men, success, and why most men will never have it

[backbreaker]

simply put, the avg man will never be as successful as they want becuase they will never go outside of their comfort zones.

For all the talk of man have these great ideas or how they are ready to do "whatever it takes" most put their tail between their legs the first time their inetneret bill is late or their GF is worried about finances or someone in their family questions what they are doing. the avg man has no balls whatsoever, i'm sorry.

I decided about 3 weeks ago I did not want to run my business anymore. instead of selling it, i basically franchised it out to someone, in return for a flat consulting fee per month and a percentage of all profits made as well as a small (reliativly) initial deposit. Basically I sold a profitable business-in-a-box along with my knowledge, my staff, my sales material, the whole kit-n- caboodle.


I found 3 people that qualifed. one was just a jerk. one guy i really hit it off with, and was ready to hand the reigns over. the guy just could not get past his comfort zones. he did not like the fact he might have to work "after 4". iw asn't going to sugarcoat it yes, ther are times you are going to have to roll up your sleeves espically in the beginnning beucase you aren't that efficent yet. he didnt like the fact tht hey had to pay for marketing himself. he did not like the fact that he prob wasn't going to make money for hismefl the first few months becuase of his learning curve. he did not know if it was all worth leaving his job to do.. there is no doubt in my mind in 6 months he would have tripled his income even with paying me.

What he like everyone else wanted, was "the hb9" but wanted to put in little to no effort to get it. This, when it is all said and done, is why most men will never do more than dream.

Converslty, I was basically in limbo before I started this company, i had money from the first company that I had stashed away, but not really enough to say i can never work again but enough to live pretty well. now, at 27 years old, i have that money and i have a monthly income coming in that i could easily live off of, without having to do more than a few hours of week of work if that, and if the business sales I will get half of the profits. I did not make a dime of profit the first year in business. but it was worth it.

 

[Plinco]

simply put, the avg man will never be as successful as they want becuase they will never go outside of their comfort zones.

I am not as successful as I want to be, but what success I have had could not have happened unless I stepped out of my comfort zone.

 

[sharkbeat]

comfort zones are probably your worst enemies. You feel all sunshine and rainbows inside, and rain and thunder outside. A chump would stay inside at the comfort of his couch. unfortunately for this chump, the bigger cheese is 100 steps away outside.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Great post Backbreaker.

I'd just like to add, that this not only applies to starting up your own busines, but in all goals in life, in all careers, and aspirations.

I know this because of my current career, it's one more like a sport, than a job. It's blue collar, where men are allowed the opportunity to curse, argue, get sweaty dirty, and it's a job of action. Where mistakes often lead to things breaking, sometimes massive damage, because we 'miss a shot', as I like to say. Much like a quartback misses a touchdown pass.

When I started, I missed a lot of shots. I made a lot of mistakes, I pissed people off, but I bounced back up and pushed the senior guys away to take another shot. Years later, I find out all the guys that made it, did the same thing. They didn't give up.

It's a hard job to get, and I see a lot of guys come and go. Most of the ones that go, are timid...they don't want to take that shot, they don't have the confidence to give it a try, or are just nerve for failure.

Confidence, is aquired, through failing. Whatever yo do, I say fail BIG, if you have to. Don't make little mistakes....make BIG ones. Be willing to tell the experienced guys....I got this one. I'm taking, THIS shot. Even though if you miss it..things are going to break and it's on your shoulders.

You can miss all the shots you take, but when you make one, it's the best damn feeling in the world. Then you start making more shots, and that feeling never goes away. Why? Because you remember back at all the shots in life that you missed and you know....that shots that you do make, in life, you've ****ing earned those shots. Those are yours.

 

[Sandow]

Comfort zones are lot like our flight or fight impulses. Whenever we get out of our comfort zones, we either run off like a chump or we take it on like a man. Backbreaker has a good post on taking risks and getting outside our comfort circles.

