Meaningful Conversation

[Ace of Flames]

Ok, first off, I searched for any threads that might cover something like this, but got nothing. I realize that the majority of information on this site is about picking up chicks and getting laid, but naturally, that could lead to a relationship. This site should extend into that territory more, since I believe most people here are more interested in a real relationship than just sex. Anyway, only the experienced should really apply themselves to my thread here.

EDIT: I originally posted this thread in DJ Discussion, but got no responses. I figure I might get something here instead. I'm not 25 but my issue is something only more mature DJ's will have encountered.

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Tonight I got to see my girl that I never get to see. She goes to college upstate, and we only get to be together a few times a year. She isn't my girlfriend, but we have a deep love for each other, and we've slept together a few times. We've known each other for about 5 years now. Overall, our relationship status is complicated...

We talk online all the time, that's our main way of keeping in touch. Our conversations are great on there, we talk and flirt and its wonderful. A few days ago, we decided to call each other and have phone-sex-without-the-sex. Basically, talk real sexy and get each other horny as hell. Well, after that, she commented that I didn't say a whole lot. Can you blame me? All my blood was going to my other head. Apparently, she wanted me to say more, and she complained that she has to talk all the time. I said I'd work on it and that was that.

Fast-forward to today. She came to town this weekend, and we had kinda semi-planned to see each other. Friday, not a word from her. Today, all day, not a word. Then she calls about 9 o'clock. Says she's across town, but she wants to see me, and it would take her about an hour to get to my house. We plan to go to the movies. OK, great right? So I take a shower, get ready. Then she calls about 40 minutes later. Start drama now:

Apparently, she had a bad day. But that was alright, she was going to go out with me and have fun anyway. Then on her way to my house, she had to go through a toll, and she didn't have any change, and no one was working the booths, and she only had a $10, and the change machine only took 1's and 5's, and blah blah blah BLAH. So that whole thing just pushed her over the edge, and she got all emotional about everything. Then she called me, saying she just felt really bad and wanted to go home. I convinced her to come see me anyway, and she showed up a little bit later.

We go park somewhere in my neighborhood, and she vents everything to me for like 30 minutes, including the toll thing. Not exactly what I had in mind for what we'd do after not seeing each other for 6 months. But oh well, she's important to me, I wanted to cheer her up. Anyway, she seemed a little happier after letting it out. Then she starts asking me to talk, and here's the whole point of the thread: My mind was a blank. Literally, I couldn't think of a single thing to say. I tried to get her to pick a topic, then I would feed off that, but she wasn't having it. She was looking at me, expecting something, anything... and I had nothing. Sh!t.

Honestly, in that moment, all I wanted to do was kiss her. But I knew that would've been a bad idea, since she was so vulnerable and all. I figure if I did, it would come across as me taking advantage of her, or not respecting her feelings. Was that the right thing to do? Anyway, after a few minutes of not really saying anything, she decided she was ready to go home.

We get back to my house, and I try to explain why I had nothing to say. I said that she threw me off with everything she said, and I was expecting the fun date thing that was supposed to happen. She was like uh-huh, and I said you don't believe me. She said it was OK, and that she had to go. Then I said "I have to kiss you before I go", and just moved in. We had a nice few kisses, and I left.

Sigh... after typing it all out and getting a chance to go over it again, I feel stupid. Why couldn't I think of anything meaningful to say? I claim that I love this girl, shouldn't I be able to talk to her about anything? Maybe this isn't such a big deal, maybe I can just put it all up to her bad day. Any other time we talk, its fine. Conversation flows normally. Maybe tonight was just weird.

But it does bother me that I really had nothing to say. Does that mean anything significant? I don't really know what to ask you guys... just any advice or insight you think would help.

 

[Phyzzle]

we had kinda semi-planned to see each other.

Now you know not to do that anymore. (I mean, make definite plans, or none at all.)

I try to explain why I had nothing to say.

