met a nice girl at work

[amano]

Hey fellas,

I met a nice girl at work a few weeks ago. She was a temp who they only needed for about a month or so. I started bumping into her by the water cooler and we started chatting about whatever. I noticed that when i would run into her she would take the time to stop and talk (take a break from whatever she was doing)and yada yada, and yes i felt a really good nice vibe from this gal. She would laugh alot and seemed genuinely interested in me and what i had to say. =)

One day she came by my office after her lunch and hung around for a good like *30* minutes just talking.I actually had to end the little 'break' we were having since my boss kept walking by with a raised eyebrow and i didnt want to look like a slacker.

Moving on, the weeks went by and some days we wouldnt interact at all since she seemed busy, other days we would go take a coffee break together or at least chat online a bit. I found myself getting more interested in her naturally as we learned a bit more about each other...etc.
Finally i took her out to lunch near the end of her contract. Lunch was on me of course and she thanked me for feeding her and even offered to return the favor by maybe cooking something for me some day. To me that was a pretty good sign and life was good.

On her last day, I find out she had a boyfriend.

Something she never mentioned to me during our talks. Even when asking what she did the past weekend or the night before she would always reply with "oh I did nothing but study" or I hung out with my girlfriends" etc. I got the impression she didnt have much to say about him or didnt care to.
Naturally I was pretty disappointed, yet i exchanged contact with her anyway (email addresses) and gave her my number. She didnt offer her number in return, furthering my disappointment. I felt blah.

I figured ok, game over. No biggie. The following Monday I found a little red envelope on my desk, and in it was a thank you card from her. Basically she thanked me for "being nice" and talking to her and yada yada during her time at my company. She ended it with basically with a "good luck with everything and keep in touch" followed by her email address again. To me this was bittersweet, getting a card from her was great, but the good luck with everything crap sounded like a nice way of saying "cya buddy but keep in touch since thats the polite thing to say"

So fellas, I guess I really liked this gal since I do find myself thinking about her occasionally. I do not suffer from Oneitis and have a decent number of females to distract myself with.

But yah, I need your thoughts. Waste of time? Maybe not? Her bday is coming up in a month or so, and I'll probably send her an e-card or something. Im wondering if I should do something more.

 

[joekerr31]

total waste of time dude.

its so ironic you posted this cuz i went through somethign very very similar to this lately.

now that im through the other side of it all i have perspective on the whole thing. i came to a few conclusions that apply to your situation

1) why would you want some ***** that is flirting with you when she has a bf (cuz you know she'll do it to you also if you did land her). and she was flirting - if a chic spends 30 minutes chatting with you and you come away feeling attracted to her, thats what she wanted. i know plenty of chics who are friendly, even overly friendly, but you don't walk away thinking 'damn i want to bang that chic'

2) some women just need as much attention as they can get (they have very low self esteem). they know if they tell you they have a bf you'll put your focus elsewhere, so they dont. shes pathetic for needing attention at all costs. why would you want a chic like that? (unless you have low self esteem and figure, hey, someone as messed up as me, great match)

3) you got played man. im not saying she did it intentionally. im saying that becuase you didnt have the balls to ask her out early on you wasted your time flirting with this chic.

ive learned that if a chic is sending you the signals, call her on them. if she says "sorry i have a bf" you've just saved yourself a **** load of time you'd have otherwise wasted on a lost cause.

i refuse to be some chics "on the side" ego boost. **** that. you wanna revv me up, you better be looking to go for a ride.

not only should you not send her a card for her birthday, you should forget the ***** completely.

 

[iveyleeger]

couple things

1. boyfriend means nothing. all women "have boyfriends" even when they don't b/c they don't want to look like losers. it doesn't mean they aren't looking for a better boyfriend, a fvckbuddy, or a husband. so, don't worry about that. since she didn't mention him, she was interested in you.

2. don't send her anything for her bday for the sole reason that it's AFC

so what can you do?

"Hey, ___. I'm gonna be at X at Y. Drop by, I have a surprise for you."

If she shows up (likely) she's interested. Test her by making her stay for a drink or two, the more time she's spending with you, the better. Finally, make her close her eyes for the surprise. And I'll let you figure out what that can be.

 

[amano]

Thanks for the reply joekerr31,

I guess I shouldve tried to find out about a boyfriend early on, lesson learned.
When I think back though, there was honestly nothing outright flirty about her, she just seemed ...hmmm, how do I word it. Shyly interested, curious? Receptive? I can honestly say I believe there was nothing selfish or malicious about her.
So Im going to have to disagree with the "flirty attention greedy **** " conclusion. Ive had my fair share of experience with these types, so Im pretty sure I can tell when Ive met one.
Im not being defensive about her.
In the end my wishful thinking (yes wishful thinking sucks) was that maybe her and the bf werent serious and/or maybe shes on the way out of that relationship which is why she never brought it up.

Anyone else think I should fugget about it altogether?

 

[amano]

1. boyfriend means nothing.....since she didn't mention him, she was interested in you.

- Thats good to hear. Most of my chick friends seem to agree with you here.

 

[joekerr31]

dude, your thinking with your d*ck not your head.

she has a bf.

and i disagree with you respectfully.

if you find yourself wanting a chic more and more the more you talk to her, trust me, she wants it that way.

women who are off limits make it clear, evne if they are subtle about it, that they are off limits.

maybe they cut the convo short. maybe they throw in stuff about their bf. maybe they dont look you in the eyes as much. whatever. the end result is they let you know not to get any ideas.

there are subtle forms of flirting that are just as powerful as direct flirting.

anyway, while you sit there wondering if this girl might one day be yours, some dude is banging her up the ass.

forget her. you're getting play. just my view mind you

J