Another important thing to add. Yes we should all learn from our mistakes, but don't let that thought process hinder you. Just because I got shot down from that beautiful HB9, doesn't mean I should never approach beautiful girls again. The result could be entirely different the next time. And just because I embarrassed myself interviewing for V.P. doesn't mean never do it again. Keep trying even if you feel uncomfortable. Most people are too scared to do these things cause it feels are warm and fuzzy in their comfort zones, these people will never end up doing shyt in their lives.

 

[synergy1]

simply put, the avg man will never be as successful as they want becuase they will never go outside of their comfort zones.

Well said, well said. This strikes a chord based upon another thread I posted last evening. Basically I am leaving my company for a multitude of reasons. Is the root cause for my departure because it is outside of my comfort zone? Maybe it is. To me, a plan based upon nothing and a team incapable of completing the task at hand goes outside that comfort bounds. Giving something nearly 1 year of time and only to see things stay the same or get worse shakes my confidence. The worst...the absolute worst, is being lied too and leaving everything I held close behind...just to satisfy another person dream.

Is losing ones mental well being, as I am down where I am living, worth it all? I don't think I am simply a little outside of the comfort zone, I am approaching mars...

For all the talk of man have these great ideas or how they are ready to do "whatever it takes" most put their tail between their legs the first time their internet bill is late or their GF is worried about finances or someone in their family questions what they are doing. the avg man has no balls whatsoever, i'm sorry.

I have overwhelming respect for people who make this work the first time. to get the right strategy, the right team and make it work is something few can scoff at. People have so many innate problems, mental issues, and work ethic issues that its no shock that 90% of businesses fail. I completely see it now.

The question of the hour is this; are my actions of an average person? As the critical person that I am, i would say 'yes'. I suspect I will take another crack at starting a business. Actually, a friend of mine proposed a few (thankfully simpler) projects that might have some real promise - leveraging our engineering background. During my upcoming down time while searching for work, it would be silly not to start doing market research and cracking out a new business plan. If it ends up holding any weight, i'll probably end up posting it like I do everything else!

 

[Trader]

Going out of your *comfort zone* requires courage.

Courage is the stepladder which all other virtues mount.

A man without courage is impotent. A man who lacks courage will not be able to do what he believes is right.

Courageous men these days are so rare.

I will say this will full confidence: 'Courage will do more for you than game ever will.'

I have seen raw unbridled courage literally make a girl crazy with lust.

 

[backbreaker]

in order to be more successful then the avg person you have to take bigger risks than the avg person.

i screwed up so bad at one point when i was younger i was living out my car. wasn't always peaches and cream. I'd be lying if i said i didn 't ever question myself or even my sanity at times, but i always stuck to task and eventually thinks started paying off and i started learning from my mistakes.

But that was a great thing that happened.. the worst thing most people can dream of is being homeless and i was. it wasn't the end of the world. i faced my biggest fear in life, or one of them and looked it dead in the eye. don't get me wrong i was not like "yes i'm living in a car' but it happened and i dealt with it. Also it taught me how to be humble and how to save money, that will never under any circumstances, regardless of how much money i make, will be something i ever forget. That feeling will always been implanted in my mind.

it's like v for vendetta. when V is making evy become a better person or whatever and he puts her through pure hell and she finds something in herself that she never knew she had. you are going to screw some **** up. with women, with life, with business, with it all.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Backbreaker,
Success is relative,hence one could draw a Bell curve and find people at either end.....Like every winnowing process,success is a trade off for something else...Perhaps the guy who wants to go home at 4 PM would be happier doing just that and maybe he will live longer?

 

[Warrior74]

I'm working night and day on my business in order to get out of the hole....I lost my last business last year dealing with a shady partner...she stole all of our best clients, kept the domain names and marketing plans I came up with and bad mouthed me around town. I had to find a new market online and start over from scratch...right now I'm picking up new clients who are paying even better than my last bunch (I guess its true, sometimes when you raise your prices you shake out the bad clients and get those who appreciate value).

