Men, why do you do this after a first date?

[tiziki]

So I had this date set up with this guy a few weeks ago for that evening. He texted me, but I was busy on another date actually so I didn't have a chance to respond back. Then he called me a few hours after the text. I finally got around to calling him back a few hours later. He called and said he had to cancel our date because he had an emergency at work (he owns his own business - you've probably used one of his products actually). That he wanted to call me instead of text because that was the proper thing to do and didn't want to seem like he was blowing me off because he was, "still very interested" in going out with me, and picked another day.

The day of the rescheduled date comes around. I'm on my way and I'm 30 minutes out and my car gives out. I send him the video of my car and he offered to come there to pick me up and help fix my car. I tell him I had a tow on the way so he didn't need to pick me up. Later he asked if I was okay and we exchanged a few texts and I eventually didn't respond. The next morning he asked how my car was and if was okay. I thought it was very sweet of him to be so concerned.

Finally, our date comes around. I was on my way and he sent me a text asking if I was still coming because he said given our track record haha. Again, I thought it was very sweet that he was concerned/worried I was going to bail on me. The date is going well (or so I thought) and I mention this spot in the city that everyone has tried but I haven't. He said yea we've got to go there some time-okay, a good sign? Then later during the date, he turns to me and says, "I enjoy spending time with you". I reciprocated. He found out that I ubered there so he offered me a ride home. I was coming off the curb and he reached out for my hand to help me - very much the gentleman. He drives me home, which was 30 minutes of out his way btw. He gets out of the car, comes to my side, says he wants to do this again and said maybe we can go to that restaurant you haven't tried yet. I said yea sure that would be cool. He comes in to hug me and gives me a peck on the temple. I text him thanks again for the ride home

. Then he eventually tells me he got home to which I replied I'm glad he made home safe and he said thank you. I didn't respond after that.

He texted me two days later asking how my day was going and we texted for a bit, but he didn’t bring up the date.

So why do this?

Tl;dr Why say you enjoy spending time with her during date? Make an hour round trip just to drop her off? Why say you want to see her again? Why contact her a day or 2 later?

Why do that if you’re just not going to follow through with second date? Why not have just kept all those things to yourself after the date and just disappear instead?

 

[Mbuckets82]

If he text you it means he’s interested. He should just ask to go out again. The gentlemen stuff is cool, but is it just a show that when it’s time to be a man, he crumbles?
Come on bro you gotta rep us well here.

 

[tiziki]

If he text you it means he’s interested. He should just ask to go out again. The gentlemen stuff is cool, but is it just a show that when it’s time to be a man, he crumbles?
Come on bro you gotta rep us well here.

honestly, I just chalked him driving the hour round trip to drop me off & contacting me after to be nice.

 

[GioWolf]

He’s being a nice guy. Unfortunately he was conditioned by Disney and society into taking it slow and courting women like a gentleman. If you’re into him, just be honest and tell him what you’re looking for. Or break his heart and send him here for some tough love.

 

[tiziki]

He’s being a nice guy. Unfortunately he was conditioned by Disney and society into taking it slow and courting women like a gentleman. If you’re into him, just be honest and tell him what you’re looking for. Or break his heart and send him here for some tough love.

right but maybe he was being so nice that thim driving the hour round trip to drop me off & contacting me after was just to be nice

 

[tiziki]

He is apprehensive because you aren't exactly showing high interest.

I thought I had. I just figured him driving the hour round trip to drop me off & contacting me after was to be nice.

 

[dude99]

So I had this date set up with this guy a few weeks ago for that evening. He texted me, but I was busy on another date actually so I didn't have a chance to respond back. Then he called me a few hours after the text. I finally got around to calling him back a few hours later. He called and said he had to cancel our date because he had an emergency at work (he owns his own business - you've probably used one of his products actually). That he wanted to call me instead of text because that was the proper thing to do and didn't want to seem like he was blowing me off because he was, "still very interested" in going out with me, and picked another day.

The day of the rescheduled date comes around. I'm on my way and I'm 30 minutes out and my car gives out. I send him the video of my car and he offered to come there to pick me up and help fix my car. I tell him I had a tow on the way so he didn't need to pick me up. Later he asked if I was okay and we exchanged a few texts and I eventually didn't respond. The next morning he asked how my car was and if was okay. I thought it was very sweet of him to be so concerned.

Finally, our date comes around. I was on my way and he sent me a text asking if I was still coming because he said given our track record haha. Again, I thought it was very sweet that he was concerned/worried I was going to bail on me. The date is going well (or so I thought) and I mention this spot in the city that everyone has tried but I haven't. He said yea we've got to go there some time-okay, a good sign? Then later during the date, he turns to me and says, "I enjoy spending time with you". I reciprocated. He found out that I ubered there so he offered me a ride home. I was coming off the curb and he reached out for my hand to help me - very much the gentleman. He drives me home, which was 30 minutes of out his way btw. He gets out of the car, comes to my side, says he wants to do this again and said maybe we can go to that restaurant you haven't tried yet. I said yea sure that would be cool. He comes in to hug me and gives me a peck on the temple. I text him thanks again for the ride home

. Then he eventually tells me he got home to which I replied I'm glad he made home safe and he said thank you. I didn't respond after that.

