Met an amazing girl - think i have screwed up - PLEASE HELP

[SpikeMorrissey]

OK, last friday I met a girl as I was out of town 200 miles away - we had met on the internet and I arranged to go up there as I also had a friend who lived in that place. Anyway this girl is absolutely stunning - a 9 out of 10. She told me that she had been single for a while and had recently met someone else off the internet and that he was a nice guy they had a great time but when he tried to kiss her she turned her head.
Now I am not an AFC and have learned a lot from this site, I have had quite a few girls recently and they tend to fall for me quite easily but none of them give me that sick feeling in my stomach. Anyway, we had drinks all friday afternoon and then she invited me for dinner with all her family. In the taxi to dinner I did some kino and went to hold her hand and she kept hers there. During dinner she went to show me something in the garden and I showed my bollocks by kissing her there and then in her parents house. She loved it. After dinner we went to a bar and couldnt keep our hands off each other.
I dropped her home at 4am and I was about to go back to my friends place but I couldnt get through to him so I didnt have his address. She told me I could stay in the spare room. I felt uncomfortable about this but there was no alternative. I got into the bed and she joined me. We got naked and were both very aroused but she said she wouldnt have sex as it was the first time we had met. I didnt have a problem with this so we fooled around and then she went back to her room.
The next day after about only 4 hours sleep she asked me to spend with her and it was brilliant, we had breakfast together and then we went for a walk in a forest. We couldnt stop staring at each other and was just kissing non stop. She was telling me how sexy I am and what a great kisser I was. I also noticed that after I kissed her it looked like her knees were almost buckling.
Anyway I got a train back to London that evening and there was no contact between us until Monday evening when I rung her and left a voicemail saying 'Just ringing to see how your first day in your new job went and to talk to you as well.

She didnt respond. I was going out of my mind and well this might sound AFCish but I sent this email because I just wanted to know where I stand :

'I'm just writing this because I left you a voicemail on Monday evening as I wanted to find out how your first day in the new job went and to talk as well. I remember you saying at the weekend that you sometimes have problems with your phone so maybe you didn't receive it.

If you did and you don't want to keep in contact then I would just appreciate a reason why because I had such fun at the weekend and I want to get to know you more. Basically I want to see you again.'

She wrote back an hour or so later saying this :

'sorry haven't been in touch earlier. monday and tuesday night i went to bed ridiculously early - still haven't recovered from the weekend i think...
anyway, the job is going really well, thanks for asking. i've been manchester today, going again tomorrow and then next week i'm off to the lake district - we seem to do more drinking coffee and chatting than anything that could be considered work but the money's good so i'm not complaining!
heard you bumped into my mum on msn the other day, bet that was fun... '

Now I don't know what the hell to make of this. If it was just a bit of fun for her then I think my email gave her the opportunity to tell me that. I like to think I show bollocks in everything I do, thats why I laid it on the line about wanting to see her again. I know all about challenge etc but bear in mind she lives 200 miles away and the only way we could see each other would be at the weekend therefore once a week at most, I thought it would be right to lay it on the line - after all everytime she goes out she has men coming up to her.

Have I screwed up and what the hell is she saying to me. The reply totally ignores my question and is like something she would right to a girlfriend. Do I take it as a NEXT and ignore her or is she telling me I have to work for her?

PLEASE HELP

 

[bp1974]

I hate it when they do that, and I'll level with you, I'm not sure I'll be able to translate it correctly. But I'll have a go.

Bottom Line:

- You think she's 'amazing'
- She lives 200 miles away
- You had one weekend with her, got a bit freaky
- She ignores one message you leave, then sends you a fluff email, refusing to engage with what you wrote

Dunno, could mean anything. My hunch is she doesn't want to sound too keen. If she's as attractive as you say she's probably used to playing it cool, and not giving her interest away too soon.

I think it's a red flag that she wouldn't say anything about what you wrote. She's making it difficult for you, not easy, and that can be a bad sign.

You could try emailing her with some sexy stuff about how you enjoyed her body at the weekend etc (check out Tips on this), see how she responds.

 

[MisterAl]

You might have scared her off a bit with the phone message and email. I think it sounded needy.

For a couple of days she was having fun with a mysterious, out-of-town guy. And then you went and got rid of all the mystery that she found attractive.

There was no reason for you to call her so soon "just to talk" and leave her voicemail, especially when you weren't calling to plan another date. You don't mention how long you waited with no further contact from her before sending off that email, but that crazy email probably put the nail in it.

