Met her Online, Kissed on First Date, She brings a Friend to Second?

[spinaroonie]

Coles notes:

Number-closed 24-year old HB7 on POF, exchanged calls/texts, she drives over to my town drinks on the patio a week later, flirting and good rapport, night ended with a kiss-close.

Met up with her again at a lounge last night (2 weeks later). I drove over to her town, showed up about 15 min late. Unbeknownst to me, she said her friend (another girl) would be popping by for a bit. Freaking wildebeest shows up and sits with us the whole night... couldn't develop any intimate rapport or escalate any kino with the girl. Tried to be nonchalant about it by telling funny stories and teasing her trashy/annoying friend, but they'd often times they'd talk about past stuff they'd done together and ppl they knew, leaving me out in the cold.

She walked me to my car (other girl walking with us the entire time) and we exchanged hugs at the end. Didn't go for a kiss-close as I know she doesn't want to look slutty with a guy she just met off the internet in front of her friend.

When I get home at 2AM I text her this:
"home, alive."
"Good good "
"ya your friend's cool but next time lemme know first, dates should be one-on-one"
"Yep"

So why'd she bring the friend without me knowing? I realize she's a college girl and needs approval from the herd/female counsel, and I need to win them over. So is she there checking to see if I'm normal/socially acceptable/a guy that won't make her look bad in front of her friends? Feel like I'm losing momentum here, going from a kiss on the first date to a hug on the second...

Anyhow advice on how to play this one? I feel a little annoyed and disrespected, am I overreacting here? How should I have played it and how do you advise I proceed?

 

[Maxtro]

It seems a little disrespectful but nothing too major.

For the next date insist that it's just you two.

 

[Army Strong]

It seems to me that you were overreacting bro.

If not, this was a good thing because it means she is seriously considering you and wants approval from her friend(s). This usually happens at later dates.

Also as far as you described your attitude during the date, you did fine.

Ask her out again a little sooner this time (not 2 weeks). Her response will say everything you need to know.

 

[Killer_Demo]

i wouldnt worry about it...if she does it again though, next her and move on. Thats disrespectful

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

You were already dead in the water before the second date began. She brought her friend along as a buffer to prevent any physical intimacy between you and her nonchalant responses to your texts only confirm this.

I would proceed by going no contact at this point. I would only give her a second chance if she called up begging for another chance and apologizing, but the chances of this happening are probably slim to none.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

give her another chance. she may have been worried you were going to go for the f close, and brought her security blanket.

not uncommon in the first or second dates.

Have her come to your town, if she brings her friend, cut the date short and find another girl.

 

[3countriesPlan]

Im not cool with those girls who bring the old battleaxe along.. a few weeks ago I met a girl, her friend was there too.. wow what a coincidence.. So I just talked to her friend about 80% of the time then asked her for her friends number a couple days later... thats the risk they run.. her friend was hotter..

 

[jonwon]

Coles notes:

Number-closed 24-year old HB7 on POF, exchanged calls/texts, she drives over to my town drinks on the patio a week later, flirting and good rapport, night ended with a kiss-close.

Met up with her again at a lounge last night (2 weeks later). I drove over to her town, showed up about 15 min late. Unbeknownst to me, she said her friend (another girl) would be popping by for a bit. Freaking wildebeest shows up and sits with us the whole night... couldn't develop any intimate rapport or escalate any kino with the girl. Tried to be nonchalant about it by telling funny stories and teasing her trashy/annoying friend, but they'd often times they'd talk about past stuff they'd done together and ppl they knew, leaving me out in the cold.

She walked me to my car (other girl walking with us the entire time) and we exchanged hugs at the end. Didn't go for a kiss-close as I know she doesn't want to look slutty with a guy she just met off the internet in front of her friend.

When I get home at 2AM I text her this:
"home, alive."
"Good good "
"ya your friend's cool but next time lemme know first, dates should be one-on-one"
"Yep"

So why'd she bring the friend without me knowing? I realize she's a college girl and needs approval from the herd/female counsel, and I need to win them over. So is she there checking to see if I'm normal/socially acceptable/a guy that won't make her look bad in front of her friends? Feel like I'm losing momentum here, going from a kiss on the first date to a hug on the second...

Anyhow advice on how to play this one? I feel a little annoyed and disrespected, am I overreacting here? How should I have played it and how do you advise I proceed?

Did you pay?

Personnally I dont think you over-reacted at all.

You tried to make the best out of a bad situation, the lack of interaction on her part in response to your texts is telling too - she doesn't sound like she has high interest, hence I am wondering how much of this venture you paid for.

As for a cuddle at the end of the night, your reasoning seems flawed 'doesn't want to look slutty' - if she had high interest she would have made herself available for a kiss - the fact she didn't as nothing to do with appearing slutty, after all you won't be the first or last guy she kisses with her friend about - unless she is a frigid virgin your rational for excusing the interaction for the kiss seems backwards to me, but on the other hand I suspect if you went for the kiss she would probably have pulled back to try to show some form of power play to her battle-axe friend. Also this girl is 24 not 16.