At the beginning of this year I had no internet and just a prepaid cell phone. I had to sit in kyrstals sipping on a soda just to get wifi to email my clients(you have to buy something or leave). I sold everything i could to stay afloat, my guns, my flat screen, my djing equipment. Everything. A about a month ago I lost a lot of my new stuff in an apartment fire. I barely have enough clothing to cover the work week. I'm not where I want to be but I am nearly caught up on a couple of grand in back debts. I just recently landed my biggest client so far and by the years end I'll be out of the hole and have some money in savings. I've learned that I have to have dogged persistence. Sleep is for losers!

As for my partner...she lost all of those clients with her bad business practices and has gone back to school in order to get out of paying her college loans, so all of her backstabbing was for nothing. She's seen my new designs and videos projects on facebook and has been trying to get me to come back to the business now that I'm starting to make money. Karma is a bytch! LOL.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Good post BACKBREAKER.

And SCARAMOUCHE makes a great point as well. When I read about that guy who was unwilling to stay past four, it's evident to me that you can look at his unwillingness in two ways:

1. Maybe he is lazy, lacking in ambition, and simply not up to such a responsibility.

But there's also...

2. Maybe his unwillingness is born NOT from laziness, but from his sudden realization that the business that you've built is NOT his "baby". And as such, he's just not as emotionally invested or into it as you obviously had to be in order for you to make it the successful venture that it is. If he was a man who truly shared in the "birthing" of that business, it's more likely that he'd be willing to work not only past 4pm---------but 4AM to make it as successful as he could.

Devotion to a business can be just like devotion to a child. It's a BIG difference between how inspired and motivated a man would be to see a business grow that's HIS instead of someone elses. Just like it's a BIG difference between how inspired and motivated a man will be to raise a child that's HIS instead of someone else's.

Sure, it can be done either way, but the odds are ALWAYS more in favor of the creator having MORE love for the thing that he's created than anyone else will EVER have.

In other words, to an employee, no matter how GREAT his job "is"...it'll always be a temptation for him to view it as just a job. In this era, rare is the man who would INDEFINITELY choose to work harder for "someone else" than he'd work for himself.

Some of the same men who'd rebel against working 5 minutes of overtime on a higher-paying job that they hate or merely just "tolerate" will happily work through all hours of the night on a lower-paying labor of love.

And that's REAL talk.


VU

 

[The Message Boy]

simply put, the avg man will never be as successful as they want becuase they will never go outside of their comfort zones.

For all the talk of man have these great ideas or how they are ready to do "whatever it takes" most put their tail between their legs the first time their inetneret bill is late or their GF is worried about finances or someone in their family questions what they are doing. the avg man has no balls whatsoever, i'm sorry.

I'll take it a step further and say the problem isn't comfort zones, the problem is misinformation. Look around the media, look at all of the commercials, what are they all telling you?

"I graduated from college online in my PJs in only 12 months! It's so easy you can do it too!"

"I didn't know anything about Real Estate, but within my first 6 months, I've already built up $1 million in assets."

"I lost 85 pounds in 6 months doing nothing but eating!"

Consistently, all day long, the "masses" are "sold" that it's easy to accomplish their goals and achieve the American Dream.

While I will agree that it's a simple formula, the actual process and systematic progression is not easy. So when one gets "sold" that it's going to be so easy to accomplish the task, when they begin the journey and see the "realities" of it, they turn tail and leave.

Simply put, life is simple. Life is nothing but a game of methods that once you identify and master, you continue to progress. However, the difficult part of life is the continual playing of the game. The continual playing of the game when you make a mistake and have a setback, when you didn't get the girl you wanted, when the business venture you hoped succeed didn't. The difficult part of this entire cycle is to stay steadfast to the "game," correct your mistakes, and continue on the path to success.

The reason very few people see this success, is because very few people are able to bounce back from setbacks. They just do not have the internal drive and tenacity to do so, and how could you blame them lol?? The media pumps their heads up all day on how "easy" the process will be, they never take the time to learn TENACITY. This mind-pumping has taught MAJORITY of people subconsciously, that if it's not simple and easy to complete, if roadblocks arrive during the course of the process, if I get "laughed at" or "called crazy" or if "so and so" doesn't approve of it, then it must not be "meant" for "me" to do it. Maybe "god" or "life" just has another route for me. How inaccurate is this reasoning? No great accomplishment has ever come without sweat, tears, sacrifice, and sometimes blood. Even, sometimes death.

