Meeting people problems...

[matius]

Thoughts on this bloody story- thanks dudes.

I've lived alot of my time down in the dumps...wouldn't even try to talk with anyone else. I can't stand this fact, yet when I try, I feel like I'm the butt of each joke- real and/or imagined all the time.

I just realized that since I was a kid my acquaintances have always been the people I've been forced to do activities with. Sports, church, work and neighborhood friends. I've really never branched out, I guess it wasn't necessary or I wasn't the type.

Then I was burned by a girl really bad when I was much younger. All of the older kids I tried to impress looked at that and had a field day. This was my introduction to dating...so I've had a few relationships with other girls but have had some issues and they've become legion lately. A few girls I've dated I treated real bad because I felt like they might try to burn me again- even when it wasn't deserved, that behavior made me feel worse you know...so it's like this big downward spiral. And still I can't seem to 'fit in' at work, school or find a relationship.

I'm not trying to whine, I'm getting somewhere...

I feel that I obviously have some problems with sexuality- not in respect to digging women of course, that's not what I'm saying. Just my sexuality in general...It's non-existent but yet so pervasive it's blinding. I see what I want but I can't get it. Or just don't know how- because I do try.

I don't want to hide from life and not meet anyone new. But I have problems making connections. Or I might tend to overreact to how people think of me- they might say something derogative in my direction. This seems to happen alot to me and about women: I don't have a girlfriend at the moment you know...so people will start to question me or make fun of me for it.

And when you have problems with meeting people in general and women, the last thing you want is to be made fun of for it. Or feel rushed to 'fit in' so you make stupid mistakes. So, I was actually wondering about the virgins on this board- do people put you down for not having sex- seriously, I feel like I'm the only one that always has a barrel pointed at my forehead all of the time.

I'm trying not to care what others think of me but it is frustrating when I can't get things to happen for me. Sometimes real, sometimes imagined people are putting me down and it's hard to gather self-confidence in this manner. They just can't relate to me.

Anyone else feel pressure to have sex all the time? Damn, it's crazy all of these mixed messages. I want it, but can't get it- yet people say be careful and live your own life without needing anyone else- but yet you get put down for being alone.

Advice on how to care about what people think of you, yet not give a f<)ck about what people think of you? Anyone else feel like that...

gracias, hasta pronto.

 

[krd]

Yeah, I do feel like that. Always afraid that people will put me down. Although people don't really do it to my face, I imagine that they might if they find out too much about me. Yet, I don't even really know if I'm important enough to most people for them to care what I do. And the reason why people don't care might be the same reason I think they would put me down. It's a complicated situation going on in my head.

Nobody puts me down for not having sex because I don't tell them. I used to be open about being a virgin--I thought it was honorable. But now, the only time I feel it's honorable is when you choose to be. I used to think it was my choice, but now I realize I probably couldn't have gotten any if I wanted to. And that's probably what everybody else thought as well.

But I often feel as if nobody can relate to me, that I can't make any connections with anybody. I feel like I'm one of those people who, as soon as I leave the room, everybody forgets about. And I don't make much of an impression on women either, because they don't like guys who are shy and timid. As much as I try to hide these traits, I can't. It's happened a couple of times lately, where people I've just met for the first time noticed how uncomfortable I look. I didn't think it was that obvious. I'm also very afraid of embarrassing myself. That's probably why it's so tough for me to talk to women, because it's not how they react, but how I feel that makes it so uncomfortable. And how I perceive what others might be thinking about me, even though I know I shouldn't give a crap.

So I know what you are going through. It may not make you feel any better, but at least you can know that there are other people in the world with your situation.

 

[Kodiac]

Well, they don't need to know. The people that need to know, would respect you for being a virgin and even then - they don't NEED to know.

I am who i am.
I am who i want to be.
REPEAT everytime you start thinking negatively.

In the past i have had chicks comment on how... "closed" i look, like i don't want anything, including women. At the time it was so far from the truth - and i have never really considered my body language at the time to have anything to do with how the ladies perceived me.
And from that day forward, i started thinking and said to myself "No more cruising along waiting for luck to come to me, i will take control of my life and make my own luck". I took up new hobbies, bought new clothes and took risks, approached women and just started "Making the most of my youth!"

I am a virgin also, i'm not going to waist it on just anyone. She's got to be pretty damn hot. I am a picky bastard when it comes to females looks, thats just me..sure i could go out and pick up some 'chunker' but i deserve better and i know what i want!

In my life i have had 3 real Girl Friends, 2 of them in the past 6 months - since starting to put the AFC days behind me. And these 2 GF's were FINE, yet..i chose not to sleep with them, and i dumped them both, it was hard, but i am making some serious progress here, i'm not afraid to go out clubbing alone or approach women.

Look to yourself to change, change how you think about yourself, everyone else will follow suit. And then again, if you start thinking to yourself "What will they think.." who cares, just say "I don't give a fuk" and do it! ..take some risks!

And don't forget, you don't need them, they need YOU!

 

[matius]

It's a complicated situation going on in my head.

I can empathize man.

That's probably why it's so tough for me to talk to women, because it's not how they react, but how I feel that makes it so uncomfortable.

Yes, that's correct. But you get it, and that's why everything will be cool.

And how I perceive what others might be thinking about me, even though I know I shouldn't give a crap.

Starting now. It ain't easy, and you're gonna have some withdrawals.

First thing is to realize that you don't need anyone else but you. From this point on, simply care less if someone dislikes you. If someone insults you or you do something you feel is stupid...have a Very short memory about it and know that tomorrow morning is on the way - try again. Know that you are looking for a relationship with that girl and you're gonna get it anyway- so if she doesn't take kindly to your approach or your conversation - forget her and move on.

Look to yourself to change, change how you think about yourself, everyone else will follow suit.

Yes, couldn't agree any more with this...110%.

Yeah man, the past few days I've really stepped outside of myself and realized that I've been living it wrong...so worried all the time about not getting what I wanted or wondering what people thought about me. See it doesn't really matter. I've got work to do and I'm trying to be my own friend. Like don't even try to bring me down type of attitude...because I'm getting in shape and doing what I want. I won't allow other people to define who I am anymore. That's precisely what you're doing when you let people block your mental and get in the way of your living.

Also, try not to work in the future. Right this minute try to get your jobs and studying done. Might go without saying, but I believe by doing this the things you want come easier.