's whims, and seen others develop. You know that certain warning signs you discover early on when getting to know someone lead to certain behaviours later. People have acted out dozens of psychological experiments to show what happens when people ignore certain warning signs. You have heard how someone's adorable quirk turns into that loathsome *****.

Heed all their experience and understand that what most leads to unhappiness is desperation or the basic belief that it is the state of marriage that makes people happy and not the relationship.

The desperate and scared are pretty easy to pick out in the 30s. Use this to your advantage and find the ones who kept focused on the big picture and did not jump into the many unfulfilling distractions. Or find the ones who did explore the distractions and realize now how meaningless so much of what they once thought was important is now.

You are more experienced and time has left it's mark on those who too quickly took what they could get. You will be surrounded by their ravaged visages but it will only make it easier to spot the difference when you meet someone who has waited for their ideal or realized what they have more recently been developing themselves for.

 

[Red_Tiger]

thank you for your well articulated reply. I have been very shy in my life, but have developed my personality. I am stronger now that I have ever been. My sister said that my mum feels she may have ignored me to much when I was little. I look the best I have ever and take care in my appearance. I had a girl thow herself at me a couple of weeks ago telling me I was very attractive (unfortunately she was adrunken tart in a bar). I am happy but don't want a stigma, why is he married yet?, or had a serious girl friend. However being shy is not something that is easily overcome, with encouragement and the gaining of confidence.My job beng a small company has only a few women and my sister who has now got married make it difficult to meet women. I will continue to improve my looks and hopefully some where I will click with someone. However your point is very valid, I now fit into meeting women who are divorced or are single mums....oh well

 

[The Rake]

35? You're at the zenith of your male life! Women between 22 and 31 are salivating for a dude like you. Midlife crisis usually hits a man when he's in his mid-40s, married to a fat, unloving warhog (i.e. wife) and he sees his single buddies scoring with young HB9s right and left.

 

[diablo]

AE...