TENACITY, they just do not have it. It's the main thing that separates the successful man from the unsuccessful one. It's the one that can be consistent and stay on a continual path to progression, despite the availability and present day attacks, setbacks, limitations, challenges, and fears.

Success comes to the one that endures.

 

[synergy1]

As for my partner...she lost all of those clients with her bad business practices and has gone back to school in order to get out of paying her college loans, so all of her backstabbing was for nothing. She's seen my new designs and videos projects on facebook and has been trying to get me to come back to the business now that I'm starting to make money. Karma is a bytch! LOL.

Different people, similar situations. You mentioned another strong case for building the right team for a business ; it can't work out with people like that. Initially I have faith that one of our business partners could and wanted to change and obviously that's not how the world works. it only takes one.

FWIW the partner for my company will likely be unable to continue business ops on his own once I leave. Despite feeling extremely mentally drained, I actually feel pretty confident knowing that the business can not continue without me.

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

On business partners

One of my favorite self-made men (Felix Dennis) wrote in his book "How to Get Rich" that the only time he ever had business partners was when he already had is own businesses that he was in complete control of. Otherwise, he says, having a partner(s) is not a good way to get massively rich.

 

[backbreaker]

I'm working night and day on my business in order to get out of the hole....I lost my last business last year dealing with a shady partner...she stole all of our best clients, kept the domain names and marketing plans I came up with and bad mouthed me around town. I had to find a new market online and start over from scratch...right now I'm picking up new clients who are paying even better than my last bunch (I guess its true, sometimes when you raise your prices you shake out the bad clients and get those who appreciate value).

At the beginning of this year I had no internet and just a prepaid cell phone. I had to sit in kyrstals sipping on a soda just to get wifi to email my clients(you have to buy something or leave). I sold everything i could to stay afloat, my guns, my flat screen, my djing equipment. Everything. A about a month ago I lost a lot of my new stuff in an apartment fire. I barely have enough clothing to cover the work week. I'm not where I want to be but I am nearly caught up on a couple of grand in back debts. I just recently landed my biggest client so far and by the years end I'll be out of the hole and have some money in savings. I've learned that I have to have dogged persistence. Sleep is for losers!

As for my partner...she lost all of those clients with her bad business practices and has gone back to school in order to get out of paying her college loans, so all of her backstabbing was for nothing. She's seen my new designs and videos projects on facebook and has been trying to get me to come back to the business now that I'm starting to make money. Karma is a bytch! LOL.

that's all i needed to say. i'd slice my **** off and feed it to my dog before i had a woman as a business partner. it's bad enough having to date them.


i learned my lesson from my first business, i won't have a business partner again. first, you cheat yourself out of money. my first business was my idea, the whole thing, and while i made out very well in the end, i could have made out a whole lot better, with less stress, without a business partner.

man i've been there. i remember when we were starting up and having to go to star bucks and sit in their eatery all day long working becuase we had no office, hell i had no house lol.

Success is relative,hence one could draw a Bell curve and find people at either end.....Like every winnowing process,success is a trade off for something else...Perhaps the guy who wants to go home at 4 PM would be happier doing just that and maybe he will live longer?

you miss my point. i have a great respect for the guy who doesn't want to do it. there is something to be said for getting off work, cracking open a beer and sitting back. hey, running a business is not for everyone. there are times in this i wish i could do that.

my issue is that the people who think they can have both. victory unlimited hit the nail on the head. no you can't walk around in your pj's and get done with work by 2pm and go play golf everyday and make more money then you ever have. you either are going to give up success, or time. that's a tradeoff,t hat i don't hae a problem with either, i can respect the guy that is honest with himselfa nd say you know what i don't want to put in that much effort to do this. i'm happy where i am.

the best way i cane xplain it, its' like the guy who goes to AA for the first time, and wnts to be clean and sober, but decides he wants to work his program, not the program, and picks and choses what steps he wants to do .. i'll do step 1, 2, 5, 7, 10 looks fun, and 12.

i hve more respect for theg uy that says you know what.. i don't want to be clean and sober, thent he guy who thinks he can cheat his way into soberity.

