Marry or Dump?

[Fugitive]

Contradiction of sorts I know but that's where I find myself. Been with this chick for 2 years had quite a few up's and down's. Now I'm approaching 30 and thinking of settling down but not sure if its the right thing to marry this girl. And if I decide not to marry her then I'm wondering if I should dump her so we can both find someone we do want to marry.

Negatives:
- She's high maintenance i.e. expensive taste
- She expects me to be there a lot i.e. listen to her cry and moan, even when I'm tired/busy.
- She's sexually up tight and more worried about people/or herself thinking that she's a slut then making me orgasm.
- She's average looking and friends/family think I'm out of her league looks wise.

Positives:
- She has a good job so I won't have to support her much and keeps her busy too.
- Although sexually uptight she's has a major wild side, so when she lets her hair down she's a lot of fun.
- She doesn't have much family so I won't have to deal with egotistic brothers and meddling sisters.
- She has a house.
- She's loyal and committed.

I genuinely have feelings for her but part of thinks I can do better in terms of looks. She is a HB6.5 and I've dated HB8/9's. But part of me also thinks if I dump her then I'm back to square 1 and there's no guarantee's the next chick won't have even more negatives!

Any advice/thoughts?

 

[WanderingMan]

not sure if its the right thing to marry this girl.

If you're "not sure", then the answer should be no, don't marry her. My friend was in this position, he married her, and now he's in rationalization mode - like you are and will be if you go through with it. I guarantee, he's feeling regrets as I type this now. I gave him advice when he came to me, but he didn't follow through with it, like he said he was going to. It's on him now, and I'm just happy I'm not in his shoes.

I'd say eject. Get out while you still can, start fresh.

Never settle.

 

[amazingswayze]

Contradiction of sorts I know but that's where I find myself. Been with this chick for 2 years had quite a few up's and down's. Now I'm approaching 30 and thinking of settling down but not sure if its the right thing to marry this girl. And if I decide not to marry her then I'm wondering if I should dump her so we can both find someone we do want to marry.

Negatives:
- She's high maintenance i.e. expensive taste
- She expects me to be there a lot i.e. listen to her cry and moan, even when I'm tired/busy.
- She's sexually up tight and more worried about people/or herself thinking that she's a slut then making me orgasm.
- She's average looking and friends/family think I'm out of her league looks wise.

Positives:
- She has a good job so I won't have to support her much and keeps her busy too.
- Although sexually uptight she's has a major wild side, so when she lets her hair down she's a lot of fun.
- She doesn't have much family so I won't have to deal with egotistic brothers and meddling sisters.
- She has a house.
- She's loyal and committed.

I genuinely have feelings for her but part of thinks I can do better in terms of looks. She is a HB6.5 and I've dated HB8/9's. But part of me also thinks if I dump her then I'm back to square 1 and there's no guarantee's the next chick won't have even more negatives!

Any advice/thoughts?

She has a good job, but expensive taste? She expects you to be a provider I assume. A few of these contradict each other. You have to follow your heart if it's about marriage, I have no solid input.

All I can say is, if you dump her, YOU ARE BACK TO SQUARE ONE. but that's the whole point. If you have enough confidence in yourself as a DJ you can date until you find a better woman. This post reflects a scarcity mindset. If you're not ready to settle down and stay committed as a man, don't do it. You have no obligations.

 

[Desdinova]

Here's my biggest question... How is a legal document binding the both of you together going to make her positives better? How will it make her negatives more positive? Will the legal document have any effect at all???

My game plan is to move in with a woman who displays loyalty and quality for 10 years or more. If she sticks it out while not living together, she's going to stick it out when we DO live together. If I don't find a woman who sticks by my side, then I haven't found one worth sharing a home with.

Would your woman do this? Would she be willing to wait 10 years to live with you? A woman who is capable of this is a woman who looks beyond the marriage ceremony and focuses on the relationship. The marriage ceremony is only one day. The legal document does nothing more than provide collateral for divorce lawyers.

Focus on the actual life you will have together. That's what will help you make your decision.

 

[evan12]

If you are happy with her , and think she can be a good wife then marry her .
the problem every one just keep looking for higher score in look , but life is passing a lot of young guys and girls because of that.
After I lowered my standards in looks I got into a couple of great relationships, if you go with a higher HB , then the downsides will go high too .

 

[Tictac]

If it's a serious question then you should dump her.

 

[sodbuster]

John Belushi wrote a book on women, marriage etc..... ONE of the things he said is "if you aren't willing to fight your way through a line of friends all wearing boxing gloves to marry her, DON'T."

 

[Malcontent]

Never marry.

