Messed It Up, Anyway Back?

[Arcangel]

Ok I'm feeling pretty crappy right now. I met a great girl a few weeks back. We were texting and Skyping for ages. I'm afraid I was a little jealous ans paranoid and on two different nights over read harmless texts and accused her of seeing other guys.

She talked me round and seemed to forgive me. She said it was a fresh start. We got on grand then Thursday and Friday texting and Skyping and met yesterday. It went great she said she was happy with how it was going, we kissed loads, went back to her and hung out. Lied beside each other on the bed and kissed loads. She even brought me into a shop so she could get a better headset to Skype me with! Said I could meet her again if all goes well with us.!

Then just before I was going she hit me with the bomb that she felt I was too jealous and she felt like she was walking on eggshells after how I got so angry during the week. She said it had been in the back of her mind all along and she couldn't shake it. She had been with jealous guys before.

She said she wanted to give me a chance by meeting yesterday but she didn't know, what had happened was playing on her mind. I tried promising her it wouldn't happen again cause I knew it wasn't right. She said she didn't know wht to do and needed time to think. I left hers at like 10pm and this morning got a text saying we should leave it as she wouldn't be comfortable I even admitted to her I had arranged to speak to someone about the way I was acting as I felt so bad and ashamed over it. She was telling me it was like she had feelings already for me, but I thought if she liked me half as much as she said, she'd give me a chance to prove.

She said if she changes her mind she would text, but her mind is set for now.

The thing is, she is a good girl. No drama from her, funny, goodlooking, showed serious interest the whole lot. Is there anything I can do?

I had thought maybe contact her down the line once I sort my issues out?

 

[disgustipated]

I can tell you.have no other options. She can tell too. It's not attractive. Your post screams desperate. The reason she gave you may or may not be the actual reason she's not into you. But make no mistake, she is not into you.

Why are you trying so hard to prove to yourself to her, when she's done NOTHING to prove herself to you. You haven't even gotten the drawlls yet man! The part when she said if you're good then maybe next time.....I woulda gave her the gas face right there and let out the biggest laugh...gtfo.outta here with that ****. She and you have already put her in a position essay above you, proceeding forward would be like trying to run up a hill with a boulder strapped around your waist into.a headwind, only to find at the top its a.cliff or brick wall.

 

[Arcangel]

Thanks. I should clear it up a little. She didn't say "if your good" If she had said that exactly I would have thought she was a proper little madam.

What she actually said was if all goes well with us.

I know, looking back I behaved terribly and did seem desperate. I'm just pissed at myself for acting that way. Everything was perfect but for that. In fact she made most of the effort chasing me.

 

[Arcangel]

I won't even think of contacting her again for a while as all it will do is make me come off worse, if I ever do.

But all you guys have lots of experience. Is there any way I can reassert myself here and change the way I'm seen by her and get her interested again?

 

[GotED?]

Man up

Women (and sometimes 'girls') want to see a man who is confident, has value, and is strong. You are not exerting any of those trait at this time - best thing to do is get out and find yourself another date to stop your obsession. The other side of the fence always look greener, as it is the same that 'people want what they can't have'. Therefore women get temporary insanity in the beginning of a relationship because most of them idealize everything about the man (or boy) they are with and get into drama when they are disappointed. That shows a low level of maturity in the person.

Take care,

Exodus

 

[Warrior74]

I won't even think of contacting her again for a while as all it will do is make me come off worse, if I ever do.

But all you guys have lots of experience. Is there any way I can reassert myself here and change the way I'm seen by her and get her interested again?

Lol wut?

No. There is no chance. Kill that desperation and go find some else. Let it go bro.

 

[Arcangel]

Ok... Well she just text me now saying she still likes me and wants to give me a chance, as long as I don't get unnecessarily paranoid and rip into her again...

 

[GotED?]

You have already lost your frame even if you go back to her, you will be under her frame instead. Best of luck.

 

[Greasy Pig]

She has the frame and your balls firmly grasped in her cold, clammy hands.
She's dictating the way you must behave and playing you like a fvcking yo-yo.

One minute she's in, the next she's out. How can you stand that?

Turn the tables on her and explain you don't know if you can be with a woman who is so paranoid.

You may have screwed up but a woman who is really super interested will overlook such minor hiccups.
Her interest is lukewarm at best and you dancing to her tune will only increase her doubts.

I think you're going to have to move on and chalk this one up to experience. if you don't, she will continue being a flakey bytch and I guarantee she will bring up the "jealousy" thing again.