I'd wait a while. If she doesn't contact you, it's probably off.

To console you, is it really worth 200 miles??

 

[SpikeMorrissey]

I was planning to set another date

I waited till Wednesday evening to send the email.

In hindsight, I can see it sounded a bit needy but it was the distance thing that me do it. However she is to blame as well, on the saturday, complimenting me throughout the day - ie 'you are really sexy' just in the car...'you're gorgeous' in the pub...

I just wanted to show bollocks that I wasnt someone who fannied around and that if I want something I go after it.

I think it was a mistake to send that email. I dont think it was criminal though. I wont reply to her email though. If she wants to see me again she can make the effort now.

 

[SpikeMorrissey]

Have I ruined it though?

 

[bp1974]

You don't have anything yet to ruin - one weekend does not a relationship make. It's worrying like this that'll ruin it, if anything.

 

[echo1212]

Hmmm this one is really hard. First I don't think you've blown it totally with the email. Was it an error? Yes. Was it a death blow. No.

Judging from what I know about internet women, your story fits right in. A fair number of them are suprisingly hot and it seems pretty easy to have sex with almost right away. But, from what I know, they are also EXTREMELY FLAKEY and some almost borderline psyhco. Afeter all you have to ask why their on the internet right? Especially if their that hot. Seems like some just want to have a ONS, or create a fantasy with a bunch of different guys without actually having to be in a relationship. I've had one internet date in my life, with a HOT HB9. Blonde, fake large C cups, had all the guys drooling when we walked into places. We ended up spending the entire night together doing things in bed that lets just say were incredible. Sounds great huh? Just like your girl? I could tell immeaditely the next time I talked to her she was a big flake. Wishy washy, canceled a date...she got nexted quickly.

In your case the only thing I can say is you've made it clear to her you want another date, she knows this. The reason she didn't respond to your email directly is because she doesn't know what to do yet. I will 100% gaurantee you since she is on the internet dating scene that she is talking/dating other guys. Lots of them. Especially if shes as hot as you say she is. So right now she's just playing the field finding out which ones shes really interested in. She probably has dates with other guys already lined up..hence she doesn't want to make a commiittment to you and make some lame excuses on why she cant go out on a certain night.

My advice is lay low. If you don't hear from her in a few days. Drop her a line or a email just asking how she is and asking for a date. IF she accepts great. If she wiggles around with excuses, don't contact her anymore..let her make the move. Like I said, she knows how you feel. Which is not necessarily a great thing. So you need to lay low and let her make the next more. But don't get needy and afc, no matter how much you like this broad.

By the way. Since she was on the internet. Do you have a pic of either one of you to show us? Or your personal ad? Would be interesting to see what each of you look like.

 

[SpikeMorrissey]

Thanks Echo

Cheers Echo
much appreciated. I wont reply to her email - if she wants me she can come back and say 'why havent you replied to me?' I am not going to reply and make chit chat with her - I dont want her as my pal

Do you think thats right?

I dont want to link directly to the internet site - is there any other way to insert pics?

 

[echo1212]

hey spike I sent you a private message on sosuave with my email address-

As far as the girl, yeah I'd just play it cool and let her make the next more if there will be one. You've done your job.

 

[drZaius09]

You wrote an overly effusive e-mail that frightened and confused her. She doesn't know how to respond to what you wrote because what you wrote was completely unexpected... insane, even. You may have been able to hold on to this one but now I think you've shot yourself in the foot.

What I don't understand is this: The encounter went well, why panic so soon? You're already on the phone and emailing not a day later. THE ENCOUNTER WENT WELL, but yet you doubt yourself and react hastily. So you call and your message goes unreturned, rather than immediately firing off an emotionally-charged email, perhaps a more rational approach would've yielded more positive results. For instance, you've just met this girl, you've spent a grand total of TWO days with her, you have no idea who she is. Perhaps she was looking for a weekend plaything and you fit the bill. Perhaps she was busy or sick or whatever. Perhaps there are literally THOUSANDS of other girls 200 miles closer that you could be having just as much fun with.

My guess is you will call her again and she will ignore you. Then you'll call back or write another email a day later and you *might* get a terse reply to that. Any contact she has with you that you initiate will be abbreviated and awkward. The only way to *possibly* salvage this situation now is to retreat; don't call or email again. If she is still interested (and that's doubtful), she'll call you.