 

[bmp2cpm]

.....I'm wondering if I should dump her so we can both find someone we do want to marry.
.....
Negatives:
- She's sexually up tight and more worried about people/or herself thinking that she's a slut then making me orgasm....Any advice/thoughts?

This much is clear from your post. You have not met a woman yet where there is intense chemistry on both sides.

Don't settle for someone where there is low physical chemistry. Although hard to find, there are women that you'll have intense physical chemistry with where the whole relationship goes on autopilot and biology is running the show. We're talking off-the-chart chemistry.

Don't overthink it, be in a relationship where biology is running the show. Chemistry is what truly binds a couple.

Dump this one and get out there and meet people, she will find you and when she finds you, don't hesitate even a second, you may only get a couple chances with this type of woman in your lifetime and you have to act when it happens.

 

[grayclif]

This much is clear from your post. You have not met a woman yet where there is intense chemistry on both sides.

Don't settle for someone where there is low physical chemistry. Although hard to find, there are women that you'll have intense physical chemistry with where the whole relationship goes on autopilot and biology is running the show. We're talking off-the-chart chemistry.

Don't overthink it, be in a relationship where biology is running the show. Chemistry is what truly binds a couple.

Dump this one and get out there and meet people, she will find you and when she finds you, don't hesitate even a second, you may only get a couple chances with this type of woman in your lifetime and you have to act when it happens.

I know this chemistry you speak of. It's similar to that love c0cktail you feel when you first meet a girl and you both know you're gonna fvck. The thing is this c0cktail doesn't wear off. The relationship seems bonded in a need to be with one another. Where she really wants YOU to bust nuts in her and YOU are happy to oblige.

 

[Spinach]

Ask yourself a question...if this woman were to be gone from your life due to circumstances beyond your control would you be able to go on with your life after a short grieving period or would you be devastated and live with remorse. If it is the first then eject. If it is the second make the commitment as she will only wait so long before finding someone who will. That said, be careful what you wish for with the marriage thing...MANY downfalls with very little upside. Good luck.

 

[speed dawg]

Contradiction of sorts I know but that's where I find myself. Been with this chick for 2 years had quite a few up's and down's. Now I'm approaching 30 and thinking of settling down but not sure if its the right thing to marry this girl. And if I decide not to marry her then I'm wondering if I should dump her so we can both find someone we do want to marry.

Negatives:
- She's high maintenance i.e. expensive taste
- She expects me to be there a lot i.e. listen to her cry and moan, even when I'm tired/busy.
- She's sexually up tight and more worried about people/or herself thinking that she's a slut then making me orgasm.
- She's average looking and friends/family think I'm out of her league looks wise.

Positives:
- She has a good job so I won't have to support her much and keeps her busy too.
- Although sexually uptight she's has a major wild side, so when she lets her hair down she's a lot of fun.
- She doesn't have much family so I won't have to deal with egotistic brothers and meddling sisters.
- She has a house.
- She's loyal and committed.

I genuinely have feelings for her but part of thinks I can do better in terms of looks. She is a HB6.5 and I've dated HB8/9's. But part of me also thinks if I dump her then I'm back to square 1 and there's no guarantee's the next chick won't have even more negatives!

Any advice/thoughts?

I'd dump, mainly for the reasons I made bold, unless you are the same way. Sounds like she's spoiled and you're going to have to keep up that spoiling act her entire life to keep her (and her family) happy. Not my style, but it may be yours.

The fact that she has a job and house doesn't matter to me. You need to be looking at core values: religion, politics, yes/no to kids, similar life tracts, etc.

Sex and loyalty can always change, remember that, especially with women. They are only as loyal as they want to be. Character is what you're looking for, not loyalty.

My advice: Go back to those core things and see if they line up. And for the sake of all that's holy, read her covert/subtle/body language, don't just go by what she says. Not going to lie though, me personally, I'm leaning towards dumping.

 

[latinnova]

Marry?? Why sign a legal contract with someone saying that if she one day gets bored with you (which most women tend to do in this day in age) she can legally take half of your sh!t when she decides to leave. How about this, you stay in a long term relationship and keep all your sh!t, and when she decides to leave she can take her sh!t with her.

If she is the incredibly rare unicorn girl, then go ahead and put a ring on her finger and give her the whole marriage ceremony, if that's what she wants and you want to waste half your savings on it, but still do not sign the damned contract saying she can take half your sh!t.

 

[Malcontent]

Marry?? Why sign a legal contract with someone saying that if she one day gets bored with you (which most women tend to do in this day in age) she can legally take half of your sh!t when she decides to leave. How about this, you stay in a long term relationship and keep all your sh!t, and when she decides to leave she can take her sh!t with her.

