I went on a psuedo-date with a 39 year-old woman. I call it a 'psuedo' date because of the silly way women think that if they call something different it's not. We'll have a "real" date next week, but I'll get to that.
Anyway, this woman, let's call her AFCJane, has the problem of being somewhat desperate. She's near the end of her child-bearing years and is desperate to have a husband and get two kids. I decided to go to an event with her because she was flirting heavily and dropping massive SOIs. I actually turned her down last year, but said, "oh what the hey" this year just to see what would happen. She's not an HB, more of an average woman, but I think she has some party aspects to her personality which can translate into bedroom behavior.
Anyway, I used the car trip to the event to elicit some of her values. She has huge issues with money--not that she lacks it, but that she's insecure about it--due to her relationship with her former spouse. She also is somewhat conservative (I'm not), which I think is due to a submissive streak. She talked about being obedient to her parents and being 'daddy's girl'. Also, she had a superjerk to the point of being violent for her former husband, so I don't have to pretend to be quite as much of an ass as I do with younger women.
Someone here said that a good DJ becomes what the other person wants. In this case, if I took the role of the gallant, self-controlled protector figure, it would fulfill her fantasy. Basically, she wants to fall in line with a husband/father figure that will lead the relationship and make her feel like she's checking off her list of life requirements.
Her desperacy to have kids is something of a turnoff, to the point that I said that I was going to cancel the 'real' date, and that she needed to cool it with the pressure. She calmed down a little, but it's pretty apparent that she's thinking silly little woman schemes to see if she can man-trap me. I don't actually care about this. I can use it my advantage.
My goal in this was actually to see if I could get a mid-term relationship. Something like 3-9 months so that I wouldn't have to hit on women so much, but get laid regularly nonetheless. I may actually abort if she's too clingy, but one thing I've learned is to accept that people tend to come to relationships with issues no matter what.
So here's what seemed to work:
*I secured her number quickly, and didn't right away. That tends to turn women off. '
*When she blabbed on and on I just let her talk to fill up the space and asked her strategic questions to elicit values. I know now what would work on a date with her, what things have to happen for her to experience it as "good", and I know that despite her "conservatism", she isn't sexually inexperienced. It's like going to a date with an instruction manual for that person.
*I made it clear that I wasn't going to accept the 'friend' category without being demanding. This used to be hard for me because in the past(AFC days) I'd get mad and show my insecurity by demanding that I not be in that zone. Never worked. Now, I'm smooth. I said we could have a romantic date, but if she didn't want that I'd be just as fine anyway, but I wasn't going to do some silly AFC stuff she'd suggested. So I didn't show desperacy, but a willingness to walk away, which increases desireability. Then, as she started to quiver on that point, I made the decision for her, which is what she wanted in the first place, and said, so we'll do this on so and so date, and it would be a romantic date, which she accepted.
The thing is, I really was ready to walk away. my interest level isn't that high, and my confidence level is that I can do better. But I think I need the practice, so I might just go with this for a while to see what happens.
Anyway, this woman, let's call her AFCJane, has the problem of being somewhat desperate. She's near the end of her child-bearing years and is desperate to have a husband and get two kids. I decided to go to an event with her because she was flirting heavily and dropping massive SOIs. I actually turned her down last year, but said, "oh what the hey" this year just to see what would happen. She's not an HB, more of an average woman, but I think she has some party aspects to her personality which can translate into bedroom behavior.
Anyway, I used the car trip to the event to elicit some of her values. She has huge issues with money--not that she lacks it, but that she's insecure about it--due to her relationship with her former spouse. She also is somewhat conservative (I'm not), which I think is due to a submissive streak. She talked about being obedient to her parents and being 'daddy's girl'. Also, she had a superjerk to the point of being violent for her former husband, so I don't have to pretend to be quite as much of an ass as I do with younger women.
Someone here said that a good DJ becomes what the other person wants. In this case, if I took the role of the gallant, self-controlled protector figure, it would fulfill her fantasy. Basically, she wants to fall in line with a husband/father figure that will lead the relationship and make her feel like she's checking off her list of life requirements.
Her desperacy to have kids is something of a turnoff, to the point that I said that I was going to cancel the 'real' date, and that she needed to cool it with the pressure. She calmed down a little, but it's pretty apparent that she's thinking silly little woman schemes to see if she can man-trap me. I don't actually care about this. I can use it my advantage.
My goal in this was actually to see if I could get a mid-term relationship. Something like 3-9 months so that I wouldn't have to hit on women so much, but get laid regularly nonetheless. I may actually abort if she's too clingy, but one thing I've learned is to accept that people tend to come to relationships with issues no matter what.
So here's what seemed to work:
*I secured her number quickly, and didn't right away. That tends to turn women off. '
*When she blabbed on and on I just let her talk to fill up the space and asked her strategic questions to elicit values. I know now what would work on a date with her, what things have to happen for her to experience it as "good", and I know that despite her "conservatism", she isn't sexually inexperienced. It's like going to a date with an instruction manual for that person.
*I made it clear that I wasn't going to accept the 'friend' category without being demanding. This used to be hard for me because in the past(AFC days) I'd get mad and show my insecurity by demanding that I not be in that zone. Never worked. Now, I'm smooth. I said we could have a romantic date, but if she didn't want that I'd be just as fine anyway, but I wasn't going to do some silly AFC stuff she'd suggested. So I didn't show desperacy, but a willingness to walk away, which increases desireability. Then, as she started to quiver on that point, I made the decision for her, which is what she wanted in the first place, and said, so we'll do this on so and so date, and it would be a romantic date, which she accepted.
The thing is, I really was ready to walk away. my interest level isn't that high, and my confidence level is that I can do better. But I think I need the practice, so I might just go with this for a while to see what happens.
