Married to a nice woman.I want a divorce.I wanna be a DJ again! (not that I ever was)

[george_afc]

Sorry for the lack of intros and stuff but I really need your help here!!! Thanks in advance for coping with me..

If you take a look at my signature you will get a very thorough idea of how my life basically is (Edit 10-23-2007: My signature when I started this thread was: Being with the same woman since 18. Seperated for 1yr at 27. Hooked up again at 28 and married at 29. Im now 30 and I want a divorce. God do I miss the game!).

During our relationship and later during our marriage, I never missed the opportunity to socialize with girls be it friends, colleagues, waitresses etc. The reason I did this is because I found it very amusing and somehow it was a way for me to know that I still count.

Hopefully most of the times the responses where positive but I never did anything more than that. Just chatting and the minute I saw that there was a window of opportunity to take it further I stopped. I'm really faithful to my wife and even the thought of cheating on her was quite revolting to me.

The problem is that our marriage is beginning to deteriorate because of the routine. Before we were married everything was fine, most of the times that is. Right now I feel constantly bored whenever i'm at home, sexual contacts are quite sparse and we hardly ever talk.

But, there goes the real problem!!

Today we went out to a bar with a good friend of mine to catch up and to get ourselves some drinks. There was a waitress that I really fancy and at the past I made a move on her but got rejected because she was seeing someone else.

Today was different though. Just before we left se came and started talking to me about her primary job, about how our jobs relate (IT stuff) etc. I asked for her email and she harried to write it down on a piece of paper which she handed over to me. Me and my friend said goodnight and we left.

After some thorough thinking here are some quick facts:

1) I want a divorce.
2) This waitress chick.. God do I wanna giver her the time of her life!!
3) I dont want to cheat on my wife, neither do I want to stay with her.
4) I don't have the guts to tell her that I want a divorce.
5) I wanna be a DJ!

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD PLEASE HELP ME! THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!! I MISS THE GAME!!!

How could I possibly make my wife to divorce me?? She is really sweet and I dont want to break her heart but I really want to start making up to myself for the life I lost... This is so frustrating guys.. Its so fckng frustrating..

Thanks anyway. really.

 

[aliasguy]

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Whatever you do, DO NOT get your wife pregnant!!!!! (I really hope you have no kids.)

You can't "make" her divorce you. Just file. For both your sakes. The sooner the better. She deserves the chance to get on with her life. You don't have to tell her first.

(I'm purposefully not addressing the right/wrong/shoulda/coulda/oughta issues here at all. Just the pragmatic one.)
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[george_afc]

Thanks for taking the time to answer..

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Whatever you do, DO NOT get your wife pregnant!!!!! (I really hope you have no kids.)

NO, absolutely none. I'd love to be a father but I keep on avoiding it because of these problems..

You can't "make" her divorce you. Just file. For both your sakes. The sooner the better. She deserves the chance to get on with her life. You don't have to tell her first.

It's the most proper thing to do.. I just dont have the guts to.. She's really caring & loving. Very beautiful too (HB-8).. She hasn't given me NO obvious reason to file for a divorce. We got through it many times by talking but the situation doesn't seem to get any better. I'm really tired of trying.. This is so difficult for me..

Maybe I'm too weak to face the facts.. Any other guys with similar problems maybe???

What about the waitress?? (i'm hopeless)

 

[aliasguy]

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The waitress is irrelevant. Completely. Forget her. One chick in the world.

Clean up your mess of a marriage by ending it NOW.

Then figure out your own sh*t (whatever it is that you're so messed up over.) Then go on to other women.

Butch up and do what's right. File. ASAP. Your wife deserves it, if she's faultless in all this. It will hurt her, but it would be wrong to prolong this.

(Again, avoiding all but the most practical aspects of this sad tale.)
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[bigjohnson]

It's possible you're trying to solve one problem by fixing a different one. I'm not convinced your marital status is the source of your feelings of boredom. Sounds like an excuse to me - I'd reccomend you try to improve yourself before you make any huge life changes in your status.

Get an interest or 2. Hobbies, working out, sports.

Improve your career.

Be the man (dominate your life) at home. Be the leader you are supposed to be.

Look very hard at you life and improve the bad parts.

How much time a week do you piss away watching TV?


While your wife might not fit into what you can be as a person, you can't tell that until you improve yourself some first.



