Hello everyone. New here as you can all see. I’m not much of a writer so hope I can keep thoughts in order. Found this site a few days ago and been up late reading every night. A lot of great info here. Been reading the DJ Bible. Pook’s got my number! I have to be the nicest guy in the world! Never been this bad before. Had started to write a post that started getting way too long and dumped it. Not sure just how I got this bad but I have. I have to change, I’m getting nowhere. Was divorced in February last year. That marriage got me in bad shape as far as dealing with things, my self esteem, ego. I blame myself, it is my fault for letting someone control me the way she did.
I’m with this girl now, Shanda, a solid 7 in my book. Met her a couple weeks before Valentines Day in the bar she works in. She has kids which is okay with me, I like kids. The night we met, we both wanted to get to know each other better and exchanged numbers. Couple days later I went back to the bar to see her and invited her to a birthday party some friends of mine were having, she accepted. Few days before the party she hit me up with “ My ex is the only one I can get to baby sit, can you pay $60 toward it, I can cover the other $40?” Damn I thought to myself, babysitting sure has went up since I had to pay for one. But I agreed. We had a good time, she had a lot to drink. I dropped her off went home sheesh. Found out later that she was actually still married to her “ex”. Was never aloud to go up to her house, even though the kids had seen me waiting at the curb for her to come out. She told me her last boyfriend and his kids had gotten to know her kids and it only lasted 5 months and she didn’t want to put her kids through that again. She wanted to make sure there was something there and it was going to last. Well some time passes, she wants me to meet her kids. Well a week before I’m to meet them, my jealousy rears it evil head, (I’m normally not jealous), and we get in a fight about it. This was on a Wednesday night. Talked to a friend of mine about it, other things going on too, I’ll get to that, she told me not to call her, if she was interested in my, she’d call. Well Saturday rolls around, the day I’m to meet the kids, no time was set up. I wait for her call to let me know what time to meet. No call, figure she changed her mind about the meet. I still didn’t call her. Monday, I get buzzed and missing her, go to her work. The bar was busy and someone else served me so it took a little bit before she saw me. When she did she asked why I hadn’t called. I ask her, why haven’t you called me? She had to take care of customer but we did talk later and we were good by the time I left. Okay this is getting long.
Shorten version, she used to call me and see how my day is going and to hear my voice. Now she only calls when she needs a ride somewhere or something. I talk to her about how it made me feel used. She does care and is not using me, she says (remember shortened version). OH, one call here about a month ago, I close the bar with her, give her a ride home. Its 30 miles from her door to mine, I live in the country, her in the city, so its like 3:45am by the time I get home. Have to be up at 6:30am to be at a meeting I HAVE to attend at 8:00am. She calls me at 4:15am….
McTish: Hi sweetheart, what you doing?
Shanda: I was just laying here thinking about you.
McTish: Ahhhh, you’ve never called me this late before. Its nice to hear your sweet voice.
Shanda: I love hearing your voice, I miss it. (PAUSE) My nephews car broke down and he has to get to work. Can you give him a ride? He’ll give you money for gas.
She knew I had to be up in a couple hours. We went back and forth, I could do it, I had to get some rest. Was almost a week before I heard from her again.
Dates: We’ve had one. Other dinner dates get cancelled by her for one reason or another. Set up one for a Saturday night at a comedy club, (She works Saturday nights) she cancelled that one because her mom wouldn’t baby-sit for her to go out, she had bills to pay and needed to go to work. Her mom was going to call her work to make sure she went. The last date we set up, I canceled because of car problems.
Sex or the lack there of: Can’t seem to get her alone anywhere. Was one night, she didn’t have the kids that night, was in the bar with her going to give her a ride home. Waiting outside while they closed the bar up. She calls me “ Alicia is to drunk to drive by herself, I need to ride with her to make sure she gets home. Right!! Okay, I’m mad, frustrated, the way she acted that night I thought she wanted it too. I’d been standing at the bar talking to her, they weren’t too busy so she was able to sit with me some. Some very passionate kissing, and she even reached over and squeezed my a$$ a couple time!
Some other crap I wont go into about this and that. But this is getting long again. I should NEXT her but I keep telling myself once I get myself back together there might be something there.
I started the DJ Boot Camp today!! I feel good about that! I need to get myself back together. Wasn’t much of a start but I did start. (I procrastinate to much most of the time anymore) I came out of job interview walking across the parking lot this woman was walking toward me, she was wearing sunglasses so not for sure if she EC’d me or not, but I still looked at her glasses and smiled, and said hi. She smiled back and returned my hi! By her smiling I tell myself she at least looked at me but wont count her as one of the 50 because don’t know for sure. Went into Target and started walking around. Small smile on my face, one corner turned up. Is right, most people wont look you in the eye as they walk by. I”ve been one of those people. Sometimes I’ll nod or say hello but look away right away or down at the ground. Unless I’m drinking, I don’t talk to strangers. Okay here comes this older woman. I look her in the eye but she’s not looking back yet. About 10 feet from me she looks, I say hello, she says hi. Great was able not to look away until she was almost passed me. She did look away first but EC was there for a couple seconds. 1 down 49 more to go!! Came close to a few more but they don’t make any EC. That’s enough for today. Tomorrow will head to the Mall see how that goes. I know it’s not much for my first day, I just feel better about really starting.
