Man, I need new friends.

[Lost Cause]

My friends are a TOTAL JOKE. They sit at home all the damn time playing video games and smoking pot. They never, ever have any suggestions on things to do when we go out or ever call me to go out. I have to force them to get off the couch most of the time. I kind of fell into this group of friends after most of mine from high school moved away to college. They aren't my type of people but I don't know anyone else to hang out with.... I need to meet new people. They are driving me crazy. You know what I'm just not gonna call most of them anymore and see what they do b/c I'm sick of having to pull teeth.

Anyone else feel me out there?

 

[Broadband]

Join the club man.

I have been dealing with this for too many months to remember. Either I have loyal geeky friends who only share one or two common interests or cool friends that are as flakey as women.

I've been trying like crazy to make my AFC geek friends atleast TRY going to the clubs with no avail, and the flakes....well they just flake. It seemed like everyone new I met fell in one of those catagories and I was sick of it.

To give you an example of the low, i went to a coffee shop with my girlfriend and a buddy and neither were willing to talk with a single person there. Either because they "weren't the type of people they would like to hang out with" or some other dumb excuse. I heard everything from the table is too crowded to approach or that the smokers are ruining the outdoor seats. I spent an hour there and couldn't approach a single person because of my company.

I was PISSED!

The following night I brought 2 buddies and my girlfriend to a club. My girlfriend spent the entire evening being jelous of any woman i looked at and complaining that the fog machine and loud music was making her sick. One of the guys said he had bad knees which somehow meant that he couldn't dance let alone just go and talk to people. My other buddy who is a AFC wanting to change was unwilling to listen to my advice and I had to start all the conversations with women and he would kindly join in after i warmed them up.

At this point my girlfriend is an antisocial complainer who is addicted to me and wants to spend every moment with me and not form any other social bonds. My friends are either afraid of women, creep women out, or just don't even try. I finally decided to say screw it and stop trying to help everyone and focus on myself.

Last Sunday i went out with a mission and it was just to have fun and be social. I took my AFC buddy from the club just for company so I didn't have to fly solo. We hit a restaurant and I immediately started talking to the hostess. Then playfully flirting with our waitress. Later I went up to the hostess and a guy that was working with her and asked them where they like to hang out. Got some ideas and got the guys name so I can catch him later to find out about parties in the area. I made awesome rapport with the waitress and on the way out got the number for the HB8 hostess without a sweat.

Then we headed back to the dreaded coffee shop. My friend went over to the "outcast group" and I wanted nothing to do with it. I found a girl sitting down studying and just started chattng her up since I welcomed any new company. Well it turns out that this HB9 is a 6'2" blonde who is a personal trainer and fitness model. I chatted with her for an hour and she asked to give me her number before I could ask for it. I also managed to get my first kiss close.

Now had i allowed all my friends and girlfriend keep me in AFC land because I didn't want to exclude them I would be just as socially miserably today as I was a week ago. Instead I took action and managed to pull things off I never imagined and all by myself! Now I know 3 of the waitresses real well at the restaurant (great social proof), both the host and hostess (gonna hang out with them both) and got to get to know and kiss a 6'2" beauty.

So i guess what I'm saying is I always used the excuse that I needed DJ minded friends with no inhibition to have fun and be a DJ. This past weekend I found out that all i needed was the DJ mindset and a little bit of my inner *******.

Hope this helps!

 

[1nfamous CBear]

Do sh1t on your own...Youll grow more and youll become more confident...Worked for me...

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

True, very true

Same here. Most of my friends are older, married (or have girlfriends w/kids), go to the same bar weekend after weekend, and are huge NASCAR/country music freaks.

When I suggest we go clubbing they react like Superman to Kryptonite, "I'm not paying $2.50 for a beer!!!"

Going out alone has been my sanctuary of fun.

 

[Lost Cause]

Thanks guys... I hear what your all saying. But about going out to bars and stuff alone... I don't know. I'd feel kind of weird sitting all by myself drinking in a bar. If I approached girls or they saw me alone they'd probably think I was whack. But I'll try it once this week when my friends decide to be chumps again (so probably tomorrow). I'm gonna ask a girl out in my CIS 100 class tomorrow too.... yeah!

Latahs.

 

[Silquee Smoove]

Infamous CBear is right along the same thread that I'm on. It's easier to do things by yourself even if it looks awkward, just keep at it and you'll adapt.

Quote from the Ying-Yang Twinz: "Drink by myself, get high by myself, F*ck this hoe by my own damn self."

 

[chlywly]

I know "exactly" how you feel

 

[Broadband]

Originally posted by Lost Cause
Thanks guys... I hear what your all saying. But about going out to bars and stuff alone... I don't know. I'd feel kind of weird sitting all by myself drinking in a bar. If I approached girls or they saw me alone they'd probably think I was whack. But I'll try it once this week when my friends decide to be chumps again (so probably tomorrow). I'm gonna ask a girl out in my CIS 100 class tomorrow too.... yeah!

Latahs.

You'll only stick out like a soar thumb if you allow yourself to. Make it a goal to walk in, browse the place a take a lap around just to soak up the surroundings. Then find the closest group of people either guys or girls and join in the conversation. Most people won't give you a hard time at all and if they do, they aren't company you'd like to be with in the first place. Instantly you aren't "by yourself and alone"

 

[B9]

I had a bit of the same problem (though I made a lot of other friends in that period so didn't worry too much about it) in that virtually all of my friends from the age to 13-15 were, by the time I was 16/17, turning out to be a bunch of potheads or plain losers. I didn't share there interest too much, but on the other hand, I din't want to just abandon them as I did consider them my friends.

I called them once in a while to ask them if they wanted to do the stuff I was interested in, while saying no to doing the stuff they wanted to do (smoke pot and do allnighters on the computers). Those that wizened up, I still hang out with. The rest I don't talk with anymore, and could not care less actually.

As for how to get new friends. Join a club or class after school or something which interests you. I have attended a rockmusical class for years now which is every week and it has worked wonders for my social life.

 

[squirrels]

I feel the same way sometimes. I always get the money excuse. Not just for clubbing, for EVERYTHING. And sometimes it's the truth (in which case it's usually cuz they're sitting on their asses not working), but in some cases it's just an excuse.

And it's not just clubs either. I get bored with clubs and bars myself sometimes.

But I mean, come on...lots of times they only stick to our little clique and refuse to associate with anyone outside, and sometimes they're just a bunch of misanthropes.

Thing is there aren't a lot of DJs in this area...most of them are down in DC.

If you guys ever wanna come up to Baltimore and hang, let me know. I'd like to get a vibe off of some fellow DJs to know what kind of vibe I should be putting out myself.

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

Originally posted by VHT252
what places do you go to on your own and not look like the oddball because your by yourself?

See....

The thing is with me is that 90% of the time im working, etc. so I dont really get a chance to get out much, but when I go anywhere, I go alone....I might go with a couple of people when they are around, which isnt that often...If you can handle yourself and youre that condident, youll be ok..

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

Squirrels

Might just take you up on that, Squirrels. I head down there for the Preakness every year.