Ditto above: The waitress is just your life sucking and you looking for an easy fix. There isn't one, forget her.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Out of curiosity, what would happen if you decided to be a DJ while staying married?

 

[WaterTiger]

Have you tried marriage counciling? Or are you bound and deterimined to dump your wife?

What do you know about this wonderful sexy waitress?
Is she worth the divorce?
Are you going to be all right with your ex-wife hooking up with other guys? (Because if she's an HB8, She's going to have men beating down the door as soon as you sign the papers.)
Are you sure you want the reson for your divorce to be "Itchy Co.ck"?

Wouldn't it be easier to have your wife dress up as a waitress and come to bed saying :"Hey Mister! Wanna try the blue plate special?"

Please, PLEASE think about this with your big head, not your little one. You haven't said one bad thing about the present wife to warrent a divorce or even a seperation.

Half the guys on this site are saying to themselves "A woman who's caring, loving AND pretty? Where does she live? I think I'll go over and console her after you dump her!"

 

[ketostix]

Out of curiosity, what would happen if you decided to be a DJ while staying married?

LOL. This guy george_afc story doesn't even make sense.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

LOL. This guy george_afc story doesn't even make sense.

Oh you'd be surprised. There's an entire thread (maybe two) in the forum discussing exactly what benefits (if any) a guy gets from marriage which he couldn't achieve without the legal formalities. The fact is that societies definition of marriage isn't far from castration of one's livelihood. People end up giving up much of things that give them happiness as an individual for the romanticized ideals of what marriage is "supposed to" offer.

A bunch of us feel that the concept of marriage should be redefined. Personally, since the ideal is one based on a legal concept, prenuptial agreements should be attached as an amendment to the contract at the least.

Alright, I'm done with my rant.

 

[bigjohnson]

The concept of marriage as a legal contract is obsolete. The concept of long term pair bonding is not.

I believe the former actually undermines the latter.

 

[aliasguy]

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Forget marriage counseling. It's a dead end.
I believe, based on what OP has told us, that this is over.
He should let this poor girl go on to one more suited to her.
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[aliasguy]

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And as far as marriage and "contracts," that's all marriage is anymore - a legal nightmare.

Only, the terms of the marriage "contract" aren't written down at the beginning - you only learn them as things unravel and you begin the journey through the "family" courts.
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[Aenigma]

Oh you'd be surprised. There's an entire thread (maybe two) in the forum discussing exactly what benefits (if any) a guy gets from marriage which he couldn't achieve without the legal formalities. The fact is that societies definition of marriage isn't far from castration of one's livelihood. People end up giving up much of things that give them happiness as an individual for the romanticized ideals of what marriage is "supposed to" offer.

A bunch of us feel that the concept of marriage should be redefined. Personally, since the ideal is one based on a legal concept, prenuptial agreements should be attached as an amendment to the contract at the least.

Alright, I'm done with my rant.

Have a link to that that thread Frisco?

 

[joekerr31]

The problem is that our marriage is beginning to deteriorate because of the routine. Before we were married everything was fine, most of the times that is. Right now I feel constantly bored whenever i'm at home, sexual contacts are quite sparse and we hardly ever talk.

How could I possibly make my wife to divorce me?? She is really sweet and I dont want to break her heart but I really want to start making up to myself for the life I lost... This is so frustrating guys.. Its so fckng frustrating..

first of all the fact that your marriage is boring sounds like its partly your fault. are you doing anything to spice it up? are you suggesting that you guys go out for a night on the town and she's saying 'no, i just want to watch wheel of fortune and go to bed?"

how much of this is her and how much of it is you?

you loved this woman enough to marry her, so im surprised that you're so quick to bail on this given she doesn't appear to be exhibiting any 'bad' behavior (like arguing with you, yelling at you, nagging you, comparing you to other men, etc.)

it also sounds like you are just interested in banging a bunch of chics to 'make up lost time'.

well, if you were single id say go to it. but you are considering giving up an aweful lot just to be able to get some extra p*ssy. you do realize that the waitresses p*ssy is going to feel pretty much the same as your wife's p*ssy right?

its rare to find a good woman, so unlike most guys you'd be giving up a lot to sow your wild oats.

but at the same time, if this is who you are and this is what you have to do, then it is what it is.

dump her sooner rather than later so that she can start hte process of getting her life back on track without you.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Have a link to that that thread Frisco?

