Men who compromise

[anonymous12345]

In my current work place I take on the role as the managerial dad who compromise and adapt.

And I am absolutely disgusted by myself. It is also so extremely unattractive, I would say. It feels like the biggest turn-off for girls is a man who bows, say “sorry” or “thanks”.

I do it because it otherwise feels like it all would degenerate into uncivilised cavemen. We see this around the world. On the other hand, in some occasions one should take the conflict.

In this particular case, it’s a young childish girl that interfere with my life, but I don’t want to associate with a cat fight. In a sense it’s a problem that maybe doesn’t become solved by ignoring/compromising.

When to compromise, when to take the fight? A question basically every man has to face.

 

[Billtx49]

Yes, the Fight or Flight decision in stressful events has been around for mankind since the beginning of time…

 

[bmp2cpm]

Regarding work, your actions should be what is best for the company.

if someone’s actions are not best for the company, then that person needs to be called out.

Document, cite SOPs, guidances, and work instructions. These all act as your spear and shield in the workplace.

A great technique is to journal. I keep special sections in my journal for troublesome employees.

Write down any thing big that happens with these people. Include the date of each occurrence

Review every few months and you will see patterns to how these people behave.

You will then know their modus operandi.

Good luck!

 

[DonJuanjr]

if someone’s actions are not best for the company, then that person needs to be called out.

Many times companies compromise on female behalf when female actions aren't what's best for said company. They usually pawn the load onto men. Who get less tolerance.

 

[anonymous12345]

Yes, the Fight or Flight decision in stressful events has been around for mankind since the beginning of time…

Yeah, that's the reptile brain/amygdala at work, and whether to activate sympathetic nervous system or not.

Though that's not my case. I'm reflecting from a calm, rational standpoint, taking my time. The closest I get here is that I'm afraid or don't know the consequences of taking the conflict, calling her out. I'd feel like a thug if turbulence/drama occurs.

 

[Machine10033]

I am management...... aaaaaaand unfortunately unless the female is killing an infant I will always be wrong. Thankfully I do not have any trouble makers or drama queens underneath me. I have seen managers get removed for actually following the appropriate channels to correct deficiencies with the female... and all it took was for them to say they were being discriminated against. Manager moved... move in new guy.... eventually female gets promoted so they don’t sue. Don’t know what the correct answer is...but unfortunately the world we live in is garbage and sadly some people get ahead by playing the game and using their demographics.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Many times companies compromise on female behalf when female actions aren't what's best for said company. They usually pawn the load onto men. Who get less tolerance.

Very true.

It also helps to have a good manager that will back you. Makes calling people out much easier.

Picking your battles ala The Art of War goes a long way.

Age plays a role too. Myself, at 52 I’m very experienced and really good at my job,

I don’t really care about the consequences of calling out people any more.

I have maybe 8 years left of working and I could find another job instantly.

If you truly believe their are no consequences, it is much easier to do the right thing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If you are in a relationship and don't compromise then it won't last long. Nobody always gets their way. In fact, I'd say this is at the heart of the huge divorce rate increases we have seen over the years...inability to compromise.

Now to be clear...I am not saying to compromise something you feel very strongly about, but there are far too many people who are unwilling to compromise on even the most basic things due to wanting to feel in control at all times or exerting some type of power over the other person.

Then it becomes this stupid game of tug of war between the two people when they get their chance to "not compromise" and it usually leads to more and more ridiculous situations where the person won't compromise until it leads to the end of the relationship at some point.

Being at work it won't lead to the end of a relationship, but I sincerely hope your management style isn't one of being on a power trip to show your employees how important you are.

 

[Rainman4707]

In my current work place I take on the role as the managerial dad who compromise and adapt.

And I am absolutely disgusted by myself. It is also so extremely unattractive, I would say. It feels like the biggest turn-off for girls is a man who bows, say “sorry” or “thanks”.

I do it because it otherwise feels like it all would degenerate into uncivilised cavemen. We see this around the world. On the other hand, in some occasions one should take the conflict.

In this particular case, it’s a young childish girl that interfere with my life, but I don’t want to associate with a cat fight. In a sense it’s a problem that maybe doesn’t become solved by ignoring/compromising.

When to compromise, when to take the fight? A question basically every man has to face.

What I consider the best option now is go carnegie at the beginning even for the first few steps and if not respected back slowly turn less agreeable and more hostile, if the other person notice the change and cease to be hostile then slowly go back to carnegie mode while if such person is simply looking for conflict then the choice is no longer yours so go ape

 

[anonymous12345]

I also see it from a more game perspective.

For instance, if I sit down with a girl, then another guy (white knight) drops down and criticise. Or in another situation, an envious friend of the girl pulls her away. They c0ckblock me. Similarly, at this social sphere grown up men are provoked/scared by my mere presence and start intriguing. They are way more older than me, grown up, Scandinavian AFCs/simp "men".

So, what I've noticed here is that I don't mess up, it's actually others that interfere. What I suspect is that I cannot solve this with kindness/passivity, I need to reject or deal with it somehow. I need to protect my assets, they get stolen. I guess it's as easy as "We are talking here, I'll talk with you later on." But that's essentially a confrontation and with people like this it can turn... silly.