So far I'm not too convinced this is going to go any-where, personnally if a friend comes out or not, the girl usually runs it by the guy first, what she did, seems like she didn't care that much.

I'm with dust2dust on this one, from experiance this looks like a no win situation, go no contact and get some more dates, see if this one comes back but dont dwell on her - take it has experiance.

Edit- for the friend being along what she is doing was simply seeing how the night went and would have probably told her friend to go home early and spent the rest of the evening with you - but she didn't, asking her friend to come was a up-hill struggle but one that could have been bombed through - personnally I would have asked her to ditch the friend, for two reasons - to gauge her reaction (to see if her interest is high or low) and to see where this could lead to.

This women is 24 years old, I suspect she is experianced in dating, I think she pulls this stunt often - last girl who did this to me had a BF I was unaware of, she invited the friend out to try to help her remind herself she had a BF - two hours in the friend was going home in one taxi, us in another.

Alternativly I did meet a guy on holiday, a guy who became a bit of a wing, on the second night of gaming chicks - he met some fat chick - he spent the rest of the holiday paying for her and her friend to drinks out - stupid boy, I couldn't even tell him how stupid he was being, he was so blinded by the promise of the puss* - I saw him at the end of the holiday, spent all his cash and still didn't get a fuc*.

 

[spinaroonie]

No, I didn't pay- I paid for the first date, she paid for this one. Yes, I'm annoyed that I drove a half hour and sacrificed a Saturday night to see her. If her friend had just popped in for a bit to say hi I'd be cool; the fact that this obnoxious cow pulled up a chair and grazed with us the entire time was a little much.

It seems that the general behaviour of girls is just getting worse. There's a societal-wide lack of respect for men, and a huge failure on the part of men in our society to hold women to account. Women will say and do whatever the fvck the feel like and backwards-rationalize.

If she had low IL to begin with, cancel the date and tell me she's not interested. Don't tell me your guard dog is coming after I get there.

Funny, I posted this on another forum and a flock of middle-aged harpies clucked that I'd blown myself out by "lecturing her" with my text at the end. No, it's setting boundaries and expecting common courtesy in return. More men need to do this - girls get away with way too much BS.

 

[jonwon]

No, I didn't pay- I paid for the first date, she paid for this one. Yes, I'm annoyed that I drove a half hour and sacrificed a Saturday night to see her. If her friend had just popped in for a bit to say hi I'd be cool; the fact that this obnoxious cow pulled up a chair and grazed with us the entire time was a little much.

It seems that the general behaviour of girls is just getting worse. There's a societal-wide lack of respect for men, and a huge failure on the part of men in our society to hold women to account. Women will say and do whatever the fvck the feel like and backwards-rationalize.

If she had low IL to begin with, cancel the date and tell me she's not interested. Don't tell me your guard dog is coming after I get there.

Funny, I posted this on another forum and a flock of middle-aged harpies clucked that I'd blown myself out by "lecturing her" with my text at the end. No, it's setting boundaries and expecting common courtesy in return. More men need to do this - girls get away with way too much BS.

Pis*es you off doesn't it? Next time pay her in kind, just walk out and let her get on with it, but it's clear she knew she had you when you had to invest in the long drive (I.e after driving for 1h 30mins she probably thought you wouldn;t drive away when she pulled the stunt), further pointing to how much of a ti* this girl was.

You live and learn, the next girl who pulls this stunt will be in for a shock as you drive off or leave her with her mate she whips out on a whim.

Give her a second chance? Personnally and I'm sure you feel the same, she missed her chance. Trust me plenty more girls who don't pull this shi*.

You know Spin to me this is the mark of a MAN, a guy who knows what he wants and isn't willing to bend himself to disrespectful ti*s, a man who is willing to toss out the trash.

She missed the boat, her loss.

How many AFC chumps will be trying to contact the biatch now? Yeh your different, you'll do ok.

 

[Kailex]

I don't like this situation. I know a lot of people say it's not a big deal, but is not really?

She's 24. Does she really feel the need to bring someone else for "protection"? That says a LOT about her and less about HIM. Was she so excited by him on the first date that she knew she wouldn't be able to resist bringing a warpig to help her control her animal urges?

At this point in my life, I wouldn't stand for it. She didn't even ask, she just assumed he would be okay with it.

Personally, I'm very happy that he didn't pay for them both.
But, the fact that she thinks she can just bring a friend along without even giving him the courtesy of asking first suggests there's a lot more to this woman than first revealed. She's either too scared of releasing the inner slvt or she didn't feel comfortable at all with him after the first date. I'm more inclined to believe the former than the latter.

Now you asked how I would play it?

I would have kissed her anyway. I don't care WHO is with her. If she didn't ask for permission to bring a friend, I'm not going to behave any differently because she was there "grazing".

From what I can tell, this seems like backwards progression.
I don't really see it as you overreacting, to be honest. I would have felt disrespected.

OP, what's happened since that second date?