Here's the one that first comes to mind.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=115398http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=115398

 

[george_afc]

I was just being a p*ssy

Guys I'd really like to thank you.

Actually I've never felt more obliged to someone in my whole life.

Most of the posts where quite harsh. In fact they where so harsh that while reading them I kept saying to my self "Gee, those guys don't have a clue" or "How can they say these things?". Everyone said that this is my fault not hers. Is it?

Well, after reading all of your posts again and again (and again) being ready to ditch this thread that I started I realized this: That I'm a fcking p*ssy. A coward. Hell this is not me, I thought.

I'm very good at my work, men much older than me in higher positions are treating me with respect. I've got many hobbies ranging from electronics to aquariums and I'm actually doing 'em quite well.

BUT, my marriage.. This is a whole different situation. I was so in love with this girl sometime. So much in love. But now I realize that I screwed up badly. Everything started with me loosing interest in her, starting taking her for granted and generally I stopped feeling like the predator I sometime was.

What I mean is that before we got married I was continuously working very hard for our relationship and so did she. It would take me hours to get ready for a simple date with her. To choose what to wear, to spend hours in the bathroom, showering, shaving and stuff. From the minute that we would meet she was giving me a constant hard on just by looking at me. No, it wasn't oneitis. It never was. Just our chemistries bonding really well. Moreover I made her feel really good and made every single minute we'd spend together to count.

The fact that I started 'playing' (verbally only) with other women was as you very correctly noted an excuse. I was too weak to face the reality. The fact that it was entirely my fault for letting this happen.

I thought that what I needed is to hook up with another woman. I was wrong. What I really want is to spice things up again with my wife. To start hagging out together again. A hug, a kiss, some fancy restaurant, an excursion, maybe a present or two. Some long conversation of any kind. A hard f*ck involving an hour-long foreplay. I'm sure that she'll appreciate it and that she'll start responding again. I'm sure that she has never lost the touch, the effect that she sometime had on me. I was just an idiot not to think of it before.

I only hope that its not too late but god knows that I'm going to try VERY hard from now on. I'll make things be like they were back to where we started and I'm going to keep it this way. I can't believe how stupid I was.

Again a big thanks guys to all of you! What I really wanted was someone to tell me brutally without any hold backs that I'm an idiot. That it's my fault. That the whole waitress thing was an excuse. I can't express my gratitude by just writing. Well, in exchange you can rejoice on the fact that you saved a poor fellas' marriage.

 

[KontrollerX]

Good for you George.

Sometimes you really don't know what you've got until its gone.

Nice to see the DJ's here have helped prevent you from falling into that miserable fate.

 

[bigjohnson]

Guys I'd really like to thank you

....., starting taking her for granted and generally I stopped feeling like the predator I sometime was.

What I mean is that before we got married I was continuously working very hard for our relationship and so did she. It would take me hours to get ready for a simple date with her. ..... maybe a present or two. Some long conversation of any kind. A hard f*ck .....

In my experience while some of that done properly is a good thing it's very important that you not let the marriage contract castrate your place as the head of your family. In a kind and loving way you need to also be the leader and resist any efforts she makes to usurp you.

She will try, society tells her to do it.

But it's not what she wants. She wants you to be her strong family head even if she's not aware that's what she needs. She wants to respect you, so be a good respectable man.

Good luck.

 

[dietzcoi]

You guys.....

This won't have a good ending. He will NEVER forget the "trapped" feeling.

Do you really think you can fix this by writing him a few posts on a web site?

OP: The feeling of being trapped in a bad marriage will keep coming back. You cannot reinsert yourself back into the Matrix.. can't be done.. unless you are willing to brainwash yourself. Is that what you really want?

Sounds like you got married too soon and for the wrong reasons. Nothing will fix that. Don't wait until you have kids and are 43 to realize this. Now is the time to end it... if you REALLY want to.

I hope I was not too late to save this guy

Dietzcoi

 

[bigjohnson]

This won't have a good ending. He will NEVER forget the "trapped" feeling.

He should never forget - its a good life lesson. It's entirely possible for him to take back his life and his marriage though, which will eliminate that trapped feeling for now and the future, but clearly cannot alter the past.

Or he can puss out and press reset.

All I'm saying is that the reasons HE GAVE are not (IMO) good reasons to contemplate divorce.