He texted me two days later asking how my day was going and we texted for a bit, but he didn’t bring up the date.

So why do this?

Tl;dr Why say you enjoy spending time with her during date? Make an hour round trip just to drop her off? Why say you want to see her again? Why contact her a day or 2 later?

Why do that if you’re just not going to follow through with second date? Why not have just kept all those things to yourself after the date and just disappear instead?

There really isn't an answer to this because Chicks do this to guys all the time. You could be able to answer your own question just by thinking back to when you or a friend of yours did it to a guy last. Say you had a great time talk about seeing him again with no follow through.

Reasons could be:
1 . Maybe it is too soon and he still will.
2. Perhaps too many women have done this to him and he is conditioned to do it back now.
3. Maybe he has many plates he is spinning and will get back to you when he is through his rotation
4. Maybe he just lied. He didnt have a good time but telling you the truth would cause unnecessary drama or


5. You hamster wheel is spinning and you are way over thinking a guy you have had one date with.

Relax. Give it some time.

 

[chris2for]

He has medium interest and/or you aren't doing anything to show him interest in return.

See I figured he has high interest. I’m not going to come offer to pick up a stranger to help with her car, follow up the next day after being ignored, then after the date make an hour round trip just to drop you off, unless I thought sex was on the table.

plus, if he’s a ceo, decent looking, and a gentleman I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s used to women doing more to get his attention.

 

[chris2for]

You wouldn't but a lot of guys would.

wait, so you’re telling me most men would do all of that just to be nice?

im saying a man will only do all those things because he’s pretty interested and or he believes sex is on the table. He’s not doing it to be nice.

 

[tiziki]

Not responding to a text is VERY LOW interest, and you already did that twice. Plus the car deal.

That and we aren't sure how you are conveying interest during text.

If I dealt with a girl like this, I would assume she was barely interested.

Just a few questions, because I thought I had displayed high interest:

1. so him dropping me off wasn’t just to be nice?
2. what does the “car deal” have to do with me showing interest, or lack there of?
3. What’s an example of interest over text? I’ve teased a little bit over text.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Tl;dr Why say you enjoy spending time with her during date? Make an hour round trip just to drop her off? Why say you want to see her again? Why contact her a day or 2 later?

Why do that if you’re just not going to follow through with second date? Why not have just kept all those things to yourself after the date and just disappear instead?

I don’t understand the question. It seems like perhaps you are thinking he should have contacted you daily after the text and asked you out on another date immediately, and you are confused at the incongruence between how he treated you on the date vs how you think he should treat you after the date?

If my assumptions are correct, why do you think he isn’t allowed to skip a single day in communication with you when you didn’t respond to him multiple times and were always the first to let the text conversation end? Also, why does he have to invite you out on another date just 1-2 days after your first date? You’ve shown interest but not exactly high interest. He is probably waiting a bit to ask you out on a second date...... waiting to gauge your interest level, and maybe also trying to play it cool. If you want to see him, you know you can ask him out too, or drop a hint so he knows you’re interested. Most busy non-needy guys wait close to a week to ask a girl out on a second date, but may chat a bit in between.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

So I had this date set up with this guy a few weeks ago for that evening. He texted me, but I was busy on another date actually so I didn't have a chance to respond back. Then he called me a few hours after the text. I finally got around to calling him back a few hours later. He called and said he had to cancel our date because he had an emergency at work (he owns his own business - you've probably used one of his products actually). That he wanted to call me instead of text because that was the proper thing to do and didn't want to seem like he was blowing me off because he was, "still very interested" in going out with me, and picked another day.

The day of the rescheduled date comes around. I'm on my way and I'm 30 minutes out and my car gives out. I send him the video of my car and he offered to come there to pick me up and help fix my car. I tell him I had a tow on the way so he didn't need to pick me up. Later he asked if I was okay and we exchanged a few texts and I eventually didn't respond. The next morning he asked how my car was and if was okay. I thought it was very sweet of him to be so concerned.

Finally, our date comes around. I was on my way and he sent me a text asking if I was still coming because he said given our track record haha. Again, I thought it was very sweet that he was concerned/worried I was going to bail on me. The date is going well (or so I thought) and I mention this spot in the city that everyone has tried but I haven't. He said yea we've got to go there some time-okay, a good sign? Then later during the date, he turns to me and says, "I enjoy spending time with you". I reciprocated. He found out that I ubered there so he offered me a ride home. I was coming off the curb and he reached out for my hand to help me - very much the gentleman. He drives me home, which was 30 minutes of out his way btw. He gets out of the car, comes to my side, says he wants to do this again and said maybe we can go to that restaurant you haven't tried yet. I said yea sure that would be cool. He comes in to hug me and gives me a peck on the temple. I text him thanks again for the ride home

. Then he eventually tells me he got home to which I replied I'm glad he made home safe and he said thank you. I didn't respond after that.

He texted me two days later asking how my day was going and we texted for a bit, but he didn’t bring up the date.

So why do this?