 

[GotED?]

"She has the frame and your balls firmly grasped in her cold, clammy hands."


That cold, clammy hands alone should get the OP to run for his lives and go live on Mars instead.

 

[Warrior74]

Ok... Well she just text me now saying she still likes me and wants to give me a chance, as long as I don't get unnecessarily paranoid and rip into her again...

Listen, if you got some balls now is the time to use them. What is your gut response to this. Be honest. If it's to placate her and make her feel safe, be honest and tell us bro.

Now what is the opposite of that response? No it's not making her feel unsafe, it's not buying what she's selling. She selling, "if your good you might get to sniff my panties so be a good boy".

What you should be selling is "if you are worth it, I'll give you some of my time, how much depends on you".




Don't respond to her text and figure that out. Post your homework here first.

Now how do you nuteralize her sales pitch and pitch one of your own? Aka the reframe?

 

[mintyweasel]

Turn the tables on her and explain you don't know if you can be with a woman who is so paranoid.

bad advice

OP, well you've learned a valuable lesson here, no one likes a partner who is possessive and jealous, shes probably had a relationship with someone like that before and knows the signs, I dont blame her for backing off, I'd do the same.
If shes come back and said she will give you another chance, and you like her enough to put in the effort ,then go for it, but dont play mind games like trying to turn tables to regain the control, thats all BS. You owe her now, she knows it and so do you, that doesnt mean you have to be a good boy and do as your told, it means you've got to help her regain her confidence in you.

 

[Warrior74]

bad advice

OP, well you've learned a valuable lesson here, no one likes a partner who is possessive and jealous, shes probably had a relationship with someone like that before and knows the signs, I dont blame her for backing off, I'd do the same.
If shes come back and said she will give you another chance, and you like her enough to put in the effort ,then go for it, but dont play mind games like trying to turn tables to regain the control, thats all BS. You owe her now, she knows it and so do you, that doesnt mean you have to be a good boy and do as your told, it means you've got to help her regain her confidence in you.

Which is why he needs to start fresh with a new prospect. This one is tainted and restoring confidence is just gonna slide into being on her frame. You've started behind the eight ball. How can you be the bold confidEnt
An after you've already shown your hand as a jealous paranoid lil bytch? You can't. Learn the lesson, study the game. Go balls out and blow it up with a radical reframe all the while knowing that you are the dead and there is no chance, but it is better to die walking than to slink away. Then go meet some new girls. In fact do that first.

And op, what's up with all the texting and skyping? You know the rules. Knock it off.

 

[speed dawg]

Your "issues" are just that you need to grow up, un-plug yourself from the matrix, and become a man that women want to be with.

Read the Don Juan Bible, for starters. Forget about this girl for awhile.

 

[Boilermaker]

ah.... The usual MM masters with their usual knee-jerk reaction. Everyone is kicking and screaming at the OP; for being a beginner. Kick her, next her, kill her, ...

I miss Jophil more than ever. What's happening to MM?

What we don't realize is, a beginner usually doesn't have too many options and he doesn't know how to get them. The only way a beginner can learn is to interact with girls, and what are we really telling them if we ask him to NEXT every prospect he has?

OP Listen Up: I am guessing you are not even 25 and you are asking "mature" advice. Your story seems a bit juvenile, and there's nothing wrong with that if you are younger.

You have this girl in your pocket if you play it right but you have to be careful from now on; you have to take Warrior's advice and take it easy. She has the "frame" and in a way; she's "sh!t testing" you. She wants you to prove to her that you are that confident, powerful guy she chose to be with. You have to rise up to the challenge and show it to her. And the way we will do it is, we will give her, her own medicine. Scarcely respond to her texts. Be more aloof and formal than usual. Set time limits to respond. To each of her texts or IM's you wait for a given amount of time. You are busy with something. You are not punishing her. Just make up valid, unbreakable excuses. Remember our leader ROLLO's advice: Opposite of love is not hate, opposite of love is indifference. That's all you have to do, to simulate "indifference" to her. You don't have to feel it. You just have to show it.

After 2-3 days of this; when she gets impatient and tries to confront you; you do exactly what she has been doing to you: You are not comfortable with someone who makes a big deal out of every little emotional instability of another human being. It's wrong to your principles. Her reaction was way too harsh for such a minor issue, in the big picture of a happy relationship. You remind her that happiness is all too easy to share; what really takes courage is to be compassionate and forgiving. It's "too harsh" for your tastes. But you like her friendship (don't use the word "feelings") and you want to keep in contact.