 

[SpikeMorrissey]

I know what you are saying Doctor Z

I regret it in hindsight. I'm normally very cool when it comes to things like this. I guess it was something so unexpectedly brilliant that happened that it just made me go a bit insane. Bit sad really, I guess it comes from having girls come onto me who I'm not really into and then one comes along that just amazes me and I panic about the distance thing etc.

I feel really stupid.

 

[echo1212]

Dr. Zauis..you're a bit off on this one I think. The situation is not hopeless.

Once again it comes back to attraction. While what he did was not the best thing in the world and I think Spike knows now to not do that again, if she really has a high IL in him (which is probable considering their weekend together) I doubt if one call and email will totally scare her off. If he KEEPS doing this then yeah, it will. But judging from her email back to him, I will stick by what I said before. I just think she's probably dating a few guys right now and hasn't made up her mind on what she wants..so she will string our man along here until she decides he is either the best guy for her or some other dude is.

I mean think about it, if you were just with some girl all weekend that you had alot of fun with, and then she called and sent you that email, I'm sure you would think it came across as needy and immature, but if the IL was high, you'd give her the benefit of the doubt and see what happens. I still think you have a good chance here Spike, just follow what we said and go from there. But no more needy emails or calls lol.

 

[drZaius09]

Spike, your mentality is understandable, but detrimental nonetheless. Remember that no matter what happens from here on out, you have not failed unless you learn nothing. From what I see, there is plenty you can learn from this-- so think positively, and view this as a success whether you remain with this girl or not.

Echo, no, it is not hopeless, but it's also far from encouraging. Right now Spike has to focus on damage control. I've always HATED damage control, and would usually choose to avoid it altogether. There are plenty of other projects you could work on instead, from scratch, where you're not already at a disadvantage.

 

[echo1212]

I understand about damage control my good doctor, and I agree..most of the time. But...sometimes instead of just nexting so quickly regardless, I think spike has met someone he feels that something "extra" for. Its not just a typical girl he went on a date with. Sometimes I feel people on here are too quick to next while ignoring their feelings. The guy obviously really likes her, more than other girls he's been out with, so in this case I think an attempt at damage control is at least worth the effort. We're not robots right?

 

[SpikeMorrissey]

EXACTLY Echo,

I can get girls and I can get laid. Its not a problem. However it has been a long, long time since I have met a girl and just fallen for her instantly. That might sound AFC. But think about your own lives and I bet you can't deny meeting someone amazing and being completely bowled over.

We spent the whole two days just talking, looking at each other and kissing all the time. To me that showed a high IL level in EACH OTHER. As I said after I kissed her, it looked like she might collapse. Thats not BS.

I just can't understand how suddenly she has what appears to be zero IL.

 

[echo1212]

I can vouch for the quality of the girl he's talking about. Saw her pic-nice. And from what I could tell from his pic doesn't look like spike would have difficulty in picking up chicks. No, I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrongggg with that lol. Just sayin'.

 

[drZaius09]

Originally posted by echo1212
We're not robots right?

Christ, sometimes I wish I were.

 

[Krassus]

This one can be as simple or complicated as you want it to. You could spend days analyzing it or just fall back to the basics, which is what i would do. So with that said, retreat. You said that she seems to like you a lot, so if you retreat and she does, she WILL pursue. I say give it a good week before contacting her again, and then make it something really light and short, like a quick note you sent in the middle of doing other (far more important of course) things. Best of luck and i suggest you take her off the pedestal *NOW* if you want a chance of having her. Analyze her and find her faults, and start seeing her as a regular human, not a perfect one.

 

[SpikeMorrissey]

I ignored her email and she hasnt bothered to get in touch with me. I even noticed that she added another photo to the website so its obvious she is setting up dates with other fellas. In that case, why spend the whole weekend with me and invited me to dinner with her family? etc etc.

I had another date last night and the girl liked me but I just dont care.

I just dont understand. I am bored of just going through loads of girls. This one seemed amazing. How can life be so cruel?

 

[Krassus]

Because she sees you as a FRIEND. Stop misinterpreting things. Your best bet is to talk to her about this situation and perhaps take a couple of months 'off' to get over her. During that time, find yourself another girl so that you can go back to being her friend if you like. I've been in that same exact situation and did that and it worked - i have no feelings for her and we're just friends.