If she is the incredibly rare unicorn girl, then go ahead and put a ring on her finger and give her the whole marriage ceremony, if that's what she wants and you want to waste half your savings on it, but still do not sign the damned contract saying she can take half your sh!t.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to latinnova again.

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

Marry?? Why sign a legal contract with someone saying that if she one day gets bored with you (which most women tend to do in this day in age) she can legally take half of your sh!t when she decides to leave. How about this, you stay in a long term relationship and keep all your sh!t, and when she decides to leave she can take her sh!t with her.

If she is the incredibly rare unicorn girl, then go ahead and put a ring on her finger and give her the whole marriage ceremony, if that's what she wants and you want to waste half your savings on it, but still do not sign the damned contract saying she can take half your sh!t.

This

Marriage is contact that states what you are already in that you are together but it just add hell of the problems and biggest problem is taking you for granted.If you think marriage will stop a woman from divorcing you later you are naive.This paper will not grant you her forever this pper only grnts her rights to your money.

 

[piranha45]

marriage is an obsolete practice for the thinking man

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Fugitive,

Dump. High maintenance, expensive taste? That's a huge red flag.

Also, with regard to marriage: do yourself a favor and research no fault divorce and the legal reality of marriage and family law. Understand that marriage is a contract between you, a woman and the state. That is all that it is. She can divorce (aka sue, yes its a lawsuit) you for absolutely no reason and she can bring the full weight of the law down on your neck. And the courts typically favor women when it comes to divorce, child custody, child support and alimony.

-Augustus-

 

[ProDJ26]

Negatives:
- She's high maintenance i.e. expensive taste
- She expects me to be there a lot i.e. listen to her cry and moan, even when I'm tired/busy.
- She's sexually up tight and more worried about people/or herself thinking that she's a slut then making me orgasm.
- She's average looking and friends/family think I'm out of her league looks wise.

Positives:
- She has a good job so I won't have to support her much and keeps her busy too.
- Although sexually uptight she's has a major wild side, so when she lets her hair down she's a lot of fun.
- She doesn't have much family so I won't have to deal with egotistic brothers and meddling sisters.
- She has a house.
- She's loyal and committed.

I genuinely have feelings for her but part of thinks I can do better in terms of looks

She'll cost money and little to no sex for you. I never really trusted a woman who's not close to her family especially her parents. That part of you telling you can do better is gut. LISTEN to your instincts Luke be one with the FORCE

 

[amoka]

Contradiction of sorts I know but that's where I find myself. Been with this chick for 2 years had quite a few up's and down's. Now I'm approaching 30 and thinking of settling down but not sure if its the right thing to marry this girl. And if I decide not to marry her then I'm wondering if I should dump her so we can both find someone we do want to marry.

Negatives:
- She's high maintenance i.e. expensive taste
- She expects me to be there a lot i.e. listen to her cry and moan, even when I'm tired/busy.
- She's sexually up tight and more worried about people/or herself thinking that she's a slut then making me orgasm.
- She's average looking and friends/family think I'm out of her league looks wise.

Positives:
- She has a good job so I won't have to support her much and keeps her busy too.
- Although sexually uptight she's has a major wild side, so when she lets her hair down she's a lot of fun.
- She doesn't have much family so I won't have to deal with egotistic brothers and meddling sisters.
- She has a house.
- She's loyal and committed.

I genuinely have feelings for her but part of thinks I can do better in terms of looks. She is a HB6.5 and I've dated HB8/9's. But part of me also thinks if I dump her then I'm back to square 1 and there's no guarantee's the next chick won't have even more negatives!

Any advice/thoughts?

Think of the other way around.
Positives:
- She's low maintenance i.e. cheap taste
- She expects me to not be there a lot i.e. listen to her cry and moan, even when I'm not tired/busy.
- She's sexually free and don't give a damn what people think of her.
- She's great looking and friends/family think I'm lucky to have her.

Negatives:
- She is jobless so I have to support her.
- Although sexually loose, she has no fun side.
- She is from a big family that occasionally bother me.
- She is homeless.
- She's can't be trusted .

The grass is never greener on the other side.

 

[Yewki]

What reason do you have to "settlte" down and sign a legal document to get married? Are you having a mid life crisis? Are you afraid of losing her? Because neither of those are good reasons to get married. So, what is the reason?

Seeing as you're not even sure you want to marry this woman though I think the answer is pretty obvious... don't. Once you're sure, then sit on it for a few months. Maybe half a year. If you're still sure, then consider it. Until then, don't even consider it IMO.