Feel free to comet good or bad. I know I’m a NG WUSS right now but that is going to change. Sorry this turned out so long. I"ll keep you posted of my progress. Thanks for listening.
EC 1/50
Wasnt sure if this was the place to put this or not, if needs to be moved let me know where it went.
I’m with this girl now, Shanda, a solid 7 in my book. Met her a couple weeks before Valentines Day in the bar she works in. She has kids which is okay with me, I like kids. The night we met, we both wanted to get to know each other better and exchanged numbers. Couple days later I went back to the bar to see her and invited her to a birthday party some friends of mine were having, she accepted. Few days before the party she hit me up with “ My ex is the only one I can get to baby sit, can you pay $60 toward it, I can cover the other $40?” Damn I thought to myself, babysitting sure has went up since I had to pay for one. But I agreed. We had a good time, she had a lot to drink. I dropped her off went home sheesh. Found out later that she was actually still married to her “ex”. Was never aloud to go up to her house, even though the kids had seen me waiting at the curb for her to come out. She told me her last boyfriend and his kids had gotten to know her kids and it only lasted 5 months and she didn’t want to put her kids through that again. She wanted to make sure there was something there and it was going to last. Well some time passes, she wants me to meet her kids. Well a week before I’m to meet them, my jealousy rears it evil head, (I’m normally not jealous), and we get in a fight about it. This was on a Wednesday night. Talked to a friend of mine about it, other things going on too, I’ll get to that, she told me not to call her, if she was interested in my, she’d call. Well Saturday rolls around, the day I’m to meet the kids, no time was set up. I wait for her call to let me know what time to meet. No call, figure she changed her mind about the meet. I still didn’t call her. Monday, I get buzzed and missing her, go to her work. The bar was busy and someone else served me so it took a little bit before she saw me. When she did she asked why I hadn’t called. I ask her, why haven’t you called me? She had to take care of customer but we did talk later and we were good by the time I left. Okay this is getting long.
Shorten version, she used to call me and see how my day is going and to hear my voice. Now she only calls when she needs a ride somewhere or something. I talk to her about how it made me feel used. She does care and is not using me, she says (remember shortened version). OH, one call here about a month ago, I close the bar with her, give her a ride home. Its 30 miles from her door to mine, I live in the country, her in the city, so its like 3:45am by the time I get home. Have to be up at 6:30am to be at a meeting I HAVE to attend at 8:00am. She calls me at 4:15am….
McTish: Hi sweetheart, what you doing?
Shanda: I was just laying here thinking about you.
McTish: Ahhhh, you’ve never called me this late before. Its nice to hear your sweet voice.
Shanda: I love hearing your voice, I miss it. (PAUSE) My nephews car broke down and he has to get to work. Can you give him a ride? He’ll give you money for gas.
She knew I had to be up in a couple hours. We went back and forth, I could do it, I had to get some rest. Was almost a week before I heard from her again.
Dates: We’ve had one. Other dinner dates get cancelled by her for one reason or another. Set up one for a Saturday night at a comedy club, (She works Saturday nights) she cancelled that one because her mom wouldn’t baby-sit for her to go out, she had bills to pay and needed to go to work. Her mom was going to call her work to make sure she went. The last date we set up, I canceled because of car problems.
Sex or the lack there of: Can’t seem to get her alone anywhere. Was one night, she didn’t have the kids that night, was in the bar with her going to give her a ride home. Waiting outside while they closed the bar up. She calls me “ Alicia is to drunk to drive by herself, I need to ride with her to make sure she gets home. Right!! Okay, I’m mad, frustrated, the way she acted that night I thought she wanted it too. I’d been standing at the bar talking to her, they weren’t too busy so she was able to sit with me some. Some very passionate kissing, and she even reached over and squeezed my a$$ a couple time!
Some other crap I wont go into about this and that. But this is getting long again. I should NEXT her but I keep telling myself once I get myself back together there might be something there.
I started the DJ Boot Camp today!! I feel good about that! I need to get myself back together. Wasn’t much of a start but I did start. (I procrastinate to much most of the time anymore) I came out of job interview walking across the parking lot this woman was walking toward me, she was wearing sunglasses so not for sure if she EC’d me or not, but I still looked at her glasses and smiled, and said hi. She smiled back and returned my hi! By her smiling I tell myself she at least looked at me but wont count her as one of the 50 because don’t know for sure. Went into Target and started walking around. Small smile on my face, one corner turned up. Is right, most people wont look you in the eye as they walk by. I”ve been one of those people. Sometimes I’ll nod or say hello but look away right away or down at the ground. Unless I’m drinking, I don’t talk to strangers. Okay here comes this older woman. I look her in the eye but she’s not looking back yet. About 10 feet from me she looks, I say hello, she says hi. Great was able not to look away until she was almost passed me. She did look away first but EC was there for a couple seconds. 1 down 49 more to go!! Came close to a few more but they don’t make any EC. That’s enough for today. Tomorrow will head to the Mall see how that goes. I know it’s not much for my first day, I just feel better about really starting.
Feel free to comet good or bad. I know I’m a NG WUSS right now but that is going to change. Sorry this turned out so long. I"ll keep you posted of my progress. Thanks for listening.
EC 1/50
Wasnt sure if this was the place to put this or not, if needs to be moved let me know where it went.