 

[synergy1]

On business partners

One of my favorite self-made men (Felix Dennis) wrote in his book "How to Get Rich" that the only time he ever had business partners was when he already had is own businesses that he was in complete control of. Otherwise, he says, having a partner(s) is not a good way to get massively rich.

The problem with people is that they will always be people. I really don't want to give up on the idea of a business partner, especially in my field where you need a fairly diverse knowledge base in order to really do something special. But, the appeal of calling all shots, making or breaking it on your own time is very attractive after the first "go round".

i have more respect for the guy that says you know what.. i don't want to be clean and sober, then the guy who thinks he can cheat his way into sobriety.

This is another good insight and you described our bad partner to a tee. He feels the need to shortcut and rush on everything. When its something he likes, he can perform well though. For instance, he doesn't like the idea of doing a marketing plan or due diligence when required so he conveniently skips those steps, but he still seeks ultimate success. To that end he justifies having everyone do his work.

"get others to do the work for you but take all the credit" Robert Greene's book really is a timeless piece of work and i continue to see those lessons manifest themselves in my life.

BB - thanks for the PM reply btw!

 

[Warrior74]

that's all i needed to say. i'd slice my **** off and feed it to my dog before i had a woman as a business partner. it's bad enough having to date them.

i learned my lesson from my first business, i won't have a business partner again. first, you cheat yourself out of money. my first business was my idea, the whole thing, and while i made out very well in the end, i could have made out a whole lot better, with less stress, without a business partner.

man i've been there. i remember when we were starting up and having to go to star bucks and sit in their eatery all day long working becuase we had no office, hell i had no house lol.

Yah. I've learned my lesson. Everything with her was emotional. She couldn't separate her own emotions from clients. Every thing was personal, and she took it out on clients with passive agressive behaviors, not returning calls, not delivering on time. It was a nightmare. But at the time I had nothing, she had the websites and the capital and even the equipment. Eventually the truth came out, she wanted a relationship with me and threw her self at me physically. When I told her that I just wanted to be friends and didn't see her like that it went down hill fast. I had identified two niche markets to sell out services, came up with domain names and a detailed marketing plan and she basically held them hostage trying to get me to date her. I had to walk away from it all.

I realized that I can have Joint Ventures with individuals where we both have our own companies but work together on projects. I have two JVs going right now with men who know how to separate business from emotion and they are starting to pick up steam. I also made a competing site in one of the niches and its picking up. She hasn't done anything in the past year with any of it so I'm moving ahead with my former marketing plans. By the time she realizes that I've made my move it will be all over but the shouting.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Warrior,
We are probably preaching to the converted but the wise words here,apply equally well to marriage,surely the greatest partnership we any of us make.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Entrepreneurs Talk About How To Build Businesses

There is a section with videos from guys giving tips on start-up stories:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/10322823.stm

 

[backbreaker]

Yah. I've learned my lesson. Everything with her was emotional. She couldn't separate her own emotions from clients. Every thing was personal, and she took it out on clients with passive agressive behaviors, not returning calls, not delivering on time. It was a nightmare. But at the time I had nothing, she had the websites and the capital and even the equipment. Eventually the truth came out, she wanted a relationship with me and threw her self at me physically. When I told her that I just wanted to be friends and didn't see her like that it went down hill fast. I had identified two niche markets to sell out services, came up with domain names and a detailed marketing plan and she basically held them hostage trying to get me to date her. I had to walk away from it all.

I realized that I can have Joint Ventures with individuals where we both have our own companies but work together on projects. I have two JVs going right now with men who know how to separate business from emotion and they are starting to pick up steam. I also made a competing site in one of the niches and its picking up. She hasn't done anything in the past year with any of it so I'm moving ahead with my former marketing plans. By the time she realizes that I've made my move it will be all over but the shouting.

Law 40 ​

Despise the Free Lunch ​

What is offered for free is dangerous – it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a magnet for power.