Making people want to listen to you?

[Life-Trainee]

I started hanging out with "more social than me" people. And I've come onto a persistent and very annoying problem. Everytime we as a group talk about a particular topic I feel like i'm completely locked out of the converstation most of the times. When I try to contribute to a particular conversation I have to strain hard to be heard. First, I can't find a smooth way to add whatever I have to say. I almost have to stop other people talking first (which other people don't seem to have to do!) and then make my point. And, when I talk with voice of importance people don't seem to take me seriously. Most of the time when I try to insert my point into a conversation I'm either being ignored until the conversation about that topic is over and I've forgotten whatever I had to say, or I have to rudely stop other people from talking and then making my point. It seems like as a group, people are more inclined to listen more carefully when certain guys from our group are talking. When i try to mimmick the importance of voice and conversational style of those people, i get ignored. I can't figure this out!!! I'm showing confidense, but I have to be a straight out rude azzhole to be heard. Strangely enough, those people for whom the whole group quiets down when they talk are really pleasant to talk to one on one. But in a group they just steal the spotlight and I become a gray mouse in the corner.

 

[comote]

This is probably not what you want to hear but be patient. Take note of the "popular" people in the crowd, watch how they interact with the group and with you.

Most group interaction is really determined by one on one interaction.

One way to be a center of attention in a group like this is for everyone else in the group to consider you one of the people they are closest to in the group. This is done when you are friendly with everyone and actually give individualized attention to people. Listen to what they have to say and make sure you follow up.

Basically be charming . . .

 

[ScrewIt]

I know what situation you're in, it can be rough at times. But ultimately its "What" you say and "How" you say it that gets the attention of people.

Choose a good topic/material to discuss, which should/might be similar to what the current convo is about in the circle, and relate to it.
But i'd like to ask you, the stuff the other guys in the group talk about, is it any different than your material? possibly yours seem out of question or less important to them to hear about.

Convo's shouldnt have to be serious all the time, throw something in and change the words around to make it wittier so others will realize you're a humorous guy.

Also most importantly is Body Language. firm, confident, secure tone of voice. speak slowly so it'll grasp their attention, they'll anticipate what you say next...slight pause after every comma/period.

When you refer to others, give them credit for it, use their names. But NEVER speak of others negatively or behind their backs. Compliment others if they are brought up on topic....(doesnt have to be current circle of people but others that you know of, or dont) e.g.: awesome, sounds like that guy has an amazing arm for playing football, so how do you know the guy?

- The secret is to take interest in what others have to say, even if it's about someone else they're talking about.

etc. Just try your best to keep convos flowing if one on one. at times you may really not have a lot to discuss at all. BUT REMEMBER also information BETWEEN the lines can also be very helpful in a conversation.

 

[Julian]

Just cut people off and start blabbin about whatever. They probably werent saying anything interesting anyway.

 

[pootwo]

Originally posted by Life-Trainee
Everytime we as a group talk about a particular topic I feel like i'm completely locked out of the converstation most of the time. When I try to contribute to a particular conversation I have to strain hard to be heard. First, I can't find a smooth way to add whatever I have to say. I almost have to stop other people talking first (which other people don't seem to have to do!) and then make my point.

Hey man. I think everyone can relate to this at some point. There's been times when i've been with a group of people where they're joking & laughing & i simply can't get a word in. But don't worry too much about it.
Don't try to force it. let it flow naturally. The more you hang out with these guys, the more integrated with the group you'll become.

 

[platinumike]

I know exactly what you're talking about. Its caused by being too uptite, you need to just chill and relax and speak your mind/think out loud. like lets say there was 4 of us and we were at a reasturant, and right when one person is nearing the end of their say, or at anytime, i just say !@$% like"damn wtf, is up with all this gum under the table?" they'll get a chuckle, and i get their attention. THen i can say whatever i want.

 

[earthshyne]

It is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open open's mouth and remove
all doubt - Mark Twain

 

[octane_orphan]

Sorry disagree with that, the most interesting and alpha male blokes I know talk and most of the time talk cr*p. They have an opinion, its there opionion and whether right or wrong, ignorant or otherwise, they express it with conviction, convidence and self belief.

I think you will find that women will happily follow and listen to men even if they think he is wrong, so long as the man thinks that he is right.