 

[nismo-4]

I don't like this situation. I know a lot of people say it's not a big deal, but is not really?

She's 24. Does she really feel the need to bring someone else for "protection"? That says a LOT about her and less about HIM. Was she so excited by him on the first date that she knew she wouldn't be able to resist bringing a warpig to help her control her animal urges?

At this point in my life, I wouldn't stand for it. She didn't even ask, she just assumed he would be okay with it.

Personally, I'm very happy that he didn't pay for them both.
But, the fact that she thinks she can just bring a friend along without even giving him the courtesy of asking first suggests there's a lot more to this woman than first revealed. She's either too scared of releasing the inner slvt or she didn't feel comfortable at all with him after the first date. I'm more inclined to believe the former than the latter.

Now you asked how I would play it?

I would have kissed her anyway. I don't care WHO is with her. If she didn't ask for permission to bring a friend, I'm not going to behave any differently because she was there "grazing".

From what I can tell, this seems like backwards progression.
I don't really see it as you overreacting, to be honest. I would have felt disrespected.

OP, what's happened since that second date?

I think Dust 2 Dust has a great point to a degree. She brought this friend along as a sh*t test and a c0ckblock. Now that part that I put in bold is what you should've done. That's my ruling.

Case closed. Post a follow up.

 

[spinaroonie]

Went no contact since last Saturday. She hasn't contacted me either. Next.

 

[horaholic]

Her friend may have invited herself, after giving your date the impression that she would only stay for a second. Its a possibility

 

[the305]

why do all you PUA/DJ guys have to label EVERY interaction and try to break down exactly WHY it happens - "she wanted approval" "it was a s1t test" "blah blah blah"

How about, she wanted her best friend to come hang out for a bit and have a drink, and thats it. Is that too far fetched for everyone to grasp? take a step back.. this is the real world guys - its not a video game where you can look up each move that someone does, in the manual.

spinaroonie: do understand that you next'ing girls will only hurt you, NOT help you - your trying to improve, how are you going to improve if you keep nexting girls when you hit a bump in the road?

I'm amazed at where some of the insight on this board, lol.

 

[Iceberg]

why do all you PUA/DJ guys have to label EVERY interaction and try to break down exactly WHY it happens - "she wanted approval" "it was a s1t test" "blah blah blah"

How about, she wanted her best friend to come hang out for a bit and have a drink, and thats it. Is that too far fetched for everyone to grasp? take a step back.. this is the real world guys - its not a video game where you can look up each move that someone does, in the manual.

Nah, dude. A 24 year old woman doesn't bring a friend along on a 2nd date just to have a drink. It's disrespectful to spring that on a person who's planning on having a normal date with you. Maybe he shouldn't "next" her, but it's definitely work a reprimand.

I'm amazed at where some of the insight on this board, lol.

Yet here you are. Lolz...

 

[3countriesPlan]

why do all you PUA/DJ guys have to label EVERY interaction and try to break down exactly WHY it happens - "she wanted approval" "it was a s1t test" "blah blah blah"

How about, she wanted her best friend to come hang out for a bit and have a drink, and thats it. Is that too far fetched for everyone to grasp? take a step back.. this is the real world guys - its not a video game where you can look up each move that someone does, in the manual.

spinaroonie: do understand that you next'ing girls will only hurt you, NOT help you - your trying to improve, how are you going to improve if you keep nexting girls when you hit a bump in the road?

I'm amazed at where some of the insight on this board, lol.

Shes obviously not on his wavelength and because of that he should be getting rid of her anyways. Why waste time on sh1t?

A PUA has many plates and only spends his valuable time with the ones performing the best. Taking a stupid friend on a date with you is not performing well.

 

[SexyMofo]

Your problem is that you did not f*ck her the first time...

She was on your patio??? You could have easily invited her inside. Next time grab your balls and escalate. You're done with this one, move on to the next.

 

[PapiChulo]

Your problem is that you did not f*ck her the first time...

She was on your patio??? You could have easily invited her inside. Next time grab your balls and escalate. You're done with this one, move on to the next.

×2

 

[Kailex]

How about, she wanted her best friend to come hang out for a bit and have a drink, and thats it. Is that too far fetched for everyone to grasp? take a step back.. this is the real world guys - its not a video game where you can look up each move that someone does, in the manual.

How about she hang out with her best friend on her OWN time when it's not involving me and a "date" we're supposed to be on? Is that too far fetched for YOU to grasp?

A woman with a high IL that wants nothing more than to be skull fvcked endlessly will NOT even consider bringing her friend at all to "hang out a bit" while she's out with a MAN.

I just don't see how that's such a hard concept to grasp for some people. Some men are so willing to SEE a woman that they will agree to anything even if the set of conditions is to include other people into the fold.

In this case, it was sprung on the OP as a surprise so he was left with little wiggle room, but if I see a woman once or twice a week, that still gives her FIVE OTHER DAYS to "hang out" with her friends. If my interest is clear-cut and hers is too, there should be absolutely NO reason for a friend to come over and join a date. It's a recipe for disaster.