Remember whatever I said doesn't matter. It's a fake cover to our real operation: Indifference. That's the medium of our message, and this is our excuse. I really don't mean (or care) whatever I typed above. But things like this are necessary for us to speak "womanspeak".

Come back in 2-3 days and we'll take it from there. Good luck, stay tuned. You have come to the right place.

 

[Alvafe]

yeah keeping a little distance now would help in the long way.

I would just toss the idea of her to say, you said before you didn't want it, now you want? you should make up your mind. but that after a really long time, course I work far better when i'm not interested, we all do crap when we want the girl, so best too is to care less and see where it will go

 

[Atom Smasher]

I completely agree with boilermaker (all except that Rollo is my leader ).

I would add that you should show indifference but then pull the trigger on getting together in a very direct way. I've done the following both verbally and via text to great effect:

"You. Me. Picnic this Saturday.
What do you say?"

or

"I see you and me enjoying a picnic and a bottle of wine at "X" park this Saturday. Let's do it!"

This is effective on so many levels.
1) You hold the frame.
2) It's direct. It shows you have intent.
3) It shows a little mystery.
4) It will excite her imagination, and it shows that you are visually imaginitive (I see you & me enjoying...)
5) You are commanding her in a way that most women want to be commanded.

You need to completely erase your history with her by making zero references to it and act like it's all brand new. Only speak about it if she keeps pushing it hard, and then just give her quick, simple answers to satisfy her and MOVE ON. Think of how you're supposed to answer a child when they ask about where babies come from. A simple, quick answer will satisfy then they're on to other things.

Finally, I get the impression that you're talking with her waaaaay too much. It's self-destructive when a man chats with a woman like a girlfriend. You should be mysterious, scarce and a little scary in a way due to you UNPREDICTABILITY. Women love unpredictability, and they grow to despise chatty male girlfriends.

Regarding the jealousy, perhaps some of your feelings are justified, perhaps not. But your relationship is way too early for that to be a factor. Once you have her hooked on you completely you can address any legitimate concerns with her. Right now you are unflappable and simply reeling in your prey.

She definitely wants to work something out with you. Most times girls won't give a second or third chance. Just don't display any anger for a while. This is not the time.

When you find yourself chattering away with her for a while, lay low for a while. A man must bond, then back off, bond and back off again. Constant bonding will erode her regard for you. You must not become too familiar to her. You must create an aura of slight unattainability, as if she constantly has something to learn about you.

You're here at SS now, and you are now starting down the rabbit hole into a world that you never imagined. You can't go back once your eyes have been opened. There is no way back. That's a good thing, but it's a challenge that most men refuse to take on.

 

[disgustipated]

The thing is, he's not capable of pulling.that off at this stage in his life. Could this guy play by her rules and eventually get some *****? I suppose, but in the end he's gonna get worked over....which would serve as a good lesson.....its what brought some of us here.

The way I see it, there are 3 paths. Kinda like the old books, Choose your own adventure.

1. Next her. Realize how u lost frame and try again with diff girl. By the.way being jealous is not something that's always bad. You're allowed, from.time to time, to.express a healthy dose of jealousy to let your girl know you still give a fuvk.

2. Go by her rules with the off.chance she's being authentic. Chances are you.were rights, she had an A option that fell thru, she's now back to you whom she.can make jump thru hoops. Proceed with caution. You will most likely end up learning a valueable lesson.

3. Realize u lost frame and have nothing to lose. Warriors advice is.perfect for this scenario, I just don't think a.guy coming from no options can pull this.off for too long. Try it though, maybe u can fake it till u get the *****.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Yes, it does depend on how readily he can absorb this information. But the way I see it, if you want to learn how to walk the tightrope, you should just get up on the wire, do your best and take your licks until you achieve balance right after having received advice on how to do it.

 

[Boilermaker]

But the way I see it, if you want to learn how to walk the tightrope, you should just get up on the wire, do your best and take your licks until you achieve balance right after having received advice on how to do it.

^

This.


The great Chess Master, Aaron Nimzowitzch used to say: Theory and Practice must go hand in hand in any beginner's path into mastery.

OP has nothing to lose anyway. He researched this forum, he came to the right place. He knows the theory now it's time for action.

Being indifferent for a while and cooking up a simple date (the way AS suggests) are not exclusively master DJ skills. And only way to find out whether he can pull off any of this is to encourage him to do it and see what comes off it.

Good luck to the OP,