Tl;dr Why say you enjoy spending time with her during date? Make an hour round trip just to drop her off? Why say you want to see her again? Why contact her a day or 2 later?

Why do that if you’re just not going to follow through with second date? Why not have just kept all those things to yourself after the date and just disappear instead?

You have this idea that if you get exactly what you think you want from this man you'll be satisfied. But if he were to constantly contact you you'd get bored and feel disappointed, like it was too easy. He's holding your attention and keeping you in suspense, which is a good sign. It sounds like he's doing all the initiating and you expect him to setup everything. Be vulnerable, pitch a day, send him something sweet out of the blue, it's in your feminine nature. If a healthy man continues setting plans and reaching out but you don't reciprocate, he'll naturally move on to someone that does.

If you expect a man to do everything without reciprocity from you then you'll only attract weak cuck men that think that's normal behavior from a woman. If you're interested then make it known.

 

[RangerMIke]

It takes 5 seconds to respond to a text. If you are busy and can not respond right away, then just add a sentence explaining this when you have time and then forget about it. When he went in for a kiss, you kissed his temple... this is what Granny does... you are not giving him signs you are interested. Toss him a bone, text him first... YOU make the date, if you are interested. Be authentic and show come confidence.

Why doesn't he call and make a date he said he wanted? He is either busy, which is good... you wouldn't be interested in a man sitting around waiting for you. That, or he's following some silly relationship coach advice that he should wait a few days to make a date and never make a date immediately after a date. The purpose of doing this is because it gets you thinking about him... so it's working... this is why it's done.

Where he screwed up is he said he wanted to go out and didn't lock down a specific time/date/activity. It's not a problem if you have a bunch of stuff going on and you tell a women you will get back with her, but you have to say WHEN you are going to do this, then be a man of your word.

If you want to know if he is interested, then yes... he is interested. Grow a pair and reach out to him and suggest an couple of days you are free. The worst that can happen is he ignores your text... then you can move on to another dude.

 

[MrWood]

He has medium interest and/or you aren't doing anything to show him interest in return.

this.

kinda seems you are both lukewarm and trying no "nice" your way to somewhere.
I will put the burden on him in this "nice" play... either he is trying to be netural/nice and looking for a signal from you.
Honestly you both seem uninterested beyond casual pleasantries.

 

[chris2for]

this.

kinda seems you are both lukewarm and trying no "nice" your way to somewhere.
I will put the burden on him in this "nice" play... either he is trying to be netural/nice and looking for a signal from you.
Honestly you both seem uninterested beyond casual pleasantries.

im still trying to figure out how offering to go pick a stranger and then making an hour round trip to drop her off equates to a lack of/low interest?

 

[Atom Smasher]

@chris2for , are you posting here under several identities?

 

[tiziki]

Men can be very nice so yes it was him being nice. It's the polite thing to do rather than let someone walk or take an uber.

The car deal combined with the lack of texting back just seems convenient is all. Keep in mind men deal with a LOT of ghosting and semi-interested women. So they often cut their losses with them and search for a more interested one.

Interest would be replying to open items and starting conversations. Ghosting is a severe signal of disinterest.

thanks. No I’m the one who wasn’t texting back lol.
because before the date when he offered to come get me when my car broke down I kind of stopped responding and he still reached out the next day to check up on me. Then I didn’t reply when he went away for work then made contact a week later.

forgot before an hour before our date he texted me asking how I was. I said I’m good and then he asked if I was still on time for our date because of the other times went he wanted to double check. I guess he wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to bail?

However, I thought I was showing interest.
He gets of the car to drop me off and he said we should do this again and mentioned going to that spot I wanted to try to which I replied either yea sure or yea we can do that. He comes in for a hug, kisses me on the temple and I go inside. All that seems affirmative enough to me?

 

[Alvafe]

thanks. No I’m the one who wasn’t texting back lol.
because before the date when he offered to come get me when my car broke down I kind of stopped responding and he still reached out the next day to check up on me. Then I didn’t reply when he went away for work then made contact a week later.

forgot before an hour before our date he texted me asking how I was. I said I’m good and then he asked if I was still on time for our date because of the other times went he wanted to double check. I guess he wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to bail?

However, I thought I was showing interest.
He gets of the car to drop me off and he said we should do this again and mentioned going to that spot I wanted to try to which I replied either yea sure or yea we can do that. He comes in for a hug, kisses me on the temple and I go inside. All that seems affirmative enough to me?

yeah no, you are showing disinterest, if he is smart he notice, just be polite and tell him you don't see this going anywhere and stop maing him waste time

 

[Alvafe]

I've run into more women like this in my 30s. It's like they have no "game" or something, they don't know how to seduce men. Usually they have theories about how they deserve to be chased with no understanding that most women are actively chasing men.

to be fair there is too many thirty guys, so as long she leaves her home and look pretty there is someone willing to do all the effort, the problem is when the guy have options, then she find her orbiter and cry about the guys who don't want to waste time with her.

 

[Hal9000]

He probably didn't think you were really into him so he just faded away to avoid making you tell him directly. Probably too nice for his own good as well, but there are worse ways to be for sure.