You should also know not to do that anymore either. Apologetic stuff like that should only come if she points out something you did that was definitely wrong. Don't start apologizing left and right when she gets into a bad mood.

The only way to come out ahead in this situation was to say, "okay, good thing that's over, wanna come (yadda yadda)." You should have some kind of plan for a friend you haven't seen in 6 months. If she then announces that doing anything but complaining is impossible, then say, "maybe you're right, I guess you shouldn't have come. See ya."

But it does bother me that I really had nothing to say. Does that mean anything significant?

Maybe you're just not very interesting. ICE BURN!! People and covo skills come with time, sonny boy. You got rattled, and didn't "control the frame" as we say. In the future, if a woman is reading you the riot act, just be calm until you can't stand it anymore, then LET HER KNOW you can't stand it anymore.

EDIT: I think this is the same issue I used to have: she's not your company's CEO, and it's okay for you to express your displeasure at her. Get angry, get bummed, do something other than what you did, which was trying to think of some way to placate her.

 

[SonOfTheMostHigh]

EDIT: I think this is the same issue I used to have: she's not your company's CEO, and it's okay for you to express your displeasure at her. Get angry, get bummed, do something other than what you did, which was trying to think of some way to placate her.

He needed to LEAD the interaction and stop overanalyzing, that was his major issue. If you can't think of something to say, do something (i.e. comfort her with actions, etc) or change the subject and go DO something so as to keep the focus off the convo until you do get something into your noggin.

This is exactly why you should have routines ready and memorized IMHO. Even though routines get a bad rap from the critics, they fuggin work!!

 

[Ace of Flames]

Well she only had a small amount of time to come see me, so we couldn't really go do anything, plus it was fairly late, so lots of things were closed.

I was comforting her with actions. I was holding and rubbing her hand, I kissed her forehead once, and there was lots of little touches here and there. I gently took off her glasses and set them aside, and we always have lots of deep eye contact.

Also, I never once apologized. I didn't come at the situation in the way of an AFC. I do see that I didn't lead the conversation, but then again, that's what I'm asking about, isn't it?

I say we "semi-planned" because we did have the plan to meet each other, just not a set time. It was dependent on her family. Whenever she comes home, they always suck up most of her time, so our plans would have to happen whenever she got some free time. I stated that we were going to the movies, and then all the drama happened and kinda screwed that up. Maybe I shouldn't have accepted that, but I really don't know when I might have the chance to see her again, so I took it. I don't regret that.

Well anyway, I've thought about it more, and I realize a few things I could have done that would have worked better. But I still feel like I need something else. Could everyone give some sort of general topics that can provoke the sort of real deep conversation I needed? Preferably topics that tie in well with seduction and everything we embody here. I'm positive that my problem wasn't with talking in general, but of what to talk about.

 

[Frenchconnection]

Actually sometime the best thing to do is to say nothing. Unless you got a PHD and you're a pyschologist/ motivational speaker then it's ok not to know what to say.

The fact is that you were there for her to Listen and I think in many cases, that's what people just need. Someone to listen.

I think you did great bud, for you to be concerned that you didn't say anything is a strong indication that you do really care.

anyways just my 2 cents.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

He needed to LEAD the interaction and stop overanalyzing, that was his major issue. If you can't think of something to say, do something (i.e. comfort her with actions, etc) or change the subject and go DO something so as to keep the focus off the convo until you do get something into your noggin.

This is exactly why you should have routines ready and memorized IMHO. Even though routines get a bad rap from the critics, they fuggin work!!

This is exactly why routines shouldn't be so heavily relied upon; they cloud what's really happening, especially if you're in a relationship. Ace is looking for substance, not artificial fillers.

 

[Ace of Flames]

This is exactly why routines shouldn't be so heavily relied upon; they cloud what's really happening, especially if you're in a relationship. Ace is looking for substance, not artificial fillers.

Thank you! Someone gets it. But then again, I expect nothing less from you Francisco. :woo: