Marriage problems. Would like your advice.

[5string]

I have made some similar threads and posts, but help me out here. Need solutions.

What I am about to describe happens 2-3 times per week seriously.

I have a high pressure job and I need my sleep. Not that I go to bed really early but here is the deal and I will use last night as an example.

I go to bed at 10. Wife stays up fvcking around cleaning and sh!t. She comes to bed at 2:AM, wakes me up for some action and I get it done. Good stuff. Then about 3:45, she wakes me up for more and I get that done despite getting up at 4:30 which is my normal wakeup time.

So, I'm not gonna deny her that's for sure but she is a night owl no doubt. If I tell her I don't want it in the middle of the night then I won't get it in the middle of the night. Don't get me wrong, I love it but damn, I'm tired today! I should mention that we get down at different times of the day but fvck! What do I do about this? Really serious here guys, this is a double edged sword and I'm at a loss on how to manage my sex life vs my work life.

Help me.

 

[5string]

Hey 5 String why not just talk openly to her about it?

Good question. Thought about it.

If I do, she won't wake me up for it and it won't be spontaneous and that's when its best. If I say, "hey baby, let's do it at 9M" every night, then it will be more like a duty or an obligation. Know what I mean?

Sex is always best when somebody is horny. Especially the woman.

 

[Colossus]

Just ask her not to wake you up on work nights. Say you love the spontaneous sex but your work performance is suffering and you're worried about your job security.

 

[The Duke]

Just start having sex with her on your schedule, not her having sex with you on her schedule.

If you had sechs with her at 9 before you went to bed, what would happen?
Would she still attack you in your sleep?

 

[Bible_Belt]

It's not about the sex. It's about codependency deriving from her experiencing intense and intermittent feelings of loneliness that she can't really control. She's using the sex as a way to cope and get over that feeling. To her credit, there are a lot of much worse ways to cope, like substance abuse or infidelity.

I wish I could tell you an easy fix. She needs re-assurance, and you need sleep. You could have her cuddle with you while you sleep, or go run on a treadmill to distract herself, or go do something that re-assures her that you love her and are not leaving her. Leave the wedding photos laying out, write her love notes, make yourself be a comforting presence to her even though you are asleep. Understanding what she is thinking and feeling is the key to handling the situation.

 

[twentee]

u r working WAY too many hours and getting WAY too little sleep. 6 hours a night just doesn't cut it, long term. Sounds like you need a much better job, higher pay and fewer hours. Look into starting an online biz that pretty much 'runs itself", (as a sideline, instead of all this overtime) Some of them require very little of your time, and make a surprising amount of money for you!. Outsource some of the order filling, perhaps. Read Tm Ferriss's THE FOUR HOUR WORK WEEK. That is, IF you are not just bsing-bragging about this "problem".

 

[5string]

u r working WAY too many hours and getting WAY too little sleep. 6 hours a night just doesn't cut it, long term. Sounds like you need a much better job, higher pay and fewer hours. Look into starting an online biz that pretty much 'runs itself", (as a sideline, instead of all this overtime) Some of them require very little of your time, and make a surprising amount of money for you!. Outsource some of the order filling, perhaps. Read Tm Ferriss's THE FOUR HOUR WORK WEEK. That is, IF you are not just bsing-bragging about this "problem".

Trust me, I have a great job and I make serious money. This really is not BS, it's a problem for me. You make valid points and I thank you for your thoughts as well as the rest of you guys.

Danger is right though. Bible IS a bpd genius.

I dunno. Think I'm just going to become more demanding and aggressive. I'll just rail her in the kitchen or on the couch once in awhile earlier in the evening and see what happens later.

I'm not kidding brothers. Mrs.5string has her needs and demands that they be met. A guy really can't say no to this stuff, even in the middle of the night.

Think I'll make some slight adjustments and see what happens and take it from there.

As they say in the Infantry....adjust, improvise, adapt and overcome.

What a problem to have huh?

 

[betheman]

whats the point of this thread? to boast? well done, you landed a horndog!

would a rationale woman come to bed at 2 am and start the good stuff? why cant she do it around 10? I maybe going out on a limb here but ffs, it sounds like she is trying to break you. does she work?

 

[Epimanes]

I bet you most of this board wishes they had your problem.. lol.. but it sounds like to me you need to set a schedual for sex or negotiate with her along the lines of wednesdays and fridays she can wake you up so you can rail her but the other nights you need sleep. Find an enthusiastic agreement in regards to frequency. Break up the nights so its like every 2nd night she does this instead of every night. Besides .. why are you letting a woman control you? Are you afraid of her being angry and cutting you off sex because you need sleep and need to reject her some to make sure your safe at work? would she rather you be dead because you made a stupid mistake due to being tired? (car accident etc).

 

[5string]

whats the point of this thread? to boast? well done, you landed a horndog!

would a rationale woman come to bed at 2 am and start the good stuff? why cant she do it around 10? I maybe going out on a limb here but ffs, it sounds like she is trying to break you. does she work?

Gonna take issue with you here brother. Don't take it personal.

Boasting? No. Unusual problem? Yes. And let me ask you this, ever wake up or come home late, wake your woman up and want to get down with her? Works both ways.

As for landing a "horndog", you could call it that I suppose if you wish. Thing is she is attracted to me after all these years, does not cheat and recognizes that sex is part of our marriage. The good thing is that she needs it as much as I do which is is great. It's the timing that has me messed up. So if you want to call my wife a horndog and insult me by doing so and accuse me of bragging, you can go fvck yourself.

That, you can take personally.

 

[twentee]

If the job is so great, it's clearing 100k a year or more, with all this overtime. Shouldn't have to do it very long, unless you or she are just blowing the money. A very few years at such a pay grade, (with intelligent investing) and you won't have to bother working for anyone, ever again, much less lots of excess hours.

Grossing 140k a year, (ie, clearing 100k) takes merely working an 80 hr week, at stanadard increases for overtime, at just $25 an hour, for 2000 hours,= (ie, a standard "work year") totals 50k, $37 an hour for 1000 hours, and $50 an hour for 1000 hours. Many a mere construction worker makes such rates, guys. If you are NOT making this sort of money, best change things in your life.

Unless you're stupid enough to have kids, SHE'S making at least half as much, and you LIVE on what she makes. Invest 100k a year, at a decent rate of return, say 10%, after tax and inflation have 'eaten" half of your return, and you have 3/4 mill in 6 years. Put 100k in gold, keep 50k in cash for the year's expenses, and have 600k at 10% (real return, after taxes and inflation) 60k a year. You can live very nicely on that, the 2 of you. If you retire to the third world, of course, you only need about 1/3rd as much money.

 

[betheman]

Gonna take issue with you here brother. Don't take it personal.

Boasting? No. Unusual problem? Yes. And let me ask you this, ever wake up or come home late, wake your woman up and want to get down with her? Works both ways. Yes, but it wasnt a habit

As for landing a "horndog", you could call it that I suppose if you wish. Thing is she is attracted to me after all these years, does not cheat and recognizes that sex is part of our marriage. The good thing is that she needs it as much as I do which is is great. It's the timing that has me messed up. So if you want to call my wife a horndog and insult me by doing so and accuse me of bragging, you can go fvck yourself.

That, you can take personally.

Ill pass on that, this is an internet forum, nothing personal about it

the horndog comment was my suggestion she is highly sexed, you seem to take offence at that, nothing wrong with a woman who likes sex, quite the opposite!

you are the one complaining, you have asked for advice, I dont think your wife works? if so, wtf is she doing coming to bed so late and waking you for sex? now and then...ok, but if its a habit, and its a problem, thell her to put the brakes on and develop a healthier pattern, if